Guest guest Posted January 27, 2011 Report Share Posted January 27, 2011 wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up on me and I am singled out. During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the ride. My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He has been so supportive and undertanding. Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi there, welcome, so glad you found the group. There are a lot of books and resources that can help. let us know when you are ready. Girlscout On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 2:24 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > Welcome to the Group . It is hard to come to terms with the whole > idea that your mother has personality disorder. It is pretty overwhelming > and confusing and a mix of other feelings. It takes time to process stuff > like this so please be gentle with yourself (as our friend Doug says) and > don't push yourself. > > Its sort of like a grieving process. > > So, when you feel up to it, feel free to share what you feel like sharing, > and yes, you've found a bunch of other people who " get it. " > > -Annie > > > > > > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and > just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a > counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about > it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how > i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi there, welcome, so glad you found the group. There are a lot of books and resources that can help. let us know when you are ready. Girlscout On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 2:24 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > Welcome to the Group . It is hard to come to terms with the whole > idea that your mother has personality disorder. It is pretty overwhelming > and confusing and a mix of other feelings. It takes time to process stuff > like this so please be gentle with yourself (as our friend Doug says) and > don't push yourself. > > Its sort of like a grieving process. > > So, when you feel up to it, feel free to share what you feel like sharing, > and yes, you've found a bunch of other people who " get it. " > > -Annie > > > > > > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and > just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a > counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about > it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how > i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi there, welcome, so glad you found the group. There are a lot of books and resources that can help. let us know when you are ready. Girlscout On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 2:24 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > > > Welcome to the Group . It is hard to come to terms with the whole > idea that your mother has personality disorder. It is pretty overwhelming > and confusing and a mix of other feelings. It takes time to process stuff > like this so please be gentle with yourself (as our friend Doug says) and > don't push yourself. > > Its sort of like a grieving process. > > So, when you feel up to it, feel free to share what you feel like sharing, > and yes, you've found a bunch of other people who " get it. " > > -Annie > > > > > > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and > just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a > counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about > it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how > i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi and welcome to the group. Whether our parents are officially diagnosed or not (and it seems most are not), I've observed a strong trend in similar behavior with lots of similar symptoms in those of us who have grown up with a parent exhibiting some or all of the symptoms. So, come on in, get comfortable and know you're among those who likely no what you've been here. I found that out right away too and I'm relatively new (going on 2 months about now). I'm sorry for the reason that you had to seek us out but glad that you came. Big hugs!!! Jaie > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi and welcome to the group. Whether our parents are officially diagnosed or not (and it seems most are not), I've observed a strong trend in similar behavior with lots of similar symptoms in those of us who have grown up with a parent exhibiting some or all of the symptoms. So, come on in, get comfortable and know you're among those who likely no what you've been here. I found that out right away too and I'm relatively new (going on 2 months about now). I'm sorry for the reason that you had to seek us out but glad that you came. Big hugs!!! Jaie > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hi and welcome to the group. Whether our parents are officially diagnosed or not (and it seems most are not), I've observed a strong trend in similar behavior with lots of similar symptoms in those of us who have grown up with a parent exhibiting some or all of the symptoms. So, come on in, get comfortable and know you're among those who likely no what you've been here. I found that out right away too and I'm relatively new (going on 2 months about now). I'm sorry for the reason that you had to seek us out but glad that you came. Big hugs!!! Jaie > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Welcome. I have found this group to be more helpful than therapy or anything else over the years...even to just read, if you don't post much. We are glad you are here. Keep reading. Joanna > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Welcome. I have found this group to be more helpful than therapy or anything else over the years...even to just read, if you don't post much. We are glad you are here. Keep reading. Joanna > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Welcome. I have found this group to be more helpful than therapy or anything else over the years...even to just read, if you don't post much. We are glad you are here. Keep reading. Joanna > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Welcome and hugs to you. It can be overwhelming at times. Take the time you need. Ditto on the suggestion of reading all the books which help you learn the basic knowledge about bpd. The books have great tips on how to better handle your relationship with your bpd parent. Everyone here is so wonderful. I come often at times and take breaks at times. I hope some of those tears are some tears of relief that, what you have probably sensed much of your life, isn't you but your mentally ill parent. It's a lot to wrap your head around. Welcome and so sorry you are here. peace patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 28, 2011 Report Share Posted January 28, 2011 Welcome and hugs to you. It can be overwhelming at times. Take the time you need. Ditto on the suggestion of reading all the books which help you learn the basic knowledge about bpd. The books have great tips on how to better handle your relationship with your bpd parent. Everyone here is so wonderful. I come often at times and take breaks at times. I hope some of those tears are some tears of relief that, what you have probably sensed much of your life, isn't you but your mentally ill parent. It's a lot to wrap your head around. Welcome and so sorry you are here. peace patinage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Wow, I know how those fake interventions feel. My nada tried to do one with me, it was just her having a " serious conversation " with me when she came to visit at my brother's house after he and his wife had their first child. I had been out of work for a few months. My brother and SIL asked me to move in with them when they bought the house and both understood when I lost my graduate assistantship and that I was going through a tough time. I was having trouble finding a job that coincided with my grad