Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Oh Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Amen for voicemail... it allows me to screen which " Who " of " Who-ville " is calling... More times that I just ignore her. But it's there.... it's always, always there... Lynnette > > Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of vocalizing that > could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, I've decided she > was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a hermit for the > hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she doesn't want to do > she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is always sick, sick, > sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " (nada doctor > shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, diagnoses that she > liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real treatment it was RAGE > and never go back.) > > My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting you apart > with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was her waif voice. > If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a chocolate bar > (she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if she didn't > have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery pathetic > worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an epi-pen in her > purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy shots for 15 > years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't travel, she > would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on the phone > with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely she was > because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice that brought > my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My grandmother (her > mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and cook up all her > favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > > The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the one who went > to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then gave a > performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and how > worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to read your > homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer (because > you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview or music > lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's license) and the > gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > > UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I called her on it, > too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you are not > helpless. RAGE was the only response. > > Dear God how I hate the waif act. > > I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think about it. If > I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't be long > enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and scrape out the > memory. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm so sorry you're still subjected to " the voice " and the accompanying abusive treatment. But I agree that even in your nada's current (and very sad) condition of being in and out of touch with reality due to dementia and various meds, what a fascinating example of the (apparently) ingrained " scapegoat " behavior your nada still engages in with you: so deeply ingrained that it actually takes the form of a vocal change and attitude change. Even in her twilight-awareness state, nada still feels that her child deserve her contempt and disrespect. Its about blaming and projection: nada believes a particular individual *deserves* her contempt. The scapegoat exists to carry all nada's unwanted negative traits/thoughts/feelings for her, so that nada is free of them and can point her finger at the scapegoat and revile him or her instead of reviling herself. Although the diagnostic criteria for bpd mentions " splitting " : criteria #2: " unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation " , there is nothing specifically about designating a targeted individual " all-bad / the scapegoat " for an extended period of time or permanently, or the deeply negative, destructive impact that has on any child so designated. Do psychiatrists/psychologists usually treat a patient only as an individual and not as part of a family system? How can a real assessment and real treatment even occur in the absence of the complete picture, including interviews of the patient's family of origin, spouse or SO, kids, co-workers/clients, neighbors? Doesn't the psychiatrist have to be something like a detective or a naturalist, observing and studying the wily bpd in her natural habitat? Apparently not. How bizarre that seems to me, if that's true. I can relate to what you mean, by the way. I think that becoming hyper-vigilant to my nada's tone of voice and delivery contributed to me becoming such a nervous, anxious, jittery child, because her " I'm irritated with you " tone could so easily and for no apparent reason escalate into screeching rage and physical abuse. And please don't underestimate the impact that physical abuse has on a small child, particularly when accompanied by verbal degradation or rage; it can be completely, utterly shit-your-pants terrifying. I am in my 50's, and a fