Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to hurt me!

[Guest guest]

My little brother went along with my dad's disowning of me, and after I sent

him a birthday card, he sent me a 2 page letter that basically said,

" Because you're treating our dad this way, I feel that you aren't my sister

anymore. " It was disguised as a thank you note. So, I feel your pain.

I think that your lil sis's friending of your ex is an extension of blaming

you for what's going on. (If I remember right) the " intervention " where they

claimed you were causing all the problems, you were to blame, you were

hurting your nada....by friending your ex, I think it's a statement of you

were to blame for the fact your ex was cheating on you, as weird as that may

sound. It almost is like you're exaggerating or making up things about your

ex, the same way you're exaggerating your nada's behavior.

That's just my guess, and I could be completely wrong.

Of course, I know that's the whole gaslighting behavior nadas and fadas tend

to do, and remember, it's NOT you, whatever the reason your sister friended

your ex.

As so many people on here have said, family and Facebook do NOT mix well,

for us KOs. So perhaps it was fortunate my little brother blocked me on

Facebook the same time he sent that disownment letter.

(((hugs)))

Holly

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 12:30 PM, heather_basile

wrote:

>

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

> something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

> went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had

> just become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current

> boyfriend. How could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me

> and be a complete b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does

> anyone elses' siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them

> and just make it a million times worse for you? It makes me feel so

> betrayed! My little sister was in the car with me when I got the phone call

> that he was cheating on me and now she is friends with him on facebook? I

> would never in a million years befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex

> boyfriends on facebook, that is just against family code!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My brother who I live with has been sooo supportive but he doesn't want to

really get involved. I told him and he was like " well that's not cool " and that

was the end of the conversation. No advice, no comforting, no wanting to stand

up for me. I want so badly for someone in my family to REALLY care enough to say

" enough is enough " don't treat that way! My boyfriend is about to

explode...he has been holding how he feels about what my nada has done to me,

what she has done to him and us for the 10 months we have been dating. I keep

trying to tell him to let it go cuz I don't know if it will do more harm than

good. I do want someone to stand up for me but Im not sure how much good it will

do if he does.

My nada told me a couple months ago that I needed to start living like I am

going to be alone for the rest of my life because my boyfriend has kidney

disease. :'( meanest thing anyone could ever say to me!!!!! He is the love of my

life and she basically said prepare to be a widow!! Sooo harsh and

uncompassionate. That completely destroyed me!! and it made me boyfriend feel so

worthless. He said that up until then he had never been descriminated against

because of his disease but now he felt completely devalued. He should be able to

stand up for himself. I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

He says it hasn't really been his place to say something (even though he really

wants to and would if I asked him to) to my nada but if she does anything mean

once we are married he is going to stand up for me! He cannot wait to put that

ring on my finger so he can protect me

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 1:28:47 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

My little brother went along with my dad's disowning of me, and after I sent

him a birthday card, he sent me a 2 page letter that basically said,

" Because you're treating our dad this way, I feel that you aren't my sister

anymore. " It was disguised as a thank you note. So, I feel your pain.

I think that your lil sis's friending of your ex is an extension of blaming

you for what's going on. (If I remember right) the " intervention " where they

claimed you were causing all the problems, you were to blame, you were

hurting your nada....by friending your ex, I think it's a statement of you

were to blame for the fact your ex was cheating on you, as weird as that may

sound. It almost is like you're exaggerating or making up things about your

ex, the same way you're exaggerating your nada's behavior.

That's just my guess, and I could be completely wrong.

Of course, I know that's the whole gaslighting behavior nadas and fadas tend

to do, and remember, it's NOT you, whatever the reason your sister friended

your ex.

As so many people on here have said, family and Facebook do NOT mix well,

for us KOs. So perhaps it was fortunate my little brother blocked me on

Facebook the same time he sent that disownment letter.

(((hugs)))

Holly

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 12:30 PM, heather_basile

wrote:

>

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

> something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

> went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had

> just become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current

> boyfriend. How could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me

> and be a complete b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does

> anyone elses' siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them

> and just make it a million times worse for you? It makes me feel so

> betrayed! My little sister was in the car with me when I got the phone call

> that he was cheating on me and now she is friends with him on facebook? I

> would never in a million years befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex

> boyfriends on facebook, that is just against family code!

