Re: BPD Parents and Family Members.

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

I'm sorry your initial post didn't get responded to; perhaps it arrived on a

very busy day and got lost in the shuffle.

In any case, I agree with you that its unusual for an entire generation of one

family to have personality disorder to such a degree! Usually at least some of

the sibs are nons, but in your mother's family's case... wow!

From what I've read, while its more usual for the children of those with

personality disorder to mimic their parents' behaviors (its as normal for

children to imitate the way their parents behave as it is normal for the child

to pick up her parents' language) but its less typical for a spouse to pick up

bpd or other pd behaviors, because the adult's personality is already

fully-formed. Its not impossible, just less likely.

Yes, it must feel very sad and frustrating for you if your entire foo is

personality-disordered. (That would make me wonder if I'd been kidnapped by

gypsies at birth and sold to a crazy family, lol!)

If I may ask, are you thinking about going No Contact with your sister or your

entire family?

I guess I'm luckier, in that it was/is only my Cluster B mom who is disordered,

although my dad was kind and loving he was also a passive, enabling dishrag of a

dad who let nada (mom) abuse her kids.

The rest of my mother's family of origin are just nice, kind but similarly

passive individuals, but there's no rampant personality disorder in mom's foo.

Dad's family of origin, on the other hand, is rather " colorful. " Yet my dad

grew up to be a sweetheart and married a passionate drama-queen of a bpd woman.

Go figure.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

I'm sorry your initial post didn't get responded to; perhaps it arrived on a

very busy day and got lost in the shuffle.

In any case, I agree with you that its unusual for an entire generation of one

family to have personality disorder to such a degree! Usually at least some of

the sibs are nons, but in your mother's family's case... wow!

From what I've read, while its more usual for the children of those with

personality disorder to mimic their parents' behaviors (its as normal for

children to imitate the way their parents behave as it is normal for the child

to pick up her parents' language) but its less typical for a spouse to pick up

bpd or other pd behaviors, because the adult's personality is already

fully-formed. Its not impossible, just less likely.

Yes, it must feel very sad and frustrating for you if your entire foo is

personality-disordered. (That would make me wonder if I'd been kidnapped by

gypsies at birth and sold to a crazy family, lol!)

If I may ask, are you thinking about going No Contact with your sister or your

entire family?

I guess I'm luckier, in that it was/is only my Cluster B mom who is disordered,

although my dad was kind and loving he was also a passive, enabling dishrag of a

dad who let nada (mom) abuse her kids.

The rest of my mother's family of origin are just nice, kind but similarly

passive individuals, but there's no rampant personality disorder in mom's foo.

Dad's family of origin, on the other hand, is rather " colorful. " Yet my dad

grew up to be a sweetheart and married a passionate drama-queen of a bpd woman.

Go figure.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

I'm sorry your initial post didn't get responded to; perhaps it arrived on a

very busy day and got lost in the shuffle.

In any case, I agree with you that its unusual for an entire generation of one

family to have personality disorder to such a degree! Usually at least some of

the sibs are nons, but in your mother's family's case... wow!

From what I've read, while its more usual for the children of those with

personality disorder to mimic their parents' behaviors (its as normal for

children to imitate the way their parents behave as it is normal for the child

to pick up her parents' language) but its less typical for a spouse to pick up

bpd or other pd behaviors, because the adult's personality is already

fully-formed. Its not impossible, just less likely.

Yes, it must feel very sad and frustrating for you if your entire foo is

personality-disordered. (That would make me wonder if I'd been kidnapped by

gypsies at birth and sold to a crazy family, lol!)

If I may ask, are you thinking about going No Contact with your sister or your

entire family?

I guess I'm luckier, in that it was/is only my Cluster B mom who is disordered,

although my dad was kind and loving he was also a passive, enabling dishrag of a

dad who let nada (mom) abuse her kids.

The rest of my mother's family of origin are just nice, kind but similarly

passive individuals, but there's no rampant personality disorder in mom's foo.

Dad's family of origin, on the other hand, is rather " colorful. " Yet my dad

grew up to be a sweetheart and married a passionate drama-queen of a bpd woman.

