Re: I'm so discouraged

[Guest guest]

Tilley, I can relate. I went up 4 sizes in pants but seemed to have levelled off.  I got weighted at the MD's office and my weight is the same as is was 6 months ago.I had gained weight before then. I winder if it would really be nicer to live in a world where no one would ever gain or lose an OUNCE.  Of course that is not reality nor is it ever going to be.  But I wonder what that world would really look like. Maybe not as great as we think? I understand about not wanting to get any bigger.  I was impressed with the next part of your post, about all the things that are going well.  You have made a lot of great progress.  Don't let the size of your pants ruin it for you and take away all that you have accomplished.

 

I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger either. I still can't keep sweets in the house, or baked goods.  And I don't always stop when I am full but I still eat emotionally when I am not hungry.  So each of us has a different journey and that's the important word JOURNEY.  I have to remind myself that I didn't get where I am over night.  It took years and it may take a little while to get IE better.  I am glad you are not going to wear pants that are too tight and getting some nice tops too. Sandy

Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another round of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops to wear to work that actually look good.

Sigh.

Tilley

[Guest guest]

Tilley, I can relate. I went up 4 sizes in pants but seemed to have levelled off.  I got weighted at the MD's office and my weight is the same as is was 6 months ago.I had gained weight before then. I winder if it would really be nicer to live in a world where no one would ever gain or lose an OUNCE.  Of course that is not reality nor is it ever going to be.  But I wonder what that world would really look like. Maybe not as great as we think? I understand about not wanting to get any bigger.  I was impressed with the next part of your post, about all the things that are going well.  You have made a lot of great progress.  Don't let the size of your pants ruin it for you and take away all that you have accomplished.

 

I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger either. I still can't keep sweets in the house, or baked goods.  And I don't always stop when I am full but I still eat emotionally when I am not hungry.  So each of us has a different journey and that's the important word JOURNEY.  I have to remind myself that I didn't get where I am over night.  It took years and it may take a little while to get IE better.  I am glad you are not going to wear pants that are too tight and getting some nice tops too. Sandy

Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another round of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops to wear to work that actually look good.

Sigh.

Tilley

[Guest guest]

Tilley, I can relate. I went up 4 sizes in pants but seemed to have levelled off.  I got weighted at the MD's office and my weight is the same as is was 6 months ago.I had gained weight before then. I winder if it would really be nicer to live in a world where no one would ever gain or lose an OUNCE.  Of course that is not reality nor is it ever going to be.  But I wonder what that world would really look like. Maybe not as great as we think? I understand about not wanting to get any bigger.  I was impressed with the next part of your post, about all the things that are going well.  You have made a lot of great progress.  Don't let the size of your pants ruin it for you and take away all that you have accomplished.

 

I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger either. I still can't keep sweets in the house, or baked goods.  And I don't always stop when I am full but I still eat emotionally when I am not hungry.  So each of us has a different journey and that's the important word JOURNEY.  I have to remind myself that I didn't get where I am over night.  It took years and it may take a little while to get IE better.  I am glad you are not going to wear pants that are too tight and getting some nice tops too. Sandy

Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another round of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops to wear to work that actually look good.

Sigh.

Tilley

[Guest guest]

Tilley I hear you! One of the biggest difficulties I had my first year with IE

was that I got to where I couldn't fit in my beloved jeans. I had to - gasp and

horrors! - end up sewing some 'old lady' pants that would be more comfortable. I

left those jeans in a drawer for 'later' and there they sat, reminding me of how

I so wanted to wear them but couldn't. I got pretty good at making some nice

'old lady' pants and was even able to wear the less nice ones for everyday/work

pants that I didn't have to worry if I ruined. After a couple of years I finally

decided that the jeans in my drawer weren't doing me any good - too much a bit

of diet mentality attached to them - so I donated them to a charity thrift

store. Yesterday I needed some 'around the house' pants (rest in wash) so gave a

try to some previous (smaller) 'old lady' pants that were buried in another

drawer. Oh MY! I could get into them without them being uncomfortable! Thoughts

of remorse over letting go of those jeans came to mind. But I also remembered

that I had made that decision based upon what was best for me at that time AND I

was grateful that I didn't need the jeans to 'prove' a darn thing to myself. In

fact I was afraid that I would be making the JEANS the 'proof' of success or not

for myself. I now realize that perhaps I am out of my 'jeans' phase - maybe it

was a vain attempt to hold onto a 'youthful' (maybe rebel?) look?!?

