just shoot me

December 26, 2011

my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not

recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since

mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and

they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing

up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

what happened?

well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the baby

for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with the

baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't

stand where I am living.

Here is the family situation:

I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship withy

him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home, he

verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son or

daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He

lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a

role model for my son.

My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married to

someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

I just feel like RUNNING from all this

but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

I have nobody in California

but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt

seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

I have another session with him this week.

I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining myself

and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a lot

sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

December 26, 2011

,

You have an awfully lot going on rght now. Caring for a baby is nonstop and

exhausting, without the additional family issues going on. While being with your

family is a challenge, it is also a challenge to single-handedly care for a baby

and families can help a lot. Take the time to make the rght decision so that you

are acting and not reacting.

Be sure you have the rght therapist for you, one who you can discuss all ths

with and feel that you are heard. There could be cultural differences, but there

could also simply be indivudual differences from your California therapist. If

after a few sessions you don't feel more connected, could you try out a

different therapist where you are? It has been very hard for me to change

therapists when I've had one I liked a lot.

What I'm learning is that I have to take care of myself, be kind to myself, love

myself, even in the midst of being in a situation where I have to care for

others if I'm going to be able to leave excess food alone. I encourage you to

focus on self-care at this challenging time, also a challenge while caring for a

child but it can be done, to avoid turning to food that doesn't honor your

hunger or your health. You are worth taking care of you.

Sara

,

>

> my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not

recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since

mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and

they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing

up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> what happened?

> well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't

stand where I am living.

> Here is the family situation:

> I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He

lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a

role model for my son.

> My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> I have nobody in California

> but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

>

> I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt

seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

>

> I have another session with him this week.

> I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

>

> sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

>

> I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

>

December 26, 2011

thanks!

I really like the " acting " instead of " reacting "

A

> >

> > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could

not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight

since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed

and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even

standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > what happened?

> > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > Here is the family situation:

> > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself.

He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as

a role model for my son.

> > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > I have nobody in California

> > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> >

> > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> >

> > I have another session with him this week.

> > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> >

> > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> >

> > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> >

>

December 26, 2011

Boy do you have a lot on your plate. I totally understand about dysfunctional

families and how hard it is to find the balance between wanting the family

connection - and trying to stay sane in the midst of craziness.

If you need support around childhood recovery stuff overall you might look to

some of Bradshaw's books circa the 80's and any of the childhood recovery

sites easily available on line. The childhood recovery books/sites help explain

the resultant addictions and dependencies that develop when families aren't

healthy enough to be supportive and have lots of group support on-line.

The pattern of family members marrying those who have the same problems as

relatives flows through multi-generations. I can see it in my nieces and nephew

who are now in their thirties and early forties. For all the wit and wisdom of

this era, their lives are playing out very similarily to my aunts and uncles

lives, which mirrored my grandparents' generation and so on.

I always breathe very deeply when faced with someone young who's in crisis (I

work in emergency services) and I can see that a lot of the problem is a

seriously dysfunctional family - and that the client just can't get away from

them out of loyalty, need and just not getting it.

Though this site doesn't go into family stuff all that often or all that deeply,

our family histories and current relationships impact our eating in oh so many

ways. One of the primary ways I coped with life when I was little was to eat

sugar - and lots of it. And I think that I later wanted to be thin and

beautiful so much because I felt so alienated from myself and so unloved. The

fantasies revolving around thinness were just a way to create an escape and a

sense of power through being able to diet and hopefully become someone others

would love unconditionally.

I'm sorry that you feel out of of sorts due to such tough stressors in your

environment and it must surely be hard with a new baby and a major geographical

change. But the urge to return home is tremendously powerful. And, it can also

be traumatic; which hopefully your therapist will be able to understand.

I returned home after my marriage failed and lived with my aging parents for

fifteen years. And I struggled with tremendous ambivalence ranging from love to

hate daily, sometimes hourly. And I was in and out of therapy and on the phone

with friends a lot.

Get support and hang on to it; use this site and if your therapist doesn't

address your needs in a way that feels supportive, dump him and find someone who

will support you in the areas of your life that matter to you at this tender

time. Therapists are very human and those who haven't walked the walk of

growing up in abusive systems have a hard time getting it.

Best of luck; post as often and as long as you need. If the posts are too long

for some, they can delete them. I'll keep reading.

Sandarah

>

> my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not

recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since

mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and

they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing

up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> what happened?

> well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't

stand where I am living.

> Here is the family situation:

> I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He

lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a

role model for my son.

> My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> I have nobody in California

> but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

>

> I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt

seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

>

> I have another session with him this week.

> I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

>

> sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

>

> I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

>

December 26, 2011

, (wow, what a beautiful name!) I haven't read anyone else's response yet, but if the reason you are in your present living situation is so that your son can be near his family, but it sounds to me as though it's not a good environment for either of you. If going back to California is possible, well, you've said yourself that being alone would be better. Just my take on it.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, December 26, 2011 2:48 PM Subject: just shoot me

my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so down..awful.Unrecognizable!

what happened?

well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't stand where I am living.

Here is the family situation:

I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home, he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't tolerate his smell.

My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a role model for my son.

My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as well.

I just feel like RUNNING from all this

but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

I have nobody in California

but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

I have another session with him this week.

