Re: Final message... - Photos

October 17, 2011

You know, oddly, I can look at pictures of other large women and see how pretty

they are. Not like they don't look heavy or that there are never unflattering

angles, or anything, but I can see beauty in their faces or see that even though

they may be larger, they look strong, or well-proportioned, or that their outfit

is flattering, or what have you. But I can never see that in my own photos.

All I can see is what's wrong and how huge I look, or a thousand other flaws.

It's actually one of the reasons I could never bring myself to try online

dating. I would never be able to bare the thought of my photo out there being

scrutinized by god and everyone. Makes me shudder just to think about it. It's

a brave gesture to keep taking pictures of yourself to overcome this reaction.

I'm not sure I could do it.

Josie

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> Subject: Re: Final message... .

> Date: Monday, October 17, 2011, 4:32 PM

>

> Mmmm, good thought. I have had very few pictures taken of me in recent years

and most are awful. Some are quite nice though. And I notice that when I'm down

on myself I look terrible in the mirror. But when I'm feelng ok, I look good to

me. It's that perfectionism - even at 19 and thin (relatively) I thought I had a

huge behind and that I was grotesque. I'm still tied in knots over all of this

today though; I'll have to really think about what got me so bent out of shape.

Not sure.

>

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