Re: Brother admitted to hospital after realizing mom has BPD

[Guest guest]

I'm no psychologist, but a major breakdown like that in a sibling would be scary

and concerning for anyone.

Some mothers with bpd are terrified of their children growing up and leaving

home to have their own normal, independent adult lives. Fear of abandonment is

one of the traits of bpd. So perhaps your bpd mom (we use the term " nada " here

for short) kept your brother a perpetual small child. Maybe he was the " golden "

one, coddled and infantilized so he would never leave her. Or perhaps she had

" spousified " him (he was her substitute husband emotionally, not sexually),

making him feel responsible for her well-being, and the abnormal, enmeshed

relationship with his mother was stressing him out. He escaped by over-eating

and doing drugs.

Finally, perhaps your brother's desire to become a normal teen/young adult male

won out, so he lost weight, moved out on his own and started school, but that

comes with its own stresses.

Perhaps your brother was having difficulty making the adjustment to a more

independent adult existence; it requires great effort and determination to keep

grades up and perhaps work part time, and perhaps he had no experience with

socializing and dating and felt backwards in that area as well. Or, maybe your

bpd-mom was putting pressure on him, filling him with fear, obligation and guilt

about her well-being, urging him to move back in with her because she can't

stand living alone.

So, maybe him learning that mom has bpd made him feel obligated to return home

and take care of her. Maybe feeling torn in two made your brother have a kind

of nervous breakdown.

Like I said, that's just speculating Only therapy can tease out all the true

sources of your brother's pain and his breakdown.

I hope he can now get the treatment he needs, get physically healthy as well as

emotionally healthy, and will go on to become the independent, joyful adult that

is every child's birthright.

All you can really do is stay in touch with him, let him know that you love him

and believe in him, and want him to get well. That will mean a lot to your

brother to know that you care.

-Annie

>

> Hi,

>

> So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

>

> I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

>

> I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

>

> I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found it

so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm dealing

with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for your

insight.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm no psychologist, but a major breakdown like that in a sibling would be scary

and concerning for anyone.

Some mothers with bpd are terrified of their children growing up and leaving

home to have their own normal, independent adult lives. Fear of abandonment is

one of the traits of bpd. So perhaps your bpd mom (we use the term " nada " here

for short) kept your brother a perpetual small child. Maybe he was the " golden "

one, coddled and infantilized so he would never leave her. Or perhaps she had

" spousified " him (he was her substitute husband emotionally, not sexually),

making him feel responsible for her well-being, and the abnormal, enmeshed

relationship with his mother was stressing him out. He escaped by over-eating

and doing drugs.

Finally, perhaps your brother's desire to become a normal teen/young adult male

won out, so he lost weight, moved out on his own and started school, but that

comes with its own stresses.

Perhaps your brother was having difficulty making the adjustment to a more

independent adult existence; it requires great effort and determination to keep

grades up and perhaps work part time, and perhaps he had no experience with

socializing and dating and felt backwards in that area as well. Or, maybe your

bpd-mom was putting pressure on him, filling him with fear, obligation and guilt

about her well-being, urging him to move back in with her because she can't

stand living alone.

So, maybe him learning that mom has bpd made him feel obligated to return home

and take care of her. Maybe feeling torn in two made your brother have a kind

of nervous breakdown.

Like I said, that's just speculating Only therapy can tease out all the true

sources of your brother's pain and his breakdown.

I hope he can now get the treatment he needs, get physically healthy as well as

emotionally healthy, and will go on to become the independent, joyful adult that

is every child's birthright.

All you can really do is stay in touch with him, let him know that you love him

and believe in him, and want him to get well. That will mean a lot to your

brother to know that you care.

-Annie

>

> Hi,

>

> So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

>

> I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

>

> I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

>

> I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found it

so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm dealing

with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for your

insight.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm no psychologist, but a major breakdown like that in a sibling would be scary

and concerning for anyone.

Some mothers with bpd are terrified of their children growing up and leaving

home to have their own normal, independent adult lives. Fear of abandonment is

one of the traits of bpd. So perhaps your bpd mom (we use the term " nada " here

for short) kept your brother a perpetual small child. Maybe he was the " golden "

one, coddled and infantilized so he would never leave her. Or perhaps she had

" spousified " him (he was her substitute husband emotionally, not sexually),

making him feel responsible for her well-being, and the abnormal, enmeshed

relationship with his mother was stressing him out. He escaped by over-eating

and doing drugs.

Finally, perhaps your brother's desire to become a normal teen/young adult male

won out, so he lost weight, moved out on his own and started school, but that

comes with its own stresses.

