Siblings...

[Guest guest]

Hi all. I just watched a TV show about sisters and it must have triggered me

because all of the sudden, i was bursting into tears out of nowhere. I'm the

middle of three girls. My oldest sibling is 2 years older than me and my younger

one is 10 years younger than me. My little sister and i have been very close all

our lives as i pretty much raised her after my parents 2nd divorce. My nada was

off with many men (most of them married) and told us that she deserved a life of

her own after " raising " us kids. My oldest sister and i have never been close.

My nada made us very competitive with one another growing up and so we felt more

like competitors than sisters. I have always longed for any kind of relationship

with my older sister. WHen i first realized in therapy that my nada had BPD, i

made the decision to cut off contact with her for awhile to stop the abuse and

let this new information sink in a little bit ( i was also horribly depressed at

this time and panic attack ridden). I just needed a break to clear my thoughts.

I went to my older sis's house to tell her what i had found out and that i

thought it was best that i not have communication with nada for awhile but i

didn't want that to hurt our relationship(what little we had). I also told my

younger sis of my plan as well. I wanted to inform them both that my decision

had NOTHING to do with them and that i loved them very much. After all 3 of us

have struggled with our nada our whole lives(and trying so desperately to " win "

her love and be " enough " ) i thought they would certainly understand. My younger

sis understood. My older one--not at ALL! She told me that if i couldn't get

along with the matriarch of our family that i couldn't get along with her. " She

hasn't spoken to me in 4 years. Looking back, i should have known she would side

with my mom(she is my mom's " golden child " )She has talked to me on 2 occassions

about how our nada is psycho and has hurt herso much but when i try to bring

that up to her later to validate our conversations--she tells me she never said

it. SHe takes up for our nada and then will bash her 2 days later. It makes NO

sense to me. She always defends our nada's behavior and often times acts as if

everything is perfect and i'm the one who is insane. I am grieving from the loss

of a relationship with her and from never being able to know my nieces. We have

children almost the same age and we livein the same neighborhood. I see her at

Target or running errands and she acts like she doesn't know me and totally

ignores me. I have reached out soooo many times to talk to her and nothing. I'm

dead to her. SHe has even cut my face out of photos in her home(i heard per my

younger sis who still talks to her.) Thank God i have my younger sis but i feel

bad as she is sometimes " stuck " in the middle of two lives. She agrees with me

fullheartedly. My younger sis even lived with us this summer when my nada kicked

her out of the house after a rage session. my older sister also sided with my

mom against my lil sis and wouldn't speak to her all summer either. I'm trying

to understand that loyalty " golden child " thing my older sis has with our nada

in therapy despite the fact that she KNOWS reality. I just couldn't live a lie

anymore about our nada and continue to let her abuse me. My older sis has

recently gone through a divorce and the loss of her house and i have reached out

again to no avail. All this to say--does anyone else have a sibling that has

sided with nada or fada even though they KNOW the truth? What has helped you

heal from the loss of a sibling as well as a parent? It hurts...i had to mourn

the loss of my nada and now her....

[Guest guest]

Yes, my bada sided with them. Does your older sis have BPD?

>

>

> Hi all. I just watched a TV show about sisters and it must have triggered

> me because all of the sudden, i was bursting into tears out of nowhere. I'm

> the middle of three girls. My oldest sibling is 2 years older than me and my

> younger one is 10 years younger than me. My little sister and i have been

> very close all our lives as i pretty much raised her after my parents 2nd

> divorce. My nada was off with many men (most of them married) and told us

> that she deserved a life of her own after " raising " us kids. My oldest

> sister and i have never been close. My nada made us very competitive with

> one another growing up and so we felt more like competitors than sisters. I

> have always longed for any kind of relationship with my older sister. WHen i

> first realized in therapy that my nada had BPD, i made the decision to cut

> off contact with her for awhile to stop the abuse and let this new

> information sink in a little bit ( i was also horribly depressed at this

> time and panic attack ridden). I just needed a break to clear my thoughts. I

> went to my older sis's house to tell her what i had found out and that i

> thought it was best that i not have communication with nada for awhile but i

> didn't want that to hurt our relationship(what little we had). I also told

> my younger sis of my plan as well. I wanted to inform them both that my

> decision had NOTHING to do with them and that i loved them very much. After

> all 3 of us have struggled with our nada our whole lives(and trying so

> desperately to " win " her love and be " enough " ) i thought they would

> certainly understand. My younger sis understood. My older one--not at ALL!

> She told me that if i couldn't get along with the matriarch of our family

> that i couldn't get along with her. " She hasn't spoken to me in 4 years.

> Looking back, i should have known she would side with my mom(she is my mom's

> " golden child " )She has talked to me on 2 occassions about how our nada is

> psycho and has hurt herso much but when i try to bring that up to her later

> to validate our conversations--she tells me she never said it. SHe takes up

> for our nada and then will bash her 2 days later. It makes NO sense to me.

> She always defends our nada's behavior and often times acts as if everything

> is perfect and i'm the one who is insane. I am grieving from the loss of a

> relationship with her and from never being able to know my nieces. We have

> children almost the same age and we livein the same neighborhood. I see her

> at Target or running errands and she acts like she doesn't know me and

> totally ignores me. I have reached out soooo many times to talk to her and

> nothing. I'm dead to her. SHe has even cut my face out of photos in her

> home(i heard per my younger sis who still talks to her.) Thank God i have my

> younger sis but i feel bad as she is sometimes " stuck " in the middle of two

> lives. She agrees with me fullheartedly. My younger sis even lived with us

> this summer when my nada kicked her out of the house after a rage session.

> my older sister also sided with my mom against my lil sis and wouldn't speak

> to her all summer either. I'm trying to understand that loyalty " golden

> child " thing my older sis has with our nada in therapy despite the fact that

> she KNOWS reality. I just couldn't live a lie anymore about our nada and

> continue to let her abuse me. My older sis has recently gone through a

> divorce and the loss of her house and i have reached out again to no avail.

> All this to say--does anyone else have a sibling that has sided with nada or

> fada even though they KNOW the truth? What has helped you heal from the loss

> of a sibling as well as a parent? It hurts...i had to mourn the loss of my

> nada and now her....

>

>

>