Re: Feel like no progress is being made... fat police...

[Guest guest]

Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with chocolate

sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF Chang's where I

had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he hates fat

people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight in

" recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get

past.

To back up a bit - I've had been feeling " what's next " after my bout with

legalizing and yet have also just become aware that I feel like I've weight in

the process. This morning I woke up thinking about weighing mysel and was

fighting that thought knowing what would happen if I have gained weight (WW here

I come...)

Yesterday I went shopping and while my regular size fit, I looked more fully at

myself in the mirror while trying on clothes and the fat police jumped in

because - on one level I felt I looked awful. On anther though, when I'm in the

right frame of mind, I look alright. Not thin - not hyoung - but all right. An

accceptable human being and woman - an older woman who isn't a model and isn't

walking down the runway. Whatever.

But I started spiraling into self hate talk and just had no inner dialog or

comebacks to combat the fat police... so I'm spiraling downwards right now and

for the moment, the only thing I have to hold onto is " radical acceptance " .

This is where I am. I feel out of control - and I want control - and so I'm

eating - but still posting in hopes it will help intercept this pattern.

Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive

staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm

apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people

who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn.

I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is

no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

Was thinking earlier that I'm at a new stage with IE - and don't know where to

go past " legalizing " and what that looks like much less where to start. T

he moment I start to move into choice - I'm back in diet head and control and

the battle ensues. Listening to my body or waiting for hunger has mostly eluded

me lately - but maybe that's what I need to try and aim for - tomorrow. Is that

diet thinking??

Sandarah

> >>

> >> I've been working IE for a couple months now and feel like I'm not getting

anywhere. I've tried legalizing food and feel like I could just always eat it.

I've bought bags and bags of chocolate bars and by the end of the day I'm just

sick of eating them only to start w/ fresh feelings about it the next day and

overeating it again. Anytime I eat when I know I'm not hungry I just chalk it up

to the learning process but honestly, I don't feel like I'm learning anything. I

feel like a complete food addict and feel like no matter what or how much I eat

of something it will never become just another food for me. Today I find myself

reading the food addicts website and I see their food plan and it makes me

cringe to think of going on something like that but right now I'm feeling like

IE is just adding fuel to my food compulsiveness fire. I just can't ever see

myself not being obsessed w/ food and I'm finding it very disturbing. Any

thoughts?

> >>

> >> Barb

> >>

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sandarah,

(((Hugs)))

I hear ya. I think I understand some of what you are feeling. I too find it

really hard to overcome self-loathing.

I am carrying around an index card right now with some thoughts on it that

remind me where I want my head to be.

They may not resonate with you but I share them just in case.

" I embrace the uncertainty knowing ... joy comes to me unbeckoned when I do. "

" I trust ... I accept ... I let go of my rules and restrictions ...I embrace the

unknown ... I allow things to be where they are right now. "

I know these other ladies will have great feedback for you from an IE

perspective. I'm so new I'm still wet behind the ears. But I just wanted to

offer what I could.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

sanamu1234 wrote:

>Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he

hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight

in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get

past.

>

>To back up a bit - I've had been feeling " what's next " after my bout with

legalizing and yet have also just become aware that I feel like I've weight in

the process. This morning I woke up thinking about weighing mysel and was

fighting that thought knowing what would happen if I have gained weight (WW here

I come...)

>

>Yesterday I went shopping and while my regular size fit, I looked more fully at

myself in the mirror while trying on clothes and the fat police jumped in

because - on one level I felt I looked awful. On anther though, when I'm in the

right frame of mind, I look alright. Not thin - not hyoung - but all right. An

accceptable human being and woman - an older woman who isn't a model and isn't

walking down the runway. Whatever.

>

>But I started spiraling into self hate talk and just had no inner dialog or

comebacks to combat the fat police... so I'm spiraling downwards right now and

for the moment, the only thing I have to hold onto is " radical acceptance " .

This is where I am. I feel out of control - and I want control - and so I'm

eating - but still posting in hopes it will help intercept this pattern.

>

>Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive

staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm

apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people

who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn.

I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is

no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

>

>Was thinking earlier that I'm at a new stage with IE - and don't know where to

go past " legalizing " and what that looks like much less where to start. T

>

>he moment I start to move into choice - I'm back in diet head and control and

the battle ensues. Listening to my body or waiting for hunger has mostly eluded

me lately - but maybe that's what I need to try and aim for - tomorrow. Is that

diet thinking??

>

>Sandarah

>

>

>

>

>> >>

>> >> I've been working IE for a couple months now and feel like I'm not getting

anywhere. I've tried legalizing food and feel like I could just always eat it.