school schedule, and I did have a large amount of financial aid, but towards the end of the year it was running out. I was having trouble talking to my brother about it, because I had always been so successful and on top of everything, that the situation was shameful and embarrassing to me. So after my nephew is born, nada comes into my bedroom, shuts the door, and says we need to talk. She starts in on some movie-of-the-week lecture about how I need to straighten up and fly right, and get a job, etc. I point blank told her that she had no right to have this kind of a conversation with me. I have fallen on hard times; I'm out interviewing for jobs everyday, but I also don't have much money for gas to interview for jobs; and this is not some move-of-the-week where she is the all-good, never-had-a-problem mother and I am some problem child. (Let's not talk about the fact that when she came into my room I was having serious menstrual cramps and moaning in pain because I couldn't afford to by Motrin and felt like I wanted to die.) I told her that she wasn't helping me at all by talking to me like that. She got really pissed off that I called her out on her trying to pretend she's some kind of hero by confronting me. I had been the golden child all my life, but at that moment I knew how my brother Ben, the rotten middle child, had felt pretty much since his early teens. You know, I wasn't able to give them any money, but goddamn if I wasn't their nanny for the first year of that child's life. Unlike other couples, I could babysit my nephew any day they wanted, they never had to worry about being able to take a nap or a shower, because I helped raise my nephew the first couple of years of his life (even after I moved out I came over almost everyday to help out and visit until they actually started to treat me like a nanny and not a family member and then I got irritated). I was cleaning their house floor to ceiling every week, so it's not like I wasn't contributing at all. And it's not like my brother hadn't gone through times when he couldn't get a job as a young adult and moved into the den of my parents' house while I was still in high school. I was having the same young adult troubles that both of my brothers, and I guess almost every child has, finding a good job and a career to get started, that really only lasted like 6 months (let's not forget I was also full-time in grad school at the time, and my two brothers were not). And yet I was such a failure. What I needed at that point was some support from my family. Maybe even some suggestions as to how to balance grad school and work. Maybe I needed someone to sit me down and weigh the options and the pros and cons and consequences. But instead I got a " you're an addict and a bad kid " speech from a mother who thought she was some kind of Sally Fields. So , I know EXACTLY how that fake intervention made you feel, and good for you for choosing the door. My eldest brother and SIL eventually became flying monkeys for nada. And they are totally enmeshed. I have had to cut them off entirely, and it really hurts because I was so close to my little nephew. We were buds. But I haven't seen him in over a year. And I have no relationship with his little brother, who used to curl up on top of me when he was a baby and I'd come over and nap, ahem, I mean " babysit " him and his brother. Once when nada was visiting, she and I took the eldest boy to the zoo. She was really upset with me (remember I was really close to him) when he hit his head on something and didn't want her to comfort him, he wanted me. And also, he didn't want to hold her hand, he wanted to hold mine. That really pissed her off. I'm sure she held it against me and is secretly happy that I don't have a relationship with him anymore. What a bitch. Sorry for the tangent. Part of what's good and bad about this forum is that I remember things that I forced myself to forget. > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Wow, I know how those fake interventions feel. My nada tried to do one with me, it was just her having a " serious conversation " with me when she came to visit at my brother's house after he and his wife had their first child. I had been out of work for a few months. My brother and SIL asked me to move in with them when they bought the house and both understood when I lost my graduate assistantship and that I was going through a tough time. I was having trouble finding a job that coincided with my grad school schedule, and I did have a large amount of financial aid, but towards the end of the year it was running out. I was having trouble talking to my brother about it, because I had always been so successful and on top of everything, that the situation was shameful and embarrassing to me. So after my nephew is born, nada comes into my bedroom, shuts the door, and says we need to talk. She starts in on some movie-of-the-week lecture about how I need to straighten up and fly right, and get a job, etc. I point blank told her that she had no right to have this kind of a conversation with me. I have fallen on hard times; I'm out interviewing for jobs everyday, but I also don't have much money for gas to interview for jobs; and this is not some move-of-the-week where she is the all-good, never-had-a-problem mother and I am some problem child. (Let's not talk about the fact that when she came into my room I was having serious menstrual cramps and moaning in pain because I couldn't afford to by Motrin and felt like I wanted to die.) I told her that she wasn't helping me at all by talking to me like that. She got really pissed off that I called her out on her trying to pretend she's some kind of hero by confronting me. I had been the golden child all my life, but at that moment I knew how my brother Ben, the rotten middle child, had felt pretty much since his early teens. You know, I wasn't able to give them any money, but goddamn if I wasn't their nanny for the first year of that child's life. Unlike other couples, I could babysit my nephew any day they wanted, they never had to worry about being able to take a nap or a shower, because I helped raise my nephew the first couple of years of his life (even after I moved out I came over almost everyday to help out and visit until they actually started to treat me like a nanny and not a family member and then I got irritated). I was cleaning their house floor to ceiling every week, so it's not like I wasn't contributing at all. And it's not like my brother hadn't gone through times when he couldn't get a job as a young adult and moved into the den of my parents' house while I was still in high school. I was having the same young adult troubles that both of my brothers, and I guess almost every child has, finding a good job and a career to get started, that really only lasted like 6 months (let's not forget I was also full-time in grad school at the time, and my two brothers were not). And yet I was such a failure. What I needed at that point was some support from my family. Maybe even some suggestions as to how to balance grad school and work. Maybe I needed someone to sit me down and weigh the options and the pros and cons and consequences. But instead I got a " you're an addict and a bad kid " speech from a mother who thought she was some kind of Sally Fields. So , I know EXACTLY how that fake intervention made you feel, and good for you for choosing the door. My eldest brother and SIL eventually became flying monkeys for nada. And they are totally enmeshed. I have had to cut them off entirely, and it really hurts because I was so close to my little nephew. We were buds. But I haven't seen him in over a year. And I have no relationship with his little brother, who used to curl up on top of me when he was a baby and I'd come over and nap, ahem, I mean " babysit " him and his brother. Once when nada was visiting, she and I took the eldest boy to the zoo. She was really upset with me (remember I was really close to him) when he hit his head on something and didn't want her to comfort him, he wanted me. And also, he didn't want to hold her hand, he wanted to hold mine. That really pissed her off. I'm sure she held it against me and is secretly happy that I don't have a relationship with him anymore. What a bitch. Sorry for the tangent. Part of what's good and bad about this forum is that I remember things that I forced myself to forget. > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Hi , OMG. You sound like me. I was homeschooled all the way through highschool, too--my dad has a PhD in education and wrote his dissertation on college prep homeschooling, which is now a book. All my 5 little siblings are/were, too. My dad's the one with BPD, and he was very very controlling, and even when I was in college in the same town, I'd have to call my parents when I got to school, and when I was coming home, and if I was going to be late, and if I was going someplace else, when I got to work, when I was about to leave work, etc. Now, I like homeschooling--I was able to have education on my terms, enjoy it, and progress as fast as I needed (which is usually faster than public school). But I think so many controlling parents use it as an extension of their need to control their children, and that was the part I hated. I never could get away, especially once my dad started working from home. That was horrible >_< When I moved out, and shortly after I got engaged (which was a few months after I moved out) my dad disowned me, because my dad thought I hated his guts, and wasn't treating him or my mom or my oldest little brother very well (my brother bought into the FOG and believes it.) and so they took away the car that I was paying half the payments on, my phone, and health insurance. I didn't want to be " beholden " to my dad anymore, so my fiance and his dad bought a car that fiance and I could both drive, I got a phone, and I got my own health insurance, while still going to school full time, and working two part time jobs. So, once I got all that in order, I left the car in a church parking lot, with the phone in it, and I mailed the keys with the note where the car was, to them. My dad didn't like that, but it was a moment of epic win for me--rather symbolic, I guess. Then my mom and oldest little brother came to my work one day--I worked at a public library. They took a couple of my little siblings with them. I guess it was a form of intervention, now that I think about it--they gave me back the keys saying that Dad was doing that kind gesture of giving back the keys as a " huge olive branch " but I stammered out that I already had the phone and a car and didn't need that anymore, my mom's eyes teared up and my brother was trying to talk to sense into me like a " caring " little brother. And then I started crying about the whole thing, and so my boss, the branch manager, told them to leave and not come back. (I had informed them at the time of disownment that I was afraid that my dad would stalk me or confront me or something, so my boss was prepared to make them leave) But he sent my mom and siblings instead.... There's more to the story, but that part was just so similar that I had to share. Good for you that you're getting counseling, and good for you for moving out and starting boundaries! We're here anytime you need to vent or have advice Holly On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 4:29 PM, heather_basile wrote: > > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD > mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly > married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. > My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been > trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I > TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The > tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older > sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am > a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how > would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little > sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my > older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame > him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to > be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother > wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has > any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are > divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all > over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, > recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older > sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up > on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed > and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. > Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate > person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to > either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad > and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST > decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me > that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive > behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about > it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom > made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me > that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly > had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when > someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one > moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes > later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family > time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions > she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the > ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my > life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know > where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 > to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get > texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get > your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was > upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have > had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was > treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a > final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I > BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that > final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully > he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY > relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated > him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be > offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he > would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He > has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the > time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a > suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my > week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any > other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. > She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the > worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and > somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " > .