Re: Things I learned from Nada.

[Guest guest]

Ok I'll bite, mines not as funny,

Everything I am in life I accomplished in spite of Fada's desperate efforts to

keep me from learning, growing, being, loving. I have spent my entire life

trying to stay out of the down currents of the whirlpool of his need. I survive

on the edge of the whirlpool.

Sorry, it's not as tongue in cheek as yours though living in a tent in December

anywhere but Miami is not funny! You wonderful survivor you!

Much love,

Kay

>

> We spend a lot of time here sharing the horrors of being a KO. However, on

the other side of the coin, there must have been a few lessons we got that no

one else could have provided (lest I say, " Imagined? " ) So let's share them

here... and for fun - add the approximate age.

>

> Things I learned from Nada.

>

> 1) How to roll a joint (7.)

>

> 2) How to hide milk from an abusive boyfriend (6.)

>

> 3) How to balance a checkbook and pay bills (8.)

>

> 4) How to identify most types of drugs (8.)

>

> 5) How to tell if a building is abandoned so you can sleep in it (5.)

>

> 6) Wyoming is not a good place to live. In a tent. In December (5.)

>

> 7) Moving with no notice is possible (4, 5, 6, 7, 10.)

>

> 8) Keep commitments is optional (always.)

>

> You get the idea.

>

> Next.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to roll

a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm not a

pot smoker.

Let's see here...

1) How to scream & yell like a crazy person and scare the bejebuz out of

anyone else around you... how would you expect a teenager & early 20

something year old to act when that's what she was raised with? I think I

was 21 when I figured out " holy shit, I sound like nada " and stopped!

Mostly I did that at her... i mean, when someone won't respond to logic &

reason, you tend to chase them up the ladder of

yelling/anger/screaming/hysterics. Oy. Sure not proud of that, but hey...

never know, it might come in handy. You know, if I'm ever cornered in a

dark alley, being mugged or whatever. Yell like nada... that'll scare 'em

away! (I'm kidding, really, I highly doubt it would work in those situations

lol)

2) How to actually be loving & honest... you know, not at ALL like nada.

When in doubt, think " what would nada do " and do the opposite!

3) How to enjoy quality time by myself. I think that's the hermit side of

her, and part of that did rub off on me. I rather enjoy time alone.

4) How to wear different hats in different places as she would say. In other

words, put on whatever 'mask' is necessary to get through the event or to

keep up appearances. This actually can be useful, for example, when you're

having a bad day at work or what-not. Keep on smiling.

5) How to keep a house hospital sanitary. Not that I do keep it that clean

now... but at least it's handy as a nursing student. /shrug

I wish I could say she taught me how to cook, but her idea of helping in the

kitchen was " get the hell out of my way " . Same with managing money, she

never showed me how but expected me to know how.

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to roll

a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm not a

pot smoker.

Let's see here...

1) How to scream & yell like a crazy person and scare the bejebuz out of

anyone else around you... how would you expect a teenager & early 20

something year old to act when that's what she was raised with? I think I

was 21 when I figured out " holy shit, I sound like nada " and stopped!

Mostly I did that at her... i mean, when someone won't respond to logic &

reason, you tend to chase them up the ladder of

yelling/anger/screaming/hysterics. Oy. Sure not proud of that, but hey...

never know, it might come in handy. You know, if I'm ever cornered in a

dark alley, being mugged or whatever. Yell like nada... that'll scare 'em

away! (I'm kidding, really, I highly doubt it would work in those situations

lol)

2) How to actually be loving & honest... you know, not at ALL like nada.

When in doubt, think " what would nada do " and do the opposite!

3) How to enjoy quality time by myself. I think that's the hermit side of

her, and part of that did rub off on me. I rather enjoy time alone.

4) How to wear different hats in different places as she would say. In other

words, put on whatever 'mask' is necessary to get through the event or to

keep up appearances. This actually can be useful, for example, when you're

having a bad day at work or what-not. Keep on smiling.

