Re: minimizing minimizing

[Guest guest]

{{{Hugs}}}

I minimized too. Therapists #1 concern with me when I first saw her was that I

had NO ANGER at what had been done to me. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. It took over

a year of weekly therapy for me to get mad. Then another 6 months for me to

realize I had been " seriously, repeatedly, systematically sbused. And the

abuse contines. " Gulp.

I 'hear' ya.

Lynnette

>

> So my T pointed out to me a few days ago that when I first came to see her I

> was seriously minimizing the abuse I suffered. She said that I would have

> been removed from the home if the authorities had been aware. I doubt this

> would ever happen, because the community I grew up in had blinders on , it

> was literally known by the nickname " Happy Valley " and the residents heard

> no evil, saw no evil, smelled no evil and tasted no evil, so long as the

> evil people were " members " of the community. T and I talked about how the

> world has changed to some degree since I was small, child abuse advocates

> are more aggressive, teachers are subject to more stringent child protection

> laws etc. Personally though, i think the community I am from still has their

> blinders firmly in place. Evidence of this is the fact that my mother

> teaches disabled children - I can't imagine a more frightening situation for

> vulnerable tiny kids. wow

>

> Anyway, my point is that there is one more issue I have really minimized.

> The hoarding. I thought my mother was a hoarder, but I wasn't sure how

> severe. The thing is, when it is " normal " to you because it has always been

> that way since you were born, it is hard to know what other people would

> think is normal. So for research last night I watched a Brittish documentary

> about hoarding as well as a couple of episodes of The Hoarders.

>

> The verdict --- yes my mother was a hoarder. She brought home piles of shit

> from the thrift stores every weekend, spending her entire pay check on junk.

> She didn't think she should have to share her income with her family and so

> she didn't. She had serious debt problems because she couldn't control her

> spending. Our house was filled floor to ceiling with crap - not as bad as on

> The Hoarders, but very very close to the levels seen on the Brittish show. I

> believe it would have been worse if my dad hadn't periodically thrown things

> out and fought with her about it. It was bad enough that their weren't empty

> chairs to sit on, doors wouldn't close because of crap, and if you openned

> the kitchen cupboards, dishes would come flying out and hit you in the head.

> It was a very hard home to live in. To this day I can't stand rugs in a home

> because her unwashed rugs would wad up and block the doors from openning and

> closing, making it hard if not impossible to get into and out of the house.

> And did I mention she had 2 file cabinets next to her bed as well as stacks

> and stacks of papers. She saved everything for her " jounrals. " I think she

> believed someone would one day (probably me) would write a book about her

> life using every scrap of paper that came her way. She also tended toward

> animal hoarding, though that never got as severe as on the shows. The worst

> was the cats- when I was little she sort of collected pregnant female stray

> cats and then " gave " them to me so that they were my responsibility. At age

> 6, 7, 8 and 9, I had as many as 10 cats at a time that were entirely my

> responsibility. I could break out in a cold sweat just remembering the

> stress. And they died. They died all the time, kitten birth complications,

> hit by cars etc etc. UGHHHHH SHIVER!!! I'm an animal lover and it about

> killed me to not be able to take care of them. But I was too small and there

> were too many. And then she blamed me for it. I've never had a cat since

> then.

>

> Another indication of hoarding - and I don't totaly get this one. After I

> married (now divorced) and bought my own home, I wanted to go get my

> belongings and clean out my room in her home. She Threw A Huge Fit!!! She

> never let me in to get my stuff. Then she would bring me a few things at a

> time out of my room (I had particularly wanted to get my childhood journals

> and favorite toys and stuffed animals). She seemed to need too control which

> things I could have, and when I could have them. I even went to her home a

> few times to find girls a little younger than me wearing my clothes out of

> my room!!!! Is that weird or what? Now I chalk it up to abandonment fears on

> her part. And I dealt with it by turning my back and walking away on all the

> people, posessions and everything else.

