Re: return

December 28, 2009

, honey, I really think that it was the meds that messed you up, you need to see a Dr and tell him/her about it and have them adjusted. You were popping them like candy and they are not, they are affecting your thinking. Please see a Dr about it before you become a danger to yourself (and others) I love you Hun and I do not think less of you after reading this, I just feel very strongly that you need to have your meds adjusted. I am serious about this. Please do it as soon as you can. ~*~Hugs~*~ ~*~Akiba~*~ -- Ok I would like to know when the pronunciation of the word "police" became "Po-lice"? I know some, um, ethnic groups started it, but since when do white, um, er, Caucasian policemen/women pronounce it thusly? I am watching "Cops" and they are ALL pronouncing it as Po-lice. ~*~Hugs~*~ ~*~Akiba~*~

December 28, 2009

wow sis!! you have been busy. im glad you're getting some releif. im very glad you are back--you brighten my days!! we love you. hugs,hugs,more hugs..........

SHALONDA

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Subject: returnTo: MSersLife Date: Monday, December 28, 2009, 11:15 AM

Hi sweeties and a special welcome to the 2 new comers. I hope you enjoy it here as much as I do.Thanks Akiba, I'm so glad you said the good and the bad. And believe me, there will even be a little ugly in it. So hopefully you will still like me a little.Well, I really had a terrible few days behind me. So this is going to be long, if you don't want to read it all, that's fine. Just delete it. I didn't think I'll share with you all the details, but maybe, someone out there has felt like this, or will feel like this. So at least that person will know she/he is not alone. And you can survive it.On Wednesday (December 16th, I hope I got this right, you do everything different from us) my legs started to itch. Now I know that stress can cause a lot of things to go wrong, but this itching was worse than ever. I've had it years ago, before the creepy crawly ants, and usually the itching will get better when I scratched it until it bled.

You see the pain of the scratching, actually makes the itching better. Strange I know. But this itching never stopped. I was 2 days off line, because I didn't have a hand free, both were scratching. Anyway, I started to bleed, it turned black and blue from the intense scratching, but still no relieve. I later got these huge bumps from the scratching. Nothing has bitten me, so it wasn't really normal. I remembered that my brother had a similar allergic reaction about 25 years ago. He went to several doctors before one finally figured out what it was. They put him in hospital on an IV and he got better. He couldn't eat anything, eggs, milk, mayonnaise, he got these bumps even underneath his feet and anywhere that something touched his skin. He can eat all that stuff today, so it wasn't a normal allergic reaction, more stress related. More accurately, a nervous breakdown. Until this day, when he gets very stressed up, the bumps will appear again, but not

in that worse manner it did back then.I got the bumps underneath my feet as well. It felt like I was walking on marbles. It's so funny to think that you can itch so badly underneath your feet. It's too ticklish to scratch, but you just have to do it. LOLAnyway, my legs was never so clean in my whole life. I had to wash them up to 4 times a day. Somehow it helped a little. Anyone who ever had the pleasure to experience eczema, will know that it burns and itches like acid. And when you just wipe it with a little clean water, the burning sensation goes away for a while. I didn't sleep well at all. About 2 hours a night, the rest was scratching. On Saturday (December 19th) my niece, her husband and 2 little ones came to visit. They were camping near Mossel Bay, so they will just visit for a few hours. A few hours too many!!!! Oh my dear friends, that kids were horrible little hooligans. I couldn't handle it. Luckily, I've had 4 crazy pills

(anti-depressants) and 2 allergy pills in, so I was as calm as I can be. But it still didn't help much. They terrorized my dogs, climb into our flower beds (our dogs don't even do that) and ran in the house, screaming and yelling. I was so worried about my little creatures in the garden, I didn't think they'll be able to survive this, because they were all over the place.I got a little uptight after a while, my brother, his wife and little girl came over. Now by this time, I was really sick and tired. So I went into the house. Thought what pills I can give them to put them out for a few months. I know, very bad of me. I just couldn't go out there again. I knew I will lose it for sure. So I stayed inside. I finally realized that they were the enemy and that I have to get rid of them, somehow. I know this sounds so horrible, but it's the truth. It scared the hell out of me. I got a knife and decided I'll go outside and cut of their ears, fingers,