5) How to keep a house hospital sanitary. Not that I do keep it that clean

now... but at least it's handy as a nursing student. /shrug

I wish I could say she taught me how to cook, but her idea of helping in the

kitchen was " get the hell out of my way " . Same with managing money, she

never showed me how but expected me to know how.

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to roll

a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm not a

pot smoker.

Let's see here...

1) How to scream & yell like a crazy person and scare the bejebuz out of

anyone else around you... how would you expect a teenager & early 20

something year old to act when that's what she was raised with? I think I

was 21 when I figured out " holy shit, I sound like nada " and stopped!

Mostly I did that at her... i mean, when someone won't respond to logic &

reason, you tend to chase them up the ladder of

yelling/anger/screaming/hysterics. Oy. Sure not proud of that, but hey...

never know, it might come in handy. You know, if I'm ever cornered in a

dark alley, being mugged or whatever. Yell like nada... that'll scare 'em

away! (I'm kidding, really, I highly doubt it would work in those situations

lol)

2) How to actually be loving & honest... you know, not at ALL like nada.

When in doubt, think " what would nada do " and do the opposite!

3) How to enjoy quality time by myself. I think that's the hermit side of

her, and part of that did rub off on me. I rather enjoy time alone.

4) How to wear different hats in different places as she would say. In other

words, put on whatever 'mask' is necessary to get through the event or to

keep up appearances. This actually can be useful, for example, when you're

having a bad day at work or what-not. Keep on smiling.

5) How to keep a house hospital sanitary. Not that I do keep it that clean

now... but at least it's handy as a nursing student. /shrug

I wish I could say she taught me how to cook, but her idea of helping in the

kitchen was " get the hell out of my way " . Same with managing money, she

never showed me how but expected me to know how.

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

PS - Lynette, just to be clear wasn't trying to insinuate you are/were a pot

smoker LOL. Even if you were/are, I wouldn't care. On that subject, I'm

very much " to each his/her own " lol.

Mia

> Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to

> roll a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm

> not a pot smoker.

>

> Let's see here...

>

[Guest guest]

PS - Lynette, just to be clear wasn't trying to insinuate you are/were a pot

smoker LOL. Even if you were/are, I wouldn't care. On that subject, I'm

very much " to each his/her own " lol.

Mia

> Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to

> roll a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm

> not a pot smoker.

>

> Let's see here...

>

[Guest guest]

PS - Lynette, just to be clear wasn't trying to insinuate you are/were a pot

smoker LOL. Even if you were/are, I wouldn't care. On that subject, I'm

very much " to each his/her own " lol.

Mia

> Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to

> roll a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm

> not a pot smoker.

>

> Let's see here...

>

[Guest guest]

I can think of several lessons that nada taught me. I don't

remember when I learned most of them, but they were important in

shaping my childhood.

1) No amount of cleaning will ever get any room clean enough.

2) Being allergic to certain foods is insulting to the cook.

3) Don't sleep too heavily or someone may come into your bedroom

and take things while you sleep.

4) A real lock with a key on the bedroom door is a good thing,

5) The easiest way to end your marriage is to have your daughter

tell your spouse that you're having an affair. (16)

6) Books are better companions than people.

7) Mind reading is important. Children are expected to do what

their mother wants without being told what that is.

At 03:12 PM 01/23/2011 yp_lynnette_cameron_park wrote:

>We spend a lot of time here sharing the horrors of being a

>KO. However, on the other side of the coin, there must have

>been a few lessons we got that no one else could have provided

>(lest I say, " Imagined? " ) So let's share them here... and for

>fun - add the approximate age.

>

>Things I learned from Nada.

>

>1) How to roll a joint (7.)

>

>2) How to hide milk from an abusive boyfriend (6.)

>

>3) How to balance a checkbook and pay bills (8.)

>

>4) How to identify most types of drugs (8.)

>

>5) How to tell if a building is abandoned so you can sleep in

>it (5.)