>

> I don't know what I'm asking for from you guys, I guess I just wanted to

> share. It seems to me that the high functioning BPDs are perfectionists

> about their homes, while the low functioning tend to hoard. I am not totally

> sure, but I think my nada leaned very much toward the low functioning side.

> She did do certain things - she held a job, she finished her BS degree (it

> took 9 years for a 4 year degree), she played piano pretty well, but on the

> other had she hardly got out of bed on Saturdays, it took her 2 hours to

> complete a 15 min task, she couldn't make left hand turns in the car and she

> never prepared a single meal after my 5th birthday etc etc etc. Anyone have

> opinions on high or low functioning?

>

> XOXO thanks for letting me ramble, Girlscout

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You're right, your nada's behaviors do sound more like a middle-range of

functionality; she's OK with small children as her students but not OK around

other adults, or around her own kids.

And I agree, it hurts pretty badly to realize that even though other adults,

particularly our grandparents, aunts, uncles or our own fathers *knew* that

something was wrong with our mom and that we kids were very likely being

mistreated, still... they did nothing about it.

Its not so much that the child isn't worth it, its that the non-pd adults are

basically... wimps and dishrags.

I think family members of the mentally ill probably all swim in the same pond of

denial and minimizing RE their relative or spouse with bpd because openly

recognizing it and pointing it out means an ugly confrontation with the person

with bpd and being painted " all black " by them permanently.

Most people *hate* confrontation and avoid it like the plague. They think of all

kinds of reasons to avoid confrontation; they don't want to step in because " its

not my business " , or because " she's just having a bad day " or, " Oh, its not that

bad. "

But as the adult child of a Cluster B mom with a hair-trigger temper whose rages

would escalate into physical violence, and who would relieve her own feelings of

inadequacy and self-loathing by projecting those unwanted attributes onto me, I

can assure the public that yes, it IS " that bad. "

I think everyone should be a " mandated reporter " and I urge all non-pd adults to

grow a backbone and say something when they recognize that a child is being

emotionally or physically abused and mistreated and/or neglected or exploited by

her own parents/caregivers.

Break the cycle of denial and generational abuse!

-Annie

>

> Huh Annie - i just can't imagine anyone considering my nada to be " high

> functioning. " She did have melt downs in public every once in a while. And

> she got into some shouting matches at church that turned into full on feuds

> (ha ha at CHURCH!). And she wasn't able to pay her bills or keep up with

> that though she tried to about once every 6 months and she made it a huge

> production, even setting up a special table to do the job right in the

> doorway to the living room.

>

> So I guess I'm imagining a giant continuum between high and low functioning

> BPD. At the low end we have the prison population and at the high end, we

> have these nadas with perfect homes and perfectly groomed children with

> beautiful yards and house plants. My nada was probably about 1/3rd of the

> way in from very low functioning. That's my best guess. . . I don't know why

> it matters to me so much. Actually, I do know why it matters. Because it

> seems to me that if she was low functioning, someone somewhere somehow

> should have noticed what she was doing to me. And if she was high

> functioning, she would have been able to hide it and I would be able to see

> that and understand it. But as for me, I don't see how anyone could look at

> a 300 pound woman with flaming red, pink and orange spiked hair wearing

> denim overalls every single day in one of the most conservative areas in the

> country, having melt downs at church and at the mall (she flat out refused

> to grocery shop or else there would be more melt downs) and not see

> something was wrong.

>

> And my therapist would probably add that the fact that this happened leaves

> me assuming and believing that no one noticed because I wasn't worth

> noticing.

>

[Guest guest]

You're right, your nada's behaviors do sound more like a middle-range of

functionality; she's OK with small children as her students but not OK around

other adults, or around her own kids.

And I agree, it hurts pretty badly to realize that even though other adults,

particularly our grandparents, aunts, uncles or our own fathers *knew* that

something was wrong with our mom and that we kids were very likely being

mistreated, still... they did nothing about it.

