Painful anniversary for me

[Guest guest]

It may sound crazy, but I know the exact day that my mom stopped being my mom,

the unconditional love and warmness stopped, and i lost her to her unhealthy and

unrealistic expectations of me.

It was 30 years ago today.

And the only reason why I know this at all, is because it started the night

Lennon was killed. Otherwise, I wouldn't have remembered it with such clarity.

I won't go into it, because it's just too long...and I've been dealing with this

shit for 30 years now. Geez, 30 years.

I grieve the loss of my mom as I knew her, and for all the painful losses she

made me have. My life would have been different had she not waged a war against

me.

Yesterday, people remembered Pearl Harbor. They were allowed to grieve. My grief

is private and unexplainable. I lost many things over the years because of her.

And I didn't know how to stop it. So when Doug said...when will you give me a

mother...it hit home hard.

I'm having such a hard time today.

Amy