just a small thing

[Guest guest]

So it's just a small thing, but maybe writing it out here will help. So I

actually had a relatively " good " conversation with my nada today. Her waifiness

was fairly low, her mood generally good. Actually pretty rare. I've got a

birthday coming up and I've been having a little trouble accepting my aging -

I'll be forty-something. I've aged rapidly in the last few years, my skin has

turned to crepe paper, my weight looks worse on me even though it's the same,

the grays are increasing, my joints give weird reverberating pains sometimes. I

feel like I can see my youth slipping down the drain and I'm just not ready.

And yeah, it happens to everybody and this is just the start so I better get

used to it...I know. But I shared just briefly with nada I couldn't believe

the age I would be, how fast it's coming and she's immediately all - well I'm

seventy-something, blah blah blah.... And me, I get quiet, clearly how can I

complain about aging when she's got it *so much worse* than me.

And it feels like this scenario has happened over and over, a million times

since I was born. Whatever problem I have, whatever wisdom or comfort I seek,

well - tough luck. She's got it worse. She'll always have it worse, so I can

just shut up already. Other things are more important. If she's got

experience I might learn from, oh well that's not what she'll be sharing. And

perhaps I should be grateful because the rare times she does focus on my

problems she gives me really bad advice and blames it all on me.

Just wish I had a real mom sometimes.

Thanks for listening,