Re: Re: Hey -- how about running away?

[Guest guest]

I didn't know that it wasn't normal - in fact, only now with the help of my

T am I learning how abnormal it was. And I thought I deserved it. Hard to

run away from that.

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 2:29 PM, Holly Byers

wrote:

> Same here. I felt like running away multiple times, but I remembered

> reading

> somewhere about how runaways never have their plan laid out, don't have

> money, etc--and I didn't want to be lumped together with that type, being

> seen as " overreacting " to fada's anger.

>

> I did have somewhat of a plan--my family was about 4 blocks from our

> parish,

> and I knew where the front door to the rectory was and where the doorbell

> was, and I imagined trying to run to Fr Joe, who was a nice priest, and

> tell

> him everything that my fada does to the family, how I was scared, can he

> help make dad not so angry? (kid thinking--a bit nieve I guess, making fada

> all better).

>

> But I never did for a couple of reasons, though I was sorely sorely

> tempted.

> A) Fada would hear me open the front door or the garage door to run away,

> and he's taller than me and would probably run faster than me, and I didn't

> want to see the anger after getting caught. Even if I did manage to make

> it to the rectory before Fada caught up, would Fr Joe or the other priests

> be home and let me in to help me? C) Even if Fr Joe or other priests did

> let

> me in and I had time to tell them everything I was afraid of, the anger of

> Fada, would they believe me? It wasn't physical, I had no bruises, so how

> could they believe me? D) If they did believe me and contact CPS, I had no

> trust in them because of what Fada would coach us--when we started

> homeschooling he was afraid of false allegations of abuse and told us what

> to say and not to trust them, and if they asked questions, have them ask

> fada instead.

>

> I didn't know that all mandated reporters, including priests, have to take

> what a child or teenager alleges seriously, and contact CPS. If I had known

> that, and if I had more trust in CPS, I might have run away.

>

> The biggest thing that held me back, though, was all my little siblings. I

> knew I couldn't live with myself if I left them behind.

>

> As it is, I still had to leave them behind, though it's something enforced

> by fada and nada, and not of my own decision...and I still feel guilt.

>

> so yes, I relate.

> Holly

>

> On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 2:52 PM, anuria67854 <anuria-67854@...

> >wrote:

>

> >

> >

> > I can relate. My little Sister did try to run away, twice, when she was

> > about 6 and again at about 9. I was too much of a scaredy-cat to actually

> > run away, but instead when I was very little (3?) I deliberately hid

> inside

> > my grandmother's house and didn't come when I was called, hoping that my

> mom

> > would just leave without me. No such luck. I later learned that Nada had

> > called the police but she and grandma found me before the police arrived

> (I

> > had fallen asleep while hiding) and of course I got severely punished for

> > it.

> >

> > As an older child, like you I realized that there was truly no place for

> me

> > to run *to*; even if I did somehow manage to make it to an aunt's or

> uncle's

> > home (the closest relative lived 40 miles away) they'd just send me back

> and

> > things would probably get worse for me. I'd be punished for making mom

> look

> > bad. My mom/nada was able to keep her abuse very covert.

> >

> > Plus I was made to believe that how my mom treated me was my fault, I

> made

> > her so angry all the time because I was a bad, stupid, ungrateful child

> and

> > I deserved to be yelled at and called bad names and slapped around. Or

> even

> > beaten with the belt sometimes. My fault, so just live with it.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

> >

> >

> > >

> > > I have had a very busy week dealing with a sick pet chicken, so I

> haven't

> > been here a lot. Or watching tv--caught up on some last night.

> > >

> > > I watch Parenthood--for some reason the family dynamics really hit

> home.

> > I love how the characters can really argue with each other--all at the

> same

> > time. Nothing was allowed like that in my house. Everyone was afraid of

> > upsetting nada--no one spoke their mind but her.

> > >

> > > Anyway, one of the teen characters is very unhappy with her parents and

> > decided to run away (to the loving grandma). I got to thinking about why

> I

> > never chose to run away. Then I wondered what the rest of you KOs had to

> say

> > about your feeling/experiences.

> > >

> > > Here are mine:

> > >

> > > 1) Every time I felt like running away, a great sense of " I can't do

> that

> > to my family, look what we are already dealing with " would pop in my

> mind.

> > My father and I lived their under siege, I was not going to make it worse

> > for fada.

> > >

> > > 2) I felt if I did run away, there was no one/place to run to. No one

> in

> > the family would believe me and there were no friends.

> > >

> > > In the end, I just 'did my time' until I could get the hell out of her

> > house.

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>