Re: BPD Parents and Family Members.

[Guest guest]

The boating accident hit home! I have two uncles who died in boating accidents,

the dead seem to be glorified in my family (neither one was a pedophile though)

even the ones who have committed suicide. Are you from the east coast as well?

The two uncles who died were in the fishing industry in Newfoundland. The

brothers and sisters who are left have varying degrees of queen/victim

mentality. I have one aunt who demands to be treated as a queen and he house is

like a museum where you cannot touch anything. My other aunt plays the victim

constantly and has alienated most of her family, including my mother. My oldest

Aunt cheated on her husband with many people and his " best friend " was her

mistress (I don't think there's a masculine version of that word) for the last

40 years; he lives with her in the same house that my uncle built for their

family since my uncle passed away two years ago. She had such a reputation that

when one of my uncles was working out in Alberta, he met a man who " knew " my

aunt and he denied knowing her due to embarrassment. She has never apologised

for her behaviour and my uncle basically condoned it or accepted it; although he

attempted to commit suicide when he initially found out. All her kids found out

from other children in their neighbourhood, not from their mother.

> >

> > I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they

were sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

> >

> > Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

> >

> > How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

>

[Guest guest]

The boating accident hit home! I have two uncles who died in boating accidents,

the dead seem to be glorified in my family (neither one was a pedophile though)

even the ones who have committed suicide. Are you from the east coast as well?

The two uncles who died were in the fishing industry in Newfoundland. The

brothers and sisters who are left have varying degrees of queen/victim

mentality. I have one aunt who demands to be treated as a queen and he house is

like a museum where you cannot touch anything. My other aunt plays the victim

constantly and has alienated most of her family, including my mother. My oldest

Aunt cheated on her husband with many people and his " best friend " was her

mistress (I don't think there's a masculine version of that word) for the last

40 years; he lives with her in the same house that my uncle built for their

family since my uncle passed away two years ago. She had such a reputation that

when one of my uncles was working out in Alberta, he met a man who " knew " my

aunt and he denied knowing her due to embarrassment. She has never apologised

for her behaviour and my uncle basically condoned it or accepted it; although he

attempted to commit suicide when he initially found out. All her kids found out

from other children in their neighbourhood, not from their mother.

> >

> > I have gone NC with multiple family members ( 2 uncles and an aunt - they

were sexually abusive to my mother as well as a couple of cousins), but have no

intention of cutting out my mother and sister. I love them both and I know they

love me, it's their behaviour that hurts. My mom is actively seeking help and,

because of that, I support her even if she acts out.

> >

> > Mental illness is rampant in her family, not just BPD. I have either

depression or bi-polar II and one of my cousins committed suicide in 1997. There

are many alcoholics (as well as a couple of drug addicts) and it all seems to

stem from my mother's mother. She was, as they put it, " a hard woman " . They were

poor, like a lot of people in the Eastern provinces of Canada, with a large

family. I have yet to encounter a family from their home province who does not

have an experience with mental illness/suicide etc.

> >

> > How I've rationalized it is they (brothers, sister and my mother) were born

and raised in a time period where no one spoke about mental illness. So, they

either A) genetically inherited BPD etc pick of traits of BPD from their

mother and her family since they (from a child's perspective) believed it was

the correct way to behave or C) a combinatio of A and B.

>

[Guest guest]

I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone,

> > > >

> > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD.

My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will

affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I

figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

reading and have a nice day.

> > > >

> > > > CR.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone,

> > > >

> > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD.

My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will

affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I

figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

reading and have a nice day.

> > > >

> > > > CR.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone,

> > > >

> > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with BPD.

My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions will

affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but I

figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

reading and have a nice day.

> > > >

> > > > CR.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. I hope I can be as strong as you one day! It hurts me so badly when I am

called ungrateful, bitch, selfish ect even though those things aren't true

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 4:00:15 PM

Subject: Re: BPD Parents and Family Members.

Â

I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone,

> > > >

> > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

>posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

>say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with

BPD.

>My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

>well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

>her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

>NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

>children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

>with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

>biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

>insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

>consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions

will

>affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

>who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

>as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

>anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

>since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but

I

>figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

>reading and have a nice day.

> > > >

> > > > CR.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. I hope I can be as strong as you one day! It hurts me so badly when I am

called ungrateful, bitch, selfish ect even though those things aren't true

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 4:00:15 PM

Subject: Re: BPD Parents and Family Members.

Â

I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone,

> > > >

> > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

>posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what to

>say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with

BPD.

