Please help--massive panic attack at work...

[Guest guest]

So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted. Nada

can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact me via

any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and can decide

whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any conversation

about these boundaries because I could institute them myself. The one email from

her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges gave me a little bit of

anxiety but I was okay.

Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in philanthropy,

and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or number I'm

familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the phone even

though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess who? Nada.

The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be overly

formal)

Nada: Hi !

Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so very

cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart rate sky

rockets.)

Nada: Hi! Hello?

Me: Yes.

Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide [step

bro's name here]'s birthday present?

Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on the

right-hand side?

Me: Yes.

Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

Silence.

Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

Me: (numb) Okay.

Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

Me: Okay, bye.

Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

End conversation...

By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I

was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called me at work,

and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask them

to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally freaking

out.

Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What is

she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and when I

left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me, wouldn't even

give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at work and telling me

how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

Are you kidding me?!!!!

[Guest guest]

Oh shit, that's a bad feeling. Yes they do that. You might have to change

the number.

By the way, you don't have to tell her you are going NC unless you want to.

Just do it. That's what I did. Some folks send a letter, some folks do other

things.

But, if you end up having to get a restraining order its best to have

everything documented.

I'm sorry. its amazing that the sound of someone's voice can do that to you.

>

>

> So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted.

> Nada can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact

> me via any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and

> can decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any

> conversation about these boundaries because I could institute them myself.

> The one email from her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges

> gave me a little bit of anxiety but I was okay.

>

> Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

> while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in

> philanthropy, and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or

> number I'm familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the

> phone even though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess

> who? Nada.

>

> The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

>

> Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be

> overly formal)

>

> Nada: Hi !

>

> Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so

> very cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart

> rate sky rockets.)

>

> Nada: Hi! Hello?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide

> [step bro's name here]'s birthday present?

>

> Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

>

> Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on

> the right-hand side?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

>

> Silence.

>

> Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

>

> Me: (numb) Okay.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

>

> Me: Okay, bye.

>

> Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

>

> End conversation...

>

> By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe,

> and I was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called

> me at work, and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

>

> I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask

> them to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally

> freaking out.

>

> Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

> ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What

> is she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and

> when I left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me,

> wouldn't even give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at

> work and telling me how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

>

> Are you kidding me?!!!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Take a deep breath and don't let her get to you.

You are right. Trust your gut. She is marking this as a territory where she can

get to you when she needs to. Push back. Without any emotion, email or call her

to tell her that she cannot call you at work. Don't tell her how it made you

feel just tell her she cannot call you at work.

You have a right to want this to be a safe place where you can focus on your

work and not have to worry about her calling and dropping stuff in your lap.

patinage

[Guest guest]

(((()))) I'm so so sorry this happened. And it does make me angry...

this is the game they play. My nada did something similar after I moved out

of state...she didn't have my cell phone so she had her mother call my ex

husband both at his house & his work. When he called to tell me what was

up, I experienced the same thing you did: Pure panic. That's when I decided

to email her one last time & tell her I'm done... NC.

All I can tell you is to be firm in your boundaries & put your foot down.

Tell her it is not acceptable for her to call you at work, you have a job

to do and unless it is a real emergency she should not call there. Or if

you want, write her a letter or email & tell her you don't want contact with

her.

It's going to be hard. I think I can thank my lucky stars that my nada

doesn't know where I'm at (and I even question that knowing that nada has

friends in the police department & who are lawyers... I'm sure she could

track me down if she wanted). But I imagine if I had gone NC with her while

I still lived there it would have been much more difficult.

Just try to breathe. I know it sounds silly, but deep breathing has helped

me so very much. The trick to it, according to my last therapist in that

state, is to practice it even when you're feeling calm & relaxed. That way

when panic does strike, you're more familiar with deep breathing & will be

more likely to remember to do it! I do it a lot, even still. In the car

driving somewhere, in bed at night, while cooking lol. It helps. It's not

to say that I no longer get upset, but I do remember at some point early on

when I'm upset to JUST BREATHE and I feel like I am able to calm myself down

a LOT faster than I used to.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish I had the perfect answer for you,

but I don't. It's really up to you. But again, if it were me I would put

my foot down. I've gone over the scenario of nada showing up here at my

house at least a thousand times, and every time I keep imagining myself

doing the same thing... calmly telling her " I told you I want nothing more

to do with you, now you need to leave & never come back " . If she wouldn't,

then I'd not hesitate to call the cops.