Its not so much that the child isn't worth it, its that the non-pd adults are

basically... wimps and dishrags.

I think family members of the mentally ill probably all swim in the same pond of

denial and minimizing RE their relative or spouse with bpd because openly

recognizing it and pointing it out means an ugly confrontation with the person

with bpd and being painted " all black " by them permanently.

Most people *hate* confrontation and avoid it like the plague. They think of all

kinds of reasons to avoid confrontation; they don't want to step in because " its

not my business " , or because " she's just having a bad day " or, " Oh, its not that

bad. "

But as the adult child of a Cluster B mom with a hair-trigger temper whose rages

would escalate into physical violence, and who would relieve her own feelings of

inadequacy and self-loathing by projecting those unwanted attributes onto me, I

can assure the public that yes, it IS " that bad. "

I think everyone should be a " mandated reporter " and I urge all non-pd adults to

grow a backbone and say something when they recognize that a child is being

emotionally or physically abused and mistreated and/or neglected or exploited by

her own parents/caregivers.

Break the cycle of denial and generational abuse!

-Annie

>

> Huh Annie - i just can't imagine anyone considering my nada to be " high

> functioning. " She did have melt downs in public every once in a while. And

> she got into some shouting matches at church that turned into full on feuds

> (ha ha at CHURCH!). And she wasn't able to pay her bills or keep up with

> that though she tried to about once every 6 months and she made it a huge

> production, even setting up a special table to do the job right in the

> doorway to the living room.

>

> So I guess I'm imagining a giant continuum between high and low functioning

> BPD. At the low end we have the prison population and at the high end, we

> have these nadas with perfect homes and perfectly groomed children with

> beautiful yards and house plants. My nada was probably about 1/3rd of the

> way in from very low functioning. That's my best guess. . . I don't know why

> it matters to me so much. Actually, I do know why it matters. Because it

> seems to me that if she was low functioning, someone somewhere somehow

> should have noticed what she was doing to me. And if she was high

> functioning, she would have been able to hide it and I would be able to see

> that and understand it. But as for me, I don't see how anyone could look at

> a 300 pound woman with flaming red, pink and orange spiked hair wearing

> denim overalls every single day in one of the most conservative areas in the

> country, having melt downs at church and at the mall (she flat out refused

> to grocery shop or else there would be more melt downs) and not see

> something was wrong.

>

> And my therapist would probably add that the fact that this happened leaves

> me assuming and believing that no one noticed because I wasn't worth

> noticing.

>

[Guest guest]

You're right, your nada's behaviors do sound more like a middle-range of

functionality; she's OK with small children as her students but not OK around

other adults, or around her own kids.

And I agree, it hurts pretty badly to realize that even though other adults,

particularly our grandparents, aunts, uncles or our own fathers *knew* that

something was wrong with our mom and that we kids were very likely being

mistreated, still... they did nothing about it.

Its not so much that the child isn't worth it, its that the non-pd adults are

basically... wimps and dishrags.

I think family members of the mentally ill probably all swim in the same pond of

denial and minimizing RE their relative or spouse with bpd because openly

recognizing it and pointing it out means an ugly confrontation with the person

with bpd and being painted " all black " by them permanently.

Most people *hate* confrontation and avoid it like the plague. They think of all

kinds of reasons to avoid confrontation; they don't want to step in because " its

not my business " , or because " she's just having a bad day " or, " Oh, its not that

bad. "

But as the adult child of a Cluster B mom with a hair-trigger temper whose rages

would escalate into physical violence, and who would relieve her own feelings of

inadequacy and self-loathing by projecting those unwanted attributes onto me, I

can assure the public that yes, it IS " that bad. "

I think everyone should be a " mandated reporter " and I urge all non-pd adults to

grow a backbone and say something when they recognize that a child is being

emotionally or physically abused and mistreated and/or neglected or exploited by

her own parents/caregivers.

Break the cycle of denial and generational abuse!