I understand that you concern isn't about the PANTS per se, but your own view

and ability to care for yourself (in a healthy way). Its also hard, and not

recommended, to ignore or dismiss a reality of being uncomfortable in your

clothes. But I hope that you can find a way to see this situation as a 'flag' of

what you are 'holding' onto and not from shame or guilt over a 'should' that you

ought to have done.

I wanted to share my pleasant surprise regarding my pants so show how honoring

and trusting myself finally - 4+ years later! - paid off for me. every bit of

'evidence' in my first year of IE pointed to what I did as being nutso, crazy or

plain stupid. I'm so glad I chose to ignore those yammering gremlins and dance

to my own tune - right or wrong (according to others).

I have noticed that you have and are doing the best you can and have indeed

advanced nicely along your IE journey. I am wishing you all the best with this

'bump in the road' now too.

Ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or

less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now

they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not

going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to

live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't

have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't

want to keep getting bigger and bigger either.

>

> Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating

periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of

the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when

I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would

have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

>

> I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another round

of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops to wear

to work that actually look good.

>

> Sigh.

>

> Tilley

>

[Guest guest]

Tilley I hear you! One of the biggest difficulties I had my first year with IE

was that I got to where I couldn't fit in my beloved jeans. I had to - gasp and

horrors! - end up sewing some 'old lady' pants that would be more comfortable. I

left those jeans in a drawer for 'later' and there they sat, reminding me of how

I so wanted to wear them but couldn't. I got pretty good at making some nice

'old lady' pants and was even able to wear the less nice ones for everyday/work

pants that I didn't have to worry if I ruined. After a couple of years I finally

decided that the jeans in my drawer weren't doing me any good - too much a bit

of diet mentality attached to them - so I donated them to a charity thrift

store. Yesterday I needed some 'around the house' pants (rest in wash) so gave a

try to some previous (smaller) 'old lady' pants that were buried in another

drawer. Oh MY! I could get into them without them being uncomfortable! Thoughts

of remorse over letting go of those jeans came to mind. But I also remembered

that I had made that decision based upon what was best for me at that time AND I

was grateful that I didn't need the jeans to 'prove' a darn thing to myself. In

fact I was afraid that I would be making the JEANS the 'proof' of success or not

for myself. I now realize that perhaps I am out of my 'jeans' phase - maybe it

was a vain attempt to hold onto a 'youthful' (maybe rebel?) look?!?

I understand that you concern isn't about the PANTS per se, but your own view

and ability to care for yourself (in a healthy way). Its also hard, and not

recommended, to ignore or dismiss a reality of being uncomfortable in your

clothes. But I hope that you can find a way to see this situation as a 'flag' of

what you are 'holding' onto and not from shame or guilt over a 'should' that you

ought to have done.

I wanted to share my pleasant surprise regarding my pants so show how honoring

and trusting myself finally - 4+ years later! - paid off for me. every bit of

'evidence' in my first year of IE pointed to what I did as being nutso, crazy or

plain stupid. I'm so glad I chose to ignore those yammering gremlins and dance

to my own tune - right or wrong (according to others).

I have noticed that you have and are doing the best you can and have indeed

advanced nicely along your IE journey. I am wishing you all the best with this

'bump in the road' now too.

Ehugs, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or

less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now

they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not

going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to

live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't

have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't

want to keep getting bigger and bigger either.

>

> Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating

periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of

the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when

I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would

have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

>

> I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another round

of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops to wear

to work that actually look good.

>

> Sigh.

