Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Thanks, Val. I think I eat to stuff the worries back down. Swallow the fear. And so on. Also, it creates a distraction from what I don't want to think about.Self-analysis going on here....I just have to figure out some things and make some decisions and take some steps and no one is going to do it for me. It involves my 90-yr-old mother, mostly.Thanks so much.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 4:58 PM Subject: Re: Scared Dear Ellie, ugh! Thats so true! I get a weird feeling in my stomach when I worry, and I eat to "fill" it. Only it never works! Oh how much I hate it! I didn't realize I did it until about 6 months ago. I haven't stopped doing it (eating to try and make the worried feeling go away)entirely, but realizing it has been a good 1st step to stopping it. I am also scared of confronting things, but FORCE myself to do so,(nervous sweating and all included). After, that feeling goes away and I feel accomplished and proud. My therapist had me start by just listing my worries (no matter how irrational they really are) because they are not irrational to me at the time I'm worrying. I can then choose to deal with them (sometimes it takes me days/weeks to build up my nerve to confront things). I hope every thing is OK. Anxiety is a terrible feeling! Val > > There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > > > Ellie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Elly,I understand what you're going through....I'm going through the same thing with my mom who is 87. I do have a sister to help, but she lives in Belgium so most help is moral support. She is visiting til Jan. 21st. We are working together to get some things accomplished, but I sure will miss her when she goes back. It's one thing to be responsible for your kids...it's a whole different ball game when it is a parent.Carole To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 5:39:26 PM Subject: Re: Re: Scared Thanks, Val. I think I eat to stuff the worries back down. Swallow the fear. And so on. Also, it creates a distraction from what I don't want to think about.Self-analysis going on here....I just have to figure out some things and make some decisions and take some steps and no one is going to do it for me. It involves my 90-yr-old mother, mostly.Thanks so much.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 4:58 PM Subject: Re: Scared Dear Ellie, ugh! Thats so true! I get a weird feeling in my stomach when I worry, and I eat to "fill" it. Only it never works! Oh how much I hate it! I didn't realize I did it until about 6 months ago. I haven't stopped doing it (eating to try and make the worried feeling go away)entirely, but realizing it has been a good 1st step to stopping it. I am also scared of confronting things, but FORCE myself to do so,(nervous sweating and all included). After, that feeling goes away and I feel accomplished and proud. My therapist had me start by just listing my worries (no matter how irrational they really are) because they are not irrational to me at the time I'm worrying. I can then choose to deal with them (sometimes it takes me days/weeks to build up my nerve to confront things). I hope every thing is OK. Anxiety is a terrible feeling! Val > > There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > > > Ellie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Elly,I understand what you're going through....I'm going through the same thing with my mom who is 87. I do have a sister to help, but she lives in Belgium so most help is moral support. She is visiting til Jan. 21st. We are working together to get some things accomplished, but I sure will miss her when she goes back. It's one thing to be responsible for your kids...it's a whole different ball game when it is a parent.Carole To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 5:39:26 PM Subject: Re: Re: Scared Thanks, Val. I think I eat to stuff the worries back down. Swallow the fear. And so on. Also, it creates a distraction from what I don't want to think about.Self-analysis going on here....I just have to figure out some things and make some decisions and take some steps and no one is going to do it for me. It involves my 90-yr-old mother, mostly.Thanks so much.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 4:58 PM Subject: Re: Scared Dear Ellie, ugh! Thats so true! I get a weird feeling in my stomach when I worry, and I eat to "fill" it. Only it never works! Oh how much I hate it! I didn't realize I did it until about 6 months ago. I haven't stopped doing it (eating to try and make the worried feeling go away)entirely, but realizing it has been a good 1st step to stopping it. I am also scared of confronting things, but FORCE myself to do so,(nervous sweating and all included). After, that feeling goes away and I feel accomplished and proud. My therapist had me start by just listing my worries (no matter how irrational they really are) because they are not irrational to me at the time I'm worrying. I can then choose to deal with them (sometimes it takes me days/weeks to build up my nerve to confront things). I hope every thing is OK. Anxiety is a terrible feeling! Val > > There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > > > Ellie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Elly,I understand what you're going through....I'm going through the same thing with my mom who is 87. I do have a sister to help, but she lives in Belgium so most help is moral support. She is visiting til Jan. 21st. We are working together to get some things accomplished, but I sure will miss her when she goes back. It's one thing to be responsible for your kids...it's a whole different ball game when it is a parent.Carole To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 5:39:26 PM Subject: Re: Re: Scared Thanks, Val. I think I eat to stuff the worries back down. Swallow the fear. And so on. Also, it creates a distraction from what I don't want to think about.Self-analysis going on here....I just have to figure out some things and make some decisions and take some steps and no one is going to do it for me. It involves my 90-yr-old mother, mostly.Thanks so much.