I know it sounds silly, but maybe imagining or practicing what you want to

say to your nada will help too. It's something else that was recommended to

me by my therapist and again I find it useful.

Hang in there!

Mia

[Guest guest]

(((()))) I'm so so sorry this happened. And it does make me angry...

this is the game they play. My nada did something similar after I moved out

of state...she didn't have my cell phone so she had her mother call my ex

husband both at his house & his work. When he called to tell me what was

up, I experienced the same thing you did: Pure panic. That's when I decided

to email her one last time & tell her I'm done... NC.

All I can tell you is to be firm in your boundaries & put your foot down.

Tell her it is not acceptable for her to call you at work, you have a job

to do and unless it is a real emergency she should not call there. Or if

you want, write her a letter or email & tell her you don't want contact with

her.

It's going to be hard. I think I can thank my lucky stars that my nada

doesn't know where I'm at (and I even question that knowing that nada has

friends in the police department & who are lawyers... I'm sure she could

track me down if she wanted). But I imagine if I had gone NC with her while

I still lived there it would have been much more difficult.

Just try to breathe. I know it sounds silly, but deep breathing has helped

me so very much. The trick to it, according to my last therapist in that

state, is to practice it even when you're feeling calm & relaxed. That way

when panic does strike, you're more familiar with deep breathing & will be

more likely to remember to do it! I do it a lot, even still. In the car

driving somewhere, in bed at night, while cooking lol. It helps. It's not

to say that I no longer get upset, but I do remember at some point early on

when I'm upset to JUST BREATHE and I feel like I am able to calm myself down

a LOT faster than I used to.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish I had the perfect answer for you,

but I don't. It's really up to you. But again, if it were me I would put

my foot down. I've gone over the scenario of nada showing up here at my

house at least a thousand times, and every time I keep imagining myself

doing the same thing... calmly telling her " I told you I want nothing more

to do with you, now you need to leave & never come back " . If she wouldn't,

then I'd not hesitate to call the cops.

I know it sounds silly, but maybe imagining or practicing what you want to

say to your nada will help too. It's something else that was recommended to

me by my therapist and again I find it useful.

Hang in there!

Mia

[Guest guest]

(((()))) I'm so so sorry this happened. And it does make me angry...

this is the game they play. My nada did something similar after I moved out

of state...she didn't have my cell phone so she had her mother call my ex

husband both at his house & his work. When he called to tell me what was

up, I experienced the same thing you did: Pure panic. That's when I decided

to email her one last time & tell her I'm done... NC.

All I can tell you is to be firm in your boundaries & put your foot down.

Tell her it is not acceptable for her to call you at work, you have a job

to do and unless it is a real emergency she should not call there. Or if

you want, write her a letter or email & tell her you don't want contact with

her.

It's going to be hard. I think I can thank my lucky stars that my nada

doesn't know where I'm at (and I even question that knowing that nada has

friends in the police department & who are lawyers... I'm sure she could

track me down if she wanted). But I imagine if I had gone NC with her while

I still lived there it would have been much more difficult.

Just try to breathe. I know it sounds silly, but deep breathing has helped

me so very much. The trick to it, according to my last therapist in that

state, is to practice it even when you're feeling calm & relaxed. That way

when panic does strike, you're more familiar with deep breathing & will be

more likely to remember to do it! I do it a lot, even still. In the car

driving somewhere, in bed at night, while cooking lol. It helps. It's not

to say that I no longer get upset, but I do remember at some point early on

when I'm upset to JUST BREATHE and I feel like I am able to calm myself down

a LOT faster than I used to.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wish I had the perfect answer for you,

but I don't. It's really up to you. But again, if it were me I would put

my foot down. I've gone over the scenario of nada showing up here at my

house at least a thousand times, and every time I keep imagining myself

doing the same thing... calmly telling her " I told you I want nothing more

to do with you, now you need to leave & never come back " . If she wouldn't,

then I'd not hesitate to call the cops.