>

> Tilley

>

[Guest guest]

OK, Tilley, print out this paragraph from your post and tape it up somewhere where you'll see and read it several times a day!! "Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then

sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier." It is hard to change habits. I'm working hard on it too. And in spite of our not wanting to resemble dieters by thinking too much about it, we kind of do have to think about it and make conscious decisions in order to turn it around. I was thinking, myself, exactly what you said about the sweets: enjoying baking, being satisfied with less. I was just going to post, when I got online, that I'm tired of cheap dollar-store cookies (I'll eat 10 trying to get satisfied) and bought stuff to bake my own good ones. I'm going to keep the dough in the freezer and just bake 6 at a time, keep the whole family from mindless cookie-noshing.Ellie

Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

Sigh.

[Guest guest]

Tilley,I decided a while back that I can only control my actions, not my weight. Letting go of the illusion of control has helped me a lot. especially because I have PCOS and that makes my hormones out of whack which means it's very hard to lose weight and keep it off, regardless of how i eat.

You are making good progress and working hard on IE. that's your success. you can't measure that with a scale.hopefully the scale will fall in line with your IE. but that is not up to you. 

letting go helped me a lot. i hope it helps you. i know it is scary and hard to feel like you are gaining weight. i think buying new pants is absolutely the right thing to do. i'm glad you refuse to wear too-tight pants! and that you are not using them to measure your progress. 

i do think things will fall into place at some point for you in terms of your weight, but i'm not an expert. but i do know you are working hard on IE, and that's great!

hth,abby

 

OK, Tilley, print out this paragraph from your post and tape it up somewhere where you'll see and read it several times a day!! 

" Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then

sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. " It is hard to change habits. I'm working hard on it too. And in spite of our not wanting to resemble dieters by thinking too much about it, we kind of do have to think about it and make conscious decisions in order to turn it around. 

I was thinking, myself, exactly what you said about the sweets: enjoying baking, being satisfied with less. I was just going to post, when I got online, that I'm tired of cheap dollar-store cookies (I'll eat 10 trying to get satisfied) and bought stuff to bake my own good ones. I'm going to keep the dough in the freezer and just bake 6 at a time, keep the whole family from mindless cookie-noshing.

Ellie

 

Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

Sigh.

[Guest guest]

I hear you, Tilley, because I've been feeling that same way. I've been doing

this since last February, have had periods of no gain, and periods of slow gain,

no loss. It's taken me this amount of time to learn to eat when I'm moderately

hungry and the meaning of satisfied That is progress. I also am eating overall a

much more nutritious diet and not craving nutritionally-void foods nearly as

much. I no longer go through my day thinking about what/when I " can " eat next.

There is a part in the book " Intuitive Eating " where the author talks about it

taking time for the body to adjust after having lived a lifetime of dieting. My

book was a library book, so I cannot tell you the page or the exact words, but

that is what I'm holding onto, that it may have taken this long for my body to

begin to function properly after my years of binging/purging. I am not quitting

with the hope that if I continue on, my eating will normalize. I also know I

still eat for reasons other than hunger too often, and that may be the part

that's keeping the weight on. I have to keep on trying. What other choice is

there?

>

> I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or

less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now

they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not

going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to

live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't

have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't

want to keep getting bigger and bigger either.

>

> Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating

periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of

the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when

I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would

have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

>

> I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another round

of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops to wear

to work that actually look good.

>

> Sigh.

>

> Tilley

>

[Guest guest]

" What other choice is there? "

Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want

for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with

food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in

planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting

pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious

food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way,

and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I

thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like

being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now,

and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't

have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my

husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe I was

doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I

wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had

always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many

years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure

with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer

married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took

about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much

much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past

seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight

I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.

But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a

society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so

appreciate everyone's encouragement. I FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at

least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't

written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm

full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest

sense is that word).

I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are

looking pretty desperate. Thanks!

Tilley

> >

> > I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or

less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now

they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not

going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to

live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't

have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't

want to keep getting bigger and bigger either.

> >

> > Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating

periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of

the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when

I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would

have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

> >

> > I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another

round of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops

to wear to work that actually look good.

> >

> > Sigh.

> >

> > Tilley

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" What other choice is there? "

Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want

for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with

food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in

planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting

pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious

food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way,

and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I

thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like

being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now,

and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't

have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my

husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe I was

doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I

wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had

always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many

years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure

with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer

married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took

about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much

much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past

seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight

I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.

