Re: Bitch Slap!

[Guest guest]

Oh, yours did that too patinage?

Mine also had me in figure skating. I did it for several years, but she

would never let me participate in the ice show. Well, as you probably know,

what do the classes work on all season long? Practicing for the ice show.

So they would just have me do other random stuff while the rest of my class

practiced. So nada got upset & pulled me out because she said they weren't

teaching me. What did she expect them to do? They were teaching the other

10ish students for the ice show! I was the odd ball out. Duh!

Let's see what else nada pulled me out of...

-Piano lessons. She started to teach me at 3 years old, I continued to teach

myself when I got older. She signed me up for piano lessons then we just

stopped going. Not because I wanted to stop, but because she said we didn't

have the money. I was maybe 12 at the time.

-dance classes. I did manage one whole season & danced in a recital, but she

never did sign me up again for them and I had enjoyed them. I was maybe 6.

-Girlscouts (Brownies). Twice. First time she & grandnada signed me up

because I had wanted to join. She pulled me out claiming that my dad didn't

hold up his end of the bargain & take me on his weekends. So I moaned &

groaned to my dad & he signed me up. Then the girlscouts ended up kicking me

out because I wasn't consistently showing up... because nada wouldn't take

me on her weekends.

-art lessons. Same B.S. My dad & step mom signed me up. She couldn't be

bothered to take me on her weekends so eventually I was way behind my

weekend class & had to drop out. Probably 10 or 11 years old.

Mind you, all of these things I wanted to do and she yanked me out of! It

was not at all a case of a kid wanting to do something & then getting bored

with it. I had enjoyed all of these activities and then they were

mysteriously stopped/taken away/whatever.

And to think she forbade me from joining any sports or activities in 8th

grade (high school was 8 - 12 for me). I don't see why... I didn't drop out

of my activities, she yanked me out! And we lived about 3 blocks from the

high school so it wasn't like she actually had to drive me anywhere.

Oh, and also... in band in high school she would not let me walk to the

school myself for a concert, she insisted I wait... and she would putz, and

yell at her hair for not behaving & everything else & we would be LATE.

This from the woman who hated tardiness. Yet it was sure as hell ok for

her to make me late for my function. You think I DARED make her late for

any of hers? Grrrr.

So I will join you in Harding style bitchslapping my nada, as well as

slamming her fingers in the piano, tap dancing on her head, roasting her

over a girlscout campfire & poke her with some sharp art supplies!!

Ok, that last bit was so ridiculous that it actually made me laugh. I

needed that.

Mia

[Guest guest]

While I don't really " admire " Tonya Harding: in the same sense I have great

compassion for her. She, too, came from hell. Interviews of here mother were

HORRIBLE. She 'married' the man that that upbringing would lead her to. We

know what happened next. Sure she's had to take some crappy jobs...

humiliating... what else can she do to pay the bills? However, there is a tiny

bit of 'scrappy' to her that I recognize in myself... that little voice that

said, " I will do whatever it takes to be sane now... " For that I give her huge

KUDO's.

Lynnette

>

> Awesome! I am busting a gut over this thread and I want to bitch slap and

sucker punch your nadas/fadas along with my own as I read these.

>

> I am afraid to open this door because I know there's a flood waiting to send

out a can of woop ass ... but what the hell.

>

> I would like to Tonya Harding style bitch slap my nada for crippling my

skating career when I needed her to encourage me to spread my wings.

>

> *whack*

>

> patinage

>

[Guest guest]

While I don't really " admire " Tonya Harding: in the same sense I have great

compassion for her. She, too, came from hell. Interviews of here mother were

HORRIBLE. She 'married' the man that that upbringing would lead her to. We

know what happened next. Sure she's had to take some crappy jobs...

humiliating... what else can she do to pay the bills? However, there is a tiny

bit of 'scrappy' to her that I recognize in myself... that little voice that

said, " I will do whatever it takes to be sane now... " For that I give her huge

KUDO's.

Lynnette

>

> Awesome! I am busting a gut over this thread and I want to bitch slap and

sucker punch your nadas/fadas along with my own as I read these.