I know it sounds silly, but maybe imagining or practicing what you want to

say to your nada will help too. It's something else that was recommended to

me by my therapist and again I find it useful.

Hang in there!

Mia

[Guest guest]

If it's any consolation at all, its about her and not you. It feels horribly

violating and unsafe and rightly so. The day I asked nada to leave my home was

the day she decided to call and harass me at work and threatened to show up

there and storm into my bosses office and the office of the CEO (threat to my

only saving grace at the time - my livelyhood). I started having real panic

attacks (but it wasn't just her...had an NPD spouse at the time starting his NPD

antics).

In a pinch like that, know that your adrenaline might get the best of you and

start right away telling yourself, I love you and I am safe. " Take deep

breaths, do the 5-4-3-2-1* to cut off the adrenaline flow and go take a quick

walk if you can to discharge the excess energy and just focus on your breathing.

If have generalized anxiety disorder (casualty of suffering what too much

emotional and verbal abuse - IMHO). These little tricks help stop the

adrenaline that makes you feel a little too on edge and on the verge.

Always let yourself know - its not about me, it's about her...I am safe because

I don't have to take heart of anything she says. With some practice, it really

does work.

I understand how difficult this was and you did the right thing for you...you

maintained " chill " and got yourself the help you needed. You should be proud of

you. Arm yourself with sayings and defensive maneuvers that only involve your

thoughts in your head. Someone gave me that advice once and now I also swear by

it. It does work. In the heat of a recent run in with nada, despite the

PTSD-like symptoms, I did not get drawn into her game...I followed my own set

action - I had actually practiced for that moment. I withstood her attack

without losing control. It helped.

Oh, something else I wanted to share. I'm also in an NPD support group due to

dealing with a suspected severe NPD ex-spouse. One of the things they mentioned

there is the ability of the NPD to evoke in us a full on involuntary PTSD

response. When we get educated, learn to fix ourselves, etc. we should never

feel bad about the PTSD response...it really isn't coming from the present but

is rather a thought that triggers an old memory of fear - repeated fear and

launches you into panic mode. It's like being betrayed by your own chemicals.

There is therapy for that issue specifically. I've not done it as I'm working

instead with my own thoughts and using more NLP techniquest to rewrite all the

scenarios in which nada betrayed me. I run them backwards on a video screen

visually inside my mind and at the same time, I tell myself, I am safe, she

cannot hurt me any more. It' really does help.

Wish you the absolute best and I'm so very glad you posted!

Much love and blessings!

Jaie

>

> So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted.

Nada can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact me

via any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and can

decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any

conversation about these boundaries because I could institute them myself. The

one email from her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges gave me

a little bit of anxiety but I was okay.

>

> Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in philanthropy,

and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or number I'm

familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the phone even

though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess who? Nada.

>

> The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

>

> Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be overly

formal)

>

> Nada: Hi !

>

> Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so

very cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart rate

sky rockets.)

>

> Nada: Hi! Hello?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide [step

bro's name here]'s birthday present?

>

> Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

>

> Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on the

right-hand side?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

>

> Silence.

>

> Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

>

> Me: (numb) Okay.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

>

> Me: Okay, bye.

>

> Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

>

> End conversation...

>

> By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I

was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called me at work,

and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

>

> I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask

them to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally

freaking out.

>

> Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What is

she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and when I

left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me, wouldn't even

give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at work and telling me

how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

>

> Are you kidding me?!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

If it's any consolation at all, its about her and not you. It feels horribly

violating and unsafe and rightly so. The day I asked nada to leave my home was

the day she decided to call and harass me at work and threatened to show up

there and storm into my bosses office and the office of the CEO (threat to my

only saving grace at the time - my livelyhood). I started having real panic

attacks (but it wasn't just her...had an NPD spouse at the time starting his NPD

antics).

