Guest guest Posted January 22, 2011 Report Share Posted January 22, 2011 Wow way interesting. i want to meet her. HA HA HA BPD Lite!!! I like that term. Reminds me of Tab. On Sat, Jan 22, 2011 at 12:25 PM, kyjohnson40days <kyjohnson40days@... > wrote: > > > Thanks for sharing that, Katrina-- > > Obviously, I asked her a lot of questions about her " recovery " process. She > credited a therapist who stuck with her for three years. It took intense > therapy several times a week for her to get to where she is. (Self-aware, > with all of the symptoms). She started very young. > > > > > >As an informal pastor, I often get together with folks I meet > > >at church to discuss life/spiritual issues. Last night, I met > > >with a young lady who was experiencing some difficulties. I > > >didn't know her well--we had only met 2 times. > > > > > >I asked her about her life story. In the middle of the story, > > >she said " I struggle a lot, because I have a mental > > >illness. It's not bi-polar, it's something called Borderline > > >Personality Disorder . . . " > > > > > >ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? > > > > > >With great restraint, I didn't run from the table immediately > > >and change my phone number. And I'm glad I didn't. > > > > > >Turns out, I found the holy grail. A BPD who acknowledges her > > >illness and fully owns her behavior. Yeah. I know. > > > > > >She described her life from a BPD's perspective. It was > > >amazing. She talked about how she gets triggered, and has > > >about 30 seconds before she completely disassociates. Then, > > >she " comes to " and looks around the room, checks out everyone's > > >non-verbals and quickly pieces together what she did. (Reading > > >non-verbals is a skill she does exceptionally well). > > > > > >She talked about how hard it is, because she alienates everyone > > >and she is a very social person. She said " It's not their > > >fault--I do these really crazy things and I'm not safe. " > > > > > >She talked about " hoovering " and how she intentionally > > >escalates her behavior to hook people back in once she's > > >alienated them. And it was interesting, because she described > > >it as something like an addiction: " I don't want to do it, but > > >I can't stop myself--it's like something else takes over, and I > > >have to get them back. " > > > > > >As we talked about a major life decision she's trying to make, > > >she said, several times, " I'm trying really hard to be in a > > >grey area here. You know everything is so black and white and > > >extreme--I have a hard time being balanced. " > > > > > >Of course, she admitted she's addicted to alcohol and engaging > > >in some very self-destructive behavior. I stayed far away from > > >that discussion. > > > > > >It was a conversation I thought I'd never have, and it was very > > >surreal experience. Imagine . . .discussing BPD with a > > > " recovering " BPD. I was even able to ask her some questions > > >about my mother. i.e., what is it like when you do this? > > > > > >Good news: BPDs who acknowledge themselves as the problem do > > >exist! > > > > > >Bad news: Even with all of her amazing self-awareness . . . > > >none of the behaviors have changed. She's still getting fired > > >wherever she goes, lies as easily as she breathes (since she > > >creates her own reality on the spot) and is so destructive her > > >family won't be around her. > > > > > >It's like a hope with no hope. > > > > > >Blessings, > > >Karla > > > > -- > > Katrina > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Karla, thanks for sharing this with us, but I feel I'm a lot like Charlie (jaded) - I got the same impression that she was using the convo to prove to herself she is good. I'm glad you were able to get that moment of insight & clarity from a BPD, but the jaded/paranoid part of me says - be careful. Mia On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 5:21 PM, charlottehoneychurch < charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote: > > > Hi Karla, > > Wow! Thanks for this detailed account, it's really fascinating. I have to > say that, in many years on the board, I've seen a few KOs describe moments > or cycles of ludicity in the bpd. During that time, they seem to admit and > comprehend *everything*, just like this parishioner of yours...but then, > sadly, they fall right back into denial and their normal ways. My own nada > once said to me that she 'had this even in [her]' and she didn't understand > it or where it came from. That contrition lasted about 24 hours... I'm sorry > to be such a cynic, but I almost feel like this bpd was using her > conversation with you, where she said all the right, contrite things, to > prove to herself she was 'good' even though her family wouldn't talk to her. > I am very jaded though, so please don't be discouraged by my impression! > > --Charlie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 My nada said something similar to my dad before I was born. Apparently she told him, " There's something terribly wrong with me " . He said she used to tell him quite a lot that she thought she was awful/bad/evil whatever. All I can say now is this... gee, you don't say?!?! On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 5:39 PM, charlottehoneychurch < charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote: > > > Oops, that was supposed to say 'evil', not 'even'. Sorry everybody! My nada > said to me once that 'she had this EVIL in her' that she could not control. > She seemed so sincerely upset about it! But only because it made her 'bad', > not because she had hurt me...because 24 hours later she was back to hurting > me again. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 My nada said something similar to my dad before I was born. Apparently she told him, " There's something terribly wrong with me " . He said she used to tell him quite a lot that she thought she was awful/bad/evil whatever. All I can say now is this... gee, you don't say?!?! On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 5:39 PM, charlottehoneychurch < charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote: > > > Oops, that was supposed to say 'evil', not 'even'. Sorry everybody! My nada > said to me once that 'she had this EVIL in her' that she could not control. > She seemed so sincerely upset about it! But only because it made her 'bad', > not because she had hurt me...because 24 hours later she was back to hurting > me again. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 My nada said something similar to my dad before I was born. Apparently she told him, " There's something terribly wrong with me " . He said she used to tell him quite a lot that she thought she was awful/bad/evil whatever. All I can say now is this... gee, you don't say?!?! On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 5:39 PM, charlottehoneychurch < charlottehoneychurch@...> wrote: > > > Oops, that was supposed to say 'evil', not 'even'. Sorry everybody! My nada > said to me once that 'she had this EVIL in her' that she could not control. > She seemed so sincerely upset about it! But only because it made her 'bad', > not because she had hurt me...because 24 hours later she was back to hurting > me again. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 " For me, it brought a very intense place of new understanding. It wasn't the start of a beautiful friendship, it wasn't a redemption of my mother's wrongs, and it wasn't an excuse for any behavior. It was just a new place of understanding. " I'm so glad you had that opportunity, Karla! I can see how it would be very interesting and I'm really glad you shared your experience here with us. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 " For me, it brought a very intense place of new understanding. It wasn't the start of a beautiful friendship, it wasn't a redemption of my mother's wrongs, and it wasn't an excuse for any behavior. It was just a new place of understanding. " I'm so glad you had that opportunity, Karla! I can see how it would be very interesting and I'm really glad you shared your experience here with us. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 " For me, it brought a very intense place of new understanding. It wasn't the start of a beautiful friendship, it wasn't a redemption of my mother's wrongs, and it wasn't an excuse for any behavior. It was just a new place of understanding. " I'm so glad you had that opportunity, Karla! I can see how it would be very interesting and I'm really glad you shared your experience here with us. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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