>

> I am afraid to open this door because I know there's a flood waiting to send

out a can of woop ass ... but what the hell.

>

> I would like to Tonya Harding style bitch slap my nada for crippling my

skating career when I needed her to encourage me to spread my wings.

>

> *whack*

>

> patinage

>

[Guest guest]

While I don't really " admire " Tonya Harding: in the same sense I have great

compassion for her. She, too, came from hell. Interviews of here mother were

HORRIBLE. She 'married' the man that that upbringing would lead her to. We

know what happened next. Sure she's had to take some crappy jobs...

humiliating... what else can she do to pay the bills? However, there is a tiny

bit of 'scrappy' to her that I recognize in myself... that little voice that

said, " I will do whatever it takes to be sane now... " For that I give her huge

KUDO's.

Lynnette

>

> Awesome! I am busting a gut over this thread and I want to bitch slap and

sucker punch your nadas/fadas along with my own as I read these.

>

> I am afraid to open this door because I know there's a flood waiting to send

out a can of woop ass ... but what the hell.

>

> I would like to Tonya Harding style bitch slap my nada for crippling my

skating career when I needed her to encourage me to spread my wings.

>

> *whack*

>

> patinage

>

[Guest guest]

Mine does this one too--double handed bitch slap!

>

> I think that must be a common behavior for nadas: to put their children in

no-win situations. .... > Or like my nada, who would poke, and prod, and pick at

me (and Sister) with relentless criticism until we'd defend ourselves, and then

nada could cry " victim " because we were " attacking her. "

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette - I don't like Tonya Harding but she is the only violent figure skating

connection I could think of, lol. And, yes she seems like a fighter, literally

now:0 and figuratively:).

Mia - that stinks that your nada couldn't give you enough consistency to really

give you a chance to get into what you liked. I hope you are fully immersing

yourself in those activities you still love now. Ugh.

My brother and I talked about this that nada was very organized and took us to

lessons, etc at least until we could drive ourselves but didn't take an active

or proactive role in our progress. My brother was an avid biker and he never

received the level of bike to match the level of biking he was doing. He bought

himself parts and taught himself how to put bikes together but when you get into

higher level of biking, having a good bike makes a big difference.

My main coach retired after 10th grade and I was left to problem solve finding a

new coach. I had 4 coaches in 2 years. Then, my nada bought a pair of skates for

me my Junior year from the clearance section at the skate shop and made a big

deal of it. In reality they were always too big (I still fit into them now!) and

not the level of skate I needed for where I was at. I know I am sounding like a

whiner here as figure skating isn't cheap but I did everything I could to help

with costs. You know the Ice Castle movie - that was how I learned to skate. I

went to outdoor rinks in the winter for extra practice until the park closed at

11pm sometimes. I got myself up at 4:30am twice a week to go to morning

practices, practice over my lunch hour, had my mom make all my dresses and I put

the beading on myself. I think nada started to get jealous and put up road

blocks. She also didn't want skating to take me too far away either. I applied

for skating shows after my senior year and she discouraged me saying it would be

hard to get into college after taking a year off. She placed her fear on me when

I had the opportunity to take my skating to the next level. I taught lessons and

worked at rinks as skate guards all through college. I LOVED skating but testing

cost too much BUT my parents bought a cottage at the end of my freshman year of

college. I know I should be thankful that I had the opportunities I did have and

I am but I sooo wanted to go farther. I would have. I could have and it was more

like, " No, that isn't practical or a safe bet for getting you a 9-5 on the other

end of college. " I will stop now.

Sorry, I am way off topic now.

patinage

[Guest guest]

Lynette - I don't like Tonya Harding but she is the only violent figure skating

connection I could think of, lol. And, yes she seems like a fighter, literally

now:0 and figuratively:).

Mia - that stinks that your nada couldn't give you enough consistency to really

give you a chance to get into what you liked. I hope you are fully immersing

yourself in those activities you still love now. Ugh.

My brother and I talked about this that nada was very organized and took us to

lessons, etc at least until we could drive ourselves but didn't take an active

or proactive role in our progress. My brother was an avid biker and he never

received the level of bike to match the level of biking he was doing. He bought

himself parts and taught himself how to put bikes together but when you get into

higher level of biking, having a good bike makes a big difference.

My main coach retired after 10th grade and I was left to problem solve finding a

new coach. I had 4 coaches in 2 years. Then, my nada bought a pair of skates for

me my Junior year from the clearance section at the skate shop and made a big

deal of it. In reality they were always too big (I still fit into them now!) and

not the level of skate I needed for where I was at. I know I am sounding like a

whiner here as figure skating isn't cheap but I did everything I could to help

with costs. You know the Ice Castle movie - that was how I learned to skate. I

went to outdoor rinks in the winter for extra practice until the park closed at

11pm sometimes. I got myself up at 4:30am twice a week to go to morning

practices, practice over my lunch hour, had my mom make all my dresses and I put

the beading on myself. I think nada started to get jealous and put up road

blocks. She also didn't want skating to take me too far away either. I applied

for skating shows after my senior year and she discouraged me saying it would be

hard to get into college after taking a year off. She placed her fear on me when

I had the opportunity to take my skating to the next level. I taught lessons and

worked at rinks as skate guards all through college. I LOVED skating but testing

cost too much BUT my parents bought a cottage at the end of my freshman year of

college. I know I should be thankful that I had the opportunities I did have and

I am but I sooo wanted to go farther. I would have. I could have and it was more

like, " No, that isn't practical or a safe bet for getting you a 9-5 on the other

end of college. " I will stop now.

Sorry, I am way off topic now.

patinage

[Guest guest]

Lynette - I don't like Tonya Harding but she is the only violent figure skating

connection I could think of, lol. And, yes she seems like a fighter, literally

now:0 and figuratively:).

Mia - that stinks that your nada couldn't give you enough consistency to really

give you a chance to get into what you liked. I hope you are fully immersing

yourself in those activities you still love now. Ugh.

My brother and I talked about this that nada was very organized and took us to

lessons, etc at least until we could drive ourselves but didn't take an active

or proactive role in our progress. My brother was an avid biker and he never

received the level of bike to match the level of biking he was doing. He bought

himself parts and taught himself how to put bikes together but when you get into

higher level of biking, having a good bike makes a big difference.

My main coach retired after 10th grade and I was left to problem solve finding a

new coach. I had 4 coaches in 2 years. Then, my nada bought a pair of skates for

me my Junior year from the clearance section at the skate shop and made a big

deal of it. In reality they were always too big (I still fit into them now!) and

not the level of skate I needed for where I was at. I know I am sounding like a

whiner here as figure skating isn't cheap but I did everything I could to help

with costs. You know the Ice Castle movie - that was how I learned to skate. I

went to outdoor rinks in the winter for extra practice until the park closed at

11pm sometimes. I got myself up at 4:30am twice a week to go to morning

practices, practice over my lunch hour, had my mom make all my dresses and I put

the beading on myself. I think nada started to get jealous and put up road

blocks. She also didn't want skating to take me too far away either. I applied

for skating shows after my senior year and she discouraged me saying it would be

hard to get into college after taking a year off. She placed her fear on me when

I had the opportunity to take my skating to the next level. I taught lessons and

worked at rinks as skate guards all through college. I LOVED skating but testing

cost too much BUT my parents bought a cottage at the end of my freshman year of

college. I know I should be thankful that I had the opportunities I did have and

I am but I sooo wanted to go farther. I would have. I could have and it was more

like, " No, that isn't practical or a safe bet for getting you a 9-5 on the other

end of college. " I will stop now.

Sorry, I am way off topic now.

patinage

[Guest guest]

Patinage - if my child was passionate and working hard for something like

you did for skating, I would sell my hair and teeth to get her the

equipment. I'd take a second job. You do not need to be grateful for what

you had, because it fell short.