>

>6) Wyoming is not a good place to live. In a tent. In

>December (5.)

>

>7) Moving with no notice is possible (4, 5, 6, 7, 10.)

>

>8) Keep commitments is optional (always.)

>

>You get the idea.

>

>Next.

>

>Lynnette

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I can think of several lessons that nada taught me. I don't

remember when I learned most of them, but they were important in

shaping my childhood.

1) No amount of cleaning will ever get any room clean enough.

2) Being allergic to certain foods is insulting to the cook.

3) Don't sleep too heavily or someone may come into your bedroom

and take things while you sleep.

4) A real lock with a key on the bedroom door is a good thing,

5) The easiest way to end your marriage is to have your daughter

tell your spouse that you're having an affair. (16)

6) Books are better companions than people.

7) Mind reading is important. Children are expected to do what

their mother wants without being told what that is.

At 03:12 PM 01/23/2011 yp_lynnette_cameron_park wrote:

>We spend a lot of time here sharing the horrors of being a

>KO. However, on the other side of the coin, there must have

>been a few lessons we got that no one else could have provided

>(lest I say, " Imagined? " ) So let's share them here... and for

>fun - add the approximate age.

>

>Things I learned from Nada.

>

>1) How to roll a joint (7.)

>

>2) How to hide milk from an abusive boyfriend (6.)

>

>3) How to balance a checkbook and pay bills (8.)

>

>4) How to identify most types of drugs (8.)

>

>5) How to tell if a building is abandoned so you can sleep in

>it (5.)

>

>6) Wyoming is not a good place to live. In a tent. In

>December (5.)

>

>7) Moving with no notice is possible (4, 5, 6, 7, 10.)

>

>8) Keep commitments is optional (always.)

>

>You get the idea.

>

>Next.

>

>Lynnette

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I can think of several lessons that nada taught me. I don't

remember when I learned most of them, but they were important in

shaping my childhood.

1) No amount of cleaning will ever get any room clean enough.

2) Being allergic to certain foods is insulting to the cook.

3) Don't sleep too heavily or someone may come into your bedroom

and take things while you sleep.

4) A real lock with a key on the bedroom door is a good thing,

5) The easiest way to end your marriage is to have your daughter

tell your spouse that you're having an affair. (16)

6) Books are better companions than people.

7) Mind reading is important. Children are expected to do what

their mother wants without being told what that is.

At 03:12 PM 01/23/2011 yp_lynnette_cameron_park wrote:

>We spend a lot of time here sharing the horrors of being a

>KO. However, on the other side of the coin, there must have

>been a few lessons we got that no one else could have provided

>(lest I say, " Imagined? " ) So let's share them here... and for

>fun - add the approximate age.

>

>Things I learned from Nada.

>

>1) How to roll a joint (7.)

>

>2) How to hide milk from an abusive boyfriend (6.)

>

>3) How to balance a checkbook and pay bills (8.)

>

>4) How to identify most types of drugs (8.)

>

>5) How to tell if a building is abandoned so you can sleep in

>it (5.)

>

>6) Wyoming is not a good place to live. In a tent. In

>December (5.)

>

>7) Moving with no notice is possible (4, 5, 6, 7, 10.)

>

>8) Keep commitments is optional (always.)

>

>You get the idea.

>

>Next.

>

>Lynnette

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Good thread. here's mine:

1) How to create a loving family with nothing but a doll, 2 stuffed animals

and the family cat to whom you are very allergic. This team will nurture you

through all things great and small.

2) How to grit your teeth and smile when other people take credit for your

work. After all, nada did it and everyone else will to, in every situation

for the rest of your life.

3) how to clean up other people's messes, do other people's jobs, and never

make a peep, say a cross word or ask for a lick of credit while making it

look like nada/the boss are actually the ones in charge.

4) How to run a car with an empty gas tank for about 3 weeks before pay day

comes using your child's piggy bank, college fund and/or the change at the

bottom of your purse.