I've bought bags and bags of chocolate bars and by the end of the day I'm just

sick of eating them only to start w/ fresh feelings about it the next day and

overeating it again. Anytime I eat when I know I'm not hungry I just chalk it up

to the learning process but honestly, I don't feel like I'm learning anything. I

feel like a complete food addict and feel like no matter what or how much I eat

of something it will never become just another food for me. Today I find myself

reading the food addicts website and I see their food plan and it makes me

cringe to think of going on something like that but right now I'm feeling like

IE is just adding fuel to my food compulsiveness fire. I just can't ever see

myself not being obsessed w/ food and I'm finding it very disturbing. Any

thoughts?

>> >>

>> >> Barb

>> >>

>> >

>> >

>>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I find that when I spiral into the fat hating thing its always because something

else is going on and I am just internalising it. I edited your post below

because you mentioned 2 really stressful situations - with your brother and at

work - both combined could easily make you internalise the stress and over eat.

Does that make sense? I try to stop when I'm doing the self hatred thing and ask

'What's upsetting me?' It's rarely me.

Once I acknowledge that I can then just trudge through whatever horrible thing

it is or, if I can, find a new way to deal with it. Either way my self hatred

and overeating subsides.

>

> Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he

hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight

in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get

past.

>

SNIP

>

> Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive

staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm

apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people

who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn.

I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is

no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

>

>

>

> Sandarah

[Guest guest]

I find that when I spiral into the fat hating thing its always because something

else is going on and I am just internalising it. I edited your post below

because you mentioned 2 really stressful situations - with your brother and at

work - both combined could easily make you internalise the stress and over eat.

Does that make sense? I try to stop when I'm doing the self hatred thing and ask

'What's upsetting me?' It's rarely me.

Once I acknowledge that I can then just trudge through whatever horrible thing

it is or, if I can, find a new way to deal with it. Either way my self hatred

and overeating subsides.

>

> Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he

hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight

in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get

past.

>

SNIP

>

> Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive

staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm

apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people

who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn.

I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is

no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

>

>

>

> Sandarah

[Guest guest]

I find that when I spiral into the fat hating thing its always because something

else is going on and I am just internalising it. I edited your post below

because you mentioned 2 really stressful situations - with your brother and at

work - both combined could easily make you internalise the stress and over eat.

Does that make sense? I try to stop when I'm doing the self hatred thing and ask

'What's upsetting me?' It's rarely me.

Once I acknowledge that I can then just trudge through whatever horrible thing

it is or, if I can, find a new way to deal with it. Either way my self hatred

and overeating subsides.

>

> Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he

hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight

in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get

past.

>

SNIP

>

> Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive

staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm

apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people

who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn.

I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is

no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

>

>

>

> Sandarah

[Guest guest]

, fat hating thing,  I just added a sense of humor to it for me.  Last night I ate chocolate chips right out of the bag while watching TV and feeling guilty and judgmental. I thought I had dropped one but couldn't find it.  This morning I found where it had gone. down my nightie and onto my belly.  It melted there.  So I had chocolate chips now in my belly and on my belly.  Sometimes you just gotta find a sense of humor in things and have a good laugh. Sandy

 

I find that when I spiral into the fat hating thing its always because something else is going on and I am just internalising it. I edited your post below because you mentioned 2 really stressful situations - with your brother and at work - both combined could easily make you internalise the stress and over eat.

Does that make sense? I try to stop when I'm doing the self hatred thing and ask 'What's upsetting me?' It's rarely me.

Once I acknowledge that I can then just trudge through whatever horrible thing it is or, if I can, find a new way to deal with it. Either way my self hatred and overeating subsides.

>

> Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get past.

>

SNIP

>

> Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn. I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

>

>

>

> Sandarah

[Guest guest]

This made me laugh!

Actually, all of these discussions are so helpful. The things about diets is

that they promise fast results. We always want fast results, but we know that

fast results aren't real results, for anything really--Losing weight, learning a

language, prepping for the SAT, running, learning to draw .... Everything

that's worth doing takes time, and for most things, that time is many many

years.

Sure, I'd love to lose a bunch of weight fast, but I'm really more interested in

adopting a lifestyle that's going to serve me in good stead for the long haul.

Losing a bunch of weight now isn't going to do that. Making peace with food,

and learning how to take care of my needs will(I hope).

Tilley

> > >

> > > Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

> > chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

> > Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know

> > he hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much

> > weight in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been

> > able to get past.

> > >

> > SNIP

> > >

> > > Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very

> > aggressive staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with

> > him is; so I'm apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and

> > one of those people who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with

> > arguments at every turn. I've never done well with those people and have

> > learned over time that there is no point in arguing and yet I have to do

> > this meeting.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Sandarah

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This made me laugh!

Actually, all of these discussions are so helpful. The things about diets is

that they promise fast results. We always want fast results, but we know that

fast results aren't real results, for anything really--Losing weight, learning a

language, prepping for the SAT, running, learning to draw .... Everything

that's worth doing takes time, and for most things, that time is many many

years.

Sure, I'd love to lose a bunch of weight fast, but I'm really more interested in

adopting a lifestyle that's going to serve me in good stead for the long haul.

