Guest guest Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 I don't think you are too sensitive at all. I am sorry you are battling cancer. I wonder if you sister is more just trying to say not to take it personally, that nada is just being nada. I am sure though it is at times like this that you wish you had a mother who could be there for you emotionally and even selfless enough to ease your life right now with financial support. I have found my nada to be completely unhelpful in medical situations that I have had. I think because of the lack of separation in their minds that they have from us, my nada seems to feel as if it is happening to her. As much as you probably wanted your mother there for you, she may have been more hindrance than help. I don't know if that is comforting in anyway but that is what I found to be true in those situations. patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 I don't think you are too sensitive at all. I am sorry you are battling cancer. I wonder if you sister is more just trying to say not to take it personally, that nada is just being nada. I am sure though it is at times like this that you wish you had a mother who could be there for you emotionally and even selfless enough to ease your life right now with financial support. I have found my nada to be completely unhelpful in medical situations that I have had. I think because of the lack of separation in their minds that they have from us, my nada seems to feel as if it is happening to her. As much as you probably wanted your mother there for you, she may have been more hindrance than help. I don't know if that is comforting in anyway but that is what I found to be true in those situations. patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 I don't think you are too sensitive at all. I am sorry you are battling cancer. I wonder if you sister is more just trying to say not to take it personally, that nada is just being nada. I am sure though it is at times like this that you wish you had a mother who could be there for you emotionally and even selfless enough to ease your life right now with financial support. I have found my nada to be completely unhelpful in medical situations that I have had. I think because of the lack of separation in their minds that they have from us, my nada seems to feel as if it is happening to her. As much as you probably wanted your mother there for you, she may have been more hindrance than help. I don't know if that is comforting in anyway but that is what I found to be true in those situations. patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2011 Report Share Posted January 19, 2011 My mom went pretty nuts when my sister was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. She insinuated herself and then tried to take over and had to be told to back off. As my sister's cancer was estrogen sensitive, the meds they put her on after chemo & radiation were a form of chemical castration to suppress estrogen. I remember she insisted I talk to my dr and demand he put me on the same medication as a preventative (yeah, right, crazy bitch!) Unfortunately, my sister needed emotionally stability and support. Instead nada made it about HER fears. We never, ever get what we really need from these 'mothers' > > Hi everyone,needing some validation. I will try to make this brief. I was diagnosed in August with stage 2 breast cancer.It was shocking but i know that i am not going to die but the whole process has been very trying and challenging.My friends and childeren and family have been very supportive.As far as nada goes she has been her usual selfish self. I actually thought that if i had cancer of course she would be there for me. shes still the same narcissistic selfish woman who is my mom. I thought i was over it I thought she couldnt hurt me anymore. WRONG! when I had my first chemo treatment she didnt even call me and ask me how i was feeling. my sister had to bring her over to see me! I know partly it really scared her that i had cancer and thats why she was laying low i guess.I have a lot of medical bills and she knows that but doesnt want to help me pay any of them. She has 28,000 dollars in her checking account but says that is her security and she cant help me.Recently she offered to help with paying for my car cuz it needs work but then she took it back. The last time i talked to her she asked if i had my car fixed i said no i have to pay my medical bills.she couldnt get off the phone fast enough cuz i know she was afraid i might ask her for money. all of this makes me feel so unloved . my sister says im taking it too personal and that she is not capable of loving us right. I know this logically but emotionally it hurts. I feel depressed, sad angry and bitter. Am i too sensitive? Why am i letting this bother me when i have so many other people there for me? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 <<<>>> I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I'm glad you have supportive friends and hope you're getting better and better. Honestly, I don't think you're being too sensitive. I don't know you but I do know that going through something like cancer and treatments is incredibly scary and stressful and you find out who your real friends are. [i have not been through this but my father did.] So it sucks to find out your own mother isn't among those friends. Of course, since she's BP, it's most probably all about her and the stress SHE's going through and how scared SHE is for you that she can't even center herself enough to think about you. It's sad. My mother's the same way. A week before I gave birth to my 2nd child, she called me at home to RIP into me about why I wasn't letting her into the delivery room. I had to laugh, because her behavior at that moment was her answer! It's all about HER comfort and how she'll look in front of her friends, regardless of the level of stress or pain I or anyone else is in. " Jane asked me why I wasn't going to be with you and I didn't know what to tell her! " Sigh. I guess Jane doesn't know her very well... Keep leaning on your real friends and stay with us, too. Again, so sorry for all you're going through. Fiona > > Hi everyone,needing some validation. I will try to make this brief. I was diagnosed in August with stage 2 breast cancer.It was shocking but i know that i am not going to die but the whole process has been very trying and challenging.My friends and childeren and family have been very supportive.As far as nada goes she has been her usual selfish self. I actually thought that if i had cancer of course she would be there for me. shes still the same narcissistic selfish woman who is my mom. I thought i was over it I thought she couldnt hurt me anymore. WRONG! when I had my first chemo treatment she didnt even call me and ask me how i was feeling. my sister had to bring her over to see me! I know partly it really scared her that i had cancer and thats why she was laying low i guess.I have a lot of medical bills and she knows that but doesnt want to help me pay any of them. She has 28,000 dollars in her checking account but says that is her security and she cant help me.Recently she offered to help with paying for my car cuz it needs work but then she took it back. The last time i talked to her she asked if i had my car fixed i said no i have to pay my medical bills.she couldnt get off the phone fast enough cuz i know she was afraid i might ask her for money. all of this makes me feel so unloved . my sister says im taking it too personal and that she is not capable of loving us right. I know this logically but emotionally it hurts. I feel depressed, sad angry and bitter. Am i too sensitive? Why am i letting this bother me when i have so many other people there for me? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 <<<>>> I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I'm glad you have supportive friends and hope you're getting better and better. Honestly, I don't think you're being too sensitive. I don't know you but I do know that going through something like cancer and treatments is incredibly scary and stressful and you find out who your real friends are. [i have not been through this but my father did.] So it sucks to find out your own mother isn't among those friends. Of course, since she's BP, it's most probably all about her and the stress SHE's going through and how scared SHE is for you that she can't even center herself enough to think about you. It's sad. My mother's the same way. A week before I gave birth to my 2nd child, she called me at home to RIP into me about why I wasn't letting her into the delivery room. I had to laugh, because her behavior at that moment was her answer! It's all about HER comfort and how she'll look in front of her friends, regardless of the level of stress or pain I or anyone else is in. " Jane asked me why I wasn't going to be with you and I didn't know what to tell her! " Sigh. I guess Jane doesn't know her very well... Keep leaning on your real friends and stay with us, too. Again, so sorry for all you're going through. Fiona > > Hi everyone,needing some validation. I will try to make this brief. I was diagnosed in August with stage 2 breast cancer.It was shocking but i know that i am not going to die but the whole process has been very trying and challenging.My friends and childeren and family have been very supportive.As far as nada goes she has been her usual selfish self. I actually thought that if i had cancer of course she would be there for me. shes still the same narcissistic selfish woman who is my mom. I thought i was over it I thought she couldnt hurt me anymore. WRONG! when I had my first chemo treatment she didnt even call me and ask me how i was feeling. my sister had to bring her over to see me! I know partly it really scared her that i had cancer and thats why she was laying low i guess.I have a lot of medical bills and she knows that but doesnt want to help me pay any of them. She has 28,000 dollars in her checking account but says that is her security and she cant help me.Recently she offered to help with paying for my car cuz it needs work but then she took it back. The last time i talked to her she asked if i had my car fixed i said no i have to pay my medical bills.she couldnt get off the phone fast enough cuz i know she was afraid i might ask her for money. all of this makes me feel so unloved . my sister says im taking it too personal and that she is not capable of loving us right. I know this logically but emotionally it hurts. I feel depressed, sad angry and bitter. Am i too sensitive? Why am i letting this bother me when i have so many other people there for me? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. I know you are going to make it though. Personally, I've never seen my nada behave worse than when someone is physically ill. My ex-nada-in-law was the same way. It's like they are sharks, excited by the smell of blood. As early as age 20, I already knew not to call my parents if something was physically wrong with me. I took care of it and then told them after it was over. Of course, now that i'm NC I don't tell them about it after. And nada still managed to act out when I told her after it was over. . . sheesh. Probably the time she did this that hurt me most was right after an emergency eye surgery. i had a latex tube in my eye and I was having allergic reactions to it. So the Dr. gave me allergy eye drops. Well, after using them, one of my pupils dialated while the other didn't. I was a health student and I knew this was a sign of trouble - brain damage even. I asked nada to call ask a nurse or the ER and ask them if this was a side effect. She FREAKED OUT. How dare I ask her to do something. I ended up calling myself even though I was scared and upset, while she raged at me. . . . Wow. And that is exactly how a mother is NOT supposed to act. Shiver. . . So I'm sorry your mother is a piece of work like that, but do what you can to insulate yourself and don't expect her to be anything but her worst. > > > <<<>>> I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I'm glad you have > supportive friends and hope you're getting better and better. > > Honestly, I don't think you're being too sensitive. I don't know you but I > do know that going through something like cancer and treatments is > incredibly scary and stressful and you find out who your real friends are. > [i have not been through this but my father did.] So it sucks to find out > your own mother isn't among those friends. > > Of course, since she's BP, it's most probably all about her and the stress > SHE's going through and how scared SHE is for you that she can't even center > herself enough to think about you. It's sad. > > My mother's the same way. A week before I gave birth to my 2nd child, she > called me at home to RIP into me about why I wasn't letting her into the > delivery room. I had to laugh, because her behavior at that moment was her > answer! It's all about HER comfort and how she'll look in front of her > friends, regardless of the level of stress or pain I or anyone else is in. > " Jane asked me why I wasn't going to be with you and I didn't know what to > tell her! " Sigh. I guess Jane doesn't know her very well... > > Keep leaning on your real friends and stay with us, too. Again, so sorry > for all you're going through. > > Fiona > > > > > > > Hi everyone,needing some validation. I will try to make this brief. I was > diagnosed in August with stage 2 breast cancer.It was shocking but i know > that i am not going to die but the whole process has been very trying and > challenging.My friends and childeren and family have been very supportive.As > far as nada goes she has been her usual selfish self. I actually thought > that if i had cancer of course she would be there for me. shes still the > same narcissistic selfish woman who is my mom. I thought i was over it I > thought she couldnt hurt me anymore. WRONG! when I had my first chemo > treatment she didnt even call me and ask me how i was feeling. my sister had > to bring her over to see me! I know partly it really scared her that i had > cancer and thats why she was laying low i guess.I have a lot of medical > bills and she knows that but doesnt want to help me pay any of them. She has > 28,000 dollars in her checking account but says that is her security and she > cant help me.Recently she offered to help with paying for my car cuz it > needs work but then she took it back. The last time i talked to her she > asked if i had my car fixed i said no i have to pay my medical bills.she > couldnt get off the phone fast enough cuz i know she was afraid i might ask > her for money. all of this makes me feel so unloved . my sister says im > taking it too personal and that she is not capable of loving us right. I > know this logically but emotionally it hurts. I feel depressed, sad angry > and bitter. Am i too sensitive? Why am i letting this bother me when i have > so many other people there for me? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. I know you are going to make it though. Personally, I've never seen my nada behave worse than when someone is physically ill. My ex-nada-in-law was the same way. It's like they are sharks, excited by the smell of blood. As early as age 20, I already knew not to call my parents if something was physically wrong with me. I took care of it and then told them after it was over. Of course, now that i'm NC I don't tell them about it after. And nada still managed to act out when I told her after it was over. . . sheesh. Probably the time she did this that hurt me most was right after an emergency eye surgery. i had a latex tube in my eye and I was having allergic reactions to it. So the Dr. gave me allergy eye drops. Well, after using them, one of my pupils dialated while the other didn't. I was a health student and I knew this was a sign of trouble - brain damage even. I asked nada to call ask a nurse or the ER and ask them if this was a side effect. She FREAKED OUT. How dare I ask her to do something. I ended up calling myself even though I was scared and upset, while she raged at me. . . . Wow. And that is exactly how a mother is NOT supposed to act. Shiver. . . So I'm sorry your mother is a piece of work like that, but do what you can to insulate yourself and don't expect her to be anything but her worst. > > > <<<>>> I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I'm glad you