>

> 

>

[Guest guest]

My brother who I live with has been sooo supportive but he doesn't want to

really get involved. I told him and he was like " well that's not cool " and that

was the end of the conversation. No advice, no comforting, no wanting to stand

up for me. I want so badly for someone in my family to REALLY care enough to say

" enough is enough " don't treat that way! My boyfriend is about to

explode...he has been holding how he feels about what my nada has done to me,

what she has done to him and us for the 10 months we have been dating. I keep

trying to tell him to let it go cuz I don't know if it will do more harm than

good. I do want someone to stand up for me but Im not sure how much good it will

do if he does.

My nada told me a couple months ago that I needed to start living like I am

going to be alone for the rest of my life because my boyfriend has kidney

disease. :'( meanest thing anyone could ever say to me!!!!! He is the love of my

life and she basically said prepare to be a widow!! Sooo harsh and

uncompassionate. That completely destroyed me!! and it made me boyfriend feel so

worthless. He said that up until then he had never been descriminated against

because of his disease but now he felt completely devalued. He should be able to

stand up for himself. I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

He says it hasn't really been his place to say something (even though he really

wants to and would if I asked him to) to my nada but if she does anything mean

once we are married he is going to stand up for me! He cannot wait to put that

ring on my finger so he can protect me

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 1:28:47 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

My little brother went along with my dad's disowning of me, and after I sent

him a birthday card, he sent me a 2 page letter that basically said,

" Because you're treating our dad this way, I feel that you aren't my sister

anymore. " It was disguised as a thank you note. So, I feel your pain.

I think that your lil sis's friending of your ex is an extension of blaming

you for what's going on. (If I remember right) the " intervention " where they

claimed you were causing all the problems, you were to blame, you were

hurting your nada....by friending your ex, I think it's a statement of you

were to blame for the fact your ex was cheating on you, as weird as that may

sound. It almost is like you're exaggerating or making up things about your

ex, the same way you're exaggerating your nada's behavior.

That's just my guess, and I could be completely wrong.

Of course, I know that's the whole gaslighting behavior nadas and fadas tend

to do, and remember, it's NOT you, whatever the reason your sister friended

your ex.

As so many people on here have said, family and Facebook do NOT mix well,

for us KOs. So perhaps it was fortunate my little brother blocked me on

Facebook the same time he sent that disownment letter.

(((hugs)))

Holly

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 12:30 PM, heather_basile

wrote:

>

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

> something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

> went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had

> just become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current

> boyfriend. How could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me

> and be a complete b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does

> anyone elses' siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them

> and just make it a million times worse for you? It makes me feel so

> betrayed! My little sister was in the car with me when I got the phone call

> that he was cheating on me and now she is friends with him on facebook? I

> would never in a million years befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex

> boyfriends on facebook, that is just against family code!

>

> 

>

[Guest guest]

My brother who I live with has been sooo supportive but he doesn't want to

really get involved. I told him and he was like " well that's not cool " and that

was the end of the conversation. No advice, no comforting, no wanting to stand

up for me. I want so badly for someone in my family to REALLY care enough to say

" enough is enough " don't treat that way! My boyfriend is about to

explode...he has been holding how he feels about what my nada has done to me,

what she has done to him and us for the 10 months we have been dating. I keep

trying to tell him to let it go cuz I don't know if it will do more harm than

good. I do want someone to stand up for me but Im not sure how much good it will

do if he does.

My nada told me a couple months ago that I needed to start living like I am

going to be alone for the rest of my life because my boyfriend has kidney

disease. :'( meanest thing anyone could ever say to me!!!!! He is the love of my

life and she basically said prepare to be a widow!! Sooo harsh and

uncompassionate. That completely destroyed me!! and it made me boyfriend feel so

worthless. He said that up until then he had never been descriminated against

because of his disease but now he felt completely devalued. He should be able to

stand up for himself. I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

He says it hasn't really been his place to say something (even though he really

wants to and would if I asked him to) to my nada but if she does anything mean

once we are married he is going to stand up for me! He cannot wait to put that

ring on my finger so he can protect me

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 1:28:47 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

My little brother went along with my dad's disowning of me, and after I sent

him a birthday card, he sent me a 2 page letter that basically said,

" Because you're treating our dad this way, I feel that you aren't my sister

anymore. " It was disguised as a thank you note. So, I feel your pain.