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then > expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. > I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine > after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter > but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Hi , OMG. You sound like me. I was homeschooled all the way through highschool, too--my dad has a PhD in education and wrote his dissertation on college prep homeschooling, which is now a book. All my 5 little siblings are/were, too. My dad's the one with BPD, and he was very very controlling, and even when I was in college in the same town, I'd have to call my parents when I got to school, and when I was coming home, and if I was going to be late, and if I was going someplace else, when I got to work, when I was about to leave work, etc. Now, I like homeschooling--I was able to have education on my terms, enjoy it, and progress as fast as I needed (which is usually faster than public school). But I think so many controlling parents use it as an extension of their need to control their children, and that was the part I hated. I never could get away, especially once my dad started working from home. That was horrible >_< When I moved out, and shortly after I got engaged (which was a few months after I moved out) my dad disowned me, because my dad thought I hated his guts, and wasn't treating him or my mom or my oldest little brother very well (my brother bought into the FOG and believes it.) and so they took away the car that I was paying half the payments on, my phone, and health insurance. I didn't want to be " beholden " to my dad anymore, so my fiance and his dad bought a car that fiance and I could both drive, I got a phone, and I got my own health insurance, while still going to school full time, and working two part time jobs. So, once I got all that in order, I left the car in a church parking lot, with the phone in it, and I mailed the keys with the note where the car was, to them. My dad didn't like that, but it was a moment of epic win for me--rather symbolic, I guess. Then my mom and oldest little brother came to my work one day--I worked at a public library. They took a couple of my little siblings with them. I guess it was a form of intervention, now that I think about it--they gave me back the keys saying that Dad was doing that kind gesture of giving back the keys as a " huge olive branch " but I stammered out that I already had the phone and a car and didn't need that anymore, my mom's eyes teared up and my brother was trying to talk to sense into me like a " caring " little brother. And then I started crying about the whole thing, and so my boss, the branch manager, told them to leave and not come back. (I had informed them at the time of disownment that I was afraid that my dad would stalk me or confront me or something, so my boss was prepared to make them leave) But he sent my mom and siblings instead.... There's more to the story, but that part was just so similar that I had to share. Good for you that you're getting counseling, and good for you for moving out and starting boundaries! We're here anytime you need to vent or have advice Holly On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 4:29 PM, heather_basile wrote: > > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD > mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly > married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. > My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been > trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I > TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The > tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older > sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am > a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how > would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little > sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my > older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame > him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to > be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother > wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has > any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are > divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all > over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, > recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older > sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up > on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed > and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. > Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate > person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to > either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad > and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST > decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me > that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive > behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about > it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom > made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me > that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly > had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when > someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one > moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes > later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family > time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions > she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the > ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my > life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know > where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 > to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get > texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get > your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was > upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have > had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was > treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a > final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I > BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that > final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully > he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY > relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated > him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be > offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he > would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He > has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the > time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a > suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my > week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any > other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. > She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the > worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and > somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " > .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then > expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. > I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine > after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter > but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 Hi , OMG. You sound like me. I was homeschooled all the way through highschool, too--my dad has a PhD in education and wrote his dissertation on college prep homeschooling, which is now a book. All my 5 little siblings are/were, too. My dad's the one with BPD, and he was very very controlling, and even when I was in college in the same town, I'd have to call my parents when I got to school, and when I was coming home, and if I was going to be late, and if I was going someplace else, when I got to work, when I was about to leave work, etc. Now, I like homeschooling--I was able to have education on my terms, enjoy it, and progress as fast as I needed (which is usually faster than public school). But I think so many controlling parents use it as an extension of their need to control their children, and that was the part I hated. I never could get away, especially once my dad started working from home. That was horrible >_< When I moved out, and shortly after I got engaged (which was a few months after I moved out) my dad disowned me, because my dad thought I hated his guts, and wasn't treating him or my