Re: feel like a horrible person -MIA

[Guest guest]

This is tough. I have been a foster parent, so I think the issues you're

talking about. I have a few tips that might help.

One, what is your before bed routine? Is he getting caffiene or sugar before

bed? Let him have some sort of snack before bed -- warm milk or something

soothing. Perhaps you could also talk to your doctor about giving him some

melatonin to help him relax. It's all natural, but I'd ask the ped first to be

safe.

Second, have you tried having like a family night on Saturday nights? When my

kids get excited over something (christmas or a birthday or the first day of

school), they will sometimes have trouble sleeping. About an hour before their

normal bedtime, we wind down. If it's a weekend, we will sometimes all get our

sleeping bags and sleep in the family room with a kid movie on. They fall

asleep 30 minutes into it. We did it last night and all watched Marmaduke. The

kids had a blast although I was vacuuming popcorn out of the carpet at 7 am this

morning...haha.

Also, maybe come up with some sort of reward for him if he stays in bed. Get a

jar and put some tickets in it. If he goes to bed every time you have him for a

month, then at the end, he can get something special with his tickets. Take him

to Target and let him pick out a toy.

Obviously he's a torn little guy with a parents divorce and a bpd mom all by 4

years old. That's a lot for him. I'm not telling you to overindulge him or

ignore bad behavior. There are consequences. Yelling at him is probably

agitating him worst. And believe me, I have been 2 clicks away from selling my

youngest son on ebay a few times (kidding, but not haha). He's a handful and a

bit strong willed. He's also been through a lot (we adopted him from foster

care and he's 8 now).

Also, I'd get him checked out medically. There may be something else going on.

My son was acting up in class last year and it turned out that he really needed

glasses. I felt bad for not recognizing it sooner, but he was in 2nd grade, so

it's hard to know when they can't describe things. He's also lactose intolerant

and was having some tummy issues. So I'm just saying, he's only 4, maybe get

his wellbeing looked at first.

It may take him some time to adjust to your rules and plans, but give him a few

months. Kids are like little sponges and they're not deliberately trying to

make you mad...they react based on how they feel because they have no impulse

control and no ability to express it in words. They express in actions. So take

his climbing out of bed screaming as, " PLEASE HELP ME. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG

HERE AND I DON'T LIKE IT. " Maybe if you can think of it that way, it can ease

your frustration level.

Hope it helps some.

Please feel free to email me privately if you ever want to talk.

Re: feel like a horrible person

>

> it's 4:30am... step son (SS) won't sleep. He's 4. His mother is a nada,

> most likely BPD. At her house, he gets to stay up till god knows when

> because she's up all night drinking. then here, we have a bed time, etc.

> He is up all night every saturday night screaming, yelling & throwing a

> fit. The kid is always in a horrible mood when we have him. He's such an

> ANGRY little guy! It BREAKS my heart but I am so fed up!

>

> He's been screaming & throwing a tantrum on and off since 12:40... 10

> minutes after I layed down for bed. This is how it happens every weekend.

> It's ALWAYS 5 - 10 mins after I lie down, no matter what time that is. I

> DON'T get it! He has radar. This last time he started, I actually yelled

> " God D*** it " really loud. I feel horrible. But I am about ready to pull

> my hair out!

>

> I think fiance needs to take SS for a psych eval. Our T agrees because SS

> is so so angry all the time!. But fiance NEEDS TO DO THE LEGWORK to make it

> happen. I've checked out a couple of options that SS is sadly too old for.

> Fiance needs to find someone privately and pronto. Other wise I feel like

> I'm going to be the one to end up in the nut house!

>

> I'm sorry. I feel awful for the kids and their situation, but yes, I'm very

> upset over this. We have to deal with no sleep every saturday night! I

> don't think fiance has any idea how that effects me, especially with

> fibromyalgia! When I don't get enough sleep I hurt so bad. So every Sunday

> is a day full of awful pain for me.

