Re: Can't seem to do this!! Long reply...

November 26, 2011

For me, waiting until I'm hungry was too much of a rule - so I threw it out. I

had to start with facing down the diet police.

One of the first things I noticed when I started IE was how afraid I was around

eating. My anxiety made it hard to slow down and enjoy eating. I thought, " oh

wow, is this what I've been feeling? " That was probably my first step into IE

thinking; understanding how painful and scary eating had become. .

I did follow the rule of waiting until I was hungry for the first few weeks (or

was it days?) and then the defiance started to kick in. I only embraced waiting

until I was hungry/stopping when I was full because I wanted the weight loss and

I knew that would get me there. But, it wasn't working.

Letting go of all of the rules around food was very frightening. I also had to

let go of weight loss as my greatest hope for happiness and success; because I

didn't really believe IE would get me there. Even so, I chose IE over weight

loss because dieting was over for me.

Right now I'm very pleased hat I'm not warring and restricting. I've been in

this stage (legalizing, noticing, allowing, thought-stopping the diet police) a

couple of months now. It's been difficult to figure out how to deal with the

diet rebel as it connects to so much of my story. I was always the out of

control little brat. I'd identified with being the victim of the diet police

more than I have with being the diet police. But they're two sides of the same

coin. I like being in control as much as I hate being controlled.

Surprisingly, recently I find that I'm now waiting until I'm hungry to eat. Not

because I should, but because that's coming naturally. The urgency, the last

supper feeling around food has diminished enough that I'm not dying to eat all

of the time.

Waiting for hunger, etc. wasn't the way into recovery for me. Instead it seems

to be the result of being more caring with myself around releasing diet rules

and restriction. It's not happening all of the time, but it is happening.

Now some questions for you to ponder, that I hope will be helpful, not

intrusive.

What rules might you be struggling to impose and therefore fighting against?

What do you most fear about giving up your food safety net?

Can you let yourself walk into those fears by changing your approach?

Do you have a secret agenda of dieting if this doesn't work, and does your diet

rebel know your secret?

How is your observing your behaviors and your thoughts without judgment going?

When was the last time you sat with feeling icky over something you ate without

guilting/shaming yourself?

Can you kindly observe what feelings/thoughts are coursing through you as you

eat?

Have you come up with a phrase to back the diet police off?

Do you soothe the diet rebel and tell her she can truly have whatever she wants

without punishment or condemnation?

Have you distinguished the difference between " legalizing " and bingeing?

What would the differences be?

Just some questions to maybe help you discover where you're blocked with IE.

Hope you find peace with yourself and your food.

Sandarah

>

> I just can't seem to do this for some reason. I tend to have a very all or

nothing attitude. When I'm dieting, I have to do it perfectly or I " fail " .

When I'm " not dieting " , I completely don't diet. I love the IE concept, but I

find myself eating everything all of the time. I can't seem to wait until I'm

hungry, and I definitely can't stop when I'm full. It's almost like I'm sad

when I'm done eating something. However, I don't really enjoy anything I eat. I

have been trying to do this for over a year, and have gained quite a bit of

weight. I want to do this so badly, but am incredibly discouraged at this

point!!

November 26, 2011