Perhaps your brother was having difficulty making the adjustment to a more

independent adult existence; it requires great effort and determination to keep

grades up and perhaps work part time, and perhaps he had no experience with

socializing and dating and felt backwards in that area as well. Or, maybe your

bpd-mom was putting pressure on him, filling him with fear, obligation and guilt

about her well-being, urging him to move back in with her because she can't

stand living alone.

So, maybe him learning that mom has bpd made him feel obligated to return home

and take care of her. Maybe feeling torn in two made your brother have a kind

of nervous breakdown.

Like I said, that's just speculating Only therapy can tease out all the true

sources of your brother's pain and his breakdown.

I hope he can now get the treatment he needs, get physically healthy as well as

emotionally healthy, and will go on to become the independent, joyful adult that

is every child's birthright.

All you can really do is stay in touch with him, let him know that you love him

and believe in him, and want him to get well. That will mean a lot to your

brother to know that you care.

-Annie

>

> Hi,

>

> So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

>

> I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

>

> I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

>

> I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found it

so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm dealing

with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for your

insight.

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother and can imagine you are pretty scared

being 2 states away. But, he's in the right place. I won't lie, several

years back I attempted suicide. I ended up in a psych facility and it was a

very good experience for me because it made me realize that I DO NOT want to

die. I'm sorry he is having such a rough time right now, but hopefully this

will help him learn to cope better and get him back on track. I also hope

when he is able to return home that he will find a therapist and go if he

isn't all ready.

Where I was, I was allowed to make & receive phone calls. Perhaps you can

give them a call & see what the policy is? I don't think cell phones were

allowed, but they had patient phones.

Again, I hope this helps. Maybe joining this list when he's back home would

help him too? I wish you both lots of luck. Hang in there.

Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother and can imagine you are pretty scared

being 2 states away. But, he's in the right place. I won't lie, several

years back I attempted suicide. I ended up in a psych facility and it was a

very good experience for me because it made me realize that I DO NOT want to

die. I'm sorry he is having such a rough time right now, but hopefully this

will help him learn to cope better and get him back on track. I also hope

when he is able to return home that he will find a therapist and go if he

isn't all ready.

Where I was, I was allowed to make & receive phone calls. Perhaps you can

give them a call & see what the policy is? I don't think cell phones were

allowed, but they had patient phones.

Again, I hope this helps. Maybe joining this list when he's back home would

help him too? I wish you both lots of luck. Hang in there.

Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother and can imagine you are pretty scared

being 2 states away. But, he's in the right place. I won't lie, several

years back I attempted suicide. I ended up in a psych facility and it was a

very good experience for me because it made me realize that I DO NOT want to

die. I'm sorry he is having such a rough time right now, but hopefully this

will help him learn to cope better and get him back on track. I also hope

when he is able to return home that he will find a therapist and go if he

isn't all ready.

Where I was, I was allowed to make & receive phone calls. Perhaps you can

give them a call & see what the policy is? I don't think cell phones were

allowed, but they had patient phones.

Again, I hope this helps. Maybe joining this list when he's back home would

help him too? I wish you both lots of luck. Hang in there.

Mia

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I hope this is his chance to really start living his own life.

I'm so sorry he's going through this, but maybe it's what he needed.

I can totally relate to eating myself to death, stuffing down pain, resentment,

and anger with loads of food.

My mother called me EIGHT times today at work (I picked up on the 8th time, b/c

I was getting sick of seeing her # on my caller ID). The emergency? " Your

brother (he's 47) hasn't called me all day!! I'm worried sick about him. " They

talk 3 times a day. She hadn't heard from him in 12 hours and she was worried

sick. I'm worried for him for other reasons, much like your brother.

I haven't had experience with this kind of episode, but like you said, it sounds

like it's for the best that he's hospitalized.

Being away from your mother and home, esp if he's lived constantly in fear

(something I am very, very acquainted with) has probably been traumatizing for

him -- lots of guilt, fear, anxiety, phobias...I really wish him the best in

getting through this.

Fiona

>

> Hi,

>

> So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

>

> I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

>

> I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

>

> I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found it

so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm dealing

with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for your

insight.

>

[Guest guest]

Many people face their first fight with severe depression or other mental

illness problems after they first move out from home or early twenties. Some

believe it's because of the strain of finally being on their own, a new

environment, new skills needed that might or might not be there. I had my

first severe depressive episode at that time. When I first moved away I was

giddy with freedom, so damn glad to finally have escaped. But the material I'd

been repressing began to rise up when I was no longer in a daily environment

where I had to keep it down. Maybe it's similar for your brother that it was

finally safe for him to " know " what his life was like before for all of his

life. That's a lot to take in.

Also it's worrisome that he's on a couple of antidepressants. They can be

lifesavers, but they also can have side effects which can cause breakdown and

suicide in some rare cases. Either med could be causing it, their interaction

with eachother, and/or with the pot. Also if he abruptly stopped either

antidepressant he could have triggered this crisis as well. Might be worth

exploring?

