Guest guest Posted December 14, 2011 Report Share Posted December 14, 2011 Sandarah that is inspiring to hear - that you got to figure out what was 'eating' at you :-) We have so long lived with an 'ideal' of youthfully thin being THE standard by which each of us are to be measured. Forget that one has a brain and uses it, forget that one has slaved to support others, forget that one's genetic background is 'sturdy' . . . Forget that and overlook much more, but do blindly hold up THE measuring stick of 'slimness' and pass the 'failure' judgment on that ONE element alone. PHOOEY!! I too have funks over feeling heavy and uncomfortable in my body. Generally these days its due to eating something gluten bearing and having my body react by expanding my abdomen area and general sluggishness. I just realized that maybe that's a gift?!? - like you causing one to sit back, take a good look and get the real difficulty square in one's sights so that I can remember what to react positively instead of beating myself up. At times like these I usually find myself slipping into the 'double down and work harder' mentality that is so akin to dieting. Instead its simply an 'Ah ha!' moment and life goes on, changes made and focus re-established for/to ME. Thanks for sharing and reminding that dark places soon see light if one looks for it. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > Wow. > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2011 Report Share Posted December 14, 2011 What an amazing revelation Sandarah! And I'm happy to hear that it is helping you to feel better!Best,Abby Sandarah that is inspiring to hear - that you got to figure out what was 'eating' at you :-) We have so long lived with an 'ideal' of youthfully thin being THE standard by which each of us are to be measured. Forget that one has a brain and uses it, forget that one has slaved to support others, forget that one's genetic background is 'sturdy' . . . Forget that and overlook much more, but do blindly hold up THE measuring stick of 'slimness' and pass the 'failure' judgment on that ONE element alone. PHOOEY!! I too have funks over feeling heavy and uncomfortable in my body. Generally these days its due to eating something gluten bearing and having my body react by expanding my abdomen area and general sluggishness. I just realized that maybe that's a gift?!? - like you causing one to sit back, take a good look and get the real difficulty square in one's sights so that I can remember what to react positively instead of beating myself up. At times like these I usually find myself slipping into the 'double down and work harder' mentality that is so akin to dieting. Instead its simply an 'Ah ha!' moment and life goes on, changes made and focus re-established for/to ME. Thanks for sharing and reminding that dark places soon see light if one looks for it. ehugs, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > Wow. > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2011 Report Share Posted December 14, 2011 Hmmm..... was it a "big" birthday? I'm looking at the big six oh in a few days and having a combination of "It's all downhill from here" and "Hey, look what I can do at my age." Feelings of loss are competing with feelings of accomplishment and the items still on the bucket list.You surely have had a great epiphany! Someone should give a national wake-up call that diet mentality can stunt lives. That preoccupation with having gained weight can loom larger than the achievement of earning one's masters degree. EllieI To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 9:46 AM Subject: Epiphany at last... I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. Wow. This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. Sandarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2011 Report Share Posted December 14, 2011 Hmmm..... was it a "big" birthday? I'm looking at the big six oh in a few days and having a combination of "It's all downhill from here" and "Hey, look what I can do at my age." Feelings of loss are competing with feelings of accomplishment and the items still on the bucket list.You surely have had a great epiphany! Someone should give a national wake-up call that diet mentality can stunt lives. That preoccupation with having gained weight can loom larger than the achievement of earning one's masters degree. EllieI To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 9:46 AM Subject: Epiphany at last... I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. Wow. This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. Sandarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2011 Report Share Posted December 15, 2011 Sandarah, First, thank you for your honesty. So brave. Second, congratulations on such a powerful epiphany. Our culture is so focused on the body looking a certain way that we can lose track of all our beauty, smarts, and amazingness just because we don't look like the models on the magazine covers. Imagine what the world would be like if women just loved themselves as they are! A whole different place to be for sure. Here's to all your beauty! > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > Wow. > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2011 Report Share Posted December 15, 2011 Sandarah, First, thank you for your honesty. So brave. Second, congratulations on such a powerful epiphany. Our culture is so focused on the body looking a certain way that we can lose track of all our beauty, smarts, and amazingness just because we don't look like the models on the magazine covers. Imagine what the world would be like if women just loved themselves as they are! A whole different place to be for sure. Here's to all your beauty! > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > Wow. > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2011 Report Share Posted December 15, 2011 Sandarah, First, thank you for your honesty. So brave. Second, congratulations on such a powerful epiphany. Our culture is so focused on the body looking a certain way that we can lose track of all our beauty, smarts, and amazingness just because we don't look like the models on the magazine covers. Imagine what the world would be like if women just loved themselves as they are! A whole different place to be for sure. Here's to all your beauty! > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > Wow. > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > Sandarah > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2011 Report Share Posted December 17, 2011 You know, it seemed so normal at the time to be more focussed on my weight than on the diploma in my hand. Totally normal. Still I can see now that it wasn't me that failed. It was decades of trying to control my life by controlling my diet and my weight. Thanks. > > > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > > > Wow. > > > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2011 Report Share Posted December 17, 2011 You know, it seemed so normal at the time to be more focussed on my weight than on the diploma in my hand. Totally normal. Still I can see now that it wasn't me that failed. It was decades of trying to control my life by controlling my diet and my weight. Thanks. > > > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > > > Wow. > > > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2011 Report Share Posted December 17, 2011 You know, it seemed so normal at the time to be more focussed on my weight than on the diploma in my hand. Totally normal. Still I can see now that it wasn't me that failed. It was decades of trying to control my life by controlling my diet and my weight. Thanks. > > > > I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. > > > > I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. > > > > Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. > > > > For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. > > > > When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. > > > > All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. > > > > Wow. > > > > This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. > > > > Sandarah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2011 Report Share Posted December 19, 2011 I totally get how normal it would seem to define "success" entirely by weight, rather than all of your real accomplishments. Sadly, it seems perfectly natural to me, too. When I got my law degree, the important thing was not that I spent 3 years studying hard in law school, made a successful cross-country move, and got married in the meantime. No, the important thing was that I had "finally" lost weight and was thin on my graduation day. I finally had it all together and my weight was the only reason that I was worthy of receiving that diploma and embarking on my career. Sigh. Lots to de-program. Mimi Subject: Re: Epiphany at last...To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Saturday, December 17, 2011, 11:41 PM You know, it seemed so normal at the time to be more focussed on my weight than on the diploma in my hand. Totally normal. Still I can see now that it wasn't me that failed. It was decades of trying to control my life by controlling my diet and my weight. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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