Losing a bunch of weight now isn't going to do that. Making peace with food,

and learning how to take care of my needs will(I hope).

Tilley

> > >

> > > Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

> > chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

> > Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know

> > he hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much

> > weight in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been

> > able to get past.

> > >

> > SNIP

> > >

> > > Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very

> > aggressive staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with

> > him is; so I'm apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and

> > one of those people who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with

> > arguments at every turn. I've never done well with those people and have

> > learned over time that there is no point in arguing and yet I have to do

> > this meeting.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Sandarah

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I'm happy to read all the very good replies to this topic. I can SO IDENTIFY

with feelings of 1) reverting to diet mentality (like being snapped back as in a

Hollyweird action flick) and 2) mired in a deep pit of guilt and shame for

'failing' in my IE efforts.

As you can easily see, I am visually oriented which has its pluses - can

visualize situation and 'see' ways out, and minuses - usually only see OUT and

blind to 'in' (aka self). This has turned out to be as much a challenge for me

as practicing the suggestions of IE (mindfullness, hunger signals and of course

body love).

I tag on my 'IEing since March 2007' signature here NOT to brag but 1) as a

reminder that I have been clunking along for that LONG and 2) to remind myself

to be humble, accepting and gentle since this life renewing undertaking is not

an overnight or quick process. I do picture my practice of IE as a journey -

like life it too. I also would like to share this idea - that IE is like a bell

curve - little to begin with, steep and daunting to slug into, a wonderful

'high' when one gets to the summit (mid course!) and easier, but still quite

'full' of substance as the way becomes more downhill, into sliding towards that

final point of accomplishment.

BEST wishes - we all deserve all the best too.

Katcha

IEing since March 2007

PS Sandarah My inner defiant rebel takes great joy in telling food police and

diet demons to " Back the FAT off!! " giggles

> > >>

> > >> I've been working IE for a couple months now and feel like I'm not

getting anywhere. I've tried legalizing food and feel like I could just always

eat it. I've bought bags and bags of chocolate bars and by the end of the day

I'm just sick of eating them only to start w/ fresh feelings about it the next

day and overeating it again. Anytime I eat when I know I'm not hungry I just

chalk it up to the learning process but honestly, I don't feel like I'm learning

anything. I feel like a complete food addict and feel like no matter what or how

much I eat of something it will never become just another food for me. Today I

find myself reading the food addicts website and I see their food plan and it

makes me cringe to think of going on something like that but right now I'm

feeling like IE is just adding fuel to my food compulsiveness fire. I just can't

ever see myself not being obsessed w/ food and I'm finding it very disturbing.

Any thoughts?

> > >>

> > >> Barb

> > >>

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Tilley, good reminder.  Sandy

 

This made me laugh!

Actually, all of these discussions are so helpful. The things about diets is that they promise fast results. We always want fast results, but we know that fast results aren't real results, for anything really--Losing weight, learning a language, prepping for the SAT, running, learning to draw .... Everything that's worth doing takes time, and for most things, that time is many many years.

Sure, I'd love to lose a bunch of weight fast, but I'm really more interested in adopting a lifestyle that's going to serve me in good stead for the long haul. Losing a bunch of weight now isn't going to do that. Making peace with food, and learning how to take care of my needs will(I hope).

Tilley

> > >

> > > Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

> > chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

> > Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know

> > he hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much

> > weight in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been

> > able to get past.

> > >

> > SNIP

> > >

> > > Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very

> > aggressive staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with

> > him is; so I'm apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and

> > one of those people who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with

> > arguments at every turn. I've never done well with those people and have

> > learned over time that there is no point in arguing and yet I have to do

> > this meeting.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Sandarah

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

"What's next?" is a potent question and one which we are used to asking in a task-oriented world. Without steps and markers of accomplishment, it's often difficult to know just where we are. I think in IE, it can be disorienting when you have seemingly accomplished a task (legalizing for instance) and then don't know where to go from there. This becomes especially fraught when life hits you and you start to get that out-of-control feeling again. Then all the lessons you thought you learned seem so elusive and doubt can set in. But you haven't lost the things you've learned -- the things that your body has learned. You are facing another challenge, and dealing with it. I think this is how it will be forever. We learn, we grow, we face challenges, we shrink back a little, we get through them and then the cycle begins again. I think radical acceptance

has to encompass that too, that there might not be a moment of "arrival" with IE -- that it will gently make its way into our lives and sometimes its presence will be felt more than at other times.