5) Short on money? Just take it out of your 6 year old's bank account so you

can buy candy, cookies coke and 2nd hand crap that you don't need and don't

have room for.

6) How to play the victim in any situation and nail the role to a T

7) How to steal anti-biotics from your sick dog and then SCREAM at anyone

who asks why a 300 lb woman is taking a 30 lb cocker spaniel's medication

8) Animal husbandry/midwifery for a variety of species that nada hoards

9) Oooh my fav, the art of the back handed compliment. Here's one for

example: " Your boyfriend is smarter than he looks. "

10) Math. Science. Chemistry. I'm not good at it but nada owned anything in

arts, humanities, language, music etc. Best to stake out your own pastures,

its only safe to do things she doesn't like to do. Then when she tells you

that your interests are stupid, you just smile and nod.

11) How to be the best G.D. codependent in the world

12) How to run a household from making the meals to delivering the newborn

kittens, and making sure Nada's favorite potato salad, brownies and fudge

are in the fridge when she gets home. This includes first aid, cleaning,

organizing, getting places on time and making it look like nada is the one

in charge.

13) How to drive a car without a lisence because the bitch is too lazy to

drive you to a job interview before you turn 16.

14) LAUNDRY!!!! Nada washed the family's laundry, but somehow she never

found time to wash my clothes, the all black child. So I insisted she teach

me how to do it even though it made her very angry. No one has touched my

laundry since.

15) Shame. I guess it all boils down to shame. From your body, appearance,

intelligence, voice, hair, talents to your religion or lack therof, it is

all something to be ashamed of.

>

>

> I can think of several lessons that nada taught me. I don't

> remember when I learned most of them, but they were important in

> shaping my childhood.

>

> 1) No amount of cleaning will ever get any room clean enough.

>

> 2) Being allergic to certain foods is insulting to the cook.

>

> 3) Don't sleep too heavily or someone may come into your bedroom

> and take things while you sleep.

>

> 4) A real lock with a key on the bedroom door is a good thing,

>

> 5) The easiest way to end your marriage is to have your daughter

> tell your spouse that you're having an affair. (16)

>

> 6) Books are better companions than people.

>

> 7) Mind reading is important. Children are expected to do what

> their mother wants without being told what that is.

>

>

> At 03:12 PM 01/23/2011 yp_lynnette_cameron_park wrote:

> >We spend a lot of time here sharing the horrors of being a

> >KO. However, on the other side of the coin, there must have

> >been a few lessons we got that no one else could have provided

> >(lest I say, " Imagined? " ) So let's share them here... and for

> >fun - add the approximate age.

> >

> >Things I learned from Nada.

> >

> >1) How to roll a joint (7.)

> >

> >2) How to hide milk from an abusive boyfriend (6.)

> >

> >3) How to balance a checkbook and pay bills (8.)

> >

> >4) How to identify most types of drugs (8.)

> >

> >5) How to tell if a building is abandoned so you can sleep in

> >it (5.)

> >

> >6) Wyoming is not a good place to live. In a tent. In

> >December (5.)

> >

> >7) Moving with no notice is possible (4, 5, 6, 7, 10.)

> >

> >8) Keep commitments is optional (always.)

> >

> >You get the idea.

> >

> >Next.

> >

> >Lynnette

>

> --

> Katrina

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

NO worries.... the funny part is my therapist finds it amazing that I neither

drink nor do any drugs as a way to self-medicate. When your therapist tells you

that maybe they'd help (tongue in cheek) you have to laugh. Sorta.

Lynnette

>

> > Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to

> > roll a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm

> > not a pot smoker.

> >

> > Let's see here...

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

NO worries.... the funny part is my therapist finds it amazing that I neither

drink nor do any drugs as a way to self-medicate. When your therapist tells you

that maybe they'd help (tongue in cheek) you have to laugh. Sorta.

Lynnette

>

> > Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to

> > roll a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm

> > not a pot smoker.

> >

> > Let's see here...