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 4:58 PM Subject: Re: Scared Dear Ellie, ugh! Thats so true! I get a weird feeling in my stomach when I worry, and I eat to "fill" it. Only it never works! Oh how much I hate it! I didn't realize I did it until about 6 months ago. I haven't stopped doing it (eating to try and make the worried feeling go away)entirely, but realizing it has been a good 1st step to stopping it. I am also scared of confronting things, but FORCE myself to do so,(nervous sweating and all included). After, that feeling goes away and I feel accomplished and proud. My therapist had me start by just listing my worries (no matter how irrational they really are) because they are not irrational to me at the time I'm worrying. I can then choose to deal with them (sometimes it takes me days/weeks to build up my nerve to confront things). I hope every thing is OK. Anxiety is a terrible feeling! Val > > There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > > > Ellie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Ellie and Carole, My heart goes out to both of you. We've been going through some stuff this week with my mom, so I sure understand. Ellie, I'm sure you'll make the right decision for your mom and yourself. My prayers are with you. To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Monday, January 9, 2012 12:10 AM Subject: Re: Re: Scared Elly,I understand what you're going through....I'm going through the same thing with my mom who is 87. I do have a sister to help, but she lives in Belgium so most help is moral support. She is visiting til Jan. 21st. We are working together to get some things accomplished, but I sure will miss her when she goes back. It's one thing to be responsible for your kids...it's a whole different ball game when it is a parent.Carole To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support > Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 5:39:26 PM Subject: Re: Re: Scared Thanks, Val. I think I eat to stuff the worries back down. Swallow the fear. And so on. Also, it creates a distraction from what I don't want to think about.Self-analysis going on here....I just have to figure out some things and make some decisions and take some steps and no one is going to do it for me. It involves my 90-yr-old mother, mostly.Thanks so much.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Sunday, January 8, 2012 4:58 PM Subject: Re: Scared Dear Ellie, ugh! Thats so true! I get a weird feeling in my stomach when I worry, and I eat to "fill" it. Only it never works! Oh how much I hate it! I didn't realize I did it until about 6 months ago. I haven't stopped doing it (eating to try and make the worried feeling go away)entirely, but realizing it has been a good 1st step to stopping it. I am also scared of confronting things, but FORCE myself to do so,(nervous sweating and all included). After, that feeling goes away and I feel accomplished and proud. My therapist had me start by just listing my worries (no matter how irrational they really are) because they are not irrational to me at the time I'm worrying. I can then choose to deal with them (sometimes it takes me days/weeks to build up my nerve to confront things). I hope every thing is OK. Anxiety is a terrible feeling! Val > > There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > > > Ellie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I have a son who will be 19 on the 20th so I can so relate! If you want to chat about 19yr. old son issues off line let me know. It is a unique challenge all of its own and it too plays into my eating and how I feel about myself as a parent Alana Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone --- Original Message --- Sent: January 8, 2012 1/8/12 To: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: Scared  My worries mostly have to do with my 19 year old son, and that's a great idea about Listing them them out. I had done that for awhile when I was waking up at 4am and not being able to go back to sleep for fretting about him, but I had sort of forgotten about that. I start reaching for food when my stomach starts clenching up, even though it really doesn't help. I hate conflict, and I think I eat a lot as a way to avoid it .... Thanks for the reminder..... Tillet > >> > >> There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > >> > >> > >> Ellie > >> > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 I have a son who will be 19 on the 20th so I can so relate! If you want to chat about 19yr. old son issues off line let me know. It is a unique challenge