mom or my oldest little brother very well (my brother bought into the FOG and believes it.) and so they took away the car that I was paying half the payments on, my phone, and health insurance. I didn't want to be " beholden " to my dad anymore, so my fiance and his dad bought a car that fiance and I could both drive, I got a phone, and I got my own health insurance, while still going to school full time, and working two part time jobs. So, once I got all that in order, I left the car in a church parking lot, with the phone in it, and I mailed the keys with the note where the car was, to them. My dad didn't like that, but it was a moment of epic win for me--rather symbolic, I guess. Then my mom and oldest little brother came to my work one day--I worked at a public library. They took a couple of my little siblings with them. I guess it was a form of intervention, now that I think about it--they gave me back the keys saying that Dad was doing that kind gesture of giving back the keys as a " huge olive branch " but I stammered out that I already had the phone and a car and didn't need that anymore, my mom's eyes teared up and my brother was trying to talk to sense into me like a " caring " little brother. And then I started crying about the whole thing, and so my boss, the branch manager, told them to leave and not come back. (I had informed them at the time of disownment that I was afraid that my dad would stalk me or confront me or something, so my boss was prepared to make them leave) But he sent my mom and siblings instead.... There's more to the story, but that part was just so similar that I had to share. Good for you that you're getting counseling, and good for you for moving out and starting boundaries! We're here anytime you need to vent or have advice Holly On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 4:29 PM, heather_basile wrote: > > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD > mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly > married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. > My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been > trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I > TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The > tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older > sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am > a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how > would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little > sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my > older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame > him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to > be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother > wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has > any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are > divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all > over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, > recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older > sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up > on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed > and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. > Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate > person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to > either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad > and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST > decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me > that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive > behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about > it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom > made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me > that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly > had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when > someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one > moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes > later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family > time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions > she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the > ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my > life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know > where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 > to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get > texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get > your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was > upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have > had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was > treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a > final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I > BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that > final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully > he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY > relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated > him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be > offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he > would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He > has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the > time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a > suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my > week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any > other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. > She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the > worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and > somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " > .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then > expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. > I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine > after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter > but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 WOW! Holly, haha we do have very similiar stories. I am going to college in my town and I work at a library too and I had to do everything you did..get my own car, insurance and phone cuz my mom was using all that against me. I too really enjoyed homeschooling! It has given me a huge advantage in my college classes I think. ANd have a little sister who does the whole " caring " bit that makes me look like I am the one acting irrational. Thank you for sharing some of your story!! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sat, January 29, 2011 3:45:59 PM Subject: Re: Re: Hi, I am new Hi , OMG. You sound like me. I was homeschooled all the way through highschool, too--my dad has a PhD in education and wrote his dissertation on college prep homeschooling, which is now a book. All my 5 little siblings are/were, too. My dad's the one with BPD, and he was very very controlling, and even when I was in college in the same town, I'd have to call my parents when I got to school, and when I was coming home, and if I was going to be late, and if I was going someplace else, when I got to work, when I was about to leave work, etc. Now, I like homeschooling--I was able to have education on my terms, enjoy it, and progress as fast as I needed (which is usually faster than public school). But I think so many controlling parents use it as an extension of their need to control their children, and that was the part I hated. I never could get away, especially once my dad started working from home. That was horrible >_< When I moved out, and shortly after I got engaged (which was a few months after I moved out) my dad disowned me, because my dad thought I hated his guts, and wasn't treating him or my mom or my oldest little brother very well (my brother bought into the FOG and believes it.) and so they took away the car that I was paying half the payments on, my phone, and health insurance. I didn't want to be " beholden " to my dad anymore, so my fiance and his dad bought a car that fiance and I could both drive, I got a phone, and I got my own health insurance, while still going to school full time, and working two part time jobs. So, once I got all that in order, I left the car in a church parking lot, with the phone in it, and I mailed the keys with the note where the car was, to them. My dad didn't like that, but it was a moment of epic win for me--rather symbolic, I guess. Then my mom and oldest little brother came to my work one day--I worked at a public library. They took a couple of my little siblings with them. I guess it was a form of intervention, now that I think about it--they gave me back the keys saying that Dad was doing that kind gesture of giving back the keys as a " huge olive branch " but I stammered out that I already had the phone and a car and didn't need that anymore, my mom's eyes teared up and my brother was trying to talk to sense into me like a " caring " little brother. And then I started crying about the whole thing, and so my boss, the branch manager, told them to leave and not come back. (I had informed them at the time of disownment that I was afraid that my dad would stalk me or confront me or something, so my boss was prepared to make them leave) But he sent my mom and siblings instead.... There's more to the story, but that part was just so similar that I had to share. Good for you that you're getting counseling, and good for you for moving out and starting boundaries! We're here anytime you need to vent or have advice Holly On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 4:29 PM, heather_basile wrote: > > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD > mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly > married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. > My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been > trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I > TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The > tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older > sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am > a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how > would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little > sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my > older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame > him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to > be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother > wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has > any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are > divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all > over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, > recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older > sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up > on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed > and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. > Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate > person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to > either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad > and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST > decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me > that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive > behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about > it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom > made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me > that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly > had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when > someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one > moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes > later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family > time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions > she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the > ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my > life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know > where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 > to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get > texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get > your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was > upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have > had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was > treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a > final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I > BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that > final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully > he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY > relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated > him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be > offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he > would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He > has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the > time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a > suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my > week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any > other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. > She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the > worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and > somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " > .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then > expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. > I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine > after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter > but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 WOW! Holly, haha we do have very similiar stories. I am going to college in my town and I work at a library too and I had to do everything you did..get my own car, insurance and phone cuz my mom was using all that against me. I too really enjoyed homeschooling! It has given me a huge advantage in my college classes I think. ANd have a little sister who does the whole " caring " bit that makes me look like I am the one acting irrational. Thank you for sharing some of your story!! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sat, January 29, 2011 3:45:59 PM Subject: Re: Re: Hi, I am new Hi , OMG. You sound like me. I was homeschooled all the way through highschool, too--my dad has a PhD in education and wrote his dissertation on college prep homeschooling, which is now a book. All my 5 little siblings are/were, too. My dad's the one with BPD, and he was very very controlling, and even when I was in college in the same town, I'd have to call my parents when I got to school, and when I was coming home, and if I was going to be late, and if I was going someplace else, when I got to work, when I was about to leave work, etc. Now, I like homeschooling--I was able to have education on my terms, enjoy it, and progress as fast as I needed (which is usually faster than public school). But I think so many controlling parents use it as an extension of their need to control their children, and that was the part I hated. I never could get away, especially once my dad started working from home. That was horrible >_< When I moved out, and shortly after I got engaged (which was a few months after I moved out) my dad disowned me, because my dad thought I hated his guts, and wasn't treating him or my mom or my oldest little brother very well (my brother bought into the FOG and believes it.) and so they took away the car that I was paying half the payments on, my phone, and health insurance. I didn't want to be " beholden " to my dad anymore, so my fiance and his dad bought a car that fiance and I could both drive, I got a phone, and I got my own health insurance, while still going to school full time, and working two part