I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a lot

sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

December 26, 2011

, (wow, what a beautiful name!) I haven't read anyone else's response yet, but if the reason you are in your present living situation is so that your son can be near his family, but it sounds to me as though it's not a good environment for either of you. If going back to California is possible, well, you've said yourself that being alone would be better. Just my take on it.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, December 26, 2011 2:48 PM Subject: just shoot me

my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so down..awful.Unrecognizable!

what happened?

well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't stand where I am living.

Here is the family situation:

I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home, he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't tolerate his smell.

My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a role model for my son.

My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as well.

I just feel like RUNNING from all this

but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

I have nobody in California

but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

I have another session with him this week.

I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a lot

sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

December 26, 2011

, (wow, what a beautiful name!) I haven't read anyone else's response yet, but if the reason you are in your present living situation is so that your son can be near his family, but it sounds to me as though it's not a good environment for either of you. If going back to California is possible, well, you've said yourself that being alone would be better. Just my take on it.Ellie To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Monday, December 26, 2011 2:48 PM Subject: just shoot me

my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so down..awful.Unrecognizable!

what happened?

well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't stand where I am living.

Here is the family situation:

I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home, he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't tolerate his smell.

My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a role model for my son.

My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as well.

I just feel like RUNNING from all this

but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

I have nobody in California

but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

I have another session with him this week.

I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a lot

sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

December 27, 2011

hi Sandarah

Thanks for your response

I have only been home for almost 2 months.I can't imagine 15 years.

Wow.My struggle feels like nothing knowing that you mentioned a longer period.

I think the key question is: what is better? to be alone and raise the child

away from a dysfunctional family? or to have the child live and learn from this

dysfunctional one?

we will see

thanks

A

> I returned home after my marriage failed and lived with my aging parents for

fifteen years. And I struggled with tremendous ambivalence ranging from love to

hate daily, sometimes hourly. And I was in and out of therapy and on the phone

with friends a lot.

>

> Get support and hang on to it; use this site and if your therapist doesn't

address your needs in a way that feels supportive, dump him and find someone who

will support you in the areas of your life that matter to you at this tender

time. Therapists are very human and those who haven't walked the walk of

growing up in abusive systems have a hard time getting it.

>

> Best of luck; post as often and as long as you need. If the posts are too

long for some, they can delete them. I'll keep reading.

>

> Sandarah

>

> >

> > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could

not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight

since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed

and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even

standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > what happened?

> > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > Here is the family situation:

> > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself.

He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as

a role model for my son.

> > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > I have nobody in California

> > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> >

> > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> >

> > I have another session with him this week.

> > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> >

> > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> >

> > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> >

>

December 27, 2011

hi Sandarah

Thanks for your response

I have only been home for almost 2 months.I can't imagine 15 years.

Wow.My struggle feels like nothing knowing that you mentioned a longer period.

I think the key question is: what is better? to be alone and raise the child

away from a dysfunctional family? or to have the child live and learn from this

dysfunctional one?

we will see

thanks

A

> I returned home after my marriage failed and lived with my aging parents for

fifteen years. And I struggled with tremendous ambivalence ranging from love to

hate daily, sometimes hourly. And I was in and out of therapy and on the phone

with friends a lot.

>

> Get support and hang on to it; use this site and if your therapist doesn't

address your needs in a way that feels supportive, dump him and find someone who

will support you in the areas of your life that matter to you at this tender

time. Therapists are very human and those who haven't walked the walk of

growing up in abusive systems have a hard time getting it.

>

> Best of luck; post as often and as long as you need. If the posts are too

long for some, they can delete them. I'll keep reading.

>

> Sandarah

>

> >

> > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could

not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight

since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed

and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even

standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > what happened?

> > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > Here is the family situation:

> > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself.

He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as

a role model for my son.

> > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > I have nobody in California

> > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> >

> > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> >

> > I have another session with him this week.

> > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> >

> > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> >

> > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> >

>

December 27, 2011

, its great to see you have given thought to this and have answers (for

YOU, not me). I'm responding with another posting in mind too - dysfunctional

family seem SO 'normal' when one is in the middle of them. But I can tell you

from first hand experience that adopting whatever role/rules/position you will

need to survive such a situation will become as deeply ingrained as dieting has

been for most of us. Dysfunctional families are like a mobile made from lots of

different bits and pieces all competing for their 'place' in the balance of the

mobile! Remove one piece (you) and the gyrations and swings of the other pieces

can be quite radical! Plus you may feel 'powerful' to be able to cause that

movement, but believe me you will be the focus of the ire of the rest much more

than appreciated for pointing out the interdependence and meshing that has been

going on (up to your arrival). I'm with Sandarah on this one - if you can find

and read inner child books or ones like Toxic Parents, Dance of Anger etc. you

probably will find that there are a lot of IE suggested practices in those too.

If you do stay where you are, at least you can choose to keep IE going for you

and that could well help you to keep sane on at least one plane of your life.

BEST to you, Katcha

IEing since March 2007

> > >

> > > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could

not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight

since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed

and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even

standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > > what happened?

> > > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby

fat.

> > > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > > Here is the family situation:

> > > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> > > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of

himself. He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't

see him as a role model for my son.

> > > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my

dad.

> > > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is

married to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is

cheating as well.

> > > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > > I have nobody in California

> > > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> > >

> > > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> > >

> > > I have another session with him this week.

> > > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> > >

> > > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> > >

> > > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> > >

> >

>

December 27, 2011