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

NO worries.... the funny part is my therapist finds it amazing that I neither

drink nor do any drugs as a way to self-medicate. When your therapist tells you

that maybe they'd help (tongue in cheek) you have to laugh. Sorta.

Lynnette

>

> > Lynette, it's both depressing & humorous! Wow, just wow... learning to

> > roll a joint at 7? I'm 33 and still don't know how haha. Then again, I'm

> > not a pot smoker.

> >

> > Let's see here...

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ah yeah Lynnette I hear ya lol. My first therapist used to joke with me,

" sounds like you need a drink! " . Alcohol and I get along about as well as

morphine & I do (read: Vomiting) so I stay the heck away. I can only

imagine the effects of illegal drugs lol. I'll stick to nicotine for now...

which I really should quit anyway. Sigh.

Mia

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 6:32 PM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

>

> NO worries.... the funny part is my therapist finds it amazing that I

> neither drink nor do any drugs as a way to self-medicate. When your

> therapist tells you that maybe they'd help (tongue in cheek) you have to

> laugh. Sorta.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Ah yeah Lynnette I hear ya lol. My first therapist used to joke with me,

" sounds like you need a drink! " . Alcohol and I get along about as well as

morphine & I do (read: Vomiting) so I stay the heck away. I can only

imagine the effects of illegal drugs lol. I'll stick to nicotine for now...

which I really should quit anyway. Sigh.

Mia

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 6:32 PM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

>

> NO worries.... the funny part is my therapist finds it amazing that I

> neither drink nor do any drugs as a way to self-medicate. When your

> therapist tells you that maybe they'd help (tongue in cheek) you have to

> laugh. Sorta.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Ah yeah Lynnette I hear ya lol. My first therapist used to joke with me,

" sounds like you need a drink! " . Alcohol and I get along about as well as

morphine & I do (read: Vomiting) so I stay the heck away. I can only

imagine the effects of illegal drugs lol. I'll stick to nicotine for now...

which I really should quit anyway. Sigh.

Mia

On Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 6:32 PM, yp_lynnette_cameron_park <

h_l_maston@...> wrote:

>

>

> NO worries.... the funny part is my therapist finds it amazing that I

> neither drink nor do any drugs as a way to self-medicate. When your

> therapist tells you that maybe they'd help (tongue in cheek) you have to

> laugh. Sorta.

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Okay, I tried to write this once, and then realized that everything she tried to

teach me she failed at. But here's the example she set:

1) You're only worth something if you're attractive, slim and can get lots of

guys to sleep with you.

2) It's important to appear to have more money than you actually do.

3) Hard work is a bad thing.

4) It's important to marry the richest/most attractive man, not the nicest man.

5) Women are petty, mean and two-faced and will always try to steal your man or

make you look bad and can never really be your friend.

6) If you can't get people to respect you, then getting them to pity you is just

as good.

7) It is almost always preferable to lie than to tell the truth.

Sigh. I could go on. As I said, thankfully, she failed.

[Guest guest]

Okay, I tried to write this once, and then realized that everything she tried to

teach me she failed at. But here's the example she set:

1) You're only worth something if you're attractive, slim and can get lots of

guys to sleep with you.

2) It's important to appear to have more money than you actually do.

3) Hard work is a bad thing.

4) It's important to marry the richest/most attractive man, not the nicest man.

5) Women are petty, mean and two-faced and will always try to steal your man or

make you look bad and can never really be your friend.

6) If you can't get people to respect you, then getting them to pity you is just

as good.

7) It is almost always preferable to lie than to tell the truth.

Sigh. I could go on. As I said, thankfully, she failed.

[Guest guest]

Okay, I tried to write this once, and then realized that everything she tried to

teach me she failed at. But here's the example she set:

1) You're only worth something if you're attractive, slim and can get lots of

guys to sleep with you.

2) It's important to appear to have more money than you actually do.

3) Hard work is a bad thing.

4) It's important to marry the richest/most attractive man, not the nicest man.