The cultural forces of dieting and what beauty is supposed to look like are so very strong, it is unreasonable for us to think that we can just reject that whole world in a matter of weeks or months. I had an experience this weekend when I was doubting, too. My husband and I went to an Oktober fest celebration on Saturday morning with some friends. We had a great time and I ate what I felt like eating, although I felt that I overate just a little. That evening when I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like my whole body had transformed into this fat woman's body. It was strange. Just last week, I had glimpsed myself in the mirror at the doctor's office and thought: "very nice." Now I was feeling like I didn't even know myself at this weight. I could feel myself wanting to diet and restrict. Today I am thinking more carefully about my hunger and fullness signals, trying to really listen. It's a balancing act. I don't want to habitually begin to

eat more than my body requires, but I also don't want to get stuck in last supper eating and diet police talk that comes from trying to consciously restrict. I am trying to tune back in without punishing myself. One step at a time....

Mimi

Subject: Re: Feel like no progress is being made... fat police...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, October 16, 2011, 9:05 PM

Hmmm, "radical acceptance".... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight in "recent" years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get past. To back up a bit - I've had been feeling "what's next" after my bout with legalizing and yet have also just become aware that I feel like I've weight in the process. This morning I woke up thinking about weighing mysel and was fighting that thought knowing what would happen if I have gained weight (WW here I come...) Yesterday I went shopping and while my regular size fit, I looked more fully at myself in the mirror while trying on clothes and the fat police jumped in because - on one level I felt I looked awful. On anther though, when I'm in the right

frame of mind, I look alright. Not thin - not hyoung - but all right. An accceptable human being and woman - an older woman who isn't a model and isn't walking down the runway. Whatever. But I started spiraling into self hate talk and just had no inner dialog or comebacks to combat the fat police... so I'm spiraling downwards right now and for the moment, the only thing I have to hold onto is "radical acceptance". This is where I am. I feel out of control - and I want control - and so I'm eating - but still posting in hopes it will help intercept this pattern. Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn. I've never done well with those people and have learned over time

that there is no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.Was thinking earlier that I'm at a new stage with IE - and don't know where to go past "legalizing" and what that looks like much less where to start. The moment I start to move into choice - I'm back in diet head and control and the battle ensues. Listening to my body or waiting for hunger has mostly eluded me lately - but maybe that's what I need to try and aim for - tomorrow. Is that diet thinking??Sandarah

[Guest guest]

"What's next?" is a potent question and one which we are used to asking in a task-oriented world. Without steps and markers of accomplishment, it's often difficult to know just where we are. I think in IE, it can be disorienting when you have seemingly accomplished a task (legalizing for instance) and then don't know where to go from there. This becomes especially fraught when life hits you and you start to get that out-of-control feeling again. Then all the lessons you thought you learned seem so elusive and doubt can set in. But you haven't lost the things you've learned -- the things that your body has learned. You are facing another challenge, and dealing with it. I think this is how it will be forever. We learn, we grow, we face challenges, we shrink back a little, we get through them and then the cycle begins again. I think radical acceptance

has to encompass that too, that there might not be a moment of "arrival" with IE -- that it will gently make its way into our lives and sometimes its presence will be felt more than at other times.

The cultural forces of dieting and what beauty is supposed to look like are so very strong, it is unreasonable for us to think that we can just reject that whole world in a matter of weeks or months. I had an experience this weekend when I was doubting, too. My husband and I went to an Oktober fest celebration on Saturday morning with some friends. We had a great time and I ate what I felt like eating, although I felt that I overate just a little. That evening when I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like my whole body had transformed into this fat woman's body. It was strange. Just last week, I had glimpsed myself in the mirror at the doctor's office and thought: "very nice." Now I was feeling like I didn't even know myself at this weight. I could feel myself wanting to diet and restrict. Today I am thinking more carefully about my hunger and fullness signals, trying to really listen. It's a balancing act. I don't want to habitually begin to

eat more than my body requires, but I also don't want to get stuck in last supper eating and diet police talk that comes from trying to consciously restrict. I am trying to tune back in without punishing myself. One step at a time....

Mimi

Subject: Re: Feel like no progress is being made... fat police...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, October 16, 2011, 9:05 PM

Hmmm, "radical acceptance".... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight in "recent" years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get past. To back up a bit - I've had been feeling "what's next" after my bout with legalizing and yet have also just become aware that I feel like I've weight in the process. This morning I woke up thinking about weighing mysel and was fighting that thought knowing what would happen if I have gained weight (WW here I come...) Yesterday I went shopping and while my regular size fit, I looked more fully at myself in the mirror while trying on clothes and the fat police jumped in because - on one level I felt I looked awful. On anther though, when I'm in the right

frame of mind, I look alright. Not thin - not hyoung - but all right. An accceptable human being and woman - an older woman who isn't a model and isn't walking down the runway. Whatever. But I started spiraling into self hate talk and just had no inner dialog or comebacks to combat the fat police... so I'm spiraling downwards right now and for the moment, the only thing I have to hold onto is "radical acceptance". This is where I am. I feel out of control - and I want control - and so I'm eating - but still posting in hopes it will help intercept this pattern. Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn. I've never done well with those people and have learned over time

that there is no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.Was thinking earlier that I'm at a new stage with IE - and don't know where to go past "legalizing" and what that looks like much less where to start. The moment I start to move into choice - I'm back in diet head and control and the battle ensues. Listening to my body or waiting for hunger has mostly eluded me lately - but maybe that's what I need to try and aim for - tomorrow. Is that diet thinking??Sandarah