-Annie

>

> Huh Annie - i just can't imagine anyone considering my nada to be " high

> functioning. " She did have melt downs in public every once in a while. And

> she got into some shouting matches at church that turned into full on feuds

> (ha ha at CHURCH!). And she wasn't able to pay her bills or keep up with

> that though she tried to about once every 6 months and she made it a huge

> production, even setting up a special table to do the job right in the

> doorway to the living room.

>

> So I guess I'm imagining a giant continuum between high and low functioning

> BPD. At the low end we have the prison population and at the high end, we

> have these nadas with perfect homes and perfectly groomed children with

> beautiful yards and house plants. My nada was probably about 1/3rd of the

> way in from very low functioning. That's my best guess. . . I don't know why

> it matters to me so much. Actually, I do know why it matters. Because it

> seems to me that if she was low functioning, someone somewhere somehow

> should have noticed what she was doing to me. And if she was high

> functioning, she would have been able to hide it and I would be able to see

> that and understand it. But as for me, I don't see how anyone could look at

> a 300 pound woman with flaming red, pink and orange spiked hair wearing

> denim overalls every single day in one of the most conservative areas in the

> country, having melt downs at church and at the mall (she flat out refused

> to grocery shop or else there would be more melt downs) and not see

> something was wrong.

>

> And my therapist would probably add that the fact that this happened leaves

> me assuming and believing that no one noticed because I wasn't worth

> noticing.

>

[Guest guest]

My Nada - " Working on the same B.A. in Psych since 1968. "

Yeah, I get it.

Lynnette

> > >

> > > So my T pointed out to me a few days ago that when I first came to see

> > her I

> > > was seriously minimizing the abuse I suffered. She said that I would have

> > > been removed from the home if the authorities had been aware. I doubt

> > this

> > > would ever happen, because the community I grew up in had blinders on ,

> > it

> > > was literally known by the nickname " Happy Valley " and the residents

> > heard

> > > no evil, saw no evil, smelled no evil and tasted no evil, so long as the

> > > evil people were " members " of the community. T and I talked about how the

> > > world has changed to some degree since I was small, child abuse advocates

> > > are more aggressive, teachers are subject to more stringent child

> > protection

> > > laws etc. Personally though, i think the community I am from still has

> > their

> > > blinders firmly in place. Evidence of this is the fact that my mother

> > > teaches disabled children - I can't imagine a more frightening situation

> > for

> > > vulnerable tiny kids. wow

> > >

> > > Anyway, my point is that there is one more issue I have really minimized.

> > > The hoarding. I thought my mother was a hoarder, but I wasn't sure how

> > > severe. The thing is, when it is " normal " to you because it has always

> > been

> > > that way since you were born, it is hard to know what other people would

> > > think is normal. So for research last night I watched a Brittish

> > documentary

> > > about hoarding as well as a couple of episodes of The Hoarders.

> > >

> > > The verdict --- yes my mother was a hoarder. She brought home piles of

> > shit

> > > from the thrift stores every weekend, spending her entire pay check on

> > junk.

> > > She didn't think she should have to share her income with her family and

> > so

> > > she didn't. She had serious debt problems because she couldn't control

> > her

> > > spending. Our house was filled floor to ceiling with crap - not as bad as

> > on

> > > The Hoarders, but very very close to the levels seen on the Brittish

> > show. I

> > > believe it would have been worse if my dad hadn't periodically thrown

> > things

> > > out and fought with her about it. It was bad enough that their weren't

> > empty

> > > chairs to sit on, doors wouldn't close because of crap, and if you

> > openned

> > > the kitchen cupboards, dishes would come flying out and hit you in the

> > head.

> > > It was a very hard home to live in. To this day I can't stand rugs in a

> > home

> > > because her unwashed rugs would wad up and block the doors from openning

> > and

> > > closing, making it hard if not impossible to get into and out of the

> > house.