>My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD as

>well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her, but

>her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD and/or

>NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

>children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to deal

>with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

>biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

>insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless of

>consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions

will

>affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only one

>who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our parents

>as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

>anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

>since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post, but

I

>figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks for

>reading and have a nice day.

> > > >

> > > > CR.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It sounds like your situation (living with your parents even though your mother

remains verbally abusive to you) is working OK for you, then.

A lot of us would like it if our pd parent came to understand and accept that

s/he has a personality disorder (or other mental illnesses), would choose to

seek therapy for herself and stay in therapy, stay on the meds if those are

prescribed in his/her case, gain the ability to accept personal responsibility

for his or her own negative, acting-out behaviors, and would be willing to work

hard at learning techniques to ameliorate them.

This personal insight doesn't seem to happen very frequently for those with

personality disorder (going by all the posts here) but its possible.

Some of us have the resiliency to withstand verbal abuse and let it roll off our

backs (as you describe) but others of us can't handle it, and there is no

judgment here about what each individual can and can't tolerate. Its a very

individual choice based on each individual's situation. There is no one right

way to deal with it, or only way, or best way.

I'm happy that your situation is working out OK for you!

-Annie

>

>

> I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

[Guest guest]

You will!! Keep going to therapy and/or educating yourself and never stop

pushing forward. Everyone on here, regardless of whether they realize it or not,

is very strong to have been through the abuse/neglect they've been through. The

very fact that everyone recognizes the behaviours of parents/family/friends as

unhealthy and how it affects them is a huge step forward. I saw your post about

facebook and to block your sister/mom took a lot of courage!

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi everyone,

> > > > >

> > > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

> >posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what

to

> >say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with

BPD.

> >My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD

as

> >well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her,

but

> >her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD

and/or

> >NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

> >children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to

deal

> >with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

> >biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

> >insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless

of

> >consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions

will

> >affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only

one

> >who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our

parents

> >as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

> >anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

> >since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post,

but I

> >figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks

for

> >reading and have a nice day.

> > > > >

> > > > > CR.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You will!! Keep going to therapy and/or educating yourself and never stop

pushing forward. Everyone on here, regardless of whether they realize it or not,

is very strong to have been through the abuse/neglect they've been through. The

very fact that everyone recognizes the behaviours of parents/family/friends as

unhealthy and how it affects them is a huge step forward. I saw your post about

facebook and to block your sister/mom took a lot of courage!

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi everyone,

> > > > >

> > > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

> >posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what

to

> >say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with

BPD.

> >My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD

as

> >well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her,

but

> >her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD

and/or

> >NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

> >children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to

deal

> >with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

> >biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

> >insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless

of

> >consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions

will

> >affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only

one

> >who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our

parents

> >as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

> >anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

> >since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post,

but I

> >figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks

for

> >reading and have a nice day.

> > > > >

> > > > > CR.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You will!! Keep going to therapy and/or educating yourself and never stop

pushing forward. Everyone on here, regardless of whether they realize it or not,

is very strong to have been through the abuse/neglect they've been through. The

very fact that everyone recognizes the behaviours of parents/family/friends as

unhealthy and how it affects them is a huge step forward. I saw your post about

facebook and to block your sister/mom took a lot of courage!

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi everyone,

> > > > >

> > > > > I've been a member of this site for a while, but have refrained from

> >posting due to a lack of response to my initial post and I wasn't sure what

to

> >say. I read posts daily and I feel for all of you who have a parent(s) with

BPD.

> >My mother (or nada? Have issues with the terms used.) is diagnosed with BPD

as

> >well as PTSD and Bi-polar disorder. It is quite obvious that not only her,

but

> >her brothers and sisters (11 in total including her) all have either BPD

and/or

> >NPD (some are not diagnosed). What I find strange is that not only their

> >children, but their spouses have adapted traits of BPD. I find it hard to

deal

> >with because I feel like mental illness is consuming my entire family. My

> >biggest issue is with my younger sister. She is very narcissitic and quite

> >insensitive, she has no issues with saying whatever comes to mind regardless

of

> >consequences and she doesn't seem to be able to see how her current actions

will

> >affect her in the future. She lies to suit her needs, I'm usually the only

one

> >who gets the true story, but she's destroyed her relationship with our

parents

> >as well as friends and now is walking the fine line with her boyfriend. Does

> >anyone else have this issue with a sibling? I feel kind of out of place here

> >since my family dynamic is a lot different than those who frequently post,

but I

> >figured I`d post this since I haven`t read a post along these lines. Thanks

for

> >reading and have a nice day.