[Guest guest]

"What's next?" is a potent question and one which we are used to asking in a task-oriented world. Without steps and markers of accomplishment, it's often difficult to know just where we are. I think in IE, it can be disorienting when you have seemingly accomplished a task (legalizing for instance) and then don't know where to go from there. This becomes especially fraught when life hits you and you start to get that out-of-control feeling again. Then all the lessons you thought you learned seem so elusive and doubt can set in. But you haven't lost the things you've learned -- the things that your body has learned. You are facing another challenge, and dealing with it. I think this is how it will be forever. We learn, we grow, we face challenges, we shrink back a little, we get through them and then the cycle begins again. I think radical acceptance

has to encompass that too, that there might not be a moment of "arrival" with IE -- that it will gently make its way into our lives and sometimes its presence will be felt more than at other times.

The cultural forces of dieting and what beauty is supposed to look like are so very strong, it is unreasonable for us to think that we can just reject that whole world in a matter of weeks or months. I had an experience this weekend when I was doubting, too. My husband and I went to an Oktober fest celebration on Saturday morning with some friends. We had a great time and I ate what I felt like eating, although I felt that I overate just a little. That evening when I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt like my whole body had transformed into this fat woman's body. It was strange. Just last week, I had glimpsed myself in the mirror at the doctor's office and thought: "very nice." Now I was feeling like I didn't even know myself at this weight. I could feel myself wanting to diet and restrict. Today I am thinking more carefully about my hunger and fullness signals, trying to really listen. It's a balancing act. I don't want to habitually begin to

eat more than my body requires, but I also don't want to get stuck in last supper eating and diet police talk that comes from trying to consciously restrict. I am trying to tune back in without punishing myself. One step at a time....

Mimi

Subject: Re: Feel like no progress is being made... fat police...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, October 16, 2011, 9:05 PM

Hmmm, "radical acceptance".... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight in "recent" years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get past. To back up a bit - I've had been feeling "what's next" after my bout with legalizing and yet have also just become aware that I feel like I've weight in the process. This morning I woke up thinking about weighing mysel and was fighting that thought knowing what would happen if I have gained weight (WW here I come...) Yesterday I went shopping and while my regular size fit, I looked more fully at myself in the mirror while trying on clothes and the fat police jumped in because - on one level I felt I looked awful. On anther though, when I'm in the right

frame of mind, I look alright. Not thin - not hyoung - but all right. An accceptable human being and woman - an older woman who isn't a model and isn't walking down the runway. Whatever. But I started spiraling into self hate talk and just had no inner dialog or comebacks to combat the fat police... so I'm spiraling downwards right now and for the moment, the only thing I have to hold onto is "radical acceptance". This is where I am. I feel out of control - and I want control - and so I'm eating - but still posting in hopes it will help intercept this pattern. Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn. I've never done well with those people and have learned over time

that there is no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.Was thinking earlier that I'm at a new stage with IE - and don't know where to go past "legalizing" and what that looks like much less where to start. The moment I start to move into choice - I'm back in diet head and control and the battle ensues. Listening to my body or waiting for hunger has mostly eluded me lately - but maybe that's what I need to try and aim for - tomorrow. Is that diet thinking??Sandarah

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Mimi (and everyone who replied). I liked your last paragraph in

particular - it was a nice summary of the teeter-totter process of IE and new

thinking wobbling at times. Balance, balance, balance.

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Feel like no progress is being made...

fat police...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Sunday, October 16, 2011, 9:05 PM

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he

hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight

in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get

past.

>

> To back up a bit - I've had been feeling " what's next " after my bout with

legalizing and yet have also just become aware that I feel like I've weight in

the process. This morning I woke up thinking about weighing mysel and was

fighting that thought knowing what would happen if I have gained weight (WW here

I come...)

>

> Yesterday I went shopping and while my regular size fit, I looked more fully

at myself in the mirror while trying on clothes and the fat police jumped in

because - on one level I felt I looked awful. On anther though, when I'm in the

right frame of mind, I look alright. Not thin - not hyoung - but all right. An

accceptable human being and woman - an older woman who isn't a model and isn't

walking down the runway. Whatever.

>

> But I started spiraling into self hate talk and just had no inner dialog or

comebacks to combat the fat police... so I'm spiraling downwards right now and

for the moment, the only thing I have to hold onto is " radical acceptance " . This

is where I am. I feel out of control - and I want control - and so I'm eating -

but still posting in hopes it will help intercept this pattern.

>

> Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive

staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm

apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people

who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn.

