Do you ever think you hate her?

January 30, 2011

Sometimes I think of the things she has said and done to me--nada, that is--and

I just feel like saying. I hate her.

When I planned to go visit her for Christmas, I asked her and planned it out

months ahead of time. But most importantly, I asked her if it was a good time

for her. She had been begging me to visit for years.

Whenever she comes to visit my brother, SIL, and nephews, she doesn't bother

telling me until after she books her flight, then sends me her itinerary and

expects me to drop everything to spend time with her, and rent a car and drive

40 miles round trip to spend an hour with her when she decides it's not prime

grandson time.

I confronted her about it the first time she did it and we had a huge fight.

Then she did again the next year, and her response to me was " Guess what,

? It's not all about you " ! Well, duh. If it was even a little about me you

would confer with me to ask me if it was a good time of year. So my response to

her was " I know it's not all about me. But if you are planning on visiting with

me, then you should be figuring out with me when is a good time to do that and

if I'm even able to at that time of year. " The time she had chosen was really

bad for me. I was working long hours at work and it was right before the opening

of our new galleries in a new building (huge gala and other events and press

conferences I had to be present for, etc.) and I had other things planned and

going on as well. I also responded, " have a nice trip. I probably won't be able

to see you since you didn't consult me at all about when you would be in town

and I have already a lot of things on my plate at that time. "

After she completed making her plans and such she sends me an email saying, " I

hope that you'll be able to take time from your busy schedule to spend a day

with me, stepdad, and stepbro. "

It doesn't have to be all about me, but if she expects to see me, then shouldn't

it be a little about me?

I don't know. Lately I have felt like I should allow myself to feel the anger

that I feel. And frankly I'm feeling like I hate her for screwing with my mind,

my emotions, and my mental health. I hate her for turning my Christmas into a

nightmare and for all the nightmares I have every night. I don't care if she has

a disorder. She won't seek help, so I can't have that much compassion for her.

And frankly, I feel like I should call CPS on her and my stepfather because I am

so worried for the mental health of my stepbrother. But that would certainly get

me cast out from all of my family. And nada would never forgive me. But do I

care?

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