Re: F.A.T.

[Guest guest]

MY nada was and IS obsessed with my weight. Always has been.

When I was 8 she took me to our doctor so she would put me on diet pills

(amphetamines) because I was 5 lbs. overweight!! And HE gave them to her for

me!! They made me extremely nervous; jittery; moody; depressed; I would cry

over nothing and nada would laugh at me for it; couldn't concentrate in class

and couldn't sleep. Nada didn't care. Two weeks later she took me back to the

doctor to get me 'more pills if I needed them' which was a joke since when he

weighed me I was 10 pounds lighter and thus 5 lbs. UNDERWEIGHT for my large

sized frame. When he refused to give me more diet pills, she asked for them for

herself!

She monitored every little thing I put in my mouth and even at our annual

Christmas Eve party at a friend of my father's home she would 'make me a plate'

and not allow me to make one for myself. I was allowed ONE cookie all night

while the rest of the kids ate what they wanted.

She would weigh me every day first thing in the morning and when I got home from

school. On weekends it was three times a day! If I told her I didn't want to

get on the scale, she would hit me and say " I'M YOUR MOTHER and you do as I

SAY! "

She would weigh herself three times a day too right after she weighed me. When

she married my stepfather when I was 16 (my father threw her out when I was 2

weeks from being 16 because he caught her cheating on him with her boss who

became my stepfather), he would put her on the scale three times a day and if

she gained one pound, he didn't allow her to eat the next meal. Odd how he

tried to sexually attack me at the age of 19 even though I was a Size 13 then

and curvy but not skinny!

Now she constantly brings up my 'fat'.

I think all this 'fat' conversation has to do with not only control of course

but the fact that we are nothing more than an extension of THEM so we have to be

'perfect' in their eyes just as they are.