Guest guest Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 what an awesome, brave, exploratory post!so much good work contained within this. it's not easy to do that work of REALLY digging into the " why " of why we eat when we aren't hungry. way to go!best,abby I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's happening inside me to get some clarity here. After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? Hmmm... This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 Wow, what a marvelous day for you. Difficult moments, but overall you did SO WELL. I found your ability to ask yourself about what was going on with you especially wonderful. The answer may not pop right up at the instant of the question, but I think you will find that once its asked your subconscious will ponder on it and voila! a light bulb moment will occur on down the line. Thanks for inspiring, this is exactly the type of processing that ends in grateful progress. Bravo for you. Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > Hmmm... > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 I'm new here and this post is extremely helpful to me. Thank you so much for everyone's support! > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > Hmmm... > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 I'm new here and this post is extremely helpful to me. Thank you so much for everyone's support! > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > Hmmm... > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 I love your post. It really got me thinking of my own ways of thinking about food. I love the way you handled yourself with all the temptations. Thank you for sharing! To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, January 3, 2012 7:42 PM Subject: My Day I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's happening inside me to get some clarity here. After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and "breakfast in the lounge" announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the "buffet", and left because I'd already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? Hmmm... This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with "treat yourself" sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm not even hungry. It also helped when a "normal eater" passing by in the hall said "I had a piece so I'm good for the day." It's like an epiphany that eveyone doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 I love your post. It really got me thinking of my own ways of thinking about food. I love the way you handled yourself with all the temptations. Thank you for sharing! To: IntuitiveEating_Support Sent: Tuesday, January 3, 2012 7:42 PM Subject: My Day I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's happening inside me to get some clarity here. After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and "breakfast in the lounge" announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the "buffet", and left because I'd already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? Hmmm... This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with "treat yourself" sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm not even hungry. It also helped when a "normal eater" passing by in the hall said "I had a piece so I'm good for the day." It's like an epiphany that eveyone doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Wow. This is the next step after "realizing that I don't have to eat it" and "realizing that it's OK to stop eating now." Realizing I don't even have to WANT it really lets a person off the hook.Ellie > realizing that I don't have to want it __,_._,__ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Wow. This is the next step after "realizing that I don't have to eat it" and "realizing that it's OK to stop eating now." Realizing I don't even have to WANT it really lets a person off the hook.Ellie > realizing that I don't have to want it __,_._,__ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Wow. This is the next step after "realizing that I don't have to eat it" and "realizing that it's OK to stop eating now." Realizing I don't even have to WANT it really lets a person off the hook.Ellie > realizing that I don't have to want it __,_._,__ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Thank you Sara for the really nice, heart-felt post detailing your thinking in the midst of the struggle with food and eating just because it's there. I had a lot of fudge left over from a New Year' party I had. It was expensive and one of my favorites. I boxed it up to take to work. I opened it up and ate some. I wrapped it up again. I opened it again and ate some. Finally a day or so and many re-openings later, I threw it out. But it was a struggle and I only threw it out because last year I bought and ate so much fudge that I literally got sick from it. Normal eaters - gotta hate 'em sometimes. > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > Hmmm... > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Thank you Sara for the really nice, heart-felt post detailing your thinking in the midst of the struggle with food and eating just because it's there. I had a lot of fudge left over from a New Year' party I had. It was expensive and one of my favorites. I boxed it up to take to work. I opened it up and ate some. I wrapped it up again. I opened it again and ate some. Finally a day or so and many re-openings later, I threw it out. But it was a struggle and I only threw it out because last year I bought and ate so much fudge that I literally got sick from it. Normal eaters - gotta hate 'em sometimes. > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > Hmmm... > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Thank you Sara for the really nice, heart-felt post detailing your thinking in the midst of the struggle with food and eating just because it's there. I had a lot of fudge left over from a New Year' party I had. It was expensive and one of my favorites. I boxed it up to take to work. I opened it up and ate some. I wrapped it up again. I opened it again and ate some. Finally a day or so and many re-openings later, I threw it out. But it was a struggle and I only threw it out because last year I bought and ate so much fudge that I literally got sick from it. Normal eaters - gotta hate 'em sometimes. > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > Hmmm... > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Sanamu (Sorry, I don't know your name!), I'm learning to question myself, so what I would ask myself is ...Did you actually take the fudge to work? Why or why not?Do you know why in the moment you ate what you ate each time you ate it? Were you physically hungry? Were you physically hungry specifically for the fudge? If not, what were you really hungry for? How did you feel after you threw out the fudge? Sara > > > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > > Hmmm... > > > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 