Is This A Guilt Trip or Am I Overreacting?

[Guest guest]

I've made so many strides of progress and then today one conversation with my

father has triggered old feelings.

Long story short, this weekend we are traveling 4 hours to spend the weekend

with my husband's family to celebrate his mother's 80th birthday. She lives 10

hours away from here and we have not seen her in four years. This is the first

time in decades the entire family will be together and we are all looking

forward to it. My married son's birthday is the day before my MIL's birthday.

My father called me today to verify this is the weekend we'll be gone and asked

if my son was also going and I said yes. Then my father got this pitiful and

dejected sound in his voice and said, " So there are no plans this weekend for my

son's b'day, well I guess we'll just mail him a card. "

I'm the only child and I've always felt it was an unspoken rule growing up that

I was responsible for my parent's happiness. I've made great strides in letting

go of all that in the last two years, but this caught me off guard today. My

parents have spent every holiday, birthday and special occasion with us forever

while my husband's family moved out of state in the 90's and since then we

barely talk much less spend time together.

Even before they moved out of state I tried to be fair with rotating holidays

and time spent with each family, yet there was always this underlying feeling of

guilt anytime we spent time with husband's family. And even a month ago when we

first started discussing the 80th party for mil, saying we'd all be together at

a hotel, my father commented that maybe we could all go to a hotel sometime too.

HUH?

I could barely believe my ears and I don't know if he was serious, if he was

just expressing he wishes we spent more time together or was verbalizing that

this is something we could do for nada's upcoming 80th birthday. My parents and

I have never had similar ideas about recreational activities. My father has a

couple things he likes to do, gambling and car shows, and he does them

obsessively. My parents have never been once used the pool at a hotel, while my

husband, kids and I do so every chance we get.

So basically I'm confused, I don't know if my father just wants to spend time

with us or if he's just trying to make me feel guilty that we're spending time

with my husband's family. The other thing is my parents have been generous to

us over the years, while my husband's family can't even compete, so I think my

father has this sense of entitlement about him that he should get preferential

treatment.

But as I stated earlier, we haven't been together with my husband's family for a

long time and I feel my father needs to get over it. But I recall my counselor

saying that my father and mother are both profoundly and severely emotionally

retarded....so I guess I need to consider the source.

Perhaps when we return from this weekend, I'll contact him to see what he wants

to do about nada's 80th birthday. However we did nothing special for his 80th

birthday a few years ago because neither of my parent's ever wants any fuss made

over them....they avoid the spotlight of attention like the plague.

I don't know if any of you can even follow this rambling but if you did, I could

use some fresh eyes for perspective.