But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a

society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so

appreciate everyone's encouragement. I FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at

least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't

written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm

full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest

sense is that word).

I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are

looking pretty desperate. Thanks!

Tilley

> >

> > I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or

less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now

they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not

going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to

live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't

have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't

want to keep getting bigger and bigger either.

> >

> > Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating

periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of

the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when

I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would

have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

> >

> > I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another

round of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops

to wear to work that actually look good.

> >

> > Sigh.

> >

> > Tilley

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think your important words here were " some of the time " .  I think that is the way it is and will be for all of us.  We are not perfect even if we think we might like to be.  Sandy

 

" What other choice is there? "

Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way, and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe I was doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.

But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so appreciate everyone's encouragement. I FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest sense is that word).

I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are looking pretty desperate. Thanks!

Tilley

> >

> > I haven't weighed myself for two months now, and about smooth and a half or less ago I went and bought five new pairs of pants that actually fit me, and now they're all too tight too! What do I do? I'm so discouraged. I know I'm not going to diet, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger. I want to live in the world where no one would ever gain or lose an ounce, and I wouldn't have to think about any of this. I don't want to think about it, but I don't want to keep getting bigger and bigger either.

> >

> > Many things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

> >

> > I don't like it. I'm going out in a little while and buying yet another round of pants, because I refuse to wear too-tight pants, and I want some tops to wear to work that actually look good.

> >

> > Sigh.

> >

> > Tilley

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Grrr ex!! He was trying to make HIS hangups and insecurities YOUR problem

instead of dealing with them himself. Hooray for your rebel for defying him and

helping you to see that his 'love' was lacking. You are now so much better off

with someone who appreciates you 'as is'.

ehugs, Katcha

> I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many

years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy

with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy

about it and would always tell me so, so maybe I was doing the diet rebel thing,

NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was

> Tilley

[Guest guest]

Tilley, I was feeling discouraged,

too. I was wondering if there was something in the planets affecting me!

I wonder, also, if subconsciously I was

reacting to my brief forage into OA. I was seriously thinking I would be

able to merge OA and IE. However, after days of reading the OA lists, AND

posts from great people here, I realized it was not the way I wanted to

go. I think that reading all those posts about forbidden foods,

abstinence of particular foods, how most people are failing, that I got into

that mindset of not being to do this thing of eating healthy and being

happy. I started eating large quantities of “forbidden” foods

for me in the past. Pizza ($10 from Pizza Hut, and I got pan crust), ice

cream with peanuts, frozen pies baked fresh from the oven.

Rather than beat myself up (my usual

thing) I thought – hmmm….must be some sort of

“rebellion”. Well, I said, go on from here. Which I am

doing.

This list has been a tremendous help for

me. I went to our greyhound Christmas party last night, where last year I

was several sizes smaller. I got a lot of comments last year about my

weight loss and I felt really good about myself, even if it was artificial and

I was starving. This year, I was sort of reluctant to even go because of

the weight gain (again) but I thought, hey – my friends love me, they are

not going to love me less because there is more of me! I did have a great

time, eating everything I wanted to eat, even dessert, but not stuffing myself.

So, thank you everyone, for your support

even though I’ve not met any of you in person. Even though I made

this email about me…..Tilley, you are in good and supportive company

here.

Kate

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of EHamilton

Sent: Saturday, December 03, 2011

11:16 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re:

I'm so discouraged

OK, Tilley,

print out this paragraph from your post and tape it up somewhere where you'll

see and read it several times a day!!

" Many

things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically

(I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked

things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full

and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have

before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. "

It is hard to

change habits. I'm working hard on it too. And in spite of our not wanting to

resemble dieters by thinking too much about it, we kind of do have to think

about it and make conscious decisions in order to turn it around.

I was thinking,

myself, exactly what you said about the sweets: enjoying baking, being

satisfied with less. I was just going to post, when I got online, that I'm

tired of cheap dollar-store cookies (I'll eat 10 trying to get satisfied) and

bought stuff to bake my own good ones. I'm going to keep the dough in the

freezer and just bake 6 at a time, keep the whole family from mindless

cookie-noshing.