Go figure.

-Annie

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

I should add that my nada was high functioning until she had a mental breakdown

7 years ago. She has been in therapy and accepts her diagnosis. She was also in

and out of therapy when my sister and I were children; she was also occasionally

on paxil (anti-depressant). She is also the only family members out of at least

100 relatives to actively seek help for her mental illness (besides myself).

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

I should add that my nada was high functioning until she had a mental breakdown

7 years ago. She has been in therapy and accepts her diagnosis. She was also in

and out of therapy when my sister and I were children; she was also occasionally

on paxil (anti-depressant). She is also the only family members out of at least

100 relatives to actively seek help for her mental illness (besides myself).

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

I should add that my nada was high functioning until she had a mental breakdown

7 years ago. She has been in therapy and accepts her diagnosis. She was also in

and out of therapy when my sister and I were children; she was also occasionally

on paxil (anti-depressant). She is also the only family members out of at least

100 relatives to actively seek help for her mental illness (besides myself).

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

Is it just you and one sibling? There has been a lot of literature over the past

2 decades that talks bout sibling dynamics within a mentally dysfunctional

mental home. How children handle Toxic Shame depending on personality, birth

order, etc. There is always a black sheep and a white sheep, the rest of the

sibs range between. Roles can flip, too. You and your sister might just be

following roles pushed on you from childhood.

Is your sister justified in her attitudes? Perhaps she is pushing against (or

fulfilling) the black sheep role? Or have you compared her actions to those who

exhibit BPD traits? Is it possible she is BPD too?

Kids raised by BPD/codependents often go to what they know: picking spouses that

are either just like themselves (validators--these relationships tend fail

early) or the opposite (BPD/enablers--long standing relationships possible).

My mother is BPD, her only sibling I suspect is too. Their mother was NPD

(likely BPD) and out of aunts/uncles, no one got along--grudges,

misunderstandings, verbal abuse, manipulation. Divorce was the family rule

(unusual for that generation). So I know what you mean about multiple generation

family dysfunction.

here are lots of book out there that discuss sibling dynamics--

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

Is it just you and one sibling? There has been a lot of literature over the past

2 decades that talks bout sibling dynamics within a mentally dysfunctional

mental home. How children handle Toxic Shame depending on personality, birth

order, etc. There is always a black sheep and a white sheep, the rest of the

sibs range between. Roles can flip, too. You and your sister might just be

following roles pushed on you from childhood.

Is your sister justified in her attitudes? Perhaps she is pushing against (or

fulfilling) the black sheep role? Or have you compared her actions to those who

exhibit BPD traits? Is it possible she is BPD too?

Kids raised by BPD/codependents often go to what they know: picking spouses that

are either just like themselves (validators--these relationships tend fail

early) or the opposite (BPD/enablers--long standing relationships possible).

My mother is BPD, her only sibling I suspect is too. Their mother was NPD

(likely BPD) and out of aunts/uncles, no one got along--grudges,

misunderstandings, verbal abuse, manipulation. Divorce was the family rule

(unusual for that generation). So I know what you mean about multiple generation

family dysfunction.

here are lots of book out there that discuss sibling dynamics--

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

Is it just you and one sibling? There has been a lot of literature over the past

2 decades that talks bout sibling dynamics within a mentally dysfunctional

mental home. How children handle Toxic Shame depending on personality, birth

order, etc. There is always a black sheep and a white sheep, the rest of the

sibs range between. Roles can flip, too. You and your sister might just be

following roles pushed on you from childhood.

Is your sister justified in her attitudes? Perhaps she is pushing against (or

fulfilling) the black sheep role? Or have you compared her actions to those who

exhibit BPD traits? Is it possible she is BPD too?

Kids raised by BPD/codependents often go to what they know: picking spouses that

are either just like themselves (validators--these relationships tend fail

early) or the opposite (BPD/enablers--long standing relationships possible).

My mother is BPD, her only sibling I suspect is too. Their mother was NPD

(likely BPD) and out of aunts/uncles, no one got along--grudges,

misunderstandings, verbal abuse, manipulation. Divorce was the family rule

(unusual for that generation). So I know what you mean about multiple generation

family dysfunction.

here are lots of book out there that discuss sibling dynamics--

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

>

> CR.

