Guest guest Posted December 14, 2011 Report Share Posted December 14, 2011 Hmmm..... was it a "big" birthday? I'm looking at the big six oh in a few days and having a combination of "It's all downhill from here" and "Hey, look what I can do at my age." Feelings of loss are competing with feelings of accomplishment and the items still on the bucket list.You surely have had a great epiphany! Someone should give a national wake-up call that diet mentality can stunt lives. That preoccupation with having gained weight can loom larger than the achievement of earning one's masters degree. EllieI To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2011 9:46 AM Subject: Epiphany at last... I have been in such a funk the past week or so, my food has been entirely off, I've been out of touch emotionally with IE and - depressed. It was my birthday last Friday and I was so swamped by feelings of loss that I could barely function. I took some days of work to celebrate and instead spend most of my time in front of the tv -eating. I woke up at 3:00 this morning and was lying there tracing back to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. It boiled down to two things; a recent photo from a wonderful group outing where I was clearly miserable and the dinner party last week. The sum of it is that I feel my life is a complete failure - because I'm overweight. And while that standard for success has always been the case, it suddenly struck me as a really useless and crazy measure of my life. Additionally, lying there in the dark of the night, thinking it all through I could see that 99% of this misery has been the result of the fragmentation caused by the diet mentality, dieting and diet backlash. For decades most of my energy has gone to losing weight, so of course nothing else would register in my psyche more than the size of my body and my utter failure to achieve my Number One goal all these years. When I went to Boston not too many years ago to graduate with my MA, know what was on my mind? The fact that I'd re-gained the thirty pounds I'd lost a few years earlier, plus some. There was no joy in the graduation that I'd worked so hard to achieve, only the self-conscious awareness that I was fat and therefore a clear failure. All those diets, all those rules, all that nutritional information, all those fasts and weigh-ins and all that time unwittingly betraying my body and myself meal after meal after meal. Wow. This revelation has hit me at a whole new level and it took some time to sink in. Boy, do I feel better to realize what's been eating at me and why I've responded by eating. I guess and hope this is progress. Sandarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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