This thread of nada coming between you and your passions really hurts to

remember all the things nada did to hold me back. I wanted to be a musician

from the time I was 3 years old. My nada was a piano teacher for eff's

sakes. I have a clear memory of her raging at me at age 3 every time I

touched the piano. Why would she do that? I remember my brother joining in

and ganging up on me with her. I also remember (and this one is fuzzy) her

slamming my hands in the lid of the piano. Can you imagine seeing an adult

do that to a child who is nearly still a baby?

Yet she sat there and taught other people's children every day.

She signed me up for lessons with another teacher because she said " a mother

can't teach her own daughter. " I call bullshit on that. She drove me to my

lessons and paid for them - I was 15 min late at least over and over and

over (the lessons were only 30 min long) because she

didn't/couldn't/wouldn't get me there on time. This is hard to say, but I

believe I had a lot of aptitute for music, I tend to be good at

right-brained stuff, and if it has a left brained element like the

mathematics of a scale, I'm even better at it because I'm strong in both

sides of my brain, even though I'm right- dominant. I took AP music my

senior year of high school and I was in the class with kids who had been

nurtured and encouraged like crazy to become professional musicians from age

3. As you can imagine, I was way behind. But I still did damn well in that

class.

I don't know why nada tried to destroy my music career. Probably because she

wanted to be a musician too, but she wasn't 1)hard working 2) smart or 3)

mentally stable enough to do it. Eventually my dad had his best friend start

taking me to my music lessons. This friend retired very very young but had 5

kids of his own to haul to music. Still, he took me every week. Wow, I

believe my dad did love me. Just not enought to get me the fuck away from

that bitch.

I'm afraid I need more than a bitch slap for this one. I want to throttle

her until she is lifeless and kick her in the ribs with a steal toed boot.

I'm afraid my music career is not the only things she destroyed - dance,

art, math, science, very nearly English etc etc etc. Anything I wanted to do

she told me I wasn't smart enough, good enough. I seriously doubt that there

are kids who are more dedicated than perfectionistic KOs, so I know she is

wrong there.

I had a major apptitude for anything related to performing. i'm not

beautiful or skinny or tall enough to model (though I have learned they need

all kinds of modles), but I could have done acting, theater, public

speaking, music, dance etc. Of course, I was so beaten down that I was

almost 30 years old before I realized that this is a strength. The career I

ended up in - spokeswoman - is much the same, it requires being comfortable

with a lot of eyeballs on you, studying your words. So weird to me that I

wasn't one single time encouraged to pursue these talents. A kick in the

nads for dad too to say thanks for letting my talents languish. And maybe a

nose tweak to dad because he stopped me from majoring in classical guitar in

college. If he hadn't come between me and music, I believe I would have

worked hard enough to catch up with the other kids. I know I could have.

>

>

> Lynette - I don't like Tonya Harding but she is the only violent figure

> skating connection I could think of, lol. And, yes she seems like a fighter,

> literally now:0 and figuratively:).

>

> Mia - that stinks that your nada couldn't give you enough consistency to

> really give you a chance to get into what you liked. I hope you are fully

> immersing yourself in those activities you still love now. Ugh.

>

> My brother and I talked about this that nada was very organized and took us

> to lessons, etc at least until we could drive ourselves but didn't take an

> active or proactive role in our progress. My brother was an avid biker and

> he never received the level of bike to match the level of biking he was

> doing. He bought himself parts and taught himself how to put bikes together

> but when you get into higher level of biking, having a good bike makes a big

> difference.