>

[Guest guest]

I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they were

sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either depression

or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There are many

alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to stem from

my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were poor,

like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large family. I

have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not have an

experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born and

raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they either

A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their mother and

her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was the correct

way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

> >

> > CR.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they were

sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either depression

or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There are many

alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to stem from

my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were poor,

like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large family. I

have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not have an

experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born and

raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they either

A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their mother and

her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was the correct

way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

> >

> > CR.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

There are 3 of us, but my older sister is mentally and physically disabled (she

can be quite cunning and manipulative - possible BPD trait?). I was the

responsible one who never said no (first time I was 17 and it didn't go well), I

always listened to my parents, hardly lied and excelled at school etc. When I

now attempt to say no, the guilt kicks in (self inflicted) even if I am

justified for saying no. My little sister rebelled against everyone from day one

and I have wondered if she has BPD, but she's too stubborn to see a therapist

(I've suggested it to her before b/c she had to visit mum and I when we were

inpatients - two different hospitals in the same city, at the same time). I am

quite the black sheep - too many ways to describe, but I also can blend into my

family when necessary. My sister sees a situation only from her point of view

and cannot relate to other people; sometimes her actions fit the situation, but

she doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference. My therapist knows my mother

and her are both narcissitic, they come into conflict a lot.

The conflict that I am currently having with my mother are because my patience

is wearing down after 23 years (I currently live with my parents).

My sister's relationships with friends are sometimes a mystery to me, she

socializes with people who tend to be superficial or oblivious to the world

around them (some are worse than others). Her boyfriend now does things that are

annoying, but my sister also does things that are quite idiotic. Ex. Boyfriend

quit smoking, she attempted to and then quit smoking behind his back (my parents

and I knew). They came to our house last weekend and my sister blamed my Mum for

accidentally letting it slip that she had cigarettes, instead of realizing it

was her fault for lying in the first place. (Odd? I think so!)

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

> >

> > CR.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

There are 3 of us, but my older sister is mentally and physically disabled (she

can be quite cunning and manipulative - possible BPD trait?). I was the

responsible one who never said no (first time I was 17 and it didn't go well), I

always listened to my parents, hardly lied and excelled at school etc. When I

now attempt to say no, the guilt kicks in (self inflicted) even if I am

justified for saying no. My little sister rebelled against everyone from day one

and I have wondered if she has BPD, but she's too stubborn to see a therapist

(I've suggested it to her before b/c she had to visit mum and I when we were

inpatients - two different hospitals in the same city, at the same time). I am

quite the black sheep - too many ways to describe, but I also can blend into my

family when necessary. My sister sees a situation only from her point of view

and cannot relate to other people; sometimes her actions fit the situation, but

she doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference. My therapist knows my mother

and her are both narcissitic, they come into conflict a lot.

The conflict that I am currently having with my mother are because my patience

is wearing down after 23 years (I currently live with my parents).

My sister's relationships with friends are sometimes a mystery to me, she

socializes with people who tend to be superficial or oblivious to the world

around them (some are worse than others). Her boyfriend now does things that are

annoying, but my sister also does things that are quite idiotic. Ex. Boyfriend

quit smoking, she attempted to and then quit smoking behind his back (my parents

and I knew). They came to our house last weekend and my sister blamed my Mum for

accidentally letting it slip that she had cigarettes, instead of realizing it

was her fault for lying in the first place. (Odd? I think so!)

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from posting

due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to say. I

read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD. My

mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as well

as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but her

brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or NPD

(some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their children,

but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal with

because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My biggest

issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite insensitive,

she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of consequences

and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will affect her

in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one who gets the

true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents as well as

friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does anyone else

have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here since my family

dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I figured I`d

post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for reading and

have a nice day.

> >

> > CR.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Each of us has to figure out what will work for us: what we can live with or

tolerate RE having a relationship with our personality disordered parents and/or

siblings. Its a very individual choice. Some of us find that we can manage

having a relationship if its on a limited or low contact basis with firm

boundaries in place, and others of us find we need to go No Contact.