Ellie

From:

tilley200

Many things are

going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really

enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need

to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping,

if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not

eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've

eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

Sigh.

[Guest guest]

Tilley, I was feeling discouraged,

too. I was wondering if there was something in the planets affecting me!

I wonder, also, if subconsciously I was

reacting to my brief forage into OA. I was seriously thinking I would be

able to merge OA and IE. However, after days of reading the OA lists, AND

posts from great people here, I realized it was not the way I wanted to

go. I think that reading all those posts about forbidden foods,

abstinence of particular foods, how most people are failing, that I got into

that mindset of not being to do this thing of eating healthy and being

happy. I started eating large quantities of “forbidden” foods

for me in the past. Pizza ($10 from Pizza Hut, and I got pan crust), ice

cream with peanuts, frozen pies baked fresh from the oven.

Rather than beat myself up (my usual

thing) I thought – hmmm….must be some sort of

“rebellion”. Well, I said, go on from here. Which I am

doing.

This list has been a tremendous help for

me. I went to our greyhound Christmas party last night, where last year I

was several sizes smaller. I got a lot of comments last year about my

weight loss and I felt really good about myself, even if it was artificial and

I was starving. This year, I was sort of reluctant to even go because of

the weight gain (again) but I thought, hey – my friends love me, they are

not going to love me less because there is more of me! I did have a great

time, eating everything I wanted to eat, even dessert, but not stuffing myself.

So, thank you everyone, for your support

even though I’ve not met any of you in person. Even though I made

this email about me…..Tilley, you are in good and supportive company

here.

Kate

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of EHamilton

Sent: Saturday, December 03, 2011

11:16 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re:

I'm so discouraged

OK, Tilley,

print out this paragraph from your post and tape it up somewhere where you'll

see and read it several times a day!!

" Many

things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically

(I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked

things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full

and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have

before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. "

It is hard to

change habits. I'm working hard on it too. And in spite of our not wanting to

resemble dieters by thinking too much about it, we kind of do have to think

about it and make conscious decisions in order to turn it around.

I was thinking,

myself, exactly what you said about the sweets: enjoying baking, being

satisfied with less. I was just going to post, when I got online, that I'm

tired of cheap dollar-store cookies (I'll eat 10 trying to get satisfied) and

bought stuff to bake my own good ones. I'm going to keep the dough in the

freezer and just bake 6 at a time, keep the whole family from mindless

cookie-noshing.

Ellie

From:

tilley200

Many things are

going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really

enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need

to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping,

if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not

eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've

eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

Sigh.

[Guest guest]

Tilley, I was feeling discouraged,

too. I was wondering if there was something in the planets affecting me!

I wonder, also, if subconsciously I was

reacting to my brief forage into OA. I was seriously thinking I would be

able to merge OA and IE. However, after days of reading the OA lists, AND

posts from great people here, I realized it was not the way I wanted to

go. I think that reading all those posts about forbidden foods,

abstinence of particular foods, how most people are failing, that I got into

that mindset of not being to do this thing of eating healthy and being

happy. I started eating large quantities of “forbidden” foods

for me in the past. Pizza ($10 from Pizza Hut, and I got pan crust), ice

cream with peanuts, frozen pies baked fresh from the oven.

Rather than beat myself up (my usual

thing) I thought – hmmm….must be some sort of

“rebellion”. Well, I said, go on from here. Which I am

doing.

This list has been a tremendous help for

me. I went to our greyhound Christmas party last night, where last year I

was several sizes smaller. I got a lot of comments last year about my

weight loss and I felt really good about myself, even if it was artificial and

I was starving. This year, I was sort of reluctant to even go because of

the weight gain (again) but I thought, hey – my friends love me, they are

not going to love me less because there is more of me! I did have a great

time, eating everything I wanted to eat, even dessert, but not stuffing myself.

So, thank you everyone, for your support

even though I’ve not met any of you in person. Even though I made

this email about me…..Tilley, you are in good and supportive company

here.