5) Women are petty, mean and two-faced and will always try to steal your man or

make you look bad and can never really be your friend.

6) If you can't get people to respect you, then getting them to pity you is just

as good.

7) It is almost always preferable to lie than to tell the truth.

Sigh. I could go on. As I said, thankfully, she failed.

[Guest guest]

Amber,

I'll save us both the time and tears and just say, " 110% AGREE TO EVERYTHING YOU

JUST SAID! "

Those were/are my Nada's 'life long principles.'

OMG ! Another similiarity in this @#$%@#$ world of BPD KO childhoods.

Lynnette

>

> Okay, I tried to write this once, and then realized that everything she tried

to teach me she failed at. But here's the example she set:

>

> 1) You're only worth something if you're attractive, slim and can get lots of

guys to sleep with you.

>

> 2) It's important to appear to have more money than you actually do.

>

> 3) Hard work is a bad thing.

>

> 4) It's important to marry the richest/most attractive man, not the nicest

man.

>

> 5) Women are petty, mean and two-faced and will always try to steal your man

or make you look bad and can never really be your friend.

>

> 6) If you can't get people to respect you, then getting them to pity you is

just as good.

>

> 7) It is almost always preferable to lie than to tell the truth.

>

> Sigh. I could go on. As I said, thankfully, she failed.

>

[Guest guest]

Amber,

I'll save us both the time and tears and just say, " 110% AGREE TO EVERYTHING YOU

JUST SAID! "

Those were/are my Nada's 'life long principles.'

OMG ! Another similiarity in this @#$%@#$ world of BPD KO childhoods.

Lynnette

>

> Okay, I tried to write this once, and then realized that everything she tried

to teach me she failed at. But here's the example she set:

>

> 1) You're only worth something if you're attractive, slim and can get lots of

guys to sleep with you.

>

> 2) It's important to appear to have more money than you actually do.

>

> 3) Hard work is a bad thing.

>

> 4) It's important to marry the richest/most attractive man, not the nicest

man.

>

> 5) Women are petty, mean and two-faced and will always try to steal your man

or make you look bad and can never really be your friend.

>

> 6) If you can't get people to respect you, then getting them to pity you is

just as good.

>

> 7) It is almost always preferable to lie than to tell the truth.

>

> Sigh. I could go on. As I said, thankfully, she failed.

>

[Guest guest]

Amber,

I'll save us both the time and tears and just say, " 110% AGREE TO EVERYTHING YOU

JUST SAID! "

Those were/are my Nada's 'life long principles.'

OMG ! Another similiarity in this @#$%@#$ world of BPD KO childhoods.

Lynnette

>

> Okay, I tried to write this once, and then realized that everything she tried

to teach me she failed at. But here's the example she set:

>

> 1) You're only worth something if you're attractive, slim and can get lots of

guys to sleep with you.

>

> 2) It's important to appear to have more money than you actually do.

>

> 3) Hard work is a bad thing.

>

> 4) It's important to marry the richest/most attractive man, not the nicest

man.

>

> 5) Women are petty, mean and two-faced and will always try to steal your man

or make you look bad and can never really be your friend.

>

> 6) If you can't get people to respect you, then getting them to pity you is

just as good.

>

> 7) It is almost always preferable to lie than to tell the truth.

>

> Sigh. I could go on. As I said, thankfully, she failed.

>

[Guest guest]

This thread makes me laugh but kinda sad at the same time. I spent Thanksgiving

by myself this year but cooked myself the full meal, just for fun. I must have

called my nada (before I started calling her that) like 20 times to ask

turkey-related questions. She basically taught me to cook a turkey over the

phone, and it was sort of fun. But then again, lately I've only been exposed to

" happy " nada. Aside from Christmas, that is.

So here's my list:

1) First of all I second the: how to clean a room after it's already been

cleaned. I once caught nada vacuuming the dining room (which no one goes into)

10 minutes after I had vacuumed it, as part of my daily chores, and she was well

aware that I had just done so. I was maybe 11 and I confronted her about it. " I

just vacuumed in there! " And she didn't really have a response, but kept

vacuuming anyway.