In a pinch like that, know that your adrenaline might get the best of you and

start right away telling yourself, I love you and I am safe. " Take deep

breaths, do the 5-4-3-2-1* to cut off the adrenaline flow and go take a quick

walk if you can to discharge the excess energy and just focus on your breathing.

If have generalized anxiety disorder (casualty of suffering what too much

emotional and verbal abuse - IMHO). These little tricks help stop the

adrenaline that makes you feel a little too on edge and on the verge.

Always let yourself know - its not about me, it's about her...I am safe because

I don't have to take heart of anything she says. With some practice, it really

does work.

I understand how difficult this was and you did the right thing for you...you

maintained " chill " and got yourself the help you needed. You should be proud of

you. Arm yourself with sayings and defensive maneuvers that only involve your

thoughts in your head. Someone gave me that advice once and now I also swear by

it. It does work. In the heat of a recent run in with nada, despite the

PTSD-like symptoms, I did not get drawn into her game...I followed my own set

action - I had actually practiced for that moment. I withstood her attack

without losing control. It helped.

Oh, something else I wanted to share. I'm also in an NPD support group due to

dealing with a suspected severe NPD ex-spouse. One of the things they mentioned

there is the ability of the NPD to evoke in us a full on involuntary PTSD

response. When we get educated, learn to fix ourselves, etc. we should never

feel bad about the PTSD response...it really isn't coming from the present but

is rather a thought that triggers an old memory of fear - repeated fear and

launches you into panic mode. It's like being betrayed by your own chemicals.

There is therapy for that issue specifically. I've not done it as I'm working

instead with my own thoughts and using more NLP techniquest to rewrite all the

scenarios in which nada betrayed me. I run them backwards on a video screen

visually inside my mind and at the same time, I tell myself, I am safe, she

cannot hurt me any more. It' really does help.

Wish you the absolute best and I'm so very glad you posted!

Much love and blessings!

Jaie

>

> So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted.

Nada can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact me

via any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and can

decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any

conversation about these boundaries because I could institute them myself. The

one email from her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges gave me

a little bit of anxiety but I was okay.

>

> Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in philanthropy,

and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or number I'm

familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the phone even

though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess who? Nada.

>

> The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

>

> Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be overly

formal)

>

> Nada: Hi !

>

> Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so

very cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart rate

sky rockets.)

>

> Nada: Hi! Hello?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide [step

bro's name here]'s birthday present?

>

> Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

>

> Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on the

right-hand side?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

>

> Silence.

>

> Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

>

> Me: (numb) Okay.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

>

> Me: Okay, bye.

>

> Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

>

> End conversation...

>

> By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I

was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called me at work,

and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

>

> I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask

them to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally

freaking out.

>

> Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What is

she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and when I

left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me, wouldn't even

give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at work and telling me

how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

>

> Are you kidding me?!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

If it's any consolation at all, its about her and not you. It feels horribly

violating and unsafe and rightly so. The day I asked nada to leave my home was

the day she decided to call and harass me at work and threatened to show up

there and storm into my bosses office and the office of the CEO (threat to my

only saving grace at the time - my livelyhood). I started having real panic

attacks (but it wasn't just her...had an NPD spouse at the time starting his NPD

antics).

In a pinch like that, know that your adrenaline might get the best of you and

start right away telling yourself, I love you and I am safe. " Take deep

breaths, do the 5-4-3-2-1* to cut off the adrenaline flow and go take a quick

walk if you can to discharge the excess energy and just focus on your breathing.

If have generalized anxiety disorder (casualty of suffering what too much

emotional and verbal abuse - IMHO). These little tricks help stop the

adrenaline that makes you feel a little too on edge and on the verge.

Always let yourself know - its not about me, it's about her...I am safe because

I don't have to take heart of anything she says. With some practice, it really

does work.

I understand how difficult this was and you did the right thing for you...you

maintained " chill " and got yourself the help you needed. You should be proud of

you. Arm yourself with sayings and defensive maneuvers that only involve your

thoughts in your head. Someone gave me that advice once and now I also swear by

it. It does work. In the heat of a recent run in with nada, despite the

PTSD-like symptoms, I did not get drawn into her game...I followed my own set

action - I had actually practiced for that moment. I withstood her attack

without losing control. It helped.

