Re: minimizing minimizing

January 20, 2011

You've seen/heard that video. Now I want you to imagine that level of rage,

that high-volume, shrieking, name-calling, vitriolic verbal abuse... directed

at an 8-year-old.

At a 4-year-old. At a 2-year-old.

Imagine the mother looming over the small child, red-faced, spittle-flying,

gripping the child hard by the upper arms to hold him or her close enough to

feel mom's spittle hitting their face. Imagine being shaken, then slapped hard

in the face because you're not looking into mommy's eyes as she's hating you and

telling you you're a horrible, disgusting worthless piece of crap child. Being

forced to look into her eyes as she's hating you is the worst part of it, and it

goes on, and on. Imagine the level of terror mixed with deep shame the child is

experiencing.

This extreme, out-of-control-feeling kind of rage from a parent is

trauma-inducing in a little child. Its like a terrorist attack; you're never

sure you're even going to live through it. My little Sister told me that a

couple of times when our nada started screaming at her like that when she was

only 3 or so, Sister urinated on herself out of stark mindless terror, like a

little animal. Of course, that just made nada more enraged.

Then imagine afterward. The rage has past, the child is shaking and near shock

from the episode. Then mommy bursts into tears and hysterically, pitiably begs

the child to come to her, hug her, and tell her she is forgiven. Mommy is soooo,

so sorry, and promises to never, never do that again. And the child has to pick

herself up off the floor and go to mommy and hug her and say I love you mommy,

even though the child knows that the promise means nothing. That promise has

been made many times before.

Or...

Imagine mommy just kind of dusting her hands, straightening out her clothes, and

humming a cheery tune as she walks away, leaving you on the floor, shaking and

trying not to show how scared and bewildered you are, as you choke back your

sobs and your own rage.

THAT is what my little Sister and I had to endure, way too frequently. All that

trauma, and no way to process it because we weren't allowed to speak of it. We

had to pretend that it never happened. If we cried or acted upset, well, guess

what? That could trigger yet another rage right then and there; start the whole

damned thing all over again.

THAT is the shocking reality that is emotional dysregulation and intense,

inappropriate rage, and I hope that YouTube will continue to bring to the

public's attention. I think technology is finally giving us a means to " out "

covert parental and care-giver child abuse, no matter what causes it:

personality disorder, alcoholism, drug abuse, whatever. The voiceless finally

have a voice.

- Annie

> >

> > I hope that kid got out & went to live with his dad. At one point you

> hear

> > her screaming at him something about that & child support. That kid

> should

> > have called the cops, played that video as evidence. But, I'm sure

> they

> > wouldn't do squat because it's not physical abuse.

> >

> > When will people wake up & realize that sh** like that IS STILL

> ABUSE??

> >

> > I've told people before, and I'll say it again and again: I'd take the

> > physical abuse any day over the verbal & emotional abuse. That did

> far more

> > damage to me.

> >

> > Mia

> >

> > >

> >

January 21, 2011

How about you show him that video at high volume, then read him my description

and look him in the eye and say, " Mom would scream at me like this AND

physically assault me starting when I was a little X-year-old kid, dad. That's

why I have ptsd. That is what emotional dysregulation and extreme,

inappropriate anger sound like. "

That's why I think that educating adults, and educating kids in school about

what mentally healthy behaviors look like and sound like, VS what mentally ill

behaviors look like and sound like would really do the trick. Video

reenactments or actual, real video of abusive behaviors vs healthy behaviors

really get the point across in a very strong way that leaves an impression.

MUCH more effective than just talking about it or reading about it, seems to me.

-Annie

>

> Wow Annie, that description sounds just like what I've been through so many

times as a kid. I have a hard time sometimes making my dad understand why I have

such a hard time in reaction to anything my nada does, why I have PTSD because

of her. He thinks it was only bad when I was a teenager. The fact is, when I was

a teenager was when she was becoming more low-functioning, and couldn't control

herself anymore, so she would rage at me in front of him. She was

high-functioning when I was little, and could hide her disorder well. She was

still just as crazy to me when I was alone with her everyday while he was gone,

and it was much harder on me when I was a toddler than a teenager. I should read

him your description.

>

> Casey

January 21, 2011