I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is

no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

>

> Was thinking earlier that I'm at a new stage with IE - and don't know where to

go past " legalizing " and what that looks like much less where to start. T

>

> he moment I start to move into choice - I'm back in diet head and control and

the battle ensues. Listening to my body or waiting for hunger has mostly eluded

me lately - but maybe that's what I need to try and aim for - tomorrow. Is that

diet thinking??

>

> Sandarah

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Mimi (and everyone who replied). I liked your last paragraph in

particular - it was a nice summary of the teeter-totter process of IE and new

thinking wobbling at times. Balance, balance, balance.

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Feel like no progress is being made...

fat police...

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Date: Sunday, October 16, 2011, 9:05 PM

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> Hmmm, " radical acceptance " .... I'm sitting here eating ice cream with

chocolate sauce, after having a chocolate dessert an hour or so ago at PF

Chang's where I had dinner with my fat hating brother. I love him but I know he

hates fat people and so I'm uncomfortable with him having gained so much weight

in " recent " years. It's a self-conscious thing that I haven't been able to get

past.

>

> To back up a bit - I've had been feeling " what's next " after my bout with

legalizing and yet have also just become aware that I feel like I've weight in

the process. This morning I woke up thinking about weighing mysel and was

fighting that thought knowing what would happen if I have gained weight (WW here

I come...)

>

> Yesterday I went shopping and while my regular size fit, I looked more fully

at myself in the mirror while trying on clothes and the fat police jumped in

because - on one level I felt I looked awful. On anther though, when I'm in the

right frame of mind, I look alright. Not thin - not hyoung - but all right. An

accceptable human being and woman - an older woman who isn't a model and isn't

walking down the runway. Whatever.

>

> But I started spiraling into self hate talk and just had no inner dialog or

comebacks to combat the fat police... so I'm spiraling downwards right now and

for the moment, the only thing I have to hold onto is " radical acceptance " . This

is where I am. I feel out of control - and I want control - and so I'm eating -

but still posting in hopes it will help intercept this pattern.

>

> Also I have a very confrontive meeting in the morning with a very aggressive

staff member that will be very contentious as every encouter with him is; so I'm

apprehensive about that as well. He's very narcissistic and one of those people

who's very capable at verbally ripping you apart with arguments at every turn.

I've never done well with those people and have learned over time that there is

no point in arguing and yet I have to do this meeting.

>

> Was thinking earlier that I'm at a new stage with IE - and don't know where to

go past " legalizing " and what that looks like much less where to start. T

>

> he moment I start to move into choice - I'm back in diet head and control and

the battle ensues. Listening to my body or waiting for hunger has mostly eluded

me lately - but maybe that's what I need to try and aim for - tomorrow. Is that

diet thinking??

>

> Sandarah

>

[Guest guest]

Much to reflect on with all these posts... diet police... " back the fat off " ...

pictures... Looking better when I feel better (that's so obvious, why didn't I

get that a long time ago?) Making rules out of IE because that's all I know -

rules and breaking rules.

I feel like my head is full of this huge ball of mistaken ideas about -

everything. My fat hating (and love of thin and beautiful) runs so deep that I

can't imagine life without it. Without quantifying thin as beautiful and

successful and fat as failed and flawed.

Some years back when I was in grad school one of my advisors created a therapy

model she called " theravision " . She would make videos of parts of therapy

sessions so that her clients could watch themselves interact with her. She said

that with snapshots we remain in an objectified relationship to ourselves

whereas with a video we become subjects rather than objects. Seeing ourselves

as whole people helps us move more into empathy and caring for ourselves.

That came to mind with all this discussion about photos and the objectification

of self through living a weight-loss directed life. I'm not a person to me, I'm

just an object that I want to shape into the ideal that fits my images of beauty

and what's good and worthy.

Tonight mostly I've been aware of innumerable, tiny little fat-hating messages

playing through the background of my awareness. (At least I'm starting to

notice them.) Then trying to remember what to say in response to interrupt the

pattern. Comparisons, nit-picking commentary, criticisms... my personal

elevator music...

I was also thinking about Geneen Roth (her books, tapes and workshops got me

here. I have to think that her ability to lose weight and keep it off was no

doubt helped significantly by the fact that she started so young. I have

decades of thoughts, habits, perceptions, diet success and failures to sort out.

Geneen Roth I am not.

So, alas, my illusions about getting the zen of IE in a few weeks or months,

readily achieving my " normal weight " and keeping it off because I'm so mindful

and intuitive also need to go.

Well, it's now late, the house is quiet, the meeting at work went better than

I'd expected and it's time to go to bed. Thank you all for your brilliance,

determination, curiosity, humor and support. To those who lurk as well, whoever

you are.