Kate

From: IntuitiveEating_Support [mailto:IntuitiveEating_Support ] On Behalf Of EHamilton

Sent: Saturday, December 03, 2011

11:16 AM

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Re:

I'm so discouraged

OK, Tilley,

print out this paragraph from your post and tape it up somewhere where you'll

see and read it several times a day!!

" Many

things are going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically

(I,m really enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked

things I need to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full

and stopping, if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have

before. I'm not eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals

altogether when I've eaten a lot earlier. "

It is hard to

change habits. I'm working hard on it too. And in spite of our not wanting to

resemble dieters by thinking too much about it, we kind of do have to think

about it and make conscious decisions in order to turn it around.

I was thinking,

myself, exactly what you said about the sweets: enjoying baking, being

satisfied with less. I was just going to post, when I got online, that I'm

tired of cheap dollar-store cookies (I'll eat 10 trying to get satisfied) and

bought stuff to bake my own good ones. I'm going to keep the dough in the

freezer and just bake 6 at a time, keep the whole family from mindless

cookie-noshing.

Ellie

From:

tilley200

Many things are

going well. I have sweets in the house that I'm eating periodically (I,m really

enjoying baking again, and am surprised at how few of the baked things I need

to feel satisfied). I',m finding myself realizing when I'm full and stopping,

if not exactly at that moment then sooner than I would have before. I'm not

eating meals when I'm not hungry, and often skipping meals altogether when I've

eaten a lot earlier. But still.....

Sigh.

[Guest guest]

This is me, too. I am also a bit discouraged, but trying to remember how much IE has taught me. I now can reliably feel that point in my body when it would be OK to stop eating. I can pinpoint it exactly. This wasn't the case before. I would just eat whatever was in front of me, unless I felt stuffed to the gills. BUT, lately I have not been wanting to stop at that point. It's the diet rebel in me and instead of being kinder to myself, I have resorted to half-restrictions which make things even worse. I need to think about this a little more and treat myself a bit better and "try softer." I am not opened up and calm about food just yet. It is still a source of stress and anxiety some of the time.

Mimi

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 12:17 AM

I hear you, Tilley, because I've been feeling that same way. I've been doing this since last February, have had periods of no gain, and periods of slow gain, no loss. It's taken me this amount of time to learn to eat when I'm moderately hungry and the meaning of satisfied That is progress. I also am eating overall a much more nutritious diet and not craving nutritionally-void foods nearly as much. I no longer go through my day thinking about what/when I "can" eat next. There is a part in the book "Intuitive Eating" where the author talks about it taking time for the body to adjust after having lived a lifetime of dieting. My book was a library book, so I cannot tell you the page or the exact words, but that is what I'm holding onto, that it may have taken this long for my body to begin to function properly after my years of binging/purging. I am not quitting with the hope that if I continue on, my eating will normalize. I also know I still eat for

reasons other than hunger too often, and that may be the part that's keeping the weight on. I have to keep on trying. What other choice is there?

[Guest guest]

This is me, too. I am also a bit discouraged, but trying to remember how much IE has taught me. I now can reliably feel that point in my body when it would be OK to stop eating. I can pinpoint it exactly. This wasn't the case before. I would just eat whatever was in front of me, unless I felt stuffed to the gills. BUT, lately I have not been wanting to stop at that point. It's the diet rebel in me and instead of being kinder to myself, I have resorted to half-restrictions which make things even worse. I need to think about this a little more and treat myself a bit better and "try softer." I am not opened up and calm about food just yet. It is still a source of stress and anxiety some of the time.

Mimi

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 12:17 AM

I hear you, Tilley, because I've been feeling that same way. I've been doing this since last February, have had periods of no gain, and periods of slow gain, no loss. It's taken me this amount of time to learn to eat when I'm moderately hungry and the meaning of satisfied That is progress. I also am eating overall a much more nutritious diet and not craving nutritionally-void foods nearly as much. I no longer go through my day thinking about what/when I "can" eat next. There is a part in the book "Intuitive Eating" where the author talks about it taking time for the body to adjust after having lived a lifetime of dieting. My book was a library book, so I cannot tell you the page or the exact words, but that is what I'm holding onto, that it may have taken this long for my body to begin to function properly after my years of binging/purging. I am not quitting with the hope that if I continue on, my eating will normalize. I also know I still eat for

reasons other than hunger too often, and that may be the part that's keeping the weight on. I have to keep on trying. What other choice is there?