Oh, something else I wanted to share. I'm also in an NPD support group due to

dealing with a suspected severe NPD ex-spouse. One of the things they mentioned

there is the ability of the NPD to evoke in us a full on involuntary PTSD

response. When we get educated, learn to fix ourselves, etc. we should never

feel bad about the PTSD response...it really isn't coming from the present but

is rather a thought that triggers an old memory of fear - repeated fear and

launches you into panic mode. It's like being betrayed by your own chemicals.

There is therapy for that issue specifically. I've not done it as I'm working

instead with my own thoughts and using more NLP techniquest to rewrite all the

scenarios in which nada betrayed me. I run them backwards on a video screen

visually inside my mind and at the same time, I tell myself, I am safe, she

cannot hurt me any more. It' really does help.

Wish you the absolute best and I'm so very glad you posted!

Much love and blessings!

Jaie

>

> So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted.

Nada can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact me

via any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and can

decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any

conversation about these boundaries because I could institute them myself. The

one email from her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges gave me

a little bit of anxiety but I was okay.

>

> Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in philanthropy,

and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or number I'm

familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the phone even

though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess who? Nada.

>

> The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

>

> Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be overly

formal)

>

> Nada: Hi !

>

> Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so

very cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart rate

sky rockets.)

>

> Nada: Hi! Hello?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide [step

bro's name here]'s birthday present?

>

> Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

>

> Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on the

right-hand side?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

>

> Silence.

>

> Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

>

> Me: (numb) Okay.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

>

> Me: Okay, bye.

>

> Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

>

> End conversation...

>

> By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I

was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called me at work,

and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

>

> I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask

them to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally

freaking out.

>

> Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What is

she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and when I

left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me, wouldn't even

give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at work and telling me

how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

>

> Are you kidding me?!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry for what you went through at work. I thought I was the only one

getting phone calls out of blue from you know who. With me it wasn't a panic but

more of an anger and frustration with my self not being able to make her stop

and also thinking how can she call when I said I can't talk. So, here's what I

used to tell her when she called " ok, I have to call you back ,I'm busy ok, I

have to go.. I can't bye " . End of it. she hasn't been calling me but making my

other family members to call me which they don't much. Yipeee.....

As for anxiety and panic attacks. Have you heard Alpha Wave music. This may

sound rediculous but it works wonders. when you're anxious and panicky your

brain wave changes but when you listen to this music with ear phones you'll have

no choice but to calm down. It literally changes your brain wave.It's amazing.

But for the long term solution I would recommmand watching the videos from

on you tube. How to tap away toxic, fearful emotions.

http://www.youtube.com/user/HealingMagic#p/u/48/WRT-BtNHjOE

Hope this helps,

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Tarang, Patinage, Girlscout, Jaie, everybody...

Thank you so much for your support. It's so hard because I'm so confused.

Sometimes I understand so clearly what's happening and then sometimes I'm

feeling pure fight or flight and then sometimes I'm just so angry. I have no

idea how some of you have gone NC. To me that is actually really brave. Whenever

someone suggests it I think: but she's my MOTHER! It's so hard to disassociate

what's been ingrained, even when it's causing me panic attacks at work--which is

definitely not good for my employment.

I sent her an email and said, " Hi, please remember that my work phone is only to

be used in the case of a life or death emergency. Thanks. "

I haven't gotten any response yet. I'm not sure how she's going to respond to

it. I'm really conflicted in my own thinking between remembering that she's not

the person I think or want her to be--never has been. I think I'm guilty in my

own way of overlooking her illness because when I finally moved out of the house

and then out of state, I only had to deal with her by phone and things got

better. I didn't realize they were better because I wasn't around her.

I thought I had made progress. Perhaps I have, but obviously not as much as I

thought. It was such an upsetting day. But my 8 mile post-work run went really

well, hah! Guess I had plenty of emotional fuel to burn off!