> > > And did I mention she had 2 file cabinets next to her bed as well as

> > stacks

> > > and stacks of papers. She saved everything for her " jounrals. " I think

> > she

> > > believed someone would one day (probably me) would write a book about her

> > > life using every scrap of paper that came her way. She also tended toward

> > > animal hoarding, though that never got as severe as on the shows. The

> > worst

> > > was the cats- when I was little she sort of collected pregnant female

> > stray

> > > cats and then " gave " them to me so that they were my responsibility. At

> > age

> > > 6, 7, 8 and 9, I had as many as 10 cats at a time that were entirely my

> > > responsibility. I could break out in a cold sweat just remembering the

> > > stress. And they died. They died all the time, kitten birth

> > complications,

> > > hit by cars etc etc. UGHHHHH SHIVER!!! I'm an animal lover and it about

> > > killed me to not be able to take care of them. But I was too small and

> > there

> > > were too many. And then she blamed me for it. I've never had a cat since

> > > then.

> > >

> > > Another indication of hoarding - and I don't totaly get this one. After I

> > > married (now divorced) and bought my own home, I wanted to go get my

> > > belongings and clean out my room in her home. She Threw A Huge Fit!!! She

> > > never let me in to get my stuff. Then she would bring me a few things at

> > a

> > > time out of my room (I had particularly wanted to get my childhood

> > journals

> > > and favorite toys and stuffed animals). She seemed to need too control

> > which

> > > things I could have, and when I could have them. I even went to her home

> > a

> > > few times to find girls a little younger than me wearing my clothes out

> > of

> > > my room!!!! Is that weird or what? Now I chalk it up to abandonment fears

> > on

> > > her part. And I dealt with it by turning my back and walking away on all

> > the

> > > people, posessions and everything else.

> > >

> > > I don't know what I'm asking for from you guys, I guess I just wanted to

> > > share. It seems to me that the high functioning BPDs are perfectionists

> > > about their homes, while the low functioning tend to hoard. I am not

> > totally

> > > sure, but I think my nada leaned very much toward the low functioning

> > side.

> > > She did do certain things - she held a job, she finished her BS degree

> > (it

> > > took 9 years for a 4 year degree), she played piano pretty well, but on

> > the

> > > other had she hardly got out of bed on Saturdays, it took her 2 hours to

> > > complete a 15 min task, she couldn't make left hand turns in the car and

> > she

> > > never prepared a single meal after my 5th birthday etc etc etc. Anyone

> > have

> > > opinions on high or low functioning?

> > >

> > > XOXO thanks for letting me ramble, Girlscout

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

((((((((GS))))))))

A cyber-hug for you. I hope things get better for you soon.

-Annie

>

> Yeah I guess another aspect of the sting of the neglect is that I treat my

> dogs so much better than she treated me - better than any adult did. For

> example, boyfriend gets home from work about an hour and a half before me.

> Every day when I get home I check to see if my dogs have water. Last week

> for 3 nights in a row they didn't and I threw a total fit that I wouldn't

> allow my pets to go without water and set a schedule for him to follow to

> make sure they aren't dehydrated for 90 min before I arrive home. i check

> before work and now he checks after.

>

> No one did that kind of thing for me. Not once. . . . Ugh.

>

> I'm having a bad day. I spilled water in my laptop and I may have to have

> surgery, I was just at the doctor and now I'm trying to get an ultra sound

> appt for my liver/gallbladder. So maybe I'm just upset about that and its

> bleeding into all the saddness in my life.

>

> UGH!

>

[Guest guest]

((((((((GS))))))))

A cyber-hug for you. I hope things get better for you soon.

-Annie

>

> Yeah I guess another aspect of the sting of the neglect is that I treat my

> dogs so much better than she treated me - better than any adult did. For

> example, boyfriend gets home from work about an hour and a half before me.

> Every day when I get home I check to see if my dogs have water. Last week

> for 3 nights in a row they didn't and I threw a total fit that I wouldn't

> allow my pets to go without water and set a schedule for him to follow to

> make sure they aren't dehydrated for 90 min before I arrive home. i check

> before work and now he checks after.