whatever was the problem. When I reached the door, I knew it wasn't normal. The funny thing is that I was really feeling very calm at that moment. I don't even want to think how I would be reacting if I wasn't so calm. I returned to the kitchen and I started to cut my own arm, YES I DID!!! I'm not sure why, maybe I wanted to make sure I'm still alive, can still bleed, can still feel pain, just get the pain from the inside transferred to the outside. Or maybe just punishing myself for feeling that way and being so crazy. I wanted to kill little kids. Now that's really scary. I'm the one who has the most patience and adore little kids, but then again, they're not really the way they used to be. Maybe it's because they don't have discipline or manners anymore. I never ran in other people's houses, never even considered it, and it's a bit too much to handle when you're not used to such behavior. My mom came in and asked me what I was doing, I replied,

nothing. She knew there must be something wrong. She was horrified when she saw the knife. Now the funny part is, that my arms are a little chubby, okay a lot chubby. So it was like cutting a marshmallow. The more I pressed with the knife, the more the arm just dented in. LOL So it wasn't too much damage. Oh yeah, I even had trouble finding a little blood in the cuts. Now that's bad. Guess I'm not human anymore. She called my brother and told him he had to take these people over to his house, because there's trouble. So he did. The strangest thing is that I felt a lot of times before that I couldn't not handle certain situations, but this time, I really felt calm, even numb in a way. Can't explain it.Well, the only part in me that didn't hurt or itch was the part that I cut. So I later joked and told my mom, hey, I should've done more cutting. LOL Yeah, we joke about everything, the only way to survive it. But that incident scared me so much, that I

decided I never want to get near kids ever again. It's too dangerous for kids to have me around. My niece's husband told my brother that he thought the kids was getting too much for me, because I went inside and didn't come out again, my brother told him that even his little girl gets too much for me sometimes. So someone did get the idea what was going on.On Monday I decided to try Prednisone, because the itching was too much, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to a pharmacist the next day. Well, Hooray for Prednisone. It worked like a charm. Today is the first day I didn't take it, and so far, so good. It was great to get away from the itching for a few hours. It was still itching, but not that intense and I could resist to scratch.I asked the pharmacist about what I can take for a nervous breakdown. She told me that I will need professional help. I just smiled and said yes, I know. I thought about the one and only time I went to a

psychiatrist. It was in 1991. She spent all the time on the phone, making calls and receiving calls, about TOILETS NOT BEING CLEANED. Yes, you read it correct. We had to go to the day to see her. Anyway, the nurse working with her had seen me after that. She came to Mossel Bay. On my appointment card she wrote 1pm. When we got there 12:45pm, she was actually very upset with us. Because she was waiting the whole damn day. I gave her the appointment card and the cow saw that she made the appointment herself. And they say I'm crazy???? HELLLOOOOO!!!The pharmacist didn't help a lot. I got my own vitamins, she said it will help. I asked about the itching and told her that I started to use Prednisone (Steroids), she said it's a great little pill. I got something great from the visit although. My hands and feet used to sweat all the time. While I was in school, I never had dry hands. But a few years ago, it stopped. I just get it when I'm really

stressed. And this was the perfect time for them to appear, because stressed I am.They call it TISSUE SALTS. You get 12 kinds of them. I'm not sure what the others are for, but I will find out, I can promise you that. I'm using number 10. It's NAT PHOS and works for acidity, heartburn and gout. And please don't forget the sweaty hands and feet. It's great. I've been having trouble with my forehead as well. Now when I sweat too much in my hands, my fingers get these strange little watery bubbles on them. The perspiration pores get clogged. Now that's fine on my hands, it hurts a little, but I can handle it. But on my forehead it actually got a little septic. My one eye was swollen completely and it was this huge open wound at the top of my nose.. It hurt like mad. The pharmacists didn't have any idea what to do with it, so once again, I listened to my intuition. I put on some tea tree oil, it felt like heaven. It cleared up even the swollen eye. I

knew I was going to lose that eye if I didn't do something. So it worked. I still have a scar above my nose and when I get stressed, I have to watch out for the sweat running down my face. Now at least these little Tissue Salt pills work like magic. So one less thing to worry about.Anyway, so there you have the whole story. The prednisone cleared up the bumps and most of the itching, I could actually walk again on my feet, without the marbles underneath it. Oh yeah, when we went shopping that day, well, it's Mossel Bay, too many people in the shops, too many rude people, so I turned to my mom and said, hey, I forgot to bring my knife. She said don't even go there!!!! LOLBeing the way we are, my mom and I felt bad about my niece. So we asked my brother's help. He said it's okay, we can go and have a barbecue at his house on December 24th. So we went. It actually was fun. The kids were still too much to handle, but at least I didn't have to worry