Thank you all again. And if anyone else has any other thoughts or can relate, I

would love to hear more. It makes me face the reality of the situation.

[Guest guest]

Tarang, Patinage, Girlscout, Jaie, everybody...

Thank you so much for your support. It's so hard because I'm so confused.

Sometimes I understand so clearly what's happening and then sometimes I'm

feeling pure fight or flight and then sometimes I'm just so angry. I have no

idea how some of you have gone NC. To me that is actually really brave. Whenever

someone suggests it I think: but she's my MOTHER! It's so hard to disassociate

what's been ingrained, even when it's causing me panic attacks at work--which is

definitely not good for my employment.

I sent her an email and said, " Hi, please remember that my work phone is only to

be used in the case of a life or death emergency. Thanks. "

I haven't gotten any response yet. I'm not sure how she's going to respond to

it. I'm really conflicted in my own thinking between remembering that she's not

the person I think or want her to be--never has been. I think I'm guilty in my

own way of overlooking her illness because when I finally moved out of the house

and then out of state, I only had to deal with her by phone and things got

better. I didn't realize they were better because I wasn't around her.

I thought I had made progress. Perhaps I have, but obviously not as much as I

thought. It was such an upsetting day. But my 8 mile post-work run went really

well, hah! Guess I had plenty of emotional fuel to burn off!

Thank you all again. And if anyone else has any other thoughts or can relate, I

would love to hear more. It makes me face the reality of the situation.

[Guest guest]

Tarang, Patinage, Girlscout, Jaie, everybody...

Thank you so much for your support. It's so hard because I'm so confused.

Sometimes I understand so clearly what's happening and then sometimes I'm

feeling pure fight or flight and then sometimes I'm just so angry. I have no

idea how some of you have gone NC. To me that is actually really brave. Whenever

someone suggests it I think: but she's my MOTHER! It's so hard to disassociate

what's been ingrained, even when it's causing me panic attacks at work--which is

definitely not good for my employment.

I sent her an email and said, " Hi, please remember that my work phone is only to

be used in the case of a life or death emergency. Thanks. "

I haven't gotten any response yet. I'm not sure how she's going to respond to

it. I'm really conflicted in my own thinking between remembering that she's not

the person I think or want her to be--never has been. I think I'm guilty in my

own way of overlooking her illness because when I finally moved out of the house

and then out of state, I only had to deal with her by phone and things got

better. I didn't realize they were better because I wasn't around her.

I thought I had made progress. Perhaps I have, but obviously not as much as I

thought. It was such an upsetting day. But my 8 mile post-work run went really

well, hah! Guess I had plenty of emotional fuel to burn off!

Thank you all again. And if anyone else has any other thoughts or can relate, I

would love to hear more. It makes me face the reality of the situation.

[Guest guest]

I think it is perfectly normal for us KOs to feel conflicted when it comes

to LC or NC with our nadas & fadas! Like you said, it's been ingrained in

us to think " but she's my MOTHER! " . But ask yourself something: If anyone

else in the world treated you the way she did & still does, would you

maintain that relationship? Wouldn't you put up bondaries? Perhaps go NC?

I'm willing to bet that you would.

It takes time to get used the the idea of NC, and it certainly isn't right

for everyone. It took me 2 years of debating with myself and doing a lot of

what you seem to be doing too before I figured out it was right... and

really, she handed me the opportunity. For me it has been one of the best

decisions I've ever made, and even STILL to this day there's a part of me

going " but she's your MOTHER! " . Yep, it takes time for that to go away, and

I'm not sure if it ever completely will. But just because she's my mother

doesn't mean I have to take her abuse. I wouldn't take it from anyone else,

so why should it be different? Just because she's my mother? Heck no.

Hang in there & take it one step at a time. I like the email you sent.

Short, sweet & to the point. You stood your ground & put up a boundary, so

if it is broken again, make sure she knows there will be some kind of

consequence for her. Good for you for doing that! I'm really proud of you,

and you should be too!! =)

Sorry I don't mean that to sound condescending, I hope you know what I mean.

