Guest guest Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 My MIL is undiagnosed, but clearly suffers from severe BPD. She has been getting worse in the past few years and her anger, hatred and blame towards me is starting to cause me alarm. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. MIL hated me from the moment she met me and my husband has basically confirmed this (although he was in denial for a long time.) She has classic BPD behaviors - everyone is terrible to her, we are evil, nothing we do is ever good enough, you know the drill. Lately, however, she seems increasingly intent on shifting her blame towards me. She is angry at my husband for being a terrible son, but she thinks I am the one who has turned him against her. She is angry at my husband for distancing himself from her, but thinks that I control him so it must be my fault. She has told my husband I am a b$#ch and uses these warm phrases about me when emailing my husband: " Wake up and smell the roses and you will see that I am not the one who is lying. " " Sometimes it is nice being divorced. " " Maybe if you ask really nicely, your wife will give you your b@lls back. " " Your wife is not the sweet and innocent person she pretends to be. " " How can you believe someone else's lies and let them tear us apart? " " Why do some people insist on spreading lies about other people just to hurt them? Is it ego? Insecurity? Hatred? I will never understand. " She has used Facebook and email has her platform to tell the world how terrible I am. My sister-in-law is in on the game too, openly calling me names and blaming me for my husband's broken relationship with his mother on Facebook. We blocked both of them on Facebook a while back because it wasn't healthy for us to read their frequent posts about us. My mother-in-law has never explicitly threatened me but it is becoming more and more evident that she blames me for " taking her grandchildren away from her. " (In fact, she still has contact with us and her grandchildren.... but she is constantly telling us we took them away from her - just part of the mental illness.) Her anger towards me is growing in intensity and I can't help but feeling that she believes if I were out of the picture, she would have her son and her grandchildren and her " perfect " life. My husband shares my concern but we can't quite put our finger on it. She lives in another state, about a 4 hour drive away, but am I crazy to be afraid? I don't have any evidence of a threat or any imminent danger, so I can't pursue at restraining order (that would just be throwing gasoline on the fire anyway) but I can't shake this feeling. When the kids were younger and in daycare, we had a special " no pick up " order on my mother-in-law. It was just informal, but while all of the other grandparents were on the approved pick up list, we made sure they know she was not allowed to take our kids out of daycare for any reason. We feared she may try to take them someday. She was practically obsessed with them and it scared us. Has anyone else had these feelings without an actual threat or attempt to do harm? Any advice on true warning signs? I hate living like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 I agree with you: the current content of her posts is not dangerous. They are definitely hateful and insulting, but they are not actually threatening you with harm. But if she starts making statements that are more like, " I'll get you back somehow " or " I hope you die " or " God will punish you for how you're treating me " or " If you don't xyz, I'm calling CSP and reporting you for child abuse " or " I'm going to be at XYZ event when you are there and I'll be watching you " ... THEN I'd go on alert. If you haven't already, begin to document all her correspondence to you or about you. Make a special folder for all her e-mails. Consider unblocking her on Facebook only for the purpose of printing or copy/pasting her posts so you have a record of those, if they're about you. If she leaves threatening voice messages on your phone, keep them or copy them. Make sure everything has a date on it and time if possible. If you notice other stalking or harassing behaviors, such as: driving by/walking by your home, entering your property, leaving letters or packages on your doorstep, contacting your neighbors for information about you/your children/their whereabouts, vandalizing your property, showing up at your place of work, phoning your place of work in order make slanderous statements about you to your employer, etc. then I would go on HIGH ALERT and I'd document all those actions. Once someone starts making actual threats or showing up in person uninvited, that's when I'd worry, and that's when I'd get a restraining order taken out. -Annie > > My MIL is undiagnosed, but clearly suffers from severe BPD. She has been getting worse in the past few years and her anger, hatred and blame towards me is starting to cause me alarm. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. MIL hated me from the moment she met me and my husband has basically confirmed this (although he was in denial for a long time.) She has classic BPD behaviors - everyone is terrible to her, we are evil, nothing we do is ever good enough, you know the drill. > > Lately, however, she seems increasingly intent on shifting her blame towards me. She is angry at my husband for being a terrible son, but she thinks I am the one who has turned him against her. She is angry at my husband for distancing himself from her, but thinks that I control him so it must be my fault. > > She has told my husband I am a b$#ch and uses these warm phrases about me when emailing my husband: > > " Wake up and smell the roses and you will see that I am not the one who is lying. " > > " Sometimes it is nice being divorced. " > > " Maybe if you ask really nicely, your wife will give you your b@lls back. " > > " Your wife is not the sweet and innocent person she pretends to be. " > > " How can you believe someone else's lies and let them tear us apart? " > > " Why do some people insist on spreading lies about other people just to hurt them? Is it ego? Insecurity? Hatred? I will never understand. " > > She has used Facebook and email has her platform to tell the world how terrible I am. My sister-in-law is in on the game too, openly calling me names and blaming me for my husband's broken relationship with his