Re: BPD Parents and Family Members.

[Guest guest]

I'm glad we are all here to help each other; its good to know that there are

many ways of coping with having a relationship with a personality-disordered

parent. If as you mentioned one concern is that your patience is wearing thin,

then maybe the boundary-setting techniques in " Stop Walking On Eggshells " will

help you give yourself more " space " , meaning more emotional space, and that will

help you RE patience. There's a workbook that goes with SWOE too, I believe.

Might be worth a shot.

I believe you are a strong individual with a more resilient inner core than me;

I could not live with my bpd/npd mom (nada) indefinitely. I have a core of

mush.

Around 12 or so years back, I tried to be The Good Daughter yet again and went

to live with Cluster B mom for a little over 2 months to nurse her when she had

a major operation, and I believe I qualified as clinically depressed by the end

of it. The combination of the waif-like neediness (she saw me as her mommy) with

the queen/witch snarling, demeaning, ubiquitous criticism (she saw me as her

rather incompetent servant) just drained me dry. I felt like an empty husk of a

human being when I finally went back home and it took, like, weeks to feel close

to my normal self again.

So, anyway, we're all looking for ways to cope that work for us. For me, its

turned out to be virtually No Contact. I wish it could be different, but, right

now having contact with her literally makes me sick (a migraine-like or

Meniere's-Disease-like reaction sets in, if she " ambushes " me.) But Sister

informs me that our mom will be going in for a workup by a neurologist and a

psychiatrist this week, and mom is willing to stay on the meds this time, so,

we'll see how it goes. That's all we can do, is see how it goes.

-Annie

>

> I know it's an individual choice and I realize my family dynamic is a little

different from a lot of people here since many were physically abused and

neglected on a regular basis. My mother is not perfect, she plays the victim or

the queen when she feels and sometimes her behaviour does get to me, but I have

found my own way of coping. I can understand why some of you have gone NC and LC

with parents; I've seen posts about behaviours that are absolutely appalling.

Even though my situation is different, it feels good to be able to read posts

that hit home b/c sometimes I feel like I am the only one who can see the issues

within my family (either immediate or extended). Thank you Annie, you have been

a great help and I can see you have a very positive influence on the group of

people here.

>

> CR.