> > > > >

> > > > > CR.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a little

different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused and

neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the victim or

the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to me, but I have

found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you have gone NC and LC

with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are absolutely appalling.

Even though my situation is different, it feels good to be able to read posts

that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the only one who can see the issues

within my family (either immediate or extended). Thank you Annie, you have been

a great help and I can see you have a very positive influence on the group of

people here.

CR.

> >

> >

> > I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

>

[Guest guest]

I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a little

different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused and

neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the victim or

the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to me, but I have

found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you have gone NC and LC

with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are absolutely appalling.

Even though my situation is different, it feels good to be able to read posts

that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the only one who can see the issues

within my family (either immediate or extended). Thank you Annie, you have been

a great help and I can see you have a very positive influence on the group of

people here.

CR.

> >

> >

> > I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

>

[Guest guest]

I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a little

different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused and

neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the victim or

the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to me, but I have

found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you have gone NC and LC

with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are absolutely appalling.

Even though my situation is different, it feels good to be able to read posts

that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the only one who can see the issues

within my family (either immediate or extended). Thank you Annie, you have been

a great help and I can see you have a very positive influence on the group of

people here.

CR.

> >

> >

> > I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect my

boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as well as

possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was axiety ridden

and could not leave the house/work and I could not get disability, as well as

getting loans for school. I also help them with chores and I drive my mother to

most of her appointments or do groceries. It is to the point where if I repeat

something that is hurtful back to my mother then she realizes and will

apologise. It is quite obvious my parents love us, but she's ill and she's

trying to get better. I can't throw someone under the bus if they're attempting

to change. I have shown them all the " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I

discuss what I read with them; they are not exactly avid readers. I have learned

to laugh of being called things like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I

know I am not those things and I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong

personal identity and have learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most

abusive person towards myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am

a very strong person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever

again. I help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for

the distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, sorry we missed you the first time.

Yes, my brother bullied me my entire life. Just the 2 of us kids survived

that home. I have been NC with him even longer than my mother.

My boyfriend's sister is also a piece of work. She pushed me around at a

party and I haven't spoken to her since.

I read the Family Crucible about family roles and it really changed how I

see things. I'd recommend it.

Welcome! Girlscout

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 3:55 PM, lesyeuxvertclair

wrote:

>

>

> I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a

> little different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused

> and neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the

> victim or the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to

> me, but I have found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you

> have gone NC and LC with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are

> absolutely appalling. Even though my situation is different, it feels good

> to be able to read posts that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the

> only one who can see the issues within my family (either immediate or

> extended). Thank you Annie, you have been a great help and I can see you

> have a very positive influence on the group of people here.

>

> CR.

>

>

>

> > >

> > >

> > > I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect

> my boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as

> well as possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was

> axiety ridden and could not leave the house/work and I could not get

> disability, as well as getting loans for school. I also help them with

> chores and I drive my mother to most of her appointments or do groceries. It

> is to the point where if I repeat something that is hurtful back to my

> mother then she realizes and will apologise. It is quite obvious my parents

> love us, but she's ill and she's trying to get better. I can't throw someone

> under the bus if they're attempting to change. I have shown them all the

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I discuss what I read with them; they

> are not exactly avid readers. I have learned to laugh of being called things

> like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I know I am not those things and

> I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong personal identity and have

> learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most abusive person towards

> myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am a very strong

> person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever again. I

> help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for the

> distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

> have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, sorry we missed you the first time.

Yes, my brother bullied me my entire life. Just the 2 of us kids survived

that home. I have been NC with him even longer than my mother.

My boyfriend's sister is also a piece of work. She pushed me around at a

party and I haven't spoken to her since.

I read the Family Crucible about family roles and it really changed how I

see things. I'd recommend it.

Welcome! Girlscout

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 3:55 PM, lesyeuxvertclair

wrote:

>

>

> I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a

> little different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused

> and neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the

> victim or the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to

> me, but I have found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you

> have gone NC and LC with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are

> absolutely appalling. Even though my situation is different, it feels good

> to be able to read posts that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the

> only one who can see the issues within my family (either immediate or

> extended). Thank you Annie, you have been a great help and I can see you

> have a very positive influence on the group of people here.

>

> CR.