time jobs. So, once I got all that in order, I left the car in a church parking lot, with the phone in it, and I mailed the keys with the note where the car was, to them. My dad didn't like that, but it was a moment of epic win for me--rather symbolic, I guess. Then my mom and oldest little brother came to my work one day--I worked at a public library. They took a couple of my little siblings with them. I guess it was a form of intervention, now that I think about it--they gave me back the keys saying that Dad was doing that kind gesture of giving back the keys as a " huge olive branch " but I stammered out that I already had the phone and a car and didn't need that anymore, my mom's eyes teared up and my brother was trying to talk to sense into me like a " caring " little brother. And then I started crying about the whole thing, and so my boss, the branch manager, told them to leave and not come back. (I had informed them at the time of disownment that I was afraid that my dad would stalk me or confront me or something, so my boss was prepared to make them leave) But he sent my mom and siblings instead.... There's more to the story, but that part was just so similar that I had to share. Good for you that you're getting counseling, and good for you for moving out and starting boundaries! We're here anytime you need to vent or have advice Holly On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 4:29 PM, heather_basile wrote: > > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD > mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly > married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. > My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been > trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I > TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The > tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older > sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am > a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how > would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little > sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my > older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame > him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to > be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother > wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has > any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are > divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all > over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, > recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older > sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up > on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed > and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. > Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate > person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to > either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad > and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST > decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me > that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive > behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about > it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom > made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me > that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly > had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when > someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one > moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes > later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family > time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions > she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the > ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my > life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know > where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 > to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get > texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get > your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was > upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have > had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was > treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a > final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I > BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that > final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully > he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY > relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated > him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be > offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he > would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He > has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the > time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a > suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my > week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any > other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. > She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the > worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and > somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " > .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then > expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. > I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine > after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter > but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 My mother did the exact same thing- she still tries and I'm nearly 30 years old. She constantly has to know what I'm doing, what my plans are what I'm thinking, doing- down to the minute. When ever you try and mention your feelings- the tables are turned and it's YOU who is treating HER badly. Like you said- all you try and do is make her happy, want her approval but nothing will ever be enough because she lacks something, herself and it isn't anything you can fill. I'm sure at times you've felt guilty about going with friends, your boyfriend, anything- because of being scared about what mom will think. Stay strong- you don't need your mother's approval- or your siblings. If you can, stop being the taxi for your little sis. You have to concentrate on your future, whether that includes your mom and family is up to you. Blair > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 My mother did the exact same thing- she still tries and I'm nearly 30 years old. She constantly has to know what I'm doing, what my plans are what I'm thinking, doing- down to the minute. When ever you try and mention your feelings- the tables are turned and it's YOU who is treating HER badly. Like you said- all you try and do is make her happy, want her approval but nothing will ever be enough because she lacks something, herself and it isn't anything you can fill. I'm sure at times you've felt guilty about going with friends, your boyfriend, anything- because of being scared about what mom will think. Stay strong- you don't need your mother's approval- or your siblings. If you can, stop being the taxi for your little sis. You have to concentrate on your future, whether that includes your mom and family is up to you. Blair > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 29, 2011 Report Share Posted January 29, 2011 My mother did the exact same thing- she still tries and I'm nearly 30 years old. She constantly has to know what I'm doing, what my plans are what I'm thinking, doing- down to the minute. When ever you try and mention your feelings- the tables are turned and it's YOU who is treating HER badly. Like you said- all you try and do is make her happy, want her approval but nothing will ever be enough because she lacks something, herself and it isn't anything you can fill. I'm sure at times you've felt guilty about going with friends, your