I think that your lil sis's friending of your ex is an extension of blaming

you for what's going on. (If I remember right) the " intervention " where they

claimed you were causing all the problems, you were to blame, you were

hurting your nada....by friending your ex, I think it's a statement of you

were to blame for the fact your ex was cheating on you, as weird as that may

sound. It almost is like you're exaggerating or making up things about your

ex, the same way you're exaggerating your nada's behavior.

That's just my guess, and I could be completely wrong.

Of course, I know that's the whole gaslighting behavior nadas and fadas tend

to do, and remember, it's NOT you, whatever the reason your sister friended

your ex.

As so many people on here have said, family and Facebook do NOT mix well,

for us KOs. So perhaps it was fortunate my little brother blocked me on

Facebook the same time he sent that disownment letter.

(((hugs)))

Holly

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 12:30 PM, heather_basile

wrote:

>

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

> something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

> went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had

> just become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current

> boyfriend. How could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me

> and be a complete b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does

> anyone elses' siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them

> and just make it a million times worse for you? It makes me feel so

> betrayed! My little sister was in the car with me when I got the phone call

> that he was cheating on me and now she is friends with him on facebook? I

> would never in a million years befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex

> boyfriends on facebook, that is just against family code!

>

> 

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I agree. It is another tool for abuse. I deleted my mom and sister from

Facebook. I hate that even when I don't live in the same house as her she can

still find ways to hurt me! Thanks Annie!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 2:00:20 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

Â

I'm beginning to think that FaceBook is just another tool of abuse when you have

someone with personality disorder in your life. If I were you I'd completely

block anyone who uses it to hurt you.

Just correspond with friends who are supportive and kind to you.

It is hard to realize that in some cases our siblings and other relatives are

simply weak and spineless. They passively go along with the demands of the

controlling, dominating pd parent(s) just so that they don't start getting

targeted for abuse themselves.

Not that I'm excusing the behavior, I'm just describing one of the possible

dynamics that causes it. Those who are emotionally dependent or financially

dependent on their pd parent(s) are more likely to just go along with the ride

like that.

But I think that a mother who actively befriends, supports and promotes the

abusive, dangerous spouse (or ex-spouse) of her own child... is way over in the

deep end of the crazy pool; this person is sadistic. This mother actually enjoys

it that her child is threatened, cheated on, battered or otherwise abused. Its

like she's hired a hit man to do it for her. I myself have a friend C in this

situation; C's husband put her in the hospital from a beating, and when C

finally divorced this dangerous creep her own mother continued to maintain a

friendship with him, including inviting him to family functions, etc. I think

that's just reprehensible.

-Annie

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

>something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

>went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had just

>become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current boyfriend. How

>could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me and be a complete

>b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does anyone elses'

>siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them and just make it

a

>million times worse for you? It makes me feel so betrayed! My little sister was

>in the car with me when I got the phone call that he was cheating on me and now

>she is friends with him on facebook? I would never in a million years

>befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex boyfriends on facebook, that is just

>against family code!

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I agree. It is another tool for abuse. I deleted my mom and sister from

Facebook. I hate that even when I don't live in the same house as her she can

still find ways to hurt me! Thanks Annie!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 2:00:20 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

Â

I'm beginning to think that FaceBook is just another tool of abuse when you have

someone with personality disorder in your life. If I were you I'd completely

block anyone who uses it to hurt you.

Just correspond with friends who are supportive and kind to you.

It is hard to realize that in some cases our siblings and other relatives are

simply weak and spineless. They passively go along with the demands of the

controlling, dominating pd parent(s) just so that they don't start getting

targeted for abuse themselves.

Not that I'm excusing the behavior, I'm just describing one of the possible

dynamics that causes it. Those who are emotionally dependent or financially

dependent on their pd parent(s) are more likely to just go along with the ride

like that.