>

> My main coach retired after 10th grade and I was left to problem solve

> finding a new coach. I had 4 coaches in 2 years. Then, my nada bought a pair

> of skates for me my Junior year from the clearance section at the skate shop

> and made a big deal of it. In reality they were always too big (I still fit

> into them now!) and not the level of skate I needed for where I was at. I

> know I am sounding like a whiner here as figure skating isn't cheap but I

> did everything I could to help with costs. You know the Ice Castle movie -

> that was how I learned to skate. I went to outdoor rinks in the winter for

> extra practice until the park closed at 11pm sometimes. I got myself up at

> 4:30am twice a week to go to morning practices, practice over my lunch hour,

> had my mom make all my dresses and I put the beading on myself. I think nada

> started to get jealous and put up road blocks. She also didn't want skating

> to take me too far away either. I applied for skating shows after my senior

> year and she discouraged me saying it would be hard to get into college

> after taking a year off. She placed her fear on me when I had the

> opportunity to take my skating to the next level. I taught lessons and

> worked at rinks as skate guards all through college. I LOVED skating but

> testing cost too much BUT my parents bought a cottage at the end of my

> freshman year of college. I know I should be thankful that I had the

> opportunities I did have and I am but I sooo wanted to go farther. I would

> have. I could have and it was more like, " No, that isn't practical or a safe

> bet for getting you a 9-5 on the other end of college. " I will stop now.

>

> Sorry, I am way off topic now.

>

> patinage

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Patinage - if my child was passionate and working hard for something like

you did for skating, I would sell my hair and teeth to get her the

equipment. I'd take a second job. You do not need to be grateful for what

you had, because it fell short.

This thread of nada coming between you and your passions really hurts to

remember all the things nada did to hold me back. I wanted to be a musician

from the time I was 3 years old. My nada was a piano teacher for eff's

sakes. I have a clear memory of her raging at me at age 3 every time I

touched the piano. Why would she do that? I remember my brother joining in

and ganging up on me with her. I also remember (and this one is fuzzy) her

slamming my hands in the lid of the piano. Can you imagine seeing an adult

do that to a child who is nearly still a baby?

Yet she sat there and taught other people's children every day.

She signed me up for lessons with another teacher because she said " a mother

can't teach her own daughter. " I call bullshit on that. She drove me to my

lessons and paid for them - I was 15 min late at least over and over and

over (the lessons were only 30 min long) because she

didn't/couldn't/wouldn't get me there on time. This is hard to say, but I

believe I had a lot of aptitute for music, I tend to be good at

right-brained stuff, and if it has a left brained element like the

mathematics of a scale, I'm even better at it because I'm strong in both

sides of my brain, even though I'm right- dominant. I took AP music my

senior year of high school and I was in the class with kids who had been

nurtured and encouraged like crazy to become professional musicians from age

3. As you can imagine, I was way behind. But I still did damn well in that

class.

I don't know why nada tried to destroy my music career. Probably because she

wanted to be a musician too, but she wasn't 1)hard working 2) smart or 3)

mentally stable enough to do it. Eventually my dad had his best friend start

taking me to my music lessons. This friend retired very very young but had 5

kids of his own to haul to music. Still, he took me every week. Wow, I

believe my dad did love me. Just not enought to get me the fuck away from

that bitch.

I'm afraid I need more than a bitch slap for this one. I want to throttle

her until she is lifeless and kick her in the ribs with a steal toed boot.

I'm afraid my music career is not the only things she destroyed - dance,

art, math, science, very nearly English etc etc etc. Anything I wanted to do

she told me I wasn't smart enough, good enough. I seriously doubt that there

are kids who are more dedicated than perfectionistic KOs, so I know she is

wrong there.

I had a major apptitude for anything related to performing. i'm not

beautiful or skinny or tall enough to model (though I have learned they need

all kinds of modles), but I could have done acting, theater, public

speaking, music, dance etc. Of course, I was so beaten down that I was

almost 30 years old before I realized that this is a strength. The career I

ended up in - spokeswoman - is much the same, it requires being comfortable

with a lot of eyeballs on you, studying your words. So weird to me that I

wasn't one single time encouraged to pursue these talents. A kick in the

nads for dad too to say thanks for letting my talents languish. And maybe a

nose tweak to dad because he stopped me from majoring in classical guitar in

college. If he hadn't come between me and music, I believe I would have

worked hard enough to catch up with the other kids. I know I could have.

>

>

> Lynette - I don't like Tonya Harding but she is the only violent figure

> skating connection I could think of, lol. And, yes she seems like a fighter,

> literally now:0 and figuratively:).

>

> Mia - that stinks that your nada couldn't give you enough consistency to

> really give you a chance to get into what you liked. I hope you are fully

> immersing yourself in those activities you still love now. Ugh.