>

> I don't know if SS is old enough or if he's developmentally delayed (my

> suspicion) too much to handle the staying over night stuff. I have no idea

> what to do about this. And I feel like a monster right now for screaming

> G-D it earlier! That's so not like me, but I am at my wits end =( Not that

> that's an excuse.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent. It's a tough situation and fiance's ex

> definetly triggers me... ugh. Just don't know what to do.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This is tough. I have been a foster parent, so I think the issues you're

talking about. I have a few tips that might help.

One, what is your before bed routine? Is he getting caffiene or sugar before

bed? Let him have some sort of snack before bed -- warm milk or something

soothing. Perhaps you could also talk to your doctor about giving him some

melatonin to help him relax. It's all natural, but I'd ask the ped first to be

safe.

Second, have you tried having like a family night on Saturday nights? When my

kids get excited over something (christmas or a birthday or the first day of

school), they will sometimes have trouble sleeping. About an hour before their

normal bedtime, we wind down. If it's a weekend, we will sometimes all get our

sleeping bags and sleep in the family room with a kid movie on. They fall

asleep 30 minutes into it. We did it last night and all watched Marmaduke. The

kids had a blast although I was vacuuming popcorn out of the carpet at 7 am this

morning...haha.

Also, maybe come up with some sort of reward for him if he stays in bed. Get a

jar and put some tickets in it. If he goes to bed every time you have him for a

month, then at the end, he can get something special with his tickets. Take him

to Target and let him pick out a toy.

Obviously he's a torn little guy with a parents divorce and a bpd mom all by 4

years old. That's a lot for him. I'm not telling you to overindulge him or

ignore bad behavior. There are consequences. Yelling at him is probably

agitating him worst. And believe me, I have been 2 clicks away from selling my

youngest son on ebay a few times (kidding, but not haha). He's a handful and a

bit strong willed. He's also been through a lot (we adopted him from foster

care and he's 8 now).

Also, I'd get him checked out medically. There may be something else going on.

My son was acting up in class last year and it turned out that he really needed

glasses. I felt bad for not recognizing it sooner, but he was in 2nd grade, so

it's hard to know when they can't describe things. He's also lactose intolerant

and was having some tummy issues. So I'm just saying, he's only 4, maybe get

his wellbeing looked at first.

It may take him some time to adjust to your rules and plans, but give him a few

months. Kids are like little sponges and they're not deliberately trying to

make you mad...they react based on how they feel because they have no impulse

control and no ability to express it in words. They express in actions. So take

his climbing out of bed screaming as, " PLEASE HELP ME. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG

HERE AND I DON'T LIKE IT. " Maybe if you can think of it that way, it can ease

your frustration level.

Hope it helps some.

Please feel free to email me privately if you ever want to talk.

Re: feel like a horrible person

>

> it's 4:30am... step son (SS) won't sleep. He's 4. His mother is a nada,

> most likely BPD. At her house, he gets to stay up till god knows when

> because she's up all night drinking. then here, we have a bed time, etc.

> He is up all night every saturday night screaming, yelling & throwing a

> fit. The kid is always in a horrible mood when we have him. He's such an

> ANGRY little guy! It BREAKS my heart but I am so fed up!

>

> He's been screaming & throwing a tantrum on and off since 12:40... 10

> minutes after I layed down for bed. This is how it happens every weekend.

> It's ALWAYS 5 - 10 mins after I lie down, no matter what time that is. I

> DON'T get it! He has radar. This last time he started, I actually yelled

> " God D*** it " really loud. I feel horrible. But I am about ready to pull

> my hair out!

>

> I think fiance needs to take SS for a psych eval. Our T agrees because SS

> is so so angry all the time!. But fiance NEEDS TO DO THE LEGWORK to make it

> happen. I've checked out a couple of options that SS is sadly too old for.