But I think that a mother who actively befriends, supports and promotes the

abusive, dangerous spouse (or ex-spouse) of her own child... is way over in the

deep end of the crazy pool; this person is sadistic. This mother actually enjoys

it that her child is threatened, cheated on, battered or otherwise abused. Its

like she's hired a hit man to do it for her. I myself have a friend C in this

situation; C's husband put her in the hospital from a beating, and when C

finally divorced this dangerous creep her own mother continued to maintain a

friendship with him, including inviting him to family functions, etc. I think

that's just reprehensible.

-Annie

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

>something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

>went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had just

>become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current boyfriend. How

>could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me and be a complete

>b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does anyone elses'

>siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them and just make it

a

>million times worse for you? It makes me feel so betrayed! My little sister was

>in the car with me when I got the phone call that he was cheating on me and now

>she is friends with him on facebook? I would never in a million years

>befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex boyfriends on facebook, that is just

>against family code!

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I agree. It is another tool for abuse. I deleted my mom and sister from

Facebook. I hate that even when I don't live in the same house as her she can

still find ways to hurt me! Thanks Annie!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 2:00:20 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

Â

I'm beginning to think that FaceBook is just another tool of abuse when you have

someone with personality disorder in your life. If I were you I'd completely

block anyone who uses it to hurt you.

Just correspond with friends who are supportive and kind to you.

It is hard to realize that in some cases our siblings and other relatives are

simply weak and spineless. They passively go along with the demands of the

controlling, dominating pd parent(s) just so that they don't start getting

targeted for abuse themselves.

Not that I'm excusing the behavior, I'm just describing one of the possible

dynamics that causes it. Those who are emotionally dependent or financially

dependent on their pd parent(s) are more likely to just go along with the ride

like that.

But I think that a mother who actively befriends, supports and promotes the

abusive, dangerous spouse (or ex-spouse) of her own child... is way over in the

deep end of the crazy pool; this person is sadistic. This mother actually enjoys

it that her child is threatened, cheated on, battered or otherwise abused. Its

like she's hired a hit man to do it for her. I myself have a friend C in this

situation; C's husband put her in the hospital from a beating, and when C

finally divorced this dangerous creep her own mother continued to maintain a

friendship with him, including inviting him to family functions, etc. I think

that's just reprehensible.

-Annie

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

>something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

>went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had just

>become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current boyfriend. How

>could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me and be a complete

>b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does anyone elses'

>siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them and just make it

a

>million times worse for you? It makes me feel so betrayed! My little sister was

>in the car with me when I got the phone call that he was cheating on me and now

>she is friends with him on facebook? I would never in a million years

>befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex boyfriends on facebook, that is just

>against family code!

>

[Guest guest]

BPD's don't HAVE any family code. They are a law unto themselves. Only THEY

matter and what's in it for them! They give selfishness a new meaning! You

are also only an extension of them and it seems to me when it PLEASES them and

at other times you do not exist.

My nada to this day takes my ex's side and says I 'gave up a great man' but he

was a closet alcoholic; closet gay who married me just to cover his

homosexuality as well as a wife beater and had spent five years in State Prison

for murdering his brother-in-law but got away with only 5 to 15 years for a

'crime of passion' and with good behavior he got out in 5. I knew none of this

and was an innocent woman in my early 20s at the time as well as a virgin who

was saving herself for her husband. In 4 1/2 years our marriage was never

consummated. I was beaten by him continually for no reason. My nada saw the

bruises but at the time she said, " you must not know how to satisfy him sexually

and that's why he beats you. Besides a man has a right to do that to keep his

wife in line. " So anyway I fully understand feeling betrayed by your sister as

it is all the same thing. Family betrayal. My nada still talks to my ex if she

sees him and thinks he's 'great'.

I know it hurts and it's lousy of them to do this to you, but apparently you're

the only one with any conscience and loyalty in your family among those two.

[Guest guest]

BPD's don't HAVE any family code. They are a law unto themselves. Only THEY

matter and what's in it for them! They give selfishness a new meaning! You

are also only an extension of them and it seems to me when it PLEASES them and

at other times you do not exist.

