Re: Ouch

[Guest guest]

<<<Hugs Girlscout>>>

It's sad that it's less about connection for our nadas and more about how they

look, how they'll be perceived.

I can't believe she admitted she loved your brothers more than you.

Sigh. That's shameful. I'm so sorry for all this pain. I'm glad you're here

with us.

>

> So, I know that I'm blessed that my nada wrote me off as soon as I stopped

> trying to have a relationship with her. I know she never liked me. Never

> loved me either. She didn't enjoy my personality or my company.

>

> But it still breaks my heart that when I stopped talking to her she didn't

> even try to speak to me. She didn't call. She didn't stop by. She didn't ask

> why. She didn't send me an e-mail. She didn't leave me a message. She didn't

> stalk me on Facebook. She didn't come by my work, call my office or send me

> a certified letter.

>

> She sent sent 2 or three cards. They said horrible things inside couched in

> terms of " missing me, " writing only a sentance or two. Like you must be mad

> because I always loved your brotherssss so much more than I ever loved you.

> I don't even remember what they all said, except for that one, and I threw

> them away. She also sent money.

>

> But she didn't try to find me. I didn't change my number. She knows where I

> live. I haven't kept where I work a secret. I'm not hard to find - I'm in

> the newspaper on a regular basis. I havne't changed my name though I have to

> admit, I think about doing so almost every day. I love my name, but I don't

> like sharing it with her.

>

> What she did do is bitch. I wasn't providing narcissitic supply (I think

> maybe never did to her satisfaction, due at least in part to my gender - she

> only wanted narc supply from men and boys), and so she looked immediately

> for other sources. She played the victim and bitched to everyone and anyone

> who would listen about her daughter being so cold hearted she would turn her

> back on her own m-o-o-o-o-ther, as Annie would say.

>

> My T even said that she could hear her doing it - playing the victim card to

> anyone who would listen- and my T has never met her.

>

> She has bitched so much that the new sister in law who I have never met has

> sent me hate mail about how I make her sick and what a rotten daughter I am.

>

> But a phone call from my mother? An email? Asking the legitimate question

> " did I do something to hurt you? " Never happened. I'll be 8 years NC with

> Nada this spring. I just past 2 years NC with dad at Christmas.

>

> I did see her a handful of times at family gatherings during those 8 years

> that my dad asked me to go to. Then I decided I never wanted to see her

> again and I had to go NC with my dad too because he wouldn't let it go. I

> honestly think it was more important to him that I see her than it was to

> her. The few times that I saw her she would try to hug me, try to talk to me

> kind of, grasp to little comments I made and try to insert herself and

> remind me that I'm her daughter, it made me ill. I think she was on her

> " best behavior, " and was kind of acting like a kid who got caught being

> bad. She didn't say " I'm sorry, " no eye contact (that was my boundry), no

> direct conversation (anotehr of my boundaries), and she did touch me many

> times, which made my skin crawl. You can see why I said no more courtesy

> visits.

>

> All I can say is " Ouch. "

>

>

>