The dangerous teeter-totter

[Guest guest]

Yeah Ellie!

And back to the title of this post..... just wanted to say that I am really

struggling with thoughts of restriction today. I feel so FAT, fatter than I was

last week, last month, last season, and it feels so awful, and I was trying to

figure out why I was feeling so crappy, and I think it's because the clothes I

am wearing are too tight. I need to do laundry, so all the clothes I know feel

good are too dirty to wear to work, and these pants are way too tight, and my

bra is too tight, and and my shirt doesn't go down far anough because my stomach

goes out too far now, and overall I feel stuffed in my clothes, ready to burst

at the seams. And if this is how someone feels, then of course that person

needs to DO something, and isn't the only thing to do restrict. Perhaps it's

time to re-read the section about honoring your body in the IE book. Or perhaps

it's time to go shopping again, and get more clothes that actually fit, but I

can't just keep getting fatter and fatter. But I can't restrict either. I know

where that leads. Right now, even contemplating restriction, however idly, I,m

thinking I need to eat eat eat, because if I restrict I won't have those things

anymore.

Why is this all such a teeter-totter? Why can't progress be a smooth slope

upward, or forward, or whatever direction one likes to think about. Why can,t

we all be thin, naturally, or at least thin enough to fit in our clothes?

I wonder if there are any bigger pants in my attic that I didn't take to the

Goodwill eight years ago.....

Sigh.

Tilley