Guest guest Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 My MIL is undiagnosed, but clearly suffers from severe BPD. She has been getting worse in the past few years and her anger, hatred and blame towards me is starting to cause me alarm. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. MIL hated me from the moment she met me and my husband has basically confirmed this (although he was in denial for a long time.) She has classic BPD behaviors - everyone is terrible to her, we are evil, nothing we do is ever good enough, you know the drill. Lately, however, she seems increasingly intent on shifting her blame towards me. She is angry at my husband for being a terrible son, but she thinks I am the one who has turned him against her. She is angry at my husband for distancing himself from her, but thinks that I control him so it must be my fault. She has told my husband I am a b$#ch and uses these warm phrases about me when emailing my husband: " Wake up and smell the roses and you will see that I am not the one who is lying. " " Sometimes it is nice being divorced. " " Maybe if you ask really nicely, your wife will give you your b@lls back. " " Your wife is not the sweet and innocent person she pretends to be. " " How can you believe someone else's lies and let them tear us apart? " " Why do some people insist on spreading lies about other people just to hurt them? Is it ego? Insecurity? Hatred? I will never understand. " She has used Facebook and email has her platform to tell the world how terrible I am. My sister-in-law is in on the game too, openly calling me names and blaming me for my husband's broken relationship with his mother on Facebook. We blocked both of them on Facebook a while back because it wasn't healthy for us to read their frequent posts about us. My mother-in-law has never explicitly threatened me but it is becoming more and more evident that she blames me for " taking her grandchildren away from her. " (In fact, she still has contact with us and her grandchildren.... but she is constantly telling us we took them away from her - just part of the mental illness.) Her anger towards me is growing in intensity and I can't help but feeling that she believes if I were out of the picture, she would have her son and her grandchildren and her " perfect " life. My husband shares my concern but we can't quite put our finger on it. She lives in another state, about a 4 hour drive away, but am I crazy to be afraid? I don't have any evidence of a threat or any imminent danger, so I can't pursue at restraining order (that would just be throwing gasoline on the fire anyway) but I can't shake this feeling. When the kids were younger and in daycare, we had a special " no pick up " order on my mother-in-law. It was just informal, but while all of the other grandparents were on the approved pick up list, we made sure they know she was not allowed to take our kids out of daycare for any reason. We feared she may try to take them someday. She was practically obsessed with them and it scared us. Has anyone else had these feelings without an actual threat or attempt to do harm? Any advice on true warning signs? I hate living like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Thank you. I appreciate the support. She is just so full of anger towards me and her behavior is just so irrational, it makes me wonder what she might be capable of. We have started a folder where we save all of her emails. I just started it about a year ago and wish I had done it sooner. Email is her primary means of communicating, so we have it all captured. I had printed off copies of her Facebook rants before we blocked her, and I understand what you are saying, but I am going to keep her blocked. Unblocking her allows her to see what WE do and say on Facebook and only invites more communication, which is the last thing we need. Heaven forbid we should post something about spending time with family that she doesn't like --- been there, done that. Plus, for the most part, if she is writing nasty things about us, I would rather not know about it. She lives far enough away that she can't just drop by or drive by. If she still lived in the state, that would be a REAL risk and I would be very worried. So, I think she is just using words and the internet to try to get sympathy from others and tell the world how terrible we are. Whoever said, " Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me " was obviously never the recipient of a nada's (or nada-in-law's) hurtful rage. > > > > My MIL is undiagnosed, but clearly suffers from severe BPD. She has been getting worse in the past few years and her anger, hatred and blame towards me is starting to cause me alarm. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. MIL hated me from the moment she met me and my husband has basically confirmed this (although he was in denial for a long time.) She has classic BPD behaviors - everyone is terrible to her, we are evil, nothing we do is ever good enough, you know the drill. > > > > Lately, however, she seems increasingly intent on shifting her blame towards me. She is angry at my husband for being a terrible son, but she thinks I am the one who has turned him against her. She is angry at my husband for distancing himself from her, but thinks that I control him so it must be my fault. > > > > She has told my husband I am a b$#ch and uses these warm phrases about me when emailing my husband: > > > > " Wake up and smell the roses and you will see that I am not the one who is lying. " > > > > " Sometimes it is nice being divorced. " > > > > " Maybe if you ask really nicely, your wife will give you your b@lls back. " > > > > " Your wife is not the sweet and innocent person she pretends to be. " > > > > " How can you believe someone else's lies and let them tear us apart? " > > > > " Why do some people insist on spreading lies about other people just to hurt them? Is it ego? Insecurity? Hatred? I will never understand. " > > > > She has used Facebook and email has her platform to tell the world how terrible I am. My sister-in-law is in on the game too, openly calling me names and blaming me for my husband's broken relationship with his mother on