about my dogs and little creatures. We saw them again yesterday, at my brother's house, they will be going home again tomorrow. So we survived the invasion of the hooligans. But the fun part is that even my brother's little girl (little niece) can't handle them. And something good might have come out of this.. I didn't spend much time with my little niece anymore. Well, her mom is very jealous. Now to get the whole picture I will have to tell you the story as well. I don't have kids, never will, but I always wanted a lot of kids. (Don't worry, not anymore, dogs is enough to handle.) Seven years ago, my brother and his family was in a horrible car accident. My SIL's legs were both broken and a piece of the flesh was missing as well. So it was damaged badly. She was in Cape Town in a hospital for 5 weeks, and another 5 weeks in the hospital in . My brother had a lot of injuries as well. His back was burned severely from the petrol dripping on him.

He's pelvis and a few ribs was broken. But they moved him a day after the accident to Mossel Bay's hospital. Their little girl, 6 months old at the time, has broken her ankle. My SIL was breastfeeding her. So you can imagine it was a big problem to get everything under control again. The morning I got up, my life was just mine. No kids, no responsibilities, nothing. That evening, I had a baby in my arms. It's funny how people always say that you have to be 9 months pregnant to get used to the idea of being a mom. It wasn't like that for me. When they put her in my arms, something inside of me just took over. It was like an instinct, I just knew what to do. It took me 37 hours to get her to drink one tiny bottle of milk. I was so happy, I cried. I knew she was going to be alright. Less than 48 hours after the accident, I visited my brother in the hospital with my mom and his little girl. I put her in his arms, and she was crying like mad. She didn't like

this guy who was lying in bed, not shaved, one tooth missing. Well, he looked like a pirate. LOL When I picked her up, she was quiet. So the bond was really very strong. Strangers that saw us in public, all thought it was my child. I told them, no, I'm just looking after her. It was great to have such a bond with that little one. When her mom returned home, well, it had to change. She expected me to disappear from the picture, because the baby didn't want her. So I disappeared. But somehow through all the years, that bond didn't break. Now there were a lot of times that I withdraw from her. The mom's jealousy was too much to handle and she was always upset with it. Every little thing I've done, was always a problem and wrong. I played with her in the sand, then she'll get worms. I played with her on the beach, then she'll just ran into the water. I showed her little bugs, then she'll pick up scorpions. LOL Oh great!!! Now after this nervous

breakdown, I decided that I will have to make a difference in my life. She ran around as well, and sometimes it's too much for me to handle. So I decided I will give her a coloring book and crayons and then she can do that the while they're visiting here. Great idea. I wasn't planning on getting involved again, remember, I wanted to cut of little kids' ears. But the first day, she asked me to helped her. So now, the bond is stronger again, and one of these days, my SIL will have a cow again. But oh well, maybe I'll just try my knife on her then. So through all this bad days, scary stuff, it actually seemed that something good came from it all. I have a better bond with my little niece again. Didn't think I'll go down that road again. Oh yeah, the funny thing is she told me that her head was itching a lot. I didn't want to try any tea tree oil, because the mom will have a cow. What do I know??? And I forgot a little about it. Then last Saturday (December

26th) she told me again. So I told my mom and she asked my SIL if she knew about it. My SIL didn't know anything, my little niece didn't tell her. But somehow my instincts worked overtime again, and I told her to watch out for lice. LOL Funny thing!!! I was right, she had lice. Poor girl. Seems like the whole Mossel Bay have lice. So anyone out there who would want me to send them some Mossel Bay lice souvenir, just let me know. LOLOkay, sweetie, I'm finally going to shut up now. I'm going to see if my little lizard and chameleon would like a little water. So I'm gonna leave you know. Aren't you sad that I'm back again. Too long, I know. But at least you have all the gory details.TAke care and the next definitely won't be that long. I promise. I just was a little too quiet and had to practice my English on you. LOLHugs and love to all of you

To: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 28, 2009 6:56:38 AMSubject: Re: Ok

Yes, yea, verily, you have been missed. Come home, . Tell us about your adventures, but please remember, we are here for the good AND THE BAD.

~*~Hugs~*~

~*~Akiba~*~

-- Ok

I would like to know when the pronunciation of the word "police" became "Po-lice"? I know some, um, ethnic groups started it, but since when do white, um, er, Caucasian policemen/women pronounce it thusly? I am watching "Cops" and they are ALL pronouncing it as Po-lice.

~*~Hugs~*~

~*~Akiba~*~

December 28, 2009