I know it must be awful worrying about him far away - I hope they let you talk

to him. I've always wished I had a sibling to validate much of what I remember.

I bet your experience will really help him to heal and get the ground back under

his feet.

>

> Hi,

>

> So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

>

> I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

>

> I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

>

> I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found it

so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm dealing

with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for your

insight.

>

[Guest guest]

Many people face their first fight with severe depression or other mental

illness problems after they first move out from home or early twenties. Some

believe it's because of the strain of finally being on their own, a new

environment, new skills needed that might or might not be there. I had my

first severe depressive episode at that time. When I first moved away I was

giddy with freedom, so damn glad to finally have escaped. But the material I'd

been repressing began to rise up when I was no longer in a daily environment

where I had to keep it down. Maybe it's similar for your brother that it was

finally safe for him to " know " what his life was like before for all of his

life. That's a lot to take in.

Also it's worrisome that he's on a couple of antidepressants. They can be

lifesavers, but they also can have side effects which can cause breakdown and

suicide in some rare cases. Either med could be causing it, their interaction

with eachother, and/or with the pot. Also if he abruptly stopped either

antidepressant he could have triggered this crisis as well. Might be worth

exploring?

I know it must be awful worrying about him far away - I hope they let you talk

to him. I've always wished I had a sibling to validate much of what I remember.

I bet your experience will really help him to heal and get the ground back under

his feet.

>

> Hi,

>

> So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

>

> I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

>

> I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

>

> I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found it

so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm dealing

with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for your

insight.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you to everyone who replied for your insight. I new that people here would

understand. It's been so therapeutic to read through the responses and it's

definitely given me some much-needed perspective. I am planning to visit him

this weekend (if I'll be allowed in) so I will follow up next week to let you

know how he's doing. Thank you again, sincerely. I am going to suggest that he

join this amazing group once he's released.

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

> >

> > I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

> >

> > I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

> >

> > I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found

it so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm

dealing with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for

your insight.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you to everyone who replied for your insight. I new that people here would

understand. It's been so therapeutic to read through the responses and it's

definitely given me some much-needed perspective. I am planning to visit him

this weekend (if I'll be allowed in) so I will follow up next week to let you

know how he's doing. Thank you again, sincerely. I am going to suggest that he

join this amazing group once he's released.

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

> >

> > I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

> >

> > I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

> >

> > I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found

it so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm

dealing with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for

your insight.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you to everyone who replied for your insight. I new that people here would

understand. It's been so therapeutic to read through the responses and it's

definitely given me some much-needed perspective. I am planning to visit him

this weekend (if I'll be allowed in) so I will follow up next week to let you

know how he's doing. Thank you again, sincerely. I am going to suggest that he

join this amazing group once he's released.

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our BPD

mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just realized

that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his upbringing, that

he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same slippery slope as

our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police took him to the

hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

> >

> > I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is ranting

in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also under the

influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

> >

> > I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

> >

> > I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found

it so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm

dealing with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for

your insight.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am sorry your brother is having to go through this. I didn't read through all

the posts so maybe someone already said this to you but the one thing that

popped into my head if it was my brother is..........I would call the place he

is being treated and talk to his therapist. Tell them about your Nada and BPD

and the meds and pot so they have all the information they need to help him.

Hopefully who ever is treating him is knowledgeable and can treat KO.

I have a feeling something like this will happen to my now 22 year old brother

when and if he ever separates and moves away from Nada.

> > >

> > > Hi,

> > >

> > > So my 20-something brother recently moved out of the house away from our

BPD mother. He lost 100 pounds (down to 300) and started school. He just

realized that he's been living in fear for his whole life because of his

upbringing, that he had been eating himself to death and heading down the same

slippery slope as our mom, and this triggered a nervous breakdown. The police

took him to the hospital this morning where he is undergoing evaluation.

> > >

> > > I'm glad he is there, as I think he can get the help he needs. He is

ranting in cliches and repeating himself, and hasn't slept in days. He's also

under the influence of a couple antidepressants and pot.

> > >

> > > I guess my question is, does anyone have experience with this type of

breakdown, specifically in relation to a kid of someone with BPD? I am not sure

what to do to help, as I live 2 states away with a family and job. I had my own

realizations about health, life, and BPD over the course of 3 years, which was

easier to deal with as it did not come all at once. But he's had an overwhelming

Eureka moment caused by a bender/manic episode and seemingly cannot recover from

it.

> > >

> > > I joined this group in 2007 when I realized my mom had BPD, and I've found

it so helpful. This is the only place I can come for this new challenge I'm

dealing with. Thoughts and perspectives are welcome. Thank you all so much for

your insight.

> > >

> >

>