Sandarah

> > > >>

> > > >> I've been working IE for a couple months now and feel like I'm not

getting anywhere. I've tried legalizing food and feel like I could just always

eat it. I've bought bags and bags of chocolate bars and by the end of the day

I'm just sick of eating them only to start w/ fresh feelings about it the next

day and overeating it again. Anytime I eat when I know I'm not hungry I just

chalk it up to the learning process but honestly, I don't feel like I'm learning

anything. I feel like a complete food addict and feel like no matter what or how

much I eat of something it will never become just another food for me. Today I

find myself reading the food addicts website and I see their food plan and it

makes me cringe to think of going on something like that but right now I'm

feeling like IE is just adding fuel to my food compulsiveness fire. I just can't

ever see myself not being obsessed w/ food and I'm finding it very disturbing.

Any thoughts?

> > > >>

> > > >> Barb

> > > >>

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Much to reflect on with all these posts... diet police... " back the fat off " ...

pictures... Looking better when I feel better (that's so obvious, why didn't I

get that a long time ago?) Making rules out of IE because that's all I know -

rules and breaking rules.

I feel like my head is full of this huge ball of mistaken ideas about -

everything. My fat hating (and love of thin and beautiful) runs so deep that I

can't imagine life without it. Without quantifying thin as beautiful and

successful and fat as failed and flawed.

Some years back when I was in grad school one of my advisors created a therapy

model she called " theravision " . She would make videos of parts of therapy

sessions so that her clients could watch themselves interact with her. She said

that with snapshots we remain in an objectified relationship to ourselves

whereas with a video we become subjects rather than objects. Seeing ourselves

as whole people helps us move more into empathy and caring for ourselves.

That came to mind with all this discussion about photos and the objectification

of self through living a weight-loss directed life. I'm not a person to me, I'm

just an object that I want to shape into the ideal that fits my images of beauty

and what's good and worthy.

Tonight mostly I've been aware of innumerable, tiny little fat-hating messages

playing through the background of my awareness. (At least I'm starting to

notice them.) Then trying to remember what to say in response to interrupt the

pattern. Comparisons, nit-picking commentary, criticisms... my personal

elevator music...

I was also thinking about Geneen Roth (her books, tapes and workshops got me

here. I have to think that her ability to lose weight and keep it off was no

doubt helped significantly by the fact that she started so young. I have

decades of thoughts, habits, perceptions, diet success and failures to sort out.

Geneen Roth I am not.

So, alas, my illusions about getting the zen of IE in a few weeks or months,

readily achieving my " normal weight " and keeping it off because I'm so mindful

and intuitive also need to go.

Well, it's now late, the house is quiet, the meeting at work went better than

I'd expected and it's time to go to bed. Thank you all for your brilliance,

determination, curiosity, humor and support. To those who lurk as well, whoever

you are.

Sandarah

> > > >>

> > > >> I've been working IE for a couple months now and feel like I'm not

getting anywhere. I've tried legalizing food and feel like I could just always

eat it. I've bought bags and bags of chocolate bars and by the end of the day

I'm just sick of eating them only to start w/ fresh feelings about it the next

day and overeating it again. Anytime I eat when I know I'm not hungry I just

chalk it up to the learning process but honestly, I don't feel like I'm learning

anything. I feel like a complete food addict and feel like no matter what or how

much I eat of something it will never become just another food for me. Today I

find myself reading the food addicts website and I see their food plan and it

makes me cringe to think of going on something like that but right now I'm

feeling like IE is just adding fuel to my food compulsiveness fire. I just can't

ever see myself not being obsessed w/ food and I'm finding it very disturbing.

Any thoughts?

> > > >>

> > > >> Barb

> > > >>

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Much to reflect on with all these posts... diet police... " back the fat off " ...

pictures... Looking better when I feel better (that's so obvious, why didn't I

get that a long time ago?) Making rules out of IE because that's all I know -

rules and breaking rules.

I feel like my head is full of this huge ball of mistaken ideas about -

everything. My fat hating (and love of thin and beautiful) runs so deep that I

can't imagine life without it. Without quantifying thin as beautiful and

successful and fat as failed and flawed.

Some years back when I was in grad school one of my advisors created a therapy

model she called " theravision " . She would make videos of parts of therapy

sessions so that her clients could watch themselves interact with her. She said

that with snapshots we remain in an objectified relationship to ourselves

whereas with a video we become subjects rather than objects. Seeing ourselves

as whole people helps us move more into empathy and caring for ourselves.

That came to mind with all this discussion about photos and the objectification

of self through living a weight-loss directed life. I'm not a person to me, I'm

just an object that I want to shape into the ideal that fits my images of beauty

and what's good and worthy.

Tonight mostly I've been aware of innumerable, tiny little fat-hating messages

playing through the background of my awareness. (At least I'm starting to

notice them.) Then trying to remember what to say in response to interrupt the

pattern. Comparisons, nit-picking commentary, criticisms... my personal

elevator music...

I was also thinking about Geneen Roth (her books, tapes and workshops got me

here. I have to think that her ability to lose weight and keep it off was no

doubt helped significantly by the fact that she started so young. I have

decades of thoughts, habits, perceptions, diet success and failures to sort out.