mother on Facebook. We blocked both of them on Facebook a while back because it wasn't healthy for us to read their frequent posts about us. > > My mother-in-law has never explicitly threatened me but it is becoming more and more evident that she blames me for " taking her grandchildren away from her. " (In fact, she still has contact with us and her grandchildren.... but she is constantly telling us we took them away from her - just part of the mental illness.) Her anger towards me is growing in intensity and I can't help but feeling that she believes if I were out of the picture, she would have her son and her grandchildren and her " perfect " life. My husband shares my concern but we can't quite put our finger on it. She lives in another state, about a 4 hour drive away, but am I crazy to be afraid? > > I don't have any evidence of a threat or any imminent danger, so I can't pursue at restraining order (that would just be throwing gasoline on the fire anyway) but I can't shake this feeling. When the kids were younger and in daycare, we had a special " no pick up " order on my mother-in-law. It was just informal, but while all of the other grandparents were on the approved pick up list, we made sure they know she was not allowed to take our kids out of daycare for any reason. We feared she may try to take them someday. She was practically obsessed with them and it scared us. > > Has anyone else had these feelings without an actual threat or attempt to do harm? Any advice on true warning signs? I hate living like this. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 I agree with you: the current content of her posts is not dangerous. They are definitely hateful and insulting, but they are not actually threatening you with harm. But if she starts making statements that are more like, " I'll get you back somehow " or " I hope you die " or " God will punish you for how you're treating me " or " If you don't xyz, I'm calling CSP and reporting you for child abuse " or " I'm going to be at XYZ event when you are there and I'll be watching you " ... THEN I'd go on alert. If you haven't already, begin to document all her correspondence to you or about you. Make a special folder for all her e-mails. Consider unblocking her on Facebook only for the purpose of printing or copy/pasting her posts so you have a record of those, if they're about you. If she leaves threatening voice messages on your phone, keep them or copy them. Make sure everything has a date on it and time if possible. If you notice other stalking or harassing behaviors, such as: driving by/walking by your home, entering your property, leaving letters or packages on your doorstep, contacting your neighbors for information about you/your children/their whereabouts, vandalizing your property, showing up at your place of work, phoning your place of work in order make slanderous statements about you to your employer, etc. then I would go on HIGH ALERT and I'd document all those actions. Once someone starts making actual threats or showing up in person uninvited, that's when I'd worry, and that's when I'd get a restraining order taken out. -Annie > > My MIL is undiagnosed, but clearly suffers from severe BPD. She has been getting worse in the past few years and her anger, hatred and blame towards me is starting to cause me alarm. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. MIL hated me from the moment she met me and my husband has basically confirmed this (although he was in denial for a long time.) She has classic BPD behaviors - everyone is terrible to her, we are evil, nothing we do is ever good enough, you know the drill. > > Lately, however, she seems increasingly intent on shifting her blame towards me. She is angry at my husband for being a terrible son, but she thinks I am the one who has turned him against her. She is angry at my husband for distancing himself from her, but thinks that I control him so it must be my fault. > > She has told my husband I am a b$#ch and uses these warm phrases about me when emailing my husband: > > " Wake up and smell the roses and you will see that I am not the one who is lying. " > > " Sometimes it is nice being divorced. " > > " Maybe if you ask really nicely, your wife will give you your b@lls back. " > > " Your wife is not the sweet and innocent person she pretends to be. " > > " How can you believe someone else's lies and let them tear us apart? " > > " Why do some people insist on spreading lies about other people just to hurt them? Is it ego? Insecurity? Hatred? I will never understand. " > > She has used Facebook and email has her platform to tell the world how terrible I am. My sister-in-law is in on the game too, openly calling me names and blaming me for my husband's broken relationship with his mother on Facebook. We blocked both of them on Facebook a while back because it wasn't healthy for us to read their frequent posts about us. > > My mother-in-law has never explicitly threatened me but it is becoming more and more evident that she blames me for " taking her grandchildren away from her. " (In fact, she still has contact with us and her grandchildren.... but she is constantly telling us we took them away from her - just part of the mental illness.) Her anger towards me is growing in intensity and I can't help but feeling that she believes if I were out of the picture, she would have her son and her grandchildren and her " perfect " life. My husband shares my concern but we can't quite put our finger on it. She lives in another state, about a 4 hour drive away, but am I crazy to be afraid? > > I don't have any evidence of a threat or any imminent danger, so I can't pursue at restraining order (that would just be throwing gasoline on the fire anyway) but I can't shake this feeling. When the kids were younger and in daycare, we had a special " no pick up " order on my mother-in-law. It was just informal, but while all of the other grandparents were on the approved pick up list, we made sure they know she was not allowed to take our kids out of daycare for any reason. We feared she may try to take them someday. She was practically obsessed with them and it scared us. > > Has anyone else had these feelings without an actual threat or attempt to do harm? Any advice on true warning signs? I hate living like this. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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