>

> No one did that kind of thing for me. Not once. . . . Ugh.

>

> I'm having a bad day. I spilled water in my laptop and I may have to have

> surgery, I was just at the doctor and now I'm trying to get an ultra sound

> appt for my liver/gallbladder. So maybe I'm just upset about that and its

> bleeding into all the saddness in my life.

>

> UGH!

>

[Guest guest]

As infuriating as it is that everyone thinks I am nuts because my nada is high

functioning, you get that infuriated that clearly nada wasn't high function (or

just under the " red light flashing nutso " radar)and wasn't providing for you so

why the hell didn't anyone come and rescue you from your hell of a life, ?yes?

I baby sat for a small baby one summer as a teenager. Her brothers, age 7 and 9,

were in and out of the house but were on their own. Mom was ok with that. The

house was a disaster - dirty dishes, crap everywhere... But mom was a nurse and

was sweet and loved her kids. I later found out mom had schizophrenia. Her then

teenager daughter (the baby) had the Goth thing going on and was quiet but other

than that seemed ok. But she stayed by her mom as if to take care of her. Other

people at church would even commend her for helping her mom out. Reality is, she

probably didn't have a childhood.

Ok...so, rambling aside, maybe you appeared to be ok enough to other people that

they left it alone instead of getting involved. I am going out on a limb here

and maybe you did send out signals that everything wasn't ok but if you learned

to take care of animals, feed and cloth yourself, probably clean and many other

adult activities to survive, maybe your ability to handle it all was sadly what

kept anyone from stepping in to rescue you. That is sad. You deserved to have a

childhood and be protected instead of the other way around. {{{hugs for you and

your lost childhood GS}}}

peace

patinage

[Guest guest]

Ever heard the old story of how to boil a frog? If you put a frog in a

pan of hot water, he will jump right out. If you put him in a pan of

cold water and slowly heat it up, he will sit right there and be boiled

to death.

BP s manage to spend enough time just below the boil, at least when

someone adult or in authority is around, that no one yells JUMP to the

little frogs.

But by God we eat a lot of frog soup, don t we?

Doug

>

> As infuriating as it is that everyone thinks I am nuts because my nada

is high functioning, you get that infuriated that clearly nada wasn't

high function (or just under the " red light flashing nutso " radar)and

wasn't providing for you so why the hell didn't anyone come and rescue

you from your hell of a life, ?yes?

[Guest guest]

Ever heard the old story of how to boil a frog? If you put a frog in a

pan of hot water, he will jump right out. If you put him in a pan of

cold water and slowly heat it up, he will sit right there and be boiled

to death.

BP s manage to spend enough time just below the boil, at least when

someone adult or in authority is around, that no one yells JUMP to the

little frogs.

But by God we eat a lot of frog soup, don t we?

Doug

>

> As infuriating as it is that everyone thinks I am nuts because my nada

is high functioning, you get that infuriated that clearly nada wasn't

high function (or just under the " red light flashing nutso " radar)and

wasn't providing for you so why the hell didn't anyone come and rescue

you from your hell of a life, ?yes?

[Guest guest]

Ever heard the old story of how to boil a frog? If you put a frog in a

pan of hot water, he will jump right out. If you put him in a pan of

cold water and slowly heat it up, he will sit right there and be boiled

to death.

BP s manage to spend enough time just below the boil, at least when

someone adult or in authority is around, that no one yells JUMP to the

little frogs.

But by God we eat a lot of frog soup, don t we?

Doug

>

> As infuriating as it is that everyone thinks I am nuts because my nada

is high functioning, you get that infuriated that clearly nada wasn't

high function (or just under the " red light flashing nutso " radar)and

wasn't providing for you so why the hell didn't anyone come and rescue

you from your hell of a life, ?yes?

[Guest guest]

> Holy Christ.