Geneen Roth I am not.

So, alas, my illusions about getting the zen of IE in a few weeks or months,

readily achieving my " normal weight " and keeping it off because I'm so mindful

and intuitive also need to go.

Well, it's now late, the house is quiet, the meeting at work went better than

I'd expected and it's time to go to bed. Thank you all for your brilliance,

determination, curiosity, humor and support. To those who lurk as well, whoever

you are.

Sandarah

> > > >>

> > > >> I've been working IE for a couple months now and feel like I'm not

getting anywhere. I've tried legalizing food and feel like I could just always

eat it. I've bought bags and bags of chocolate bars and by the end of the day

I'm just sick of eating them only to start w/ fresh feelings about it the next

day and overeating it again. Anytime I eat when I know I'm not hungry I just

chalk it up to the learning process but honestly, I don't feel like I'm learning

anything. I feel like a complete food addict and feel like no matter what or how

much I eat of something it will never become just another food for me. Today I

find myself reading the food addicts website and I see their food plan and it

makes me cringe to think of going on something like that but right now I'm

feeling like IE is just adding fuel to my food compulsiveness fire. I just can't

ever see myself not being obsessed w/ food and I'm finding it very disturbing.

Any thoughts?

> > > >>

> > > >> Barb

> > > >>

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sandarah wrote, "I'm not a person to me, I'm just an object that I want to shape into the ideal that fits my images of beauty and what's good and worthy."

This really spoke to me. This is why I think we are often so harsh with ourselves, but not with others. I think it was Jane (or maybe Josie?) who said that she can see that other heavier women are attractive, but is overly critical of her own appearance. I'm the same way. I think many heavier women are beautiful. But somehow a little bit of fat on myself is unacceptable and makes me unworthy and ugly. I think it has to do with objectifying ourselves. We often don't objectify others -- we see them as full human beings and so our idea of their worth and beauty is based on many things besides the number on the scale. But with ourselves, we somehow find that difficult. We tend to see ourselves as one-dimensional and to devalue everything that we are as human beings. Our perceptions of ourselves can be very shallow. How can we begin to turn this around?

Mimi

[Guest guest]

Sandarah wrote, "I'm not a person to me, I'm just an object that I want to shape into the ideal that fits my images of beauty and what's good and worthy."

This really spoke to me. This is why I think we are often so harsh with ourselves, but not with others. I think it was Jane (or maybe Josie?) who said that she can see that other heavier women are attractive, but is overly critical of her own appearance. I'm the same way. I think many heavier women are beautiful. But somehow a little bit of fat on myself is unacceptable and makes me unworthy and ugly. I think it has to do with objectifying ourselves. We often don't objectify others -- we see them as full human beings and so our idea of their worth and beauty is based on many things besides the number on the scale. But with ourselves, we somehow find that difficult. We tend to see ourselves as one-dimensional and to devalue everything that we are as human beings. Our perceptions of ourselves can be very shallow. How can we begin to turn this around?

Mimi

[Guest guest]

Sandarah wrote, "I'm not a person to me, I'm just an object that I want to shape into the ideal that fits my images of beauty and what's good and worthy."

This really spoke to me. This is why I think we are often so harsh with ourselves, but not with others. I think it was Jane (or maybe Josie?) who said that she can see that other heavier women are attractive, but is overly critical of her own appearance. I'm the same way. I think many heavier women are beautiful. But somehow a little bit of fat on myself is unacceptable and makes me unworthy and ugly. I think it has to do with objectifying ourselves. We often don't objectify others -- we see them as full human beings and so our idea of their worth and beauty is based on many things besides the number on the scale. But with ourselves, we somehow find that difficult. We tend to see ourselves as one-dimensional and to devalue everything that we are as human beings. Our perceptions of ourselves can be very shallow. How can we begin to turn this around?

Mimi

[Guest guest]

How indeed. I guess this is a good start.

>

> Sandarah wrote, " I'm not a person to me, I'm just an object that I want to

shape into the ideal that fits my images of beauty and what's good and worthy. "

>  

> This really spoke to me. This is why I think we are often so harsh with

ourselves, but not with others. I think it was Jane (or maybe Josie?) who said

that she can see that other heavier women are attractive, but is overly critical

of her own appearance. I'm the same way. I think many heavier women are

beautiful. But somehow a little bit of fat on myself is unacceptable and makes

me unworthy and ugly. I think it has to do with objectifying ourselves. We often

don't objectify others -- we see them as full human beings and so our idea of

their worth and beauty is based on many things besides the number on the scale.

But with ourselves, we somehow find that difficult. We tend to see ourselves as

one-dimensional and to devalue everything that we are as human beings. Our

perceptions of ourselves can be very shallow. How can we begin to turn this

around?

>  

> Mimi

>