My nada to this day takes my ex's side and says I 'gave up a great man' but he

was a closet alcoholic; closet gay who married me just to cover his

homosexuality as well as a wife beater and had spent five years in State Prison

for murdering his brother-in-law but got away with only 5 to 15 years for a

'crime of passion' and with good behavior he got out in 5. I knew none of this

and was an innocent woman in my early 20s at the time as well as a virgin who

was saving herself for her husband. In 4 1/2 years our marriage was never

consummated. I was beaten by him continually for no reason. My nada saw the

bruises but at the time she said, " you must not know how to satisfy him sexually

and that's why he beats you. Besides a man has a right to do that to keep his

wife in line. " So anyway I fully understand feeling betrayed by your sister as

it is all the same thing. Family betrayal. My nada still talks to my ex if she

sees him and thinks he's 'great'.

I know it hurts and it's lousy of them to do this to you, but apparently you're

the only one with any conscience and loyalty in your family among those two.

[Guest guest]

So I deleted them and I get a text from my sister saying, " what the crap? " I

said, " why would you and mom become friends with my ex boyfriend after you knew

how horrible he was to me??? That is so low and cruel a thing to do!! " and her

reply, " mom has been friends with him since you dated him and he is freaking

co-directing a play I am in " she is like how dare you be mad at me there is a

perfectly good explanation...yeah, the explanation is yoy have no loyalty to

me!!!

So that excuses it??? She went behind my back and auditioned for a play that my

ex was directing? That makes it worse- I feel so betrayed. Why would she want to

be in a play directed by someone who was so mean to her sister?? NO loyalty at

all :'( I am so hurt and once again I AM THE BAD GUY because I deleted her.

Nobody sees that I was wronged or that this should hurt me. How could she?

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 3:50:10 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds

ways to hurt me!

Yeah, I agree. It is another tool for abuse. I deleted my mom and sister from

Facebook. I hate that even when I don't live in the same house as her she can

still find ways to hurt me! Thanks Annie!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 2:00:20 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

Â

I'm beginning to think that FaceBook is just another tool of abuse when you have

someone with personality disorder in your life. If I were you I'd completely

block anyone who uses it to hurt you.

Just correspond with friends who are supportive and kind to you.

It is hard to realize that in some cases our siblings and other relatives are

simply weak and spineless. They passively go along with the demands of the

controlling, dominating pd parent(s) just so that they don't start getting

targeted for abuse themselves.

Not that I'm excusing the behavior, I'm just describing one of the possible

dynamics that causes it. Those who are emotionally dependent or financially

dependent on their pd parent(s) are more likely to just go along with the ride

like that.

But I think that a mother who actively befriends, supports and promotes the

abusive, dangerous spouse (or ex-spouse) of her own child... is way over in the

deep end of the crazy pool; this person is sadistic. This mother actually enjoys

it that her child is threatened, cheated on, battered or otherwise abused. Its

like she's hired a hit man to do it for her. I myself have a friend C in this

situation; C's husband put her in the hospital from a beating, and when C

finally divorced this dangerous creep her own mother continued to maintain a

friendship with him, including inviting him to family functions, etc. I think

that's just reprehensible.

-Annie

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

>something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

>went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had just

>become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current boyfriend. How

>could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me and be a complete

>b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does anyone elses'

>siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them and just make it

a

>million times worse for you? It makes me feel so betrayed! My little sister was

>in the car with me when I got the phone call that he was cheating on me and now

>she is friends with him on facebook? I would never in a million years

>befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex boyfriends on facebook, that is just

>against family code!

>

[Guest guest]

So I deleted them and I get a text from my sister saying, " what the crap? " I

said, " why would you and mom become friends with my ex boyfriend after you knew

how horrible he was to me??? That is so low and cruel a thing to do!! " and her

reply, " mom has been friends with him since you dated him and he is freaking

co-directing a play I am in " she is like how dare you be mad at me there is a

perfectly good explanation...yeah, the explanation is yoy have no loyalty to

me!!!

So that excuses it??? She went behind my back and auditioned for a play that my

ex was directing? That makes it worse- I feel so betrayed. Why would she want to

be in a play directed by someone who was so mean to her sister?? NO loyalty at

all :'( I am so hurt and once again I AM THE BAD GUY because I deleted her.

Nobody sees that I was wronged or that this should hurt me. How could she?

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 3:50:10 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds

ways to hurt me!

Yeah, I agree. It is another tool for abuse. I deleted my mom and sister from

Facebook. I hate that even when I don't live in the same house as her she can

still find ways to hurt me! Thanks Annie!

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sun, January 30, 2011 2:00:20 PM

Subject: Re: Out of the house but my mom STILL finds ways to

hurt me!

Â

I'm beginning to think that FaceBook is just another tool of abuse when you have

someone with personality disorder in your life. If I were you I'd completely

block anyone who uses it to hurt you.

Just correspond with friends who are supportive and kind to you.

It is hard to realize that in some cases our siblings and other relatives are

simply weak and spineless. They passively go along with the demands of the

controlling, dominating pd parent(s) just so that they don't start getting

targeted for abuse themselves.

Not that I'm excusing the behavior, I'm just describing one of the possible

dynamics that causes it. Those who are emotionally dependent or financially

dependent on their pd parent(s) are more likely to just go along with the ride

like that.

But I think that a mother who actively befriends, supports and promotes the

abusive, dangerous spouse (or ex-spouse) of her own child... is way over in the

deep end of the crazy pool; this person is sadistic. This mother actually enjoys

it that her child is threatened, cheated on, battered or otherwise abused. Its

like she's hired a hit man to do it for her. I myself have a friend C in this

situation; C's husband put her in the hospital from a beating, and when C

finally divorced this dangerous creep her own mother continued to maintain a

friendship with him, including inviting him to family functions, etc. I think

that's just reprehensible.

-Annie

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

>something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

>went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had just

>become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current boyfriend. How

>could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me and be a complete

>b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does anyone elses'

>siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them and just make it

a

>million times worse for you? It makes me feel so betrayed! My little sister was

>in the car with me when I got the phone call that he was cheating on me and now

>she is friends with him on facebook? I would never in a million years

>befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex boyfriends on facebook, that is just

>against family code!

>

[Guest guest]

I could be wrong, but maybe there is some sibling rivalry going on your sister's

part? Whether or not that's part of the picture, I notice that your sister made

the issue all about her. She expressed no empathy or understanding that

becoming friends with someone you used to date and who hurt you *might* just

hurt your feelings.

And it still doesn't address the thing with your mother remaining friends with

someone who hurt her daughter. Its sad when your own mom and sister choose your

ex to befriend, even though you've expressed to them that that hurts your

feelings.

That would be a big " Ouch! " to me.

It really does add a layer of complication and difficulty when you and your

family (and those you date) are all in the same business or industry and

interact on a business level together; that's going to increase the amount of

interdependence and friction, to be sure, and makes it more difficult to keep

the business relationship separate from the family relationship.

-Annie

>

> So I deleted them and I get a text from my sister saying, " what the crap? " I

> said, " why would you and mom become friends with my ex boyfriend after you

knew

> how horrible he was to me??? That is so low and cruel a thing to do!! " and her

> reply, " mom has been friends with him since you dated him and he is freaking

> co-directing a play I am in " she is like how dare you be mad at me there is a

> perfectly good explanation...yeah, the explanation is yoy have no loyalty to

> me!!!

>

> So that excuses it??? She went behind my back and auditioned for a play that

my

> ex was directing? That makes it worse- I feel so betrayed. Why would she want

to

> be in a play directed by someone who was so mean to her sister?? NO loyalty at

> all :'( I am so hurt and once again I AM THE BAD GUY because I deleted her.

> Nobody sees that I was wronged or that this should hurt me. How could she?