I think you should be proud of yourself for that, for saying " this is not

ok and I have a right to feel safe at work " . You go girl!

Mia

[Guest guest]

I think it is perfectly normal for us KOs to feel conflicted when it comes

to LC or NC with our nadas & fadas! Like you said, it's been ingrained in

us to think " but she's my MOTHER! " . But ask yourself something: If anyone

else in the world treated you the way she did & still does, would you

maintain that relationship? Wouldn't you put up bondaries? Perhaps go NC?

I'm willing to bet that you would.

It takes time to get used the the idea of NC, and it certainly isn't right

for everyone. It took me 2 years of debating with myself and doing a lot of

what you seem to be doing too before I figured out it was right... and

really, she handed me the opportunity. For me it has been one of the best

decisions I've ever made, and even STILL to this day there's a part of me

going " but she's your MOTHER! " . Yep, it takes time for that to go away, and

I'm not sure if it ever completely will. But just because she's my mother

doesn't mean I have to take her abuse. I wouldn't take it from anyone else,

so why should it be different? Just because she's my mother? Heck no.

Hang in there & take it one step at a time. I like the email you sent.

Short, sweet & to the point. You stood your ground & put up a boundary, so

if it is broken again, make sure she knows there will be some kind of

consequence for her. Good for you for doing that! I'm really proud of you,

and you should be too!! =)

Sorry I don't mean that to sound condescending, I hope you know what I mean.

I think you should be proud of yourself for that, for saying " this is not

ok and I have a right to feel safe at work " . You go girl!

Mia

[Guest guest]

I think it is perfectly normal for us KOs to feel conflicted when it comes

to LC or NC with our nadas & fadas! Like you said, it's been ingrained in

us to think " but she's my MOTHER! " . But ask yourself something: If anyone

else in the world treated you the way she did & still does, would you

maintain that relationship? Wouldn't you put up bondaries? Perhaps go NC?

I'm willing to bet that you would.

It takes time to get used the the idea of NC, and it certainly isn't right

for everyone. It took me 2 years of debating with myself and doing a lot of

what you seem to be doing too before I figured out it was right... and

really, she handed me the opportunity. For me it has been one of the best

decisions I've ever made, and even STILL to this day there's a part of me

going " but she's your MOTHER! " . Yep, it takes time for that to go away, and

I'm not sure if it ever completely will. But just because she's my mother

doesn't mean I have to take her abuse. I wouldn't take it from anyone else,

so why should it be different? Just because she's my mother? Heck no.

Hang in there & take it one step at a time. I like the email you sent.

Short, sweet & to the point. You stood your ground & put up a boundary, so

if it is broken again, make sure she knows there will be some kind of

consequence for her. Good for you for doing that! I'm really proud of you,

and you should be too!! =)

Sorry I don't mean that to sound condescending, I hope you know what I mean.

I think you should be proud of yourself for that, for saying " this is not

ok and I have a right to feel safe at work " . You go girl!

Mia

[Guest guest]

Ugh how awful!!

My heart is seizing up just reading your conversation.

Do you think she was anxious talking to you and that's why she sounded kind of

hysterical/manic? My mother sounds like that when she's calling with ulterior

motives.

So sorry; I really do NOT like it when my mother calls me at work. (or really,

anywhere!)

>

> So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted.

Nada can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact me

via any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and can

decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any

conversation about these boundaries because I could institute them myself. The

one email from her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges gave me

a little bit of anxiety but I was okay.

>

> Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in philanthropy,

and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or number I'm

familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the phone even

though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess who? Nada.

>

> The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

>

> Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be overly

formal)

>

> Nada: Hi !

>

> Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so

very cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart rate

sky rockets.)

>

> Nada: Hi! Hello?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide [step

bro's name here]'s birthday present?

>

> Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

>

> Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on the

right-hand side?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

>

> Silence.

>

> Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

>

> Me: (numb) Okay.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

>

> Me: Okay, bye.

>

> Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

>

> End conversation...

>

> By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I

was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called me at work,

and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

>

> I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask

them to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally

freaking out.