boyfriend, anything- because of being scared about what mom will think. Stay strong- you don't need your mother's approval- or your siblings. If you can, stop being the taxi for your little sis. You have to concentrate on your future, whether that includes your mom and family is up to you. Blair > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. (I now live with my older brother). My BPD mom had a " family intervention " FOR ME. She invited my sister (newly married) and her husband over and they (my mom and sister) ganged up on me. My mom said she was tired of the way I TREAT HER!!! For months I have been trying desperately to talk to her about treating me nicely and she says I TREAT HER BADLY! All I want is for her to acknowledge my feelings. The tables got turned...I was accused of being disrespectful and angry. My older sister jumped on the band wagon and agreed with everything my mom said-I am a horrible daughter and treat my mom terribly Which I don't! (and how would she know anyway she doesn't even live at home anymore??)My little sister just silently agreed with an angry glare at me the whole time, my older sister's husband was mortified and kept his head down (I don't blame him...it was sooo uncomfortable and it was completely unnecessary for him to be there). I felt humiliated, lied about, and sooooo alone. My brother wasn't invited to this family intervention cuz he is the only one who has any sense and doesn't let my mom control him...figures. (my parents are divorced).I love my mom and try so hard to make her happy but she walks all over me and treats me like crap, lets my little sister treat me like crap, recruits my older sister to tell me how horrible I am, and since my older sister has moved out my mom and my little sister are constantly ganging up on me and I am singled out. > > During this " intervention " I was told I could not talk. I was bad-mouthed and made to look like an angry, selfish, mean person. It broke my heart. Everyone who knows me knows I am the quiet, meek, gentle, compassionate person in my family. At the end of the humiliation I was given the option to either " treat my mom better " or " there's the door. " I don't treat my mom bad and the door looked a lot kinder than my mom so I chose option #2. BEST decision of my life! Hard as heck, but I am glad I did it. > > I have been seeing a counselor for about 2 months. She was so proud of me that I had moved out and advised I take a sabadical from my mom's abusive behavior, she said she thought she had BPD and that I should read about it-that is how I found this forum. My mom definitely has BPD. > > All the stories I read sound so familiar. I read about a girl who her mom made up that she had diseases-MY MOM DID THAT TO ME!! She tried to tell me that " anger " was a symptom of this factituos disease that I supposadly had...I am not an angry person. Yes, my mom makes me very angry but when someone pisses you off, anger is a natural response not an alement. > > What is not natural is my mom's emotional responses. She will be fine one moment and scary the next. She will make me cry my eyes out and 2 minutes later asking me to " come on down stairs we are going to have fun family time! " in a chipper voice. The constant emotional rollercoaster of emotions she was going through was makin me sick because she would take me for the ride. > > My mom is so manipulative. She controls (controlled) every aspect of my life. I was homeschooled until I graduated highschool. I had to let her know where I was constantly while I am at school (college) and was " on call " 24/7 to drive my little sister (who is 18)anywhere her heart desired. I would get texts from my mom WHILE IN MY COLLEGE CLASSROOM saying " you need to go get your sister " ...aaaah!!! I would get in trouble for being in class!!! She was upset that I did not make a 4.0 GPA last semester (I am a Junior and have had a 4.0 up until now...my grades dropped to a 3.8 BECAUSE of how she was treating me. How ironic). One of my profs actually came up to me before a final and pulled me aside and asked if I was ok (I was visibly upset). I BURST into tears- NO I wasn't ok and ended up not being able to take that final cuz I was too emotional about something my mom had said. (thankfully he let me retake it and I made a B in calculus > > My mom is jealous (or something) of my relationships. She sabotages EVERY relationship I have. I REALLY love the guy I am with now and she has treated him HORRIBLY. And when he didnt want to come over to the house she would be offended...WHY would he want to come over, she is horrible to him?? Then he would to make things not so hard on me and she would TOTALLY ignore him. He has been so supportive and undertanding. > > Since I have moved out my mom texts me a LOT. I thought I would limit the time I saw her to about once a week for lunch in a public place. > > Jan. 20th was my birthday. She said she was planning something and it was a suprise. I kept asking her what day it would be because I wanted to plan my week but she wouldnt tell me. She didn't want me to be able to make any other plans with my boyfriend. The day she chose was a day I had made plans. She made me cancel my plans because she had " tickets. " I went...It was the worst bday. I sat BY MYSELF at a play. I told her my feelings were hurt and somehow she turned it around and I was the one being mean. > > Then the very next day I get a text from her " are we on for lunch? " .....no no no no, we are not. IT is not ok how she treats me and then expects everything to be ok. I am not ok. I do not like the emotional abuse. I am so tired of being the bad guy. Because my mom can be perfectly fine after being mean it makes my look like I am unforgiving and a bad daughter but I am really hurting. All I want is for my feelings to matter > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Hi & welcome! It sure can be overwhelming to find others who can relate... and I can relate to that! I'm glad you found us, but I'm sorry you had a need to. I think you'll find this group to be an amazing bunch of people who offer help & support in a safe environment. Glad you found us. Mia On Thu, Jan 27, 2011 at 10:12 PM, heather_basile wrote: > > > wow, um where to start. im crying right now. i just found this group and > just realized everything ive felt other people feel. i have been seeing a > counselor and she told me she thinks my mom has BPD. i joined to read about > it and i feel like every post i read i wrote. who knew i wasnt alone in how > i felt for all these years?? i feel so everwhelmed right now > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Oh wow , definitely time to put up some boundaries with her! I can't believe she had an intervention for you?!?!?!?! I mean, I DO believe it because we're talking about likely BPD parents here on this list, but wow... just wow. I hope you will continue to go to therapy, continue to read & learn about BPD and how you CAN and DO HAVE the right to put your foot down & set up boundaries with the woman! Making you drive you sister all over... when you're in class... that's just such B.S. She's 18... she should be driving her dang self. Anyway. I will keep this brief. But know that you are NOT alone and that you do have rights to be happy & healthy, even if that means cutting your nada out of your life. I know a lot of people don't want to do that, and it's a very personal decision. But many of us have. It's YOUR CHOICE though so please don't think anyone's pressuring you. But do know that if after you've tried everything else... that is an option. You can also limit your contact with her. Many here have done that instead of going no-contact (NC). Mia On Fri, Jan 28, 2011 at 5:29 PM, heather_basile wrote: > > > Thank you Annie. Here is part of my story. > > I JUST moved out 3 weeks ago. <snipped> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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