>

[Guest guest]

You have a right to move on without that kind of garbage. Try not to let it

get to you. They can be friends with whomever they want, even if it hurts

you try not to let it (I know, easier said than done!). You can still move

on with your life. Now I understand why people who have low contact with

their BPD parent(s) have blocked them on facebook. I blocked my nada when I

went no contact (NC). One of the best things I ever did. But yes, I DO get

it... that is against some kind of code. Pretty awful if you ask me =(

I have a feeling my step sister (aka: nada's flying monkey - wizard of Oz

referance) will be the next one I block. I unfriended her but she still

tries to dredge up unpleasant memories.

Blarg.

Mia

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 1:30 PM, heather_basile wrote:

>

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

> something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

> went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had

> just become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current

> boyfriend. How could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me

> and be a complete b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does

> anyone elses' siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them

> and just make it a million times worse for you? It makes me feel so

> betrayed! My little sister was in the car with me when I got the phone call

> that he was cheating on me and now she is friends with him on facebook? I

> would never in a million years befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex

> boyfriends on facebook, that is just against family code!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You have a right to move on without that kind of garbage. Try not to let it

get to you. They can be friends with whomever they want, even if it hurts

you try not to let it (I know, easier said than done!). You can still move

on with your life. Now I understand why people who have low contact with

their BPD parent(s) have blocked them on facebook. I blocked my nada when I

went no contact (NC). One of the best things I ever did. But yes, I DO get

it... that is against some kind of code. Pretty awful if you ask me =(

I have a feeling my step sister (aka: nada's flying monkey - wizard of Oz

referance) will be the next one I block. I unfriended her but she still

tries to dredge up unpleasant memories.

Blarg.

Mia

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 1:30 PM, heather_basile wrote:

>

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

> something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

> went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had

> just become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current

> boyfriend. How could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me

> and be a complete b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does

> anyone elses' siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them

> and just make it a million times worse for you? It makes me feel so

> betrayed! My little sister was in the car with me when I got the phone call

> that he was cheating on me and now she is friends with him on facebook? I

> would never in a million years befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex

> boyfriends on facebook, that is just against family code!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You have a right to move on without that kind of garbage. Try not to let it

get to you. They can be friends with whomever they want, even if it hurts

you try not to let it (I know, easier said than done!). You can still move

on with your life. Now I understand why people who have low contact with

their BPD parent(s) have blocked them on facebook. I blocked my nada when I

went no contact (NC). One of the best things I ever did. But yes, I DO get

it... that is against some kind of code. Pretty awful if you ask me =(

I have a feeling my step sister (aka: nada's flying monkey - wizard of Oz

referance) will be the next one I block. I unfriended her but she still

tries to dredge up unpleasant memories.

Blarg.

Mia

On Sun, Jan 30, 2011 at 1:30 PM, heather_basile wrote:

>

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

> something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

> went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had

> just become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current

> boyfriend. How could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me

> and be a complete b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does

> anyone elses' siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them

> and just make it a million times worse for you? It makes me feel so

> betrayed! My little sister was in the car with me when I got the phone call

> that he was cheating on me and now she is friends with him on facebook? I

> would never in a million years befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex

> boyfriends on facebook, that is just against family code!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Right after an ugly divorce, my little sister had lunch with the ex. She came

up to me, all excited, and said: " I had lunch with _________!! " And used a

sweet nickname she had given him.

And then . . . she had the gall to act surprised when I was shocked and hurt.

I've got tons more stories where that one came from.

It's not you. Talk about a betrayal. That little " we are nice and it would be

great to remain friends " stuff is crap. It's a way to hurt you and cause you

harm. They know it, too.

Blessings,

Karla

>

>

> My mom is friends with my ex on facebook who cheated on me!!! He posted

something on her wall asking about how my little sister was doing and then I

went to my sisters page and in her news feed it said my sister and ex had just

become friends--that was a HUGE " f--- you! " to me and my current boyfriend. How

could my mom be sooo nice to my ex who was so horrible to me and be a complete

b---- to my boyfriend who treats me like a princess?? Does anyone elses'

siblings go along with the mean things your nada's do to them and just make it a

million times worse for you? It makes me feel so betrayed! My little sister was

in the car with me when I got the phone call that he was cheating on me and now

she is friends with him on facebook? I would never in a million years

befriend one of my mom's or sister's ex boyfriends on facebook, that is just

against family code!

>