Sanamu (Sorry, I don't know your name!), I'm learning to question myself, so what I would ask myself is ...Did you actually take the fudge to work? Why or why not?Do you know why in the moment you ate what you ate each time you ate it? Were you physically hungry? Were you physically hungry specifically for the fudge? If not, what were you really hungry for? How did you feel after you threw out the fudge? Sara > > > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > > Hmmm... > > > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 The fudge never made it to work with me; it wound up in the driveway. I've thrown food out for years, sometimes almost in one door and out the other as I was swiftly switching diet to the next, better diet plan. There's no particularly enlightening feeling connected to throwing the fudge out other than feeling safe in the moment from the dangerousness of having such and such food around. Old thinking; old pattern. This morning when I woke up I had the realization that I have a self-fulfilling prophesy around eating forbidden foods. I read that on page 88 of the IE book yesterday and apparently it struck a chord. So - no, body hunger was not involved with the " decision " to keep eating the fudge, it was instead more of the on-going internal power struggle. The only good result of tossing out the fudge is that I didn't eat so much of it that I wound up with a bladder infection from too much sugar, which resulted last year after eating pounds of fudge. This year I had maybe a half pound of it - and had IE to turn to rather than the self recriminations just before my last venture into Weight Watchers last January. That by the way, was promptly followed by hundred of dollars spent seeing a hypnotherapist I had to drive 90 miles to see. So, no, the fudge had nothing to do with being hungry for fudge - it's just the stories playing through my brain and years of habituated reaction to them. Sandarah > > > > > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > > > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > > > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > > > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > > > > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > > > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > > > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > > > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > > > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > > > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > > > > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > > > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > > > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > > > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > > > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > > > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > > > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > > > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > > > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > > > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > > > Hmmm... > > > > > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > > > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > > > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > > > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > > > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > > > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > > > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > > > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > > > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > > > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > > > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > > > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > > > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > > > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > > > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > > > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > > > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > > > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > > > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > > > > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > > > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > > > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > > > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > > > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > > > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 The fudge never made it to work with me; it wound up in the driveway. I've thrown food out for years, sometimes almost in one door and out the other as I was swiftly switching diet to the next, better diet plan. There's no particularly enlightening feeling connected to throwing the fudge out other than feeling safe in the moment from the dangerousness of having such and such food around. Old thinking; old pattern. This morning when I woke up I had the realization that I have a self-fulfilling prophesy around eating forbidden foods. I read that on page 88 of the IE book yesterday and apparently it struck a chord. So - no, body hunger was not involved with the " decision " to keep eating the fudge, it was instead more of the on-going internal power struggle. The only good result of tossing out the fudge is that I didn't eat so much of it that I wound up with a bladder infection from too much sugar, which resulted last year after eating pounds of fudge. This year I had maybe a half pound of it - and had IE to turn to rather than the self recriminations just before my last venture into Weight Watchers last January. That by the way, was promptly followed by hundred of dollars spent seeing a hypnotherapist I had to drive 90 miles to see. So, no, the fudge had nothing to do with being hungry for fudge - it's just the stories playing through my brain and years of habituated reaction to them. Sandarah > > > > > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > > > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > > > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > > > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > > > > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > > > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > > > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > > > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > > > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > > > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > > > > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > > > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > > > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > > > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > > > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > > > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > > > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > > > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > > > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > > > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > > > Hmmm... > > > > > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > > > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > > > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > > > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > > > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > > > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > > > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > > > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > > > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > > > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > > > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > > > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > > > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > > > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > > > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > > > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > > > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > > > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > > > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > > > > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > > > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > > > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > > > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > > > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > > > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 The fudge never made it to work with me; it wound up in the driveway. I've thrown food out for years, sometimes almost in one door and out the other as I was swiftly switching diet to the next, better diet plan. There's no particularly enlightening feeling connected to throwing the fudge out other than feeling safe in the moment from the dangerousness of having such and such food around. Old thinking; old pattern. This morning when I woke up I had the realization that I have a self-fulfilling prophesy around eating forbidden foods. I read that on page 88 of the IE book yesterday and apparently it struck a chord. So - no, body hunger was not involved with the " decision " to keep eating the fudge, it was instead more of the on-going internal power struggle. The only good result of tossing out the fudge is that I didn't eat so much of it that I wound up with a bladder infection from too much sugar, which resulted last year after eating pounds of fudge. This year I had maybe a half pound of it - and had IE to turn to rather than the self recriminations just before my last venture into Weight Watchers last January. That by the way, was promptly followed by hundred of dollars spent seeing a hypnotherapist I had to drive 90 miles to see. So, no, the fudge had nothing to do with being hungry for fudge - it's just the stories playing through my brain and years of habituated reaction to them. Sandarah > > > > > > I'm going to get this, no matter what it takes, and I am evolving to keep > > > health rather than weight in the forefront of my mind. I apologize for the > > > length of this, but I need to make mental effort to attach words to what's > > > happening inside me to get some clarity here. > > > > > > After several days of immersing myself in reading, listening to CDs, exercising, > > > etc. re. listening to my body's nourishment needs, and actually doing pretty > > > well with eating according to appetite, I came back to work for the first day > > > after the holidays to a room full of leftover chocolates and chips, and > > > " breakfast in the lounge " announcements over the intercom. In my mind, it almost > > > felt like I walked into the building and people started pelting me with food. > > > > > > BUT I walked into the lounge, looked at the " buffet " , and left because I'd > > > already eaten breakfast, was not hungry. It was good stuff but only one thing > > > appealed to me. I decided to forego the lunch I'd brought and eat that one thing > > > instead WHEN LUNCHTIME CAME, which I did, supplemented with fruit for nutrients. > > > Then the candy...I did eat some of it on my break, but not the huge amounts I > > > would have in the past. After I ate a little, I couldn't bring myself to throw > > > it away, but I did give it away. I got rid of it, and that was that. It actually > > > did not taste that good, kind of like a ball of waxy fat of an unpalatable > > > consistency, after the real food I'd been eating. It was disappointing in a way. > > > So why did I feel compelled, which I did, to keep eating after the first bite? > > > Hmmm... > > > > > > This is where I usually stop thinking about it because it feels overwhelming to > > > try to get clarity on what the source of the compulsion is. In part, I believe > > > it's related to the attitude about food that was handed to me as a child, which > > > was that good food is to die for. Food was more important than relationships > > > because we were a farm family. Food was our sustenance. Food was love and eating > > > food prepared for you was showing love. Also when we had nothing else we had > > > food. There was the attitude that if you didn't eat something, you were really > > > missing out, and yes, that's pretty much what I feel when I'm hit up with " treat > > > yourself " sorts of food. I read ahead into the next workbook chapter, which > > > talks about wanting food because it is there being a compulsion the same as it > > > is for those who have a compulsion to repeatedly wash their hands, which I've > > > heard of and wondered how anyone could possibly want to do that repeatedly. I > > > had never thought of what I do with food as comparable to that. But thinking of > > > that comparison somehow helped me to get through the candy today by realizing > > > that I don't have to want it, that it's not even normal to want it just because > > > it's there, to want it to the point that I can't stop thinking about it when I'm > > > not even hungry. It also helped when a " normal eater " passing by in the hall > > > said " I had a piece so I'm good for the day. " It's like an epiphany that eveyone > > > doesn't feel the constant urge to eat. So I just let it go and felt only relief. > > > > > > Now there are 3 more bags of candy left, which I'm going to give away tomorrow. > > > Why can't I just throw it away? Because somebody paid good money for it, and > > > money I never throw away? I'm sitting here typing and getting hungry, but it's > > > not that I want. I really want to go home and have the soup that's already made. > > > For the first time in my life, something like that is what I really feel the > > > need to eat. That is a really good kind of hunger. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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