The guy was not dad, this was one of mom s latest boyfriends. And, I

might add, flying monkey. There is absolutely no excuse for her

behavior. Or his. If he were any kind of responsible adult, he would

have called the cops and had them take this boy to his father, or to

foster care.

You guys don t help your mom out around here enough? Oh my. My nada

sent a flying monkey to toss that one at me once. This, from my mom, the

hoarder, whose every house since I had been born had been so filthy,

well just indescribable.

In case any of you wonder, this is what the rages and out of control

emotional storms were like. Of course, this doesnt show the crying

jags, or the sympathy ploys, or the suicide games. But this was very

much, for me, a part of life with a BP mom.

Brrr.

>

>

> -Annie

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Holy Christ.

The guy was not dad, this was one of mom s latest boyfriends. And, I

might add, flying monkey. There is absolutely no excuse for her

behavior. Or his. If he were any kind of responsible adult, he would

have called the cops and had them take this boy to his father, or to

foster care.

You guys don t help your mom out around here enough? Oh my. My nada

sent a flying monkey to toss that one at me once. This, from my mom, the

hoarder, whose every house since I had been born had been so filthy,

well just indescribable.

In case any of you wonder, this is what the rages and out of control

emotional storms were like. Of course, this doesnt show the crying

jags, or the sympathy ploys, or the suicide games. But this was very

much, for me, a part of life with a BP mom.

Brrr.

>

>

> -Annie

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, kinda wishing I hadn't watched that because it was a like an instant

re-play of Christmas. Oh, different words and insults, but the same insane

screaming with no rhyme or reason. And calm responses to her only made it worse.

Wow. Just, wow. I wish I had had the forethought to record my nada's psychotic

break. I even had my smartphone in my hand!

Which reminds me, I just wanted to share this, but when I talked to the

counselor today and told him about how nada behaved while I was growing up and

the the incident at Christmas, he flat out said: at that point, she needed

hospitalization. Of course, that's easy for me to say in hindsight, and you

don't know what's going on, and you're probably scared stiff so you don't even

want to move, but that would have been the best time to get her evaluated and

get her help. "

It was really nice to tell someone what was going on and be validated.

I feel so bad for this kid. It's too bad he didn't call the police. He clearly

knows she's behaving insane. But maybe he's just too scared or indifferent about

it to call the police. And that stupid fada that says that shit to him. I have

made amends with my father, I can only think of a couple of times when he did

the flying monkey thing, but gosh does this video drudge up those few incidents

and pick at those scabs.

[Guest guest]

Clearly a button presser for me, GS: > she later yelled at me that i had made

her uncomfortable by fighting with my mom in front of her. >

My own daughter says things like that to me. My daughter is very timid and

doesn't like discord--so she expects me to just let nada rant at me and let it

go in one ear and out the other. After years of being her doormat, I refuse. So

my daughter blames me, since she knows grandma is not mentally well (yeah,

right, she just can't help herself).

[Guest guest]

He was a little cocky. He was obviously not the " good child " who

would do whatever it took to placate Nada. He needed a bit of

correction about his attitude.

THAT was not correction.

I raised four kids, right thru the cocky, smart mouthed phase. And That

is NOT how you discipline them.

She was having a fight. You don t have a fight with your child.

Except, nada s do, on a regular basis.

I would love for CPS to see that video, along with the address.

For those of you who have heard me in the past on my soapbox about what

to do in re to kids being left with a BP, watch this video.

Then, I repeat. Rescue them.

Doug

>

> Wow, this was MORNING and she was able to go at it without taking a

breath. My nada would need to have a few drinks mid-afternoon to let it

fly like this.

>

> I felt horrible for the child, but did it also strike anyone else that

his coping behaviors were baiting and denial? Makes you wonder how long

they have been living in that dynamic. I was too cowed to push back at

my nada like that until I was in my 30s and in therapy. I'm surprised

she didn't stroke out.

>

>