just shoot me

[Guest guest]

my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not

recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since

mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and

they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing

up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

what happened?

well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the baby

for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with the

baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't

stand where I am living.

Here is the family situation:

I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship withy

him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home, he

verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son or

daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He

lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a

role model for my son.

My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married to

someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

I just feel like RUNNING from all this

but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

I have nobody in California

but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt

seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

I have another session with him this week.

I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining myself

and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a lot

sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

[Guest guest]

THANKS! HERE ARE SOME ANSWERS

Which is the biggest issue for you at this instant?

UNHAPPINESS WHERE I AM..NOT SURE IF IT IS JUST AT HOME OR THE COUNTRY WHERE I AM

who can help you in the new baby department (Abby?)

I THINK BY NOW THE ANXIETY AND FEAR I HAD AS SOON AS MY MOM LEFT ARE GONE AND I

THINK I CAN HANDLE THE BABY ALONE

Dysfunctional relationships

VERY WELL SAID. IAM QUESTIONING IF IT IS BETTER TO LIVE NEAR MY FAMILY W MY SON

(REGARDLESS OF HOW DYSFUNCTIONAL IT IS) OR JUST THE 2 OF US IN CALIFORNIA. BY

THE WAY, I CHOSE TO BE A SINGLE MOM SO IT IS NOT LIKE I WAS HAVING A

DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATION SHIP TOO

Before you abandon your current living situation, I do hope that you can, with a

clear head, lay out as good an 'exit' plan as you can put together.

THERE ARE JOB OPENINGS IN MY FIELD WHERE MY PARENTS LIVE BUT THE PAY IS VERY

LOW. I MAY STILL APPLY EVEN IF I HAVE NOT YET DECIDED WHAT I AM DOING

California may have been a fabulous place for you before, but what is the

reality of it at this moment for you? Will you be able to arrive and have enough

to get going on too?

I STILL HAVE MY JON.I AM ON AN UNPAID LEAVE SO I KNOW WHAT I MAKE.I DONT KNOW IF

I CAN CUT THE UNPAID LEAVE SHORT BUT AT LEAST THERE IS A JOB THERE

And are you able to focus on YOUR needs without dragging along worry about your

mom?

I TAKE TIME AWAY FROM MY FAMILY TO TAKE SHORT WALKS OR TO SEE MY THERAPIST.THAT

IS ABOUT IT

Wishing you all the best in finding and obtaining a better situation for

yourself as well as peaceful resumption of your IE practicing.

THANKS SO MUCH

Katcha

IEing Since March 2007

> >

> > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could

not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight

since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed

and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even

standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > what happened?

> > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > Here is the family situation:

> > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself.

He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as

a role model for my son.

> > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > I have nobody in California

> > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> >

> > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> >

> > I have another session with him this week.

> > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> >

> > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> >

> > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

You have an awfully lot going on rght now. Caring for a baby is nonstop and

exhausting, without the additional family issues going on. While being with your

family is a challenge, it is also a challenge to single-handedly care for a baby

and families can help a lot. Take the time to make the rght decision so that you

are acting and not reacting.

Be sure you have the rght therapist for you, one who you can discuss all ths

with and feel that you are heard. There could be cultural differences, but there

could also simply be indivudual differences from your California therapist. If

after a few sessions you don't feel more connected, could you try out a

different therapist where you are? It has been very hard for me to change

therapists when I've had one I liked a lot.

What I'm learning is that I have to take care of myself, be kind to myself, love

myself, even in the midst of being in a situation where I have to care for

others if I'm going to be able to leave excess food alone. I encourage you to

focus on self-care at this challenging time, also a challenge while caring for a

child but it can be done, to avoid turning to food that doesn't honor your

hunger or your health. You are worth taking care of you.

Sara

,

>

> my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not

recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since

mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and

they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing

up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> what happened?

> well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't

stand where I am living.

> Here is the family situation:

> I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He

lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a

role model for my son.

> My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> I have nobody in California

> but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

>

> I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt

seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

>

> I have another session with him this week.

> I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

>

> sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

>

> I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

>

[Guest guest]

,

You have an awfully lot going on rght now. Caring for a baby is nonstop and

exhausting, without the additional family issues going on. While being with your

family is a challenge, it is also a challenge to single-handedly care for a baby

and families can help a lot. Take the time to make the rght decision so that you

are acting and not reacting.

Be sure you have the rght therapist for you, one who you can discuss all ths

with and feel that you are heard. There could be cultural differences, but there

could also simply be indivudual differences from your California therapist. If

after a few sessions you don't feel more connected, could you try out a

different therapist where you are? It has been very hard for me to change

therapists when I've had one I liked a lot.

What I'm learning is that I have to take care of myself, be kind to myself, love

myself, even in the midst of being in a situation where I have to care for

others if I'm going to be able to leave excess food alone. I encourage you to

focus on self-care at this challenging time, also a challenge while caring for a

child but it can be done, to avoid turning to food that doesn't honor your

hunger or your health. You are worth taking care of you.

Sara

,

>

> my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could not

recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight since

mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed and

they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even standing

up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> what happened?

> well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I can't

stand where I am living.

> Here is the family situation:

> I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself. He

lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as a

role model for my son.

> My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> I have nobody in California

> but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

>

> I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he didnt

seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

>

> I have another session with him this week.

> I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

>

> sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

>

> I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

>

[Guest guest]

hi Sandarah

Thanks for your response

I have only been home for almost 2 months.I can't imagine 15 years.