[Guest guest]

This is me, too. I am also a bit discouraged, but trying to remember how much IE has taught me. I now can reliably feel that point in my body when it would be OK to stop eating. I can pinpoint it exactly. This wasn't the case before. I would just eat whatever was in front of me, unless I felt stuffed to the gills. BUT, lately I have not been wanting to stop at that point. It's the diet rebel in me and instead of being kinder to myself, I have resorted to half-restrictions which make things even worse. I need to think about this a little more and treat myself a bit better and "try softer." I am not opened up and calm about food just yet. It is still a source of stress and anxiety some of the time.

Mimi

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 12:17 AM

I hear you, Tilley, because I've been feeling that same way. I've been doing this since last February, have had periods of no gain, and periods of slow gain, no loss. It's taken me this amount of time to learn to eat when I'm moderately hungry and the meaning of satisfied That is progress. I also am eating overall a much more nutritious diet and not craving nutritionally-void foods nearly as much. I no longer go through my day thinking about what/when I "can" eat next. There is a part in the book "Intuitive Eating" where the author talks about it taking time for the body to adjust after having lived a lifetime of dieting. My book was a library book, so I cannot tell you the page or the exact words, but that is what I'm holding onto, that it may have taken this long for my body to begin to function properly after my years of binging/purging. I am not quitting with the hope that if I continue on, my eating will normalize. I also know I still eat for

reasons other than hunger too often, and that may be the part that's keeping the weight on. I have to keep on trying. What other choice is there?

[Guest guest]

Tilley,

I think rebelling against the person who finds you unacceptable/unattractive the way you are is what you were doing and in general that is a HEALTHY

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 10:54 AM

"What other choice is there?"Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way, and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe

I was doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so appreciate everyone's encouragement. I

FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest sense is that word).I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are looking pretty desperate. Thanks!Tilley

[Guest guest]

Tilley,

I think rebelling against the person who finds you unacceptable/unattractive the way you are is what you were doing and in general that is a HEALTHY

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 10:54 AM

"What other choice is there?"Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way, and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe

I was doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so appreciate everyone's encouragement. I

FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest sense is that word).I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are looking pretty desperate. Thanks!Tilley

[Guest guest]

Tilley,

I think rebelling against the person who finds you unacceptable/unattractive the way you are is what you were doing and in general that is a HEALTHY

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 10:54 AM

"What other choice is there?"Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way, and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe

I was doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so appreciate everyone's encouragement. I

FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest sense is that word).I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are looking pretty desperate. Thanks!Tilley

[Guest guest]

Whoops, hit "send" too soon. I meant to say that it is healthy to be rebellious against a person who does not love you for who and what you are. The trick is to avoid turning that rebelliousness into harm on yourself (ie. by eating more than you really want and losing your hunger/fullness signals, etc.). I wish I knew this when I was younger and been able to cultivate more of a connection to myself. Oh well. These kinds of revelations are exactly what IE has done for me, too.

Mimi

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 10:54 AM

"What other choice is there?"Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way, and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe

I was doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so appreciate everyone's encouragement. I

FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest sense is that word).I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are looking pretty desperate. Thanks!Tilley

[Guest guest]

Whoops, hit "send" too soon. I meant to say that it is healthy to be rebellious against a person who does not love you for who and what you are. The trick is to avoid turning that rebelliousness into harm on yourself (ie. by eating more than you really want and losing your hunger/fullness signals, etc.). I wish I knew this when I was younger and been able to cultivate more of a connection to myself. Oh well. These kinds of revelations are exactly what IE has done for me, too.

Mimi

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 10:54 AM

"What other choice is there?"Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way, and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe

I was doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so appreciate everyone's encouragement. I

FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest sense is that word).I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are looking pretty desperate. Thanks!Tilley

[Guest guest]

Whoops, hit "send" too soon. I meant to say that it is healthy to be rebellious against a person who does not love you for who and what you are. The trick is to avoid turning that rebelliousness into harm on yourself (ie. by eating more than you really want and losing your hunger/fullness signals, etc.). I wish I knew this when I was younger and been able to cultivate more of a connection to myself. Oh well. These kinds of revelations are exactly what IE has done for me, too.