>

>

>

> > >

> > >

> > > I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect

> my boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as

> well as possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was

> axiety ridden and could not leave the house/work and I could not get

> disability, as well as getting loans for school. I also help them with

> chores and I drive my mother to most of her appointments or do groceries. It

> is to the point where if I repeat something that is hurtful back to my

> mother then she realizes and will apologise. It is quite obvious my parents

> love us, but she's ill and she's trying to get better. I can't throw someone

> under the bus if they're attempting to change. I have shown them all the

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I discuss what I read with them; they

> are not exactly avid readers. I have learned to laugh of being called things

> like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I know I am not those things and

> I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong personal identity and have

> learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most abusive person towards

> myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am a very strong

> person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever again. I

> help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for the

> distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

> have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, sorry we missed you the first time.

Yes, my brother bullied me my entire life. Just the 2 of us kids survived

that home. I have been NC with him even longer than my mother.

My boyfriend's sister is also a piece of work. She pushed me around at a

party and I haven't spoken to her since.

I read the Family Crucible about family roles and it really changed how I

see things. I'd recommend it.

Welcome! Girlscout

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 3:55 PM, lesyeuxvertclair

wrote:

>

>

> I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a

> little different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused

> and neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the

> victim or the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to

> me, but I have found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you

> have gone NC and LC with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are

> absolutely appalling. Even though my situation is different, it feels good

> to be able to read posts that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the

> only one who can see the issues within my family (either immediate or

> extended). Thank you Annie, you have been a great help and I can see you

> have a very positive influence on the group of people here.

>

> CR.

>

>

>

> > >

> > >

> > > I have fought pretty hard over the last 6 months, but they do respect

> my boundaries in the house (most of the time) and we try to get a long as

> well as possible. Things are not perfect, but they helped me when I was

> axiety ridden and could not leave the house/work and I could not get

> disability, as well as getting loans for school. I also help them with

> chores and I drive my mother to most of her appointments or do groceries. It

> is to the point where if I repeat something that is hurtful back to my

> mother then she realizes and will apologise. It is quite obvious my parents

> love us, but she's ill and she's trying to get better. I can't throw someone

> under the bus if they're attempting to change. I have shown them all the

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells " book and I discuss what I read with them; they

> are not exactly avid readers. I have learned to laugh of being called things

> like ungrateful, bitch, selfish etc because I know I am not those things and

> I know my mother doesn't mean it. I have a strong personal identity and have

> learned to cope with the mentally ill. The most abusive person towards

> myself is me, which I am also moving past. I realize I am a very strong

> person, I am a survivor and no one is going to pull me down ever again. I

> help to educate other family members and am actually volunteering for the

> distress line in my community. If I can stop one person from feeling like I

> have or going through what I've been through than that's something.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm glad we are all here to help each other; its good to know that there are

many ways of coping with having a relationship with a personality-disordered

parent. If as you mentioned one concern is that your patience is wearing thin,

then maybe the boundary-setting techniques in " Stop Walking On Eggshells " will

help you give yourself more " space " , meaning more emotional space, and that will

help you RE patience. There's a workbook that goes with SWOE too, I believe.

Might be worth a shot.

I believe you are a strong individual with a more resilient inner core than me;

I could not live with my bpd/npd mom (nada) indefinitely. I have a core of

mush.

Around 12 or so years back, I tried to be The Good Daughter yet again and went

to live with Cluster B mom for a little over 2 months to nurse her when she had

a major operation, and I believe I qualified as clinically depressed by the end

of it. The combination of the waif-like neediness (she saw me as her mommy) with

the queen/witch snarling, demeaning, ubiquitous criticism (she saw me as her

rather incompetent servant) just drained me dry. I felt like an empty husk of a

human being when I finally went back home and it took, like, weeks to feel close

to my normal self again.

So, anyway, we're all looking for ways to cope that work for us. For me, its

turned out to be virtually No Contact. I wish it could be different, but, right

now having contact with her literally makes me sick (a migraine-like or

Meniere's-Disease-like reaction sets in, if she " ambushes " me.) But Sister

informs me that our mom will be going in for a workup by a neurologist and a

psychiatrist this week, and mom is willing to stay on the meds this time, so,

we'll see how it goes. That's all we can do, is see how it goes.

-Annie

>

> I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a little

different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused and

neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the victim or

the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to me, but I have

found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you have gone NC and LC

with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are absolutely appalling.

Even though my situation is different, it feels good to be able to read posts

that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the only one who can see the issues

within my family (either immediate or extended). Thank you Annie, you have been

a great help and I can see you have a very positive influence on the group of

people here.

>

> CR.