Facebook. We blocked both of them on Facebook a while back because it wasn't healthy for us to read their frequent posts about us. > > > > My mother-in-law has never explicitly threatened me but it is becoming more and more evident that she blames me for " taking her grandchildren away from her. " (In fact, she still has contact with us and her grandchildren.... but she is constantly telling us we took them away from her - just part of the mental illness.) Her anger towards me is growing in intensity and I can't help but feeling that she believes if I were out of the picture, she would have her son and her grandchildren and her " perfect " life. My husband shares my concern but we can't quite put our finger on it. She lives in another state, about a 4 hour drive away, but am I crazy to be afraid? > > > > I don't have any evidence of a threat or any imminent danger, so I can't pursue at restraining order (that would just be throwing gasoline on the fire anyway) but I can't shake this feeling. When the kids were younger and in daycare, we had a special " no pick up " order on my mother-in-law. It was just informal, but while all of the other grandparents were on the approved pick up list, we made sure they know she was not allowed to take our kids out of daycare for any reason. We feared she may try to take them someday. She was practically obsessed with them and it scared us. > > > > Has anyone else had these feelings without an actual threat or attempt to do harm? Any advice on true warning signs? I hate living like this. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Thank you. I appreciate the support. She is just so full of anger towards me and her behavior is just so irrational, it makes me wonder what she might be capable of. We have started a folder where we save all of her emails. I just started it about a year ago and wish I had done it sooner. Email is her primary means of communicating, so we have it all captured. I had printed off copies of her Facebook rants before we blocked her, and I understand what you are saying, but I am going to keep her blocked. Unblocking her allows her to see what WE do and say on Facebook and only invites more communication, which is the last thing we need. Heaven forbid we should post something about spending time with family that she doesn't like --- been there, done that. Plus, for the most part, if she is writing nasty things about us, I would rather not know about it. She lives far enough away that she can't just drop by or drive by. If she still lived in the state, that would be a REAL risk and I would be very worried. So, I think she is just using words and the internet to try to get sympathy from others and tell the world how terrible we are. Whoever said, " Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me " was obviously never the recipient of a nada's (or nada-in-law's) hurtful rage. > > > > My MIL is undiagnosed, but clearly suffers from severe BPD. She has been getting worse in the past few years and her anger, hatred and blame towards me is starting to cause me alarm. My husband and I have been married for 17 years. MIL hated me from the moment she met me and my husband has basically confirmed this (although he was in denial for a long time.) She has classic BPD behaviors - everyone is terrible to her, we are evil, nothing we do is ever good enough, you know the drill. > > > > Lately, however, she seems increasingly intent on shifting her blame towards me. She is angry at my husband for being a terrible son, but she thinks I am the one who has turned him against her. She is angry at my husband for distancing himself from her, but thinks that I control him so it must be my fault. > > > > She has told my husband I am a b$#ch and uses these warm phrases about me when emailing my husband: > > > > " Wake up and smell the roses and you will see that I am not the one who is lying. " > > > > " Sometimes it is nice being divorced. " > > > > " Maybe if you ask really nicely, your wife will give you your b@lls back. " > > > > " Your wife is not the sweet and innocent person she pretends to be. " > > > > " How can you believe someone else's lies and let them tear us apart? " > > > > " Why do some people insist on spreading lies about other people just to hurt them? Is it ego? Insecurity? Hatred? I will never understand. " > > > > She has used Facebook and email has her platform to tell the world how terrible I am. My sister-in-law is in on the game too, openly calling me names and blaming me for my husband's broken relationship with his mother on Facebook. We blocked both of them on Facebook a while back because it wasn't healthy for us to read their frequent posts about us. > > > > My mother-in-law has never explicitly threatened me but it is becoming more and more evident that she blames me for " taking her grandchildren away from her. " (In fact, she still has contact with us and her grandchildren.... but she is constantly telling us we took them away from her - just part of the mental illness.) Her anger towards me is growing in intensity and I can't help but feeling that she believes if I were out of the picture, she would have her son and her grandchildren and her " perfect " life. My husband shares my concern but we can't quite put our finger on it. She lives in another state, about a 4 hour drive away, but am I crazy to be afraid? > > > > I don't have any evidence of a threat or any imminent danger, so I can't pursue at restraining order (that would just be throwing gasoline on the fire anyway) but I can't shake this feeling. When the kids were younger and in daycare, we had a special " no pick up " order on my mother-in-law. It was just informal, but while all of the other grandparents were on the approved pick up list, we made sure they know she was not allowed to take our kids out of daycare for any reason. We feared she may try to take them someday. She was practically obsessed with them and it scared us. > > > > Has anyone else had these feelings without an actual threat or attempt to do harm? Any advice on true warning signs? I hate living like this. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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