Mimi

Subject: Re: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 10:54 AM

"What other choice is there?"Exactly! I don't really feel like I have a choice. I know exactly what I want for myself, and that is to be a normal eater. I don't want to be obsessed with food. I don't want to think about eating except when I am hungry (or in planning for good meals, by having excellent ingredients on hand, and putting pots of beans on in the morning, etc.). I want to eat delicious, nutritious food, but mostly I want to be free. I can totally see myself eating this way, and I think I was pretty darned close to this for about five years, but then I thought I needed to lose some weight and did Weight Watchers.... I don't like being obsessed with eating. I also don't like being overweight like I am now, and like I was for many many years before (but not dieting, because I didn't have a scale and was too busy with young children to think about it, though my husband was pretty unhappy about it and would always tell me so, so maybe

I was doing the diet rebel thing, NOT trying to diet because he was telling me I wasn't attractive the way I was --hey, I never thought about that before. I had always thought I steadily gained weight--about five pounds a year for many many years-- because of naturally circumstances, but maybe his constant displeasure with my looks was helping drive that. Hmmmmm. Interesting. We're no longer married (thank goodness), and after I got over being really sad, which took about three years, during which time I gained thirty more pounds, I was much much happier than I had ever been before. And my wonderful partner of the past seven years thinks I'm great, and has not seemed to even have noticed the weight I've gained. Or if he has, he's never said anything.But I think you(and everyone else) is right about it taking time. We are such a society of wanting instantaneous results, and this isn't going to be fast. I so appreciate everyone's encouragement. I

FEEL like I'm doing the right things, at least some of the time, and like I'm moving in the right direction. I haven't written about all the times I eat when I'm not hungry, and keep eating after I'm full, but they are interspersed with eating that feels healthy (in the broadest sense is that word).I'm really really glad you all are here to off encouragement, when things are looking pretty desperate. Thanks!Tilley

[Guest guest]

Speaking of dieting groups, when I am thinking of going on my old low-carb diet, I always go back to the discussion group that I have been a member of for many years. This latest time when I was thinking about it, I noticed so many posts about "failures," too. There was one particular thread someone started about "really being serious this time," a common theme. The thread spanned many weeks and every other day she would post "I binged again," and get lots of encouragement to "get back on plan," "next bite on plan," etc., etc. This just went on and on and really depressed me. She was trying so hard, struggling so much and I remember being right there with her all those years I was on diets. I just don't want to go back there.

Mimi

Subject: RE: I'm so discouragedTo: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Sunday, December 4, 2011, 8:18 PM

Tilley, I was feeling discouraged, too. I was wondering if there was something in the planets affecting me!

I wonder, also, if subconsciously I was reacting to my brief forage into OA. I was seriously thinking I would be able to merge OA and IE. However, after days of reading the OA lists, AND posts from great people here, I realized it was not the way I wanted to go. I think that reading all those posts about forbidden foods, abstinence of particular foods, how most people are failing, that I got into that mindset of not being to do this thing of eating healthy and being happy. I started eating large quantities of “forbidden†foods for me in the past. Pizza ($10 from Pizza Hut, and I got pan crust), ice cream with peanuts, frozen pies baked fresh from the oven.

Rather than beat myself up (my usual thing) I thought – hmmm….must be some sort of “rebellionâ€. Well, I said, go on from here. Which I am doing.

This list has been a tremendous help for me. I went to our greyhound Christmas party last night, where last year I was several sizes smaller. I got a lot of comments last year about my weight loss and I felt really good about myself, even if it was artificial and I was starving. This year, I was sort of reluctant to even go because of the weight gain (again) but I thought, hey – my friends love me, they are not going to love me less because there is more of me! I did have a great time, eating everything I wanted to eat, even dessert, but not stuffing myself.

So, thank you everyone, for your support even though I’ve not met any of you in person. Even though I made this email about me…..Tilley, you are in good and supportive company here.

Kate