all of its own and it too plays into my eating and how I feel about myself as a parent Alana Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone --- Original Message --- Sent: January 8, 2012 1/8/12 To: IntuitiveEating_Support Subject: Re: Scared  My worries mostly have to do with my 19 year old son, and that's a great idea about Listing them them out. I had done that for awhile when I was waking up at 4am and not being able to go back to sleep for fretting about him, but I had sort of forgotten about that. I start reaching for food when my stomach starts clenching up, even though it really doesn't help. I hate conflict, and I think I eat a lot as a way to avoid it .... Thanks for the reminder..... Tillet > >> > >> There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > >> > >> > >> Ellie > >> > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 I, too, can really identify with the worries about elderly parents, and my heart goes out to others who are struggling with it. My parents are 91 and 92, and while they're still living at home, they need more and more help. My siblings and I are worried about the day when they can't live on their own. My father has been holding the household together -- my mother has mild dementia and wouldn't be able to live on her own. And now my father is slipping. It's very scary. We really don't want them to have to leave their home. My siblings and I have done quite a bit to get them help, and are working on getting another assessment to see if they qualify for more outside help. Unfortunately, my mother refused some of the help that they qualified for through the last assessment, and my father wanted to respect her decision. My sister and I are taking a course called "The Savvy Caregiver," at our local agency on aging. It starts tonight. I'm hoping it will help us find some answers, and it will definitely provide some support. The agencies on aging (as they're called around here; they may have a different name in different areas) are incredibly helpful. My siblings and I have been working with our local one for several years and have taken two seminars or courses there on how to help aging relatives. One of the classes was on Medicare, which helped us, too! Each of us siblings has our own purvue in helping our parents. My sister does some housework (they also qualified to have a worker come in and help for two hours a week), coordinates my mother's prescriptions with Dad, fills Mum's pill containers and tries to make sure she takes the meds. She helps my mother with her bath, because otherwise my mother would forget and never take one. I'm the paper work person, because, while I don't like paper work, I can tolerate it, and my sister can't. We all take them to appointments. My brother is currently checking out places that offer short-term care, in case something happens to my father and my mother needs a safe place to be before we get a permanent plan in place. My mother has an appointment for a geriatric assessment, which will help establish her needs as we try to get them more help. We're doing quite a bit, but the more we do, the more we know that the help offered for people in their income range (fixed-income, but not really in the poverty range) is limited. They and we can't afford day-and-night care for either of them, and they don't qualify for Medicaid. So there's a lot of uncertainty -- or rather, we know what will probably happen; we just don't know how to handle it given the resources available. My compulsive eating kicks in like crazy when I'm at their house, because I feel so stressed and they have ice cream, potato chips, and other foods that tempt me everywhere. White-knuckling it and trying to avoid the foods totally was not working at all; it was sending my stress level through the roof. Now I'm working on trying to calm myself in other ways when I'm there, and very gently allowing myself these foods. I just try to nudge myself to have one helping of ice cream instead of two. This new gentle attitude toward myself is helping, though I'm not where I'd like to be. Gotta go to work. I'm wishing everyone a peaceful and happy day! Sue Elly, I understand what you're going through....I'm going through the same thing with my mom who is 87. I do have a sister to help, but she lives in Belgium so most help is moral support. She is visiting til Jan. 21st. We are working together to get some things accomplished, but I sure will miss her when she goes back. It's one thing to be responsible for your kids...it's a whole different ball game when it is a parent. Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Ain't that the truth. I have anxiety and have learned to pay attention to those feelings rather than to stuff them down. Recently, I got a bill that I thought was way too much. Usually I would have stuffed the sick/worried feeling down and then felt the need to eat something to fill the void. But this time, I decided to stick with it. Yes, it was uncomfortable for a while, but I allowed myself the full spectrum of feelings, saying to myself, "yes, you just got some unsettling news; you can feel bad and worried and anxious about it." And I did. But you know what happened? After a while the feeling faded, I thought of a way to tackle the issue, and I felt free to move on. I didn't have to stuff it down with food or to wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because