Re: Dinner with a BPD

[Guest guest]

Thanks for sharing that, Katrina--

Obviously, I asked her a lot of questions about her " recovery " process. She

credited a therapist who stuck with her for three years. It took intense

therapy several times a week for her to get to where she is. (Self-aware, with

all of the symptoms). She started very young.

> >As an informal pastor, I often get together with folks I meet

> >at church to discuss life/spiritual issues. Last night, I met

> >with a young lady who was experiencing some difficulties. I

> >didn't know her well--we had only met 2 times.

> >

> >I asked her about her life story. In the middle of the story,

> >she said " I struggle a lot, because I have a mental

> >illness. It's not bi-polar, it's something called Borderline

> >Personality Disorder . . . "

> >

> >ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

> >

> >With great restraint, I didn't run from the table immediately

> >and change my phone number. And I'm glad I didn't.

> >

> >Turns out, I found the holy grail. A BPD who acknowledges her

> >illness and fully owns her behavior. Yeah. I know.

> >

> >She described her life from a BPD's perspective. It was

> >amazing. She talked about how she gets triggered, and has

> >about 30 seconds before she completely disassociates. Then,

> >she " comes to " and looks around the room, checks out everyone's

> >non-verbals and quickly pieces together what she did. (Reading

> >non-verbals is a skill she does exceptionally well).

> >

> >She talked about how hard it is, because she alienates everyone

> >and she is a very social person. She said " It's not their

> >fault--I do these really crazy things and I'm not safe. "

> >

> >She talked about " hoovering " and how she intentionally

> >escalates her behavior to hook people back in once she's

> >alienated them. And it was interesting, because she described

> >it as something like an addiction: " I don't want to do it, but

> >I can't stop myself--it's like something else takes over, and I

> >have to get them back. "

> >

> >As we talked about a major life decision she's trying to make,

> >she said, several times, " I'm trying really hard to be in a

> >grey area here. You know everything is so black and white and

> >extreme--I have a hard time being balanced. "

> >

> >Of course, she admitted she's addicted to alcohol and engaging

> >in some very self-destructive behavior. I stayed far away from

> >that discussion.

> >

> >It was a conversation I thought I'd never have, and it was very

> >surreal experience. Imagine . . .discussing BPD with a

> > " recovering " BPD. I was even able to ask her some questions

> >about my mother. i.e., what is it like when you do this?

> >

> >Good news: BPDs who acknowledge themselves as the problem do

> >exist!

> >

> >Bad news: Even with all of her amazing self-awareness . . .

> >none of the behaviors have changed. She's still getting fired

> >wherever she goes, lies as easily as she breathes (since she

> >creates her own reality on the spot) and is so destructive her

> >family won't be around her.

> >

> >It's like a hope with no hope.

> >

> >Blessings,

> >Karla

>

> --

> Katrina

>