2) How to succeed at your career (because work success is the only way you

define yourself) and neglect everything else while you're at it, so much so that

your only daughter, who you've painted all good, doesn't know a thing about you,

and develops a close, and healthy, relationship with her dad, that you resent,

and later do everything you can to destroy.

3) How to never give up on something you don't really need and that you'll never

really use: like the degree in accounting that she focused on for 20 years in

night school (when nada isn't really that good at math--I helped her with her

algebra night school homework when I was in 10th grade). Then after 20 years,

when she finally graduated, she married some guy and moved to a rural area where

they don't need accountants. Did I mention that she had 20 years of experience

in the insurance industry? And I translated this whole thing, rather than

compulsive, as not giving up--so I majored in dance, then got an MFA in dance,

all because I was an underdog (I did have talent but had more talent elsewhere)

when I could have really challenged myself and excelled in another field.

4) How to drive a wedge and use triangulation to ruin other people's

relationships.

5) How to make someone feel like shit for being good at something.

6) How to make someone feel depressed for you when they are telling you that

they accomplished something--hello, promotion that I got last spring that turned

into her not being able to find a better job.

7) How to sell a house: because she was too busy working, I had to clean and be

ready for the realtor--I sold the house we lived in at age 14.

8) How to pout and make everyone else feel like shit.

9) How to use a tampon--oh wait, sorry, that was self-learned.

10) How to compartmentalize and make everyone think you are perfect even though

you are completely falling apart inside. Yeah, I could do without this one.

12) How to monitor someone's mental health to make sure they don't commit

suicide.

11) That selection via genetic process wouldn't really be all too bad a

thing...Just saying...sometimes, I wonder.

[Guest guest]

I can add to this list, pretty much in the same vein as everyone else:

1. You're a fool if you marry for love

2. You can love others but only on their terms

3. You better hide who you really are because no one will every really love

you.

4. How to float checks

5. How to blow your welfare money on drinks and then just beg the church for

your shortage when it comes time to pay rent

6. Do whatever it takes to get a man, then do whatever you want afterwards,

they never stay.

7. People are only as good as their bank accounts are full

8. Children are trophies when they do well, a burden when they get in trouble.

9. Manipulating people is easy to get what you want.

10. Its okay if that man is sick and twisted and beats you as long as he's got

money you can spend.

11. Unnecessary surgeries get you lots of attention from wealthy doctors and

lots of prescription pain medications.

Okay, but some of you know me and my silver lining searching, I can't leave it

like this...here is what else she taught me without trying:

1. Manipulating people through guilt and shame is wrong. It attacks them at

the level of the being instead of just their behavior.

2. Children are precious and wonderful gifts every single day and in every way

whether they are doing well or struggling.

3. Love should never be given with conditions or strings.

4. Real mommies don't ever hurt their children and if they do, they grab them

up in their arms, hold them tight, kiss them on the cheek, wipe away their

tears, look them in the eyes and say I'm sorry and I love you more than words.

5. You're a fool if you marry for any reason but real love.

6. Revenge is sick and twisted and is never my job

7. Holding a grudge is like forcing yourself to repeatedly swallow thick and

toxic poison.

8. Working at something you're good at has it's own rewards and even better

when you get paid for it.

9. Welfare should be a temporary hand up not something you demand and are

simply entitled to in order to support your alcohol and drug addictions.

10. The people in your life are there at your choice. They can be gifts or

curses, regardless, make your behavior of the highest integrity and the gifts

will always be supportive of you and the curses will disappear.

11. Family is not a title that allows you to smash the boundaries of another.

12. Respect for all is one of the magical keys to a happy life.

13. Self love, no matter what anyone says to you or about you is the most

important thing to hold because when you hold this - you rise above unethical

and despicable behavior, you treat people right and you allow the goodness and

love in life to find you and stay.