I had avoided thinking about it. Of course some issues are much bigger than my over-sized bill, but I think the same type of thing can work and I am trying it out. Mimi--- A>, EHamilton wrote:>> There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > > > Ellie> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Ain't that the truth. I have anxiety and have learned to pay attention to those feelings rather than to stuff them down. Recently, I got a bill that I thought was way too much. Usually I would have stuffed the sick/worried feeling down and then felt the need to eat something to fill the void. But this time, I decided to stick with it. Yes, it was uncomfortable for a while, but I allowed myself the full spectrum of feelings, saying to myself, "yes, you just got some unsettling news; you can feel bad and worried and anxious about it." And I did. But you know what happened? After a while the feeling faded, I thought of a way to tackle the issue, and I felt free to move on. I didn't have to stuff it down with food or to wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night because I had avoided thinking about it. Of course some issues are much bigger than my over-sized bill, but I think the same type of thing can work and I am trying it out. Mimi--- A>, EHamilton wrote:>> There are so many things I am worried about. Concerned, afraid, stymied, stumped, not knowing how it's going to turn out. Sometimes it's easier to eat something than to confront these things. > > > Ellie> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Sue, you sound like you have so much on your plate right now. But it also sounds like you have lots of family support, a very good attitude, and are utilizing all resources available to you and your parents. I applaud you for handling this difficult situation so well. You are also handling your eating beautifully by being kind to yourself and gently allowing the forbidden foods. Bravo. Mimi Subject: Re: Re: ScaredTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, January 10, 2012, 7:10 AM I, too, can really identify with the worries about elderly parents, and my heart goes out to others who are struggling with it. My parents are 91 and 92, and while they're still living at home, they need more and more help. My siblings and I are worried about the day when they can't live on their own. My father has been holding the household together -- my mother has mild dementia and wouldn't be able to live on her own. And now my father is slipping. It's very scary. We really don't want them to have to leave their home.My siblings and I have done quite a bit to get them help, and are working on getting another assessment to see if they qualify for more outside help. Unfortunately, my mother refused some of the help that they qualified for through the last assessment, and my father wanted to respect her decision. My sister and I are taking a course called "The Savvy Caregiver," at our local agency on aging. It starts tonight. I'm hoping it will help us find some answers, and it will definitely provide some support. The agencies on aging (as they're called around here; they may have a different name in different areas) are incredibly helpful. My siblings and I have been working with our local one for several years and have taken two seminars or courses there on how to help aging relatives. One of the classes was on Medicare, which helped us, too!Each of us siblings has our own purvue in helping our parents. My sister does some housework (they also qualified to have a worker come in and help for two hours a week), coordinates my mother's prescriptions with Dad, fills Mum's pill containers and tries to make sure she takes the meds. She helps my mother with her bath, because otherwise my mother would forget and never take one. I'm the paper work person, because, while I don't like paper work, I can tolerate it, and my sister can't. We all take them to appointments. My brother is currently checking out places that offer short-term care, in case something happens to my father and my mother needs a safe place to be before we get a permanent plan in place. My mother has an appointment for a geriatric assessment, which will help establish her needs as we try to get them more help.We're doing quite a bit, but the more we do, the more we know that the help offered for people in their income range (fixed-income, but not really in the poverty range) is limited. They and we can't afford day-and-night care for either of them, and they don't qualify for Medicaid. So there's a lot of uncertainty -- or rather, we know what will probably happen; we just don't know how to handle it given the resources available.My compulsive eating kicks in like crazy when I'm at their house, because I feel so stressed and they have ice cream, potato chips, and other foods that tempt me everywhere. White-knuckling it and trying to avoid the foods totally was not working at all; it was sending my stress level through the roof. Now I'm working on trying to calm myself in other ways when I'm there, and very gently allowing myself these foods. I just try to nudge myself to have one helping of ice cream instead of two. This new gentle attitude toward myself is helping, though I'm not where I'd like to be.Gotta go to work. I'm wishing everyone a peaceful and happy day!Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Sue, you sound like you have so much on your plate right now. But it also sounds like you have lots of family support, a very good attitude, and are utilizing all resources available to you and your parents. I applaud you for handling this difficult situation so well. You are also handling your eating beautifully by being kind to yourself and gently allowing the forbidden foods. Bravo. Mimi Subject: Re: Re: ScaredTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Tuesday, January 10, 2012, 7:10 AM I, too, can really identify with the worries about elderly parents, and my heart goes out to others who are struggling with it. My parents are 91 and 92, and while they're still living at home, they need more and more help. My siblings and I are worried about the day when they can't live on their own. My father has been holding the household together -- my mother has mild dementia and wouldn't be able to live on her own. And now my father is slipping. It's very scary. We really don't want them to have to leave their home.My siblings and I have done quite a bit to get them help, and are working on getting another assessment to see if they qualify for more outside help. Unfortunately, my mother refused some of the help that they qualified for through the last assessment, and my father wanted to respect her decision. My sister and I are taking a course called "The Savvy Caregiver," at our local agency on aging. It starts tonight. I'm hoping it will help us find some answers, and it will definitely provide some support. The agencies on aging (as they're called around here; they may have a different name in different areas) are incredibly helpful. My siblings and I have been working with our local one for several years and have taken two seminars or courses there on how to help aging relatives. One of the classes was on Medicare, which helped us, too!Each of us siblings has our own purvue in helping our parents. My sister does some housework (they also qualified to have a worker come in and help for two hours a week), coordinates my mother's prescriptions with Dad, fills Mum's pill containers and tries to make sure she takes the meds. She helps my mother with her bath, because otherwise my mother would forget and never take one. I'm the paper work person, because, while I don't like paper work, I can tolerate it, and my sister can't. We all take them to appointments. My brother is currently checking out places that offer short-term care, in case something happens to my father and my mother needs a safe place to be before we get a permanent plan in place. My mother has an appointment for a geriatric assessment, which will help establish her needs as we try to get them more help.We're doing quite a bit, but the more we do, the more we know that the help offered for people in their income range (fixed-income, but not really in the poverty range) is limited. They and we can't afford day-and-night care for either of them, and they don't qualify for Medicaid. So there's a lot of uncertainty -- or rather, we know what will probably happen; we just don't know how to handle it given the resources available.My compulsive eating kicks in like crazy when I'm at their house, because I feel so stressed and they have ice cream, potato chips, and other foods that tempt me everywhere. White-knuckling it and trying to avoid the foods totally was not working at all; it was sending my stress level through the roof. Now I'm working on trying to calm myself in other ways when I'm there, and very gently allowing myself these foods. I just try to nudge myself to have one helping of ice cream instead of two. This new gentle attitude toward myself is helping, though I'm not where I'd like to be.Gotta go to work. I'm wishing everyone a peaceful and happy day!Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Thank you so much, Mimi. I really appreciate those kind words. Sue Sue, you sound like you have so much on your plate right now. But it also sounds like you have lots of family support, a very good attitude, and are utilizing all resources available to you and your parents. I applaud you for handling this difficult situation so well. You are also handling your eating beautifully by being kind to yourself and gently allowing the forbidden foods. Bravo. Mimi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Thank you so much, Mimi. I really appreciate those kind words. Sue Sue, you sound like you have so much on your plate right now. But it also sounds like you have lots of family support, a very good attitude, and are utilizing all resources available to you and your parents. I applaud you for handling this difficult situation so well. You are also handling your eating beautifully by being kind to yourself and gently allowing the forbidden foods. Bravo. Mimi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Thank you so much, Mimi. I really appreciate those kind words. Sue Sue, you sound like you have so much on your plate right now. But it also sounds like you have lots of family support, a very good attitude, and are utilizing all resources available to you and your parents. I applaud you for handling this difficult situation so well. You are also handling your eating beautifully by being kind to yourself and gently allowing the forbidden foods. Bravo. Mimi. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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