Guest guest Posted January 4, 2011 Report Share Posted January 4, 2011 I am trying to process through all of this and I just want to know those of you who realized your parent was BPD later in your adult life AFTER having had what you thought was a good relationship, processed the loss of that. My mom and I were never " BFF " , though she presented us as such to all her friends. There was always a distance in my heart between her and I as a child and a teen but I always felt guilty for it and never knew why. But she smothered me with her love and treated me as her friend not her daughter. I'm realizing now for the first time the extreme idealization followed by devaluation. And I'm sad. I'm sad that when my mom is being " best mom in the world, how can I help you darling, I just want to be there for you " that I can't take that to heart. I have to always be on my gaurd now. Before I would love it - I would love that finally, she was paying attention to something besides herself. " Thank goodness, she's finally going to be my mom " . Only to be hurt when she decided that I was victimizing her and give me the silent treatment for who knows how long. Now that I have the information about BPD, I can protect myself from the roller coaster and not fully embrace her moods. But at the same time I realize I must distance myself from the " loving wonderful mom " side of her in order not to get hurt. That is very sad. And quite frankly I'm having a hard time processing through it. How did you get to the other side? I know it's different for every person, but I'd like to hear how you all came out from under the emotional weight of grieving the loss of what you will never have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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