have > supportive friends and hope you're getting better and better. > > Honestly, I don't think you're being too sensitive. I don't know you but I > do know that going through something like cancer and treatments is > incredibly scary and stressful and you find out who your real friends are. > [i have not been through this but my father did.] So it sucks to find out > your own mother isn't among those friends. > > Of course, since she's BP, it's most probably all about her and the stress > SHE's going through and how scared SHE is for you that she can't even center > herself enough to think about you. It's sad. > > My mother's the same way. A week before I gave birth to my 2nd child, she > called me at home to RIP into me about why I wasn't letting her into the > delivery room. I had to laugh, because her behavior at that moment was her > answer! It's all about HER comfort and how she'll look in front of her > friends, regardless of the level of stress or pain I or anyone else is in. > " Jane asked me why I wasn't going to be with you and I didn't know what to > tell her! " Sigh. I guess Jane doesn't know her very well... > > Keep leaning on your real friends and stay with us, too. Again, so sorry > for all you're going through. > > Fiona > > > > > > > Hi everyone,needing some validation. I will try to make this brief. I was > diagnosed in August with stage 2 breast cancer.It was shocking but i know > that i am not going to die but the whole process has been very trying and > challenging.My friends and childeren and family have been very supportive.As > far as nada goes she has been her usual selfish self. I actually thought > that if i had cancer of course she would be there for me. shes still the > same narcissistic selfish woman who is my mom. I thought i was over it I > thought she couldnt hurt me anymore. WRONG! when I had my first chemo > treatment she didnt even call me and ask me how i was feeling. my sister had > to bring her over to see me! I know partly it really scared her that i had > cancer and thats why she was laying low i guess.I have a lot of medical > bills and she knows that but doesnt want to help me pay any of them. She has > 28,000 dollars in her checking account but says that is her security and she > cant help me.Recently she offered to help with paying for my car cuz it > needs work but then she took it back. The last time i talked to her she > asked if i had my car fixed i said no i have to pay my medical bills.she > couldnt get off the phone fast enough cuz i know she was afraid i might ask > her for money. all of this makes me feel so unloved . my sister says im > taking it too personal and that she is not capable of loving us right. I > know this logically but emotionally it hurts. I feel depressed, sad angry > and bitter. Am i too sensitive? Why am i letting this bother me when i have > so many other people there for me? > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2011 Report Share Posted January 20, 2011 If ever there is an appropriate time to be " too sensitive " it's while you are going through what you are now! It's only natural to want support from your " mother " at a time like this. I'm sorry she can't give that to you... In my experience whenever I've had something wrong with me medically, my nada has found a way to make it all about her. She would even go so far as to injure herself so SHE could be the one who was hurt and needed care and try to take the attention off me and onto her. I don't talk to her about my medical problems at all anymore, nothing good ever comes of it. It's ok that you are hurt by your mother not being supportive, I would be too, even though we know logically she can't be supportive, there is still something innate in us I think that wants to depend on our mother in times of need. Casey > > Hi everyone,needing some validation. I will try to make this brief. I was diagnosed in August with stage 2 breast cancer.It was shocking but i know that i am not going to die but the whole process has been very trying and challenging.My friends and childeren and family have been very supportive.As far as nada goes she has been her usual selfish self. I actually thought that if i had cancer of course she would be there for me. shes still the same narcissistic selfish woman who is my mom. I thought i was over it I thought she couldnt hurt me anymore. WRONG! when I had my first chemo treatment she didnt even call me and ask me how i was feeling. my sister had to bring her over to see me! I know partly it really scared her that i had cancer and thats why she was laying low i guess.I have a lot of medical bills and she knows that but doesnt want to help me pay any of them. She has 28,000 dollars in her checking account but says that is her security and she cant help me.Recently she offered to help with paying for my car cuz it needs work but then she took it back. The last time i talked to her she asked if i had my car fixed i said no i have to pay my medical bills.she couldnt get off the phone fast enough cuz i know she was afraid i might ask her for money. all of this makes me feel so unloved . my sister says im taking it too personal and that she is not capable of loving us right. I know this logically but emotionally it hurts. I feel depressed, sad angry and bitter. Am i too sensitive? Why am i letting this bother me when i have so many other people there for me? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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