i would like to stop attracting BPs into my life

[Guest guest]

Hi, and happy new year.

I haven't posted in a while. I am the non child of a BP nada and a FOO in

denial. I healed a lot over the years, with T, and posting here. I am so glad

all of you exist, and can speak your truths. It is so important to me.

I feel like the years in T were necessary for me to heal and come to terms with

reality. But it's still not over. I have to rebuild my life from the ground

up, it seemes. Or maybe I'm just naturally continuing to grow as a person, I

don't know.

In rebuilding my life, I have recently let a lot of friends go who were

excessively negative. I had so much pain that I carried with me, that I

attracted other people with heavy issues. The difference is, I want something

better for myself, and I have to let the people go who don't. This has not

always been easy.

I also seem to have attracted a lot of BP people to me in the past. It was

really frightening for me. Some of you have seen my posts, that I have a BP

boss at work. I am not ready to leave the job, especially with the economy, and

other things going on with me, I wish I had one more year to let things settle

and plan my next move. However, it looks like I am probably going to lose my

job at the end of my contract. I don't know whether to be thrilled, that I

won't be harassed in a hostile situation anymore, or to be scared because I

don't know what's coming next.

I don't know why I attracted a BP boss into my life, but I interpreted it as

exposure therapy, and tried to learn what I could. It did help me get over my

PTSD in a large way. However, I am so unhappy and no one in the administration

above her seems interested. It makes me realize how many people don't see BPs

as dangerous and crazy as they are. One administrator told me " oh she's just

flaky " . I've started to name BPD, whereas before I didn't. Now I say it: " I do

believe she has borderline personality disorder " . Most people have no idea

what that is.

My experience of life is so wierd. I am thankful that this group exists,

because so few people have to deal with a BP up close and personal. Like the

people at my work, they see the positive sides of a BP, and have no idea of

their capacities for destruction. I know my nada ruined a lot of my life, and

it has cost me years to rebuild my life...

I don't want to sound really super negative, but I am just so frustrated, and

scared of losing my job in this economy. Why have I had to deal with so many

BPs in this lifetime? A friend of mine suggested that following the idea of

karma, maybe I was a BP in a past lifetime... I wish there was an island escape

I could go to where there would be a guarantee of no BPs... there are so many

of them, and I always seem to find them!

Why do I attract so many BPs? Is this going to change??? I thought by dealing

with my boss, I would undo whatever energy I carry that attracts BPs, and I hope

that is true. I wish most of all for this new year that I can be around people

that see me for my highest potential and encourage the good in me. Please help

me get there...

Thanks, thanks for reading this vent. It's so good to know you are there!

Walkingto Happiness.