Everything must be about her (nada)

[Guest guest]

I just have to tell this story and vent. It's just been really bugging me

lately. But I have to tell a little background on my nada to explain it.

My nada was the eldest girl of 8 children, and the fourth child overall. all the

children after her were girls. She basically was the mother of all the kids, did

all the cooking and cleaning, and raised all her brothers and sisters.

Allegedly, her eldest brother molested her many times until she started having

her period, at which time grandnada stopped it. Allegedly my nada tried to seek

help from grandnada and grandnada either didn't believe her or didn't care and

did nothing.

Nada's eldest brother died in a boating accident when she was about 17 or 18,

just around the time she married my father (after having been knocked up out of

wedlock). When she married my father, her father disowned her. Make no mistake,

nada's family are a bunch of white-trash rednecks. There are many kind of

rednecks, I have an uncle and aunt who are just good-natured fun rednecks, and

are totally awesome. But the rest of nada's family are down-right mean,

sadistic, racist asshole rednecks.

Well, all of nada's siblings had children who got into trouble and got pregnant

or got some girl pregnant before reaching age 18. (Please understand that I

don't judge this as a bad thing--but my nada associates it as a bad thing. I

don't necessarily think getting pregnant before you're old enough to vote is a

good thing, but I recognize that everyone has a different path, and it's neither

good nor bad, just another road.) I am the only grand-daughter who not only

didn't get pregnant before 18, but also graduated in the top 10 of my high

school class, got straight As the whole way, went to college and grad school. So

you can imagine growing up that my nada did a lot of vicarious living through me

and showing me off as her success and boasting to her siblings and mother about

me. (By the way, I helped nada with her algebra homework when she was in night

school, so fuck this idea that she was responsible for me. I got good grades so

I could get the hell away from her.)

Okay, so as my 16th birthday approaches, nada is trying to plan a party for me.

I insist that I do not want a party, I do not want to make a big deal out of it.

I just want cake at dinner with my mother, father, and two brothers. I don't

want a party. I was very clear about it. So my mother plans this party anyways

as a surprise. But you'd think if you wanted to plan a surprise party you'd

actually invite some of your daughter's friends, right? No.

On my 16th birthday, I came into my home to find nada had invited her family as

the guests to my surprise birthday party. Basically she planned this party to

show off her 16 year old daughter and how perfect she is. And I hated it. I had

nothing to prove to these losers.

Just like when I graduated from grad school and had no desire to be part of the

ceremony. When she found out she demanded that I go through the whole stupid

ceremony, and she paid for everything, and flew out with her new husband. The

whole thing was about her coming out so I better be walking. But I had a rough

time in grad school and not walking was supposed to be my silent protest about

the whole thing.

But it was a special occasion, so of course it was all about her.