> Fiance needs to find someone privately and pronto. Other wise I feel like

> I'm going to be the one to end up in the nut house!

>

> I'm sorry. I feel awful for the kids and their situation, but yes, I'm very

> upset over this. We have to deal with no sleep every saturday night! I

> don't think fiance has any idea how that effects me, especially with

> fibromyalgia! When I don't get enough sleep I hurt so bad. So every Sunday

> is a day full of awful pain for me.

>

> I don't know if SS is old enough or if he's developmentally delayed (my

> suspicion) too much to handle the staying over night stuff. I have no idea

> what to do about this. And I feel like a monster right now for screaming

> G-D it earlier! That's so not like me, but I am at my wits end =( Not that

> that's an excuse.

>

> Thanks for letting me vent. It's a tough situation and fiance's ex

> definetly triggers me... ugh. Just don't know what to do.

>

> Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Best of luck to you, you have a generous heart wanting to help parent this

little boy who I agree seems to be showing developmental delays and possibly

symptoms of ADD and/or Oppositional-Defiant Disorder. Or, those behaviors may

instead possibly be the result of never being on a stable, standard wake/sleep

cycle. His mother truly does sound like she is neglecting him to the degree

that would be considered abusive and warrants having him removed from his

mother; I agree that living with stable, compassionate, mentally healthy foster

parents would be better for him. He does need regular, normal routines,

appropriate attention and supervision, rewards for good behavior and

consequences for bad behavior but in a loving context, in other words, good

parenting, and it sounds like you can provide that. But your good parenting two

days out of the week can't cancel out the other 5 days of abuse and neglect, at

his age.

I hope you and your fiance can find something that works toward the best

interest of this child; knowing that a little kid is being mistreated but being

helpless to prevent it is just heartbreaking.

-Annie

> > >

> > > it's 4:30am... step son (SS) won't sleep. He's 4. His mother is a nada,

> > > most likely BPD. At her house, he gets to stay up till god knows when

> > > because she's up all night drinking. then here, we have a bed time, etc.

> > > He is up all night every saturday night screaming, yelling & throwing a

> > > fit. The kid is always in a horrible mood when we have him. He's such an

> > > ANGRY little guy! It BREAKS my heart but I am so fed up!

> > >

> > > He's been screaming & throwing a tantrum on and off since 12:40... 10

> > > minutes after I layed down for bed. This is how it happens every weekend.

> > > It's ALWAYS 5 - 10 mins after I lie down, no matter what time that is. I

> > > DON'T get it! He has radar. This last time he started, I actually yelled

> > > " God D*** it " really loud. I feel horrible. But I am about ready to pull

> > > my hair out!

> > >

> > > I think fiance needs to take SS for a psych eval. Our T agrees because SS

> > > is so so angry all the time!. But fiance NEEDS TO DO THE LEGWORK to make

> > it

> > > happen. I've checked out a couple of options that SS is sadly too old

> > for.

> > > Fiance needs to find someone privately and pronto. Other wise I feel like

> > > I'm going to be the one to end up in the nut house!

> > >

> > > I'm sorry. I feel awful for the kids and their situation, but yes, I'm

> > very

> > > upset over this. We have to deal with no sleep every saturday night! I

> > > don't think fiance has any idea how that effects me, especially with

> > > fibromyalgia! When I don't get enough sleep I hurt so bad. So every

> > Sunday

> > > is a day full of awful pain for me.

> > >

> > > I don't know if SS is old enough or if he's developmentally delayed (my

> > > suspicion) too much to handle the staying over night stuff. I have no

> > idea

> > > what to do about this. And I feel like a monster right now for screaming

> > > G-D it earlier! That's so not like me, but I am at my wits end =( Not

> > that

> > > that's an excuse.

> > >

> > > Thanks for letting me vent. It's a tough situation and fiance's ex

> > > definetly triggers me... ugh. Just don't know what to do.

> > >

> > > Mia

> > >

> > >

> > >