>

> My brother and I talked about this that nada was very organized and took us

> to lessons, etc at least until we could drive ourselves but didn't take an

> active or proactive role in our progress. My brother was an avid biker and

> he never received the level of bike to match the level of biking he was

> doing. He bought himself parts and taught himself how to put bikes together

> but when you get into higher level of biking, having a good bike makes a big

> difference.

>

> My main coach retired after 10th grade and I was left to problem solve

> finding a new coach. I had 4 coaches in 2 years. Then, my nada bought a pair

> of skates for me my Junior year from the clearance section at the skate shop

> and made a big deal of it. In reality they were always too big (I still fit

> into them now!) and not the level of skate I needed for where I was at. I

> know I am sounding like a whiner here as figure skating isn't cheap but I

> did everything I could to help with costs. You know the Ice Castle movie -

> that was how I learned to skate. I went to outdoor rinks in the winter for

> extra practice until the park closed at 11pm sometimes. I got myself up at

> 4:30am twice a week to go to morning practices, practice over my lunch hour,

> had my mom make all my dresses and I put the beading on myself. I think nada

> started to get jealous and put up road blocks. She also didn't want skating

> to take me too far away either. I applied for skating shows after my senior

> year and she discouraged me saying it would be hard to get into college

> after taking a year off. She placed her fear on me when I had the

> opportunity to take my skating to the next level. I taught lessons and

> worked at rinks as skate guards all through college. I LOVED skating but

> testing cost too much BUT my parents bought a cottage at the end of my

> freshman year of college. I know I should be thankful that I had the

> opportunities I did have and I am but I sooo wanted to go farther. I would

> have. I could have and it was more like, " No, that isn't practical or a safe

> bet for getting you a 9-5 on the other end of college. " I will stop now.

>

> Sorry, I am way off topic now.

>

> patinage

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

GS - would a bitch slap, hand slam in the piano and a stomp on her foot for good

measure be enough? lol. I am so afraid of not encouraging my kids enough. I

understand the balancing act of the cost of some of these things but I really

think if they show apptitude, ambition and hard work in an area they are

passionate about; I would also do whatever it takes to make that happen for

them.

My oldest son is an amazing pianist - the right brain thing that you talk about

(languages, being in front of people and all that - he is amazing). I stand in

awe of him every day. I just don't get where the jealously thing can enter into

a mother's thoughts toward their child. Sometimes I say I am " jealous " at how

easy it comes for him but it's not in a " I am taking him down " kind of jealousy,

it's from pure pride. Does that make sense?

Bitch slap the nadas and fadas that put their emotions before their children who

they are suppose to inspire and encourage to be their best. (pretending to stay

on topic her, lol)

patinage

[Guest guest]

That's a great poem, Kay.I can SO relate to the last two lines--they'd work

for either nada or fada,for me.Reading that was therapeutic! You expressed it so

well

> >

> > Damned computer. Clicked too soon.

> >

> > So, my topic is Bitch Slap. Can we say it? Just admit it?

> >

> > We all think Nada s should be bitch slapped when they:

> >

> >

> > Oh I bet you are all going to have fun with this.

> >

> > Go for it

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's a great poem, Kay.I can SO relate to the last two lines--they'd work

for either nada or fada,for me.Reading that was therapeutic! You expressed it so

well

> >

> > Damned computer. Clicked too soon.

> >

> > So, my topic is Bitch Slap. Can we say it? Just admit it?

> >

> > We all think Nada s should be bitch slapped when they:

> >

> >

> > Oh I bet you are all going to have fun with this.

> >

> > Go for it

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's a great poem, Kay.I can SO relate to the last two lines--they'd work

for either nada or fada,for me.Reading that was therapeutic! You expressed it so

well

> >

> > Damned computer. Clicked too soon.

> >

> > So, my topic is Bitch Slap. Can we say it? Just admit it?

> >

> > We all think Nada s should be bitch slapped when they:

> >

> >

> > Oh I bet you are all going to have fun with this.

> >

> > Go for it

> >

>