Hi, I am new

January 27, 2011

wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just

realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor

and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel

like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all

these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now

January 28, 2011

Welcome to the Group . It is hard to come to terms with the whole idea

that your mother has personality disorder. It is pretty overwhelming and

confusing and a mix of other feelings. It takes time to process stuff like this

so please be gentle with yourself (as our friend Doug says) and don't push

yourself.

Its sort of like a grieving process.

So, when you feel up to it, feel free to share what you feel like sharing, and

yes, you've found a bunch of other people who " get it. "

-Annie

>

> wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just

realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor

and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel

like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all

these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now

>

January 28, 2011

Welcome to the Group . It is hard to come to terms with the whole idea

that your mother has personality disorder. It is pretty overwhelming and

confusing and a mix of other feelings. It takes time to process stuff like this

so please be gentle with yourself (as our friend Doug says) and don't push

yourself.

Its sort of like a grieving process.

So, when you feel up to it, feel free to share what you feel like sharing, and

yes, you've found a bunch of other people who " get it. "

-Annie

>

> wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just

realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor

and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel

like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all

these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now

>

January 28, 2011

Welcome to the Group . It is hard to come to terms with the whole idea

that your mother has personality disorder. It is pretty overwhelming and

confusing and a mix of other feelings. It takes time to process stuff like this

so please be gentle with yourself (as our friend Doug says) and don't push

yourself.

Its sort of like a grieving process.

So, when you feel up to it, feel free to share what you feel like sharing, and

yes, you've found a bunch of other people who " get it. "

-Annie

>

> wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just

realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor

and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel

like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all

these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now

>

January 28, 2011

Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story.

I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom had

a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and her

husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she was

tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to

talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I TREAT HER BADLY! All I want

is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The tables got turned...I was accused of

being disrespectful and angry. My older sister jumped on the band wagon and

agreed with everything my mom said-I am a horrible daughter and treat my mom

terribly Which I don't! (and how would she know anyway she doesn't even live

at home anymore??)My little sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at

me the whole time, my older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head

down (I don't blame him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely

unnecessary for him to be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo

alone. My brother wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only

one who has any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents

are divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all

over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap,

recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older sister

has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up on me and I

am singled out.

During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed and

made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. Everyone

who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate person in my

family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to either " treat my

mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad and the door looked

a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST decision of my life! Hard as

heck, but I am glad I did it.

I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me that I

had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive behavior, she

said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about it-that is how I found

this forum. My mom definitely has BPD.

All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom made

up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me that

" anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly had...I am not

an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when someone pisses you

off, anger is a natural response not an alement.

What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one moment

and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes later asking

me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family time! " in a

chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions she was going

through was makin me sick because she would take me for the ride.

My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my life. I

was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know where I was

constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 to drive my

little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get texts from my

mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get your

sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was upset

that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have had a 4.0 up

until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was treating me. How

ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a final and pulled me

aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I BURST into tears- NO I

wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that final cuz I was too emotional

about something my mom had said. (thankfully he let me retake it and I made a B

in calculus

My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY

relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated him

HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be

offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he

would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He has

been so supportive and undertanding.

Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the time I

saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place.

Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a

suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my week

but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any other plans

with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. She made me

cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the worst bday. I sat

BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and somehow she turned it

around and I was the one being mean.

Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " .....no

no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then expects everything

to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. I am so tired of being

the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine after being mean it makes my

look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter but I am really hurting. All I

want is for my feelings to matter

January 28, 2011

Welcome and hugs to you. It can be overwhelming at times. Take the time

you need. Ditto on the suggestion of reading all the books which help you learn

the basic knowledge about bpd. The books have great tips on how to better handle

your relationship with your bpd parent.

Everyone here is so wonderful. I come often at times and take breaks at times. I

hope some of those tears are some tears of relief that, what you have probably

sensed much of your life, isn't you but your mentally ill parent. It's a lot to

wrap your head around. Welcome and so sorry you are here.

peace

patinage

January 29, 2011

Hi , welcome.

you're in good company.

>

> wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just

realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor

and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel

like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all

these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now

>

January 29, 2011

Wow, I know how those fake interventions feel. My nada tried to do one with me,

it was just her having a " serious conversation " with me when she came to visit

at my brother's house after he and his wife had their first child. I had been

out of work for a few months. My brother and SIL asked me to move in with them

when they bought the house and both understood when I lost my graduate

assistantship and that I was going through a tough time. I was having trouble

finding a job that coincided with my grad school schedule, and I did have a

large amount of financial aid, but towards the end of the year it was running

out.

I was having trouble talking to my brother about it, because I had always been

so successful and on top of everything, that the situation was shameful and

embarrassing to me.

So after my nephew is born, nada comes into my bedroom, shuts the door, and says

we need to talk. She starts in on some movie-of-the-week lecture about how I

need to straighten up and fly right, and get a job, etc. I point blank told her

that she had no right to have this kind of a conversation with me. I have fallen

on hard times; I'm out interviewing for jobs everyday, but I also don't have

much money for gas to interview for jobs; and this is not some move-of-the-week

where she is the all-good, never-had-a-problem mother and I am some problem

child. (Let's not talk about the fact that when she came into my room I was

having serious menstrual cramps and moaning in pain because I couldn't afford to

by Motrin and felt like I wanted to die.) I told her that she wasn't helping me

at all by talking to me like that. She got really pissed off that I called her

out on her trying to pretend she's some kind of hero by confronting me. I had

been the golden child all my life, but at that moment I knew how my brother Ben,

the rotten middle child, had felt pretty much since his early teens.

You know, I wasn't able to give them any money, but goddamn if I wasn't their

nanny for the first year of that child's life. Unlike other couples, I could

babysit my nephew any day they wanted, they never had to worry about being able

to take a nap or a shower, because I helped raise my nephew the first couple of

years of his life (even after I moved out I came over almost everyday to help

out and visit until they actually started to treat me like a nanny and not a

family member and then I got irritated). I was cleaning their house floor to

ceiling every week, so it's not like I wasn't contributing at all.

And it's not like my brother hadn't gone through times when he couldn't get a

job as a young adult and moved into the den of my parents' house while I was

still in high school. I was having the same young adult troubles that both of my

brothers, and I guess almost every child has, finding a good job and a career to

get started, that really only lasted like 6 months (let's not forget I was also

full-time in grad school at the time, and my two brothers were not). And yet I

was such a failure. What I needed at that point was some support from my family.

Maybe even some suggestions as to how to balance grad school and work. Maybe I

needed someone to sit me down and weigh the options and the pros and cons and

consequences. But instead I got a " you're an addict and a bad kid " speech from a

mother who thought she was some kind of Sally Fields.

So , I know EXACTLY how that fake intervention made you feel, and good

for you for choosing the door.

My eldest brother and SIL eventually became flying monkeys for nada. And they

are totally enmeshed. I have had to cut them off entirely, and it really hurts

because I was so close to my little nephew. We were buds. But I haven't seen him

in over a year. And I have no relationship with his little brother, who used to

curl up on top of me when he was a baby and I'd come over and nap, ahem, I mean

" babysit " him and his brother.

Once when nada was visiting, she and I took the eldest boy to the zoo. She was

really upset with me (remember I was really close to him) when he hit his head

on something and didn't want her to comfort him, he wanted me. And also, he

didn't want to hold her hand, he wanted to hold mine. That really pissed her

off. I'm sure she held it against me and is secretly happy that I don't have a

relationship with him anymore. What a bitch. Sorry for the tangent.

Part of what's good and bad about this forum is that I remember things that I

forced myself to forget.

>

> Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story.

>

> I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom

had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and

her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she

was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to