>

> Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What is

she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and when I

left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me, wouldn't even

give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at work and telling me

how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

>

> Are you kidding me?!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Ugh how awful!!

My heart is seizing up just reading your conversation.

Do you think she was anxious talking to you and that's why she sounded kind of

hysterical/manic? My mother sounds like that when she's calling with ulterior

motives.

So sorry; I really do NOT like it when my mother calls me at work. (or really,

anywhere!)

>

> So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted.

Nada can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact me

via any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and can

decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any

conversation about these boundaries because I could institute them myself. The

one email from her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges gave me

a little bit of anxiety but I was okay.

>

> Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in philanthropy,

and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or number I'm

familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the phone even

though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess who? Nada.

>

> The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

>

> Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be overly

formal)

>

> Nada: Hi !

>

> Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so

very cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart rate

sky rockets.)

>

> Nada: Hi! Hello?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide [step

bro's name here]'s birthday present?

>

> Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

>

> Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on the

right-hand side?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

>

> Silence.

>

> Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

>

> Me: (numb) Okay.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

>

> Me: Okay, bye.

>

> Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

>

> End conversation...

>

> By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I

was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called me at work,

and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

>

> I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask

them to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally

freaking out.

>

> Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What is

she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and when I

left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me, wouldn't even

give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at work and telling me

how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

>

> Are you kidding me?!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Ugh how awful!!

My heart is seizing up just reading your conversation.

Do you think she was anxious talking to you and that's why she sounded kind of

hysterical/manic? My mother sounds like that when she's calling with ulterior

motives.

So sorry; I really do NOT like it when my mother calls me at work. (or really,

anywhere!)

>

> So I was just starting to feel good about the boundaries I have instituted.

Nada can see Facebook, which I'm okay with, but can't comment, can't contact me

via any chat apparatus, and of course if she calls I have caller ID and can

decide whether or not to pick up the phone. I have not had to have any

conversation about these boundaries because I could institute them myself. The

one email from her I received since taking away her Facebook privileges gave me

a little bit of anxiety but I was okay.

>

> Nada has NEVER called me at work. And I generally don't make personal calls

while at work. If I do, I make them from my cell phone. I work in philanthropy,

and today, when the phone rang and it was not an extension or number I'm

familiar with, I wondered if it was a donor. So I picked up the phone even

though I wasn't familiar with the number or area code. Well guess who? Nada.

>

> The conversation lasted all of 30 seconds, and I barely said anything.

>

> Me: Hello, this is (I have a direct line so I don't have to be overly

formal)

>

> Nada: Hi !

>

> Me: Um, hello. (I don't exactly know who it is because the person sounds so

very cheerful...but it starts to sink in that it's my mother, and my heart rate

sky rockets.)

>

> Nada: Hi! Hello?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'm just calling. Wanted to talk to you. Where did you hide [step

bro's name here]'s birthday present?

>

> Me: In the closet on the right-hand shelves.

>

> Nada: Hmmmm (still overly cheerful and manic)...so it's on the shelves on the

right-hand side?

>

> Me: Yes.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll have to look again.

>

> Silence.

>

> Nada: Well, I just wanted to call and ask. And tell you I love you!

>

> Me: (numb) Okay.

>

> Nada: Well, I'll let you go so you can get back to work!

>

> Me: Okay, bye.

>

> Nada: (like she expects me to say something)...okay, bye!

>

> End conversation...

>

> By the end of this conversation my heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I

was about to explode. Why did she do that? She has never ever called me at work,

and she could have very easily emailed me this question?!

>

> I had to call a therapist and tell them I was having a panic attack and ask

them to talk to me while I calmed down. I was crying in my office, totally

freaking out.

>

> Work is supposed to be a safe place for me! How dare she?! This was a total

ambush! Why would she call me at work to ask me such a stupid question? What is

she trying to do? She hurt me, and she acts like nothing is wrong and when I

left her home to come back to my home she acted like she hated me, wouldn't even

give me a hug to say " goodbye " , and now she's calling me at work and telling me

how much she loves me? WTF is that?!

>

> Are you kidding me?!!!!

>