There is no judgment here or recommendation that one or the other is better, its

totally about what you need and what works for you.

I recommend reading up on personality disorders (Knowledge is Power!) so that

you can achieve some emotional distance and not take the abusive behaviors

personally, although it sounds like you already have a lot of awareness in this

area.

There is an extensive reading list accessible on the Home Page of the website of

this Group. " Boundaries " by Cloud and Townsend is good, " Stop Walking On

Eggshells " , and " Co-dependent No More " are good.

" Surviving A Borderline Parent " is quite good.

Your speculation is right in line with the most current stance in psychiatric

literature RE the causes of personality disorder: it occurs when there is a

combination of predisposing genetic factors coupled with an invalidating

environment.

-Annie

>

> I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they were

sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

>

> Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

>

> How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

[Guest guest]

Each of us has to figure out what will work for us: what we can live with or

tolerate RE having a relationship with our personality disordered parents and/or

siblings. Its a very individual choice. Some of us find that we can manage

having a relationship if its on a limited or low contact basis with firm

boundaries in place, and others of us find we need to go No Contact.

There is no judgment here or recommendation that one or the other is better, its

totally about what you need and what works for you.

I recommend reading up on personality disorders (Knowledge is Power!) so that

you can achieve some emotional distance and not take the abusive behaviors

personally, although it sounds like you already have a lot of awareness in this

area.

There is an extensive reading list accessible on the Home Page of the website of

this Group. " Boundaries " by Cloud and Townsend is good, " Stop Walking On

Eggshells " , and " Co-dependent No More " are good.

" Surviving A Borderline Parent " is quite good.

Your speculation is right in line with the most current stance in psychiatric

literature RE the causes of personality disorder: it occurs when there is a

combination of predisposing genetic factors coupled with an invalidating

environment.

-Annie

>

> I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they were

sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

>

> Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

>

> How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

[Guest guest]

Each of us has to figure out what will work for us: what we can live with or

tolerate RE having a relationship with our personality disordered parents and/or

siblings. Its a very individual choice. Some of us find that we can manage

having a relationship if its on a limited or low contact basis with firm

boundaries in place, and others of us find we need to go No Contact.

There is no judgment here or recommendation that one or the other is better, its

totally about what you need and what works for you.

I recommend reading up on personality disorders (Knowledge is Power!) so that

you can achieve some emotional distance and not take the abusive behaviors

personally, although it sounds like you already have a lot of awareness in this

area.

There is an extensive reading list accessible on the Home Page of the website of

this Group. " Boundaries " by Cloud and Townsend is good, " Stop Walking On

Eggshells " , and " Co-dependent No More " are good.

" Surviving A Borderline Parent " is quite good.

Your speculation is right in line with the most current stance in psychiatric

literature RE the causes of personality disorder: it occurs when there is a

combination of predisposing genetic factors coupled with an invalidating

environment.

-Annie

>

> I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they were

sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

>

> Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

>

> How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

[Guest guest]

That's an extremely difficult position to be in: living in the same house as

your parents even though they are chronically abusive to you. It gives you

almost no options for protecting yourself.

One of the most effective ways we have of protecting ourselves when a parent (or

anyone for that matter) becomes verbally or physically abusive is to simply

leave their presence and go somewhere else that is safe, but when you live with

your abuser... you're stuck. Is there a neighbor you can stay with when you

need to, or a friend's home? A women's shelter?

Do your parents respect that your room is your private space, and if you

withdraw into your room when they're being abusive do they let you or do they

try to force their way in?

-Annie

> > >

> > > Hi everyone,

> > >

> > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD.

My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will

affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I

figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

reading and have a nice day.

> > >

> > > CR.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's an extremely difficult position to be in: living in the same house as

your parents even though they are chronically abusive to you. It gives you

almost no options for protecting yourself.

One of the most effective ways we have of protecting ourselves when a parent (or

anyone for that matter) becomes verbally or physically abusive is to simply

leave their presence and go somewhere else that is safe, but when you live with

your abuser... you're stuck. Is there a neighbor you can stay with when you

need to, or a friend's home? A women's shelter?