Wow.My struggle feels like nothing knowing that you mentioned a longer period.

I think the key question is: what is better? to be alone and raise the child

away from a dysfunctional family? or to have the child live and learn from this

dysfunctional one?

we will see

thanks

A

> I returned home after my marriage failed and lived with my aging parents for

fifteen years. And I struggled with tremendous ambivalence ranging from love to

hate daily, sometimes hourly. And I was in and out of therapy and on the phone

with friends a lot.

>

> Get support and hang on to it; use this site and if your therapist doesn't

address your needs in a way that feels supportive, dump him and find someone who

will support you in the areas of your life that matter to you at this tender

time. Therapists are very human and those who haven't walked the walk of

growing up in abusive systems have a hard time getting it.

>

> Best of luck; post as often and as long as you need. If the posts are too

long for some, they can delete them. I'll keep reading.

>

> Sandarah

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I could

not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much weight

since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are depressed

and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not even

standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > what happened?

> > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby fat.

> > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and the

baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone with

the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > Here is the family situation:

> > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a relationship

withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he was at home,

he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated and has a son

or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that he is 79 he

looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth, horrible

smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just can't

tolerate his smell.

> > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of himself.

He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't see him as

a role model for my son.

> > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my dad.

> > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is married

to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is cheating as

well.

> > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > I have nobody in California

> > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> >

> > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> >

> > I have another session with him this week.

> > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> >

> > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> >

> > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know anything about dysfunctional families, but I did raise a couple of

kids, and I must say that raising a child is hard enough as it is that I can't

imagine being surrounded by dysfunctionality could help in any way. It seems

like a group of supportive but non-related adults would be a lot better (though

where one can find that I don't know). When my kids were babies, I couldn't do

anything but be a parent, so I totally applaud you for pursuing IE. what a gift

for yourself. Taking care of yourself is so so so important, and THAT is

something totally worth modeling for your child.

Tilley

> > > >

> > > > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I

could not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much

weight since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are

depressed and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not

even standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > > > what happened?

> > > > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby

fat.

> > > > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and

the baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone

with the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > > > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > > > Here is the family situation:

> > > > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a

relationship withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he

was at home, he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated

and has a son or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that

he is 79 he looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth,

horrible smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just

can't tolerate his smell.

> > > > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of

himself. He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't

see him as a role model for my son.

> > > > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my

dad.

> > > > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is

married to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is

cheating as well.

> > > > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > > > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > > > I have nobody in California

> > > > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> > > >

> > > > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> > > >

> > > > I have another session with him this week.

> > > > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> > > >

> > > > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> > > >

> > > > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know anything about dysfunctional families, but I did raise a couple of

kids, and I must say that raising a child is hard enough as it is that I can't

imagine being surrounded by dysfunctionality could help in any way. It seems

like a group of supportive but non-related adults would be a lot better (though

where one can find that I don't know). When my kids were babies, I couldn't do

anything but be a parent, so I totally applaud you for pursuing IE. what a gift

for yourself. Taking care of yourself is so so so important, and THAT is

something totally worth modeling for your child.

Tilley

> > > >

> > > > my goodness...I saw the recent Xmas photos that my cousin took and I

could not recognize myself. How did I let myself go? I just gained so so much

weight since mid November and I REALLY look like one of those ladies who are

depressed and they just gained weight and look horrible and sad and huge and not

even standing up, chin down, shoulder to the center of my chest, so

down..awful.Unrecognizable!

> > > > what happened?

> > > > well, I had a baby in July and this weight that I carry now is not baby

fat.

> > > > The father of the baby is pretty much absent. I had my mom with me and

the baby for the first 2 months and 1/ 2 and she she left and I was left alone

with the baby, I crashed and in 10 days I moved abroad to stay with my parents.

> > > > Now I am dealing with the abrupt decision I made and I miss California.I

can't stand where I am living.

> > > > Here is the family situation:

> > > > I am ok with my mom but I can't tolerate my dad.I never had a

relationship withy him as he was pretty much absent due to work abroad. When he

was at home, he verbally and physically abused my mom. My mom knows he cheated

and has a son or daughter or even both.I can't even tolerate his smell. Now that

he is 79 he looks like 90, can barely walk, eczema on his face, missing teeth,

horrible smell as he does not shower daily and besides even if he does, I just

can't tolerate his smell.

> > > > My brother is HUGE and I hate the fact that he never took care of

himself. He lives 10 minutes away from my parents and visits daily and I don't

see him as a role model for my son.

> > > > My mom is ok.Not sure why she decided to out up with this crap from my

dad.

> > > > As for extended family, I was shocked to hear that my closet aunt is

married to someone who has became verbally and physically abusive and he is

cheating as well.

> > > > I just feel like RUNNING from all this

> > > > but I moved here so that my son could be near family.

> > > > I have nobody in California

> > > > but now it feels like nobody is better than this mess

> > > >

> > > > I do have a therapist and I am not sure if it is cultural or what but he

didnt seem to take my issues as seriously as my therapist in California would.

> > > >

> > > > I have another session with him this week.

> > > > I just hate to see myself going to food again after 6 years of regaining

myself and of being free from issues. yes, 12 years in California helped me a

lot

> > > >

> > > > sorry that I needed to vent and that this became so long

> > > >

> > > > I am tirn between staying or going back to Ca

> > > >

> > >

> >

>