Re: How Do You Answer Nada When She Accuses.... Mirroring

[Guest guest]

To elaborate on this thread.... I pulled some old documents which I saved from

my counselling sessions. I found the exercise which illustrates communication

in a context called " Mirroring "

In case anyone is interested, this is an AMAZING tool for people who can't

listen and/or don't seem to think you are listening to them. It's harder than it

seems at first, but when used (even partially) can yield fantastic results in

terms of validating, deflecting, and diffusing difficult conversations. (Or

during rediculous nada accusations!!!) You can print this, and use it as a

script, for others to use on you, or vice versa. Give it a whirl KOs!!!

PART I:

Say what you heard:

" If I heard you correctly,..... "

Check that you heard what the other intended:

" Did I get that right? "

Ask for other information in a way that sounds like you want to hear:

" Is there more about that? "

Repeat until the other says there is no more or no more for now.

PART II:

Speculate why the opinion you have heard makes sense FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

" It makes sense you see it that way because..... "

If you are not sure how it makes sense how another sees things, say:

I imagine it might make sense you see it that way because..... "

If you can't get it right, ask the other to explain it.

PART III:

Guess at what feelings the other has while talking about the situation:

" I'd guess you might feel sad, hurt, and confused. Are those the feelings you

have? "

Ask if there are other feelings. *END*

Covey's hilarious anecdote, that I just HAVE to add:

A father once told me, " I can't understand my kid. He just won't listen to me

at all. "

" Let me restate what you just said, " I replied. " You don't understand your son

because he won't listen to you.? "

" That's right, " he replied.

" Let me try again, " I said. " You don't understand your son because *he* won't

listen to you? "

" That's what I said, " he impatiently replied.

" I thought that to understand another person, *you* needed to listen to *him*, I

suggested.

SOUNDS LIKE THE SON IN THIS SITUATION BELONGS ON WTO!!!!