Do your parents respect that your room is your private space, and if you

withdraw into your room when they're being abusive do they let you or do they

try to force their way in?

-Annie

> > >

> > > Hi everyone,

> > >

> > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD.

My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will

affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I

figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

reading and have a nice day.

> > >

> > > CR.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's an extremely difficult position to be in: living in the same house as

your parents even though they are chronically abusive to you. It gives you

almost no options for protecting yourself.

One of the most effective ways we have of protecting ourselves when a parent (or

anyone for that matter) becomes verbally or physically abusive is to simply

leave their presence and go somewhere else that is safe, but when you live with

your abuser... you're stuck. Is there a neighbor you can stay with when you

need to, or a friend's home? A women's shelter?

Do your parents respect that your room is your private space, and if you

withdraw into your room when they're being abusive do they let you or do they

try to force their way in?

-Annie

> > >

> > > Hi everyone,

> > >

> > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD.

My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will

affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I

figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

reading and have a nice day.

> > >

> > > CR.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

Welcome to the group. I actually can identify with your description of your

mother's siblings all seeming to have some kind of personality disorder, because

my mother has 7 siblings, and I would say that out of the eight of them, 5 or6

of them probably have personality disorders, although I think they range from

borderline (my nada) to narcissistic (an aunt and uncle) to compulsive (another

aunt), etc. My grandnada was most definitely a mix of BPD and NPD, and I can see

how her abuse and neglect (along with her husband who was probably NPD) rubbed

off on most of the kids. The eldest child is deceased, he died in his early 20s.

He was a pedophile/molester, who sexually abused my nada until she started

having her period. Grandnada did nothing to stop it when my nada told her about

it. Grandnada is the one who stopped it when nada started menstruating. Then

about 5 years later he was killed in a boating accident. And grandnada still

mourns him deeply. You can imagine how much that hurts my nada. So I understand

where her behaviors originate from. I can actually completely understand the

things that she does, when you consider what kind of emotional defenses she has

had to build up to survive. The worst thing is, despite all her mother enabled

to happen to her, she still seeks grandnada's approval and love. She will never

get it. And what's funny is that as nada has gotten older, she behaves more and

more like grandnada.

Unfortunately, my nada refuses to acknowledge her condition or seek help, so I

have to be NC with her. I have great compassion for her, but to me, basically,

she is a wounded wild animal. And while I feel compassion for a wounded wild

animal, I also know that they will bite you even if you are trying to help.

Sometimes you just have to protect yourself. There's nothing wrong with

protecting yourself physically AND emotionally.

>

> I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they were

sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

>

> Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

>

> How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

[Guest guest]

Hi CR,

Welcome to the group. I actually can identify with your description of your

mother's siblings all seeming to have some kind of personality disorder, because

my mother has 7 siblings, and I would say that out of the eight of them, 5 or6

of them probably have personality disorders, although I think they range from

borderline (my nada) to narcissistic (an aunt and uncle) to compulsive (another

aunt), etc. My grandnada was most definitely a mix of BPD and NPD, and I can see

how her abuse and neglect (along with her husband who was probably NPD) rubbed

off on most of the kids. The eldest child is deceased, he died in his early 20s.

He was a pedophile/molester, who sexually abused my nada until she started

having her period. Grandnada did nothing to stop it when my nada told her about

it. Grandnada is the one who stopped it when nada started menstruating. Then

about 5 years later he was killed in a boating accident. And grandnada still

mourns him deeply. You can imagine how much that hurts my nada. So I understand

where her behaviors originate from. I can actually completely understand the

things that she does, when you consider what kind of emotional defenses she has

had to build up to survive. The worst thing is, despite all her mother enabled

to happen to her, she still seeks grandnada's approval and love. She will never

get it. And what's funny is that as nada has gotten older, she behaves more and

more like grandnada.

Unfortunately, my nada refuses to acknowledge her condition or seek help, so I

have to be NC with her. I have great compassion for her, but to me, basically,

she is a wounded wild animal. And while I feel compassion for a wounded wild

animal, I also know that they will bite you even if you are trying to help.

Sometimes you just have to protect yourself. There's nothing wrong with

protecting yourself physically AND emotionally.

>

> I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they were

sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

>

> Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

>

> How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

[Guest guest]

I have read about half of " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and I studied psychology

in university and read multiple scientific journals (not just for psychology). I

was just trying to see if anyone else had a similar family situation, it was

hard to accept that so many people have been affected in my family in such a

negative way. I try to keep out toxic people in order to protect my own mental

health (I have been stable for six months now, this is the longest period since

high school), but I find it hard to focus on myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm

going crazy b/c so many people seem to fit mental health criteria for a variety

of disorders/illnesses, can an entire world be affected? I have dated

sociopaths, which is now an outdated term ( someone suggested a documentary

called " I, Psychopath " and it was very upsetting, but helpful) and most (except

3) of my friends have some form of mental illness. I live in a world surrounded

by the mentally ill, either stable or not, it is sometimes overwhelming. I would

like to thank you for your support, it is comforting and I greatly appreciated

it.

CR.

> >

> > I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they

were sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

> >

> > Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

> >

> > How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

>

[Guest guest]

I have read about half of " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and I studied psychology

in university and read multiple scientific journals (not just for psychology). I

was just trying to see if anyone else had a similar family situation, it was

hard to accept that so many people have been affected in my family in such a

negative way. I try to keep out toxic people in order to protect my own mental

health (I have been stable for six months now, this is the longest period since

high school), but I find it hard to focus on myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm

going crazy b/c so many people seem to fit mental health criteria for a variety

of disorders/illnesses, can an entire world be affected? I have dated

sociopaths, which is now an outdated term ( someone suggested a documentary

called " I, Psychopath " and it was very upsetting, but helpful) and most (except

3) of my friends have some form of mental illness. I live in a world surrounded

by the mentally ill, either stable or not, it is sometimes overwhelming. I would

like to thank you for your support, it is comforting and I greatly appreciated

it.

CR.

> >

> > I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they

were sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

> >

> > Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

> >

> > How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

>

[Guest guest]

I have read about half of " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and I studied psychology

in university and read multiple scientific journals (not just for psychology). I

was just trying to see if anyone else had a similar family situation, it was

hard to accept that so many people have been affected in my family in such a

negative way. I try to keep out toxic people in order to protect my own mental

health (I have been stable for six months now, this is the longest period since

high school), but I find it hard to focus on myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm

going crazy b/c so many people seem to fit mental health criteria for a variety

of disorders/illnesses, can an entire world be affected? I have dated

sociopaths, which is now an outdated term ( someone suggested a documentary

called " I, Psychopath " and it was very upsetting, but helpful) and most (except

3) of my friends have some form of mental illness. I live in a world surrounded

by the mentally ill, either stable or not, it is sometimes overwhelming. I would

like to thank you for your support, it is comforting and I greatly appreciated

it.

CR.

> >

> > I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they

were sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

> >

> > Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

> >

> > How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

>

[Guest guest]

The boating accident hit home! I have two uncles who died in boating accidents,

the dead seem to be glorified in my family (neither one was a pedophile though)

even the ones who have committed suicide. Are you from the east coast as well?

The two uncles who died were in the fishing industry in Newfoundland. The

brothers and sisters who are left have varying degrees of queen/victim

mentality. I have one aunt who demands to be treated as a queen and he house is

like a museum where you cannot touch anything. My other aunt plays the victim

constantly and has alienated most of her family, including my mother. My oldest

Aunt cheated on her husband with many people and his " best friend " was her

mistress (I don't think there's a masculine version of that word) for the last

40 years; he lives with her in the same house that my uncle built for their

family since my uncle passed away two years ago. She had such a reputation that

when one of my uncles was working out in Alberta, he met a man who " knew " my

aunt and he denied knowing her due to embarrassment. She has never apologised

for her behaviour and my uncle basically condoned it or accepted it; although he

attempted to commit suicide when he initially found out. All her kids found out

from other children in their neighbourhood, not from their mother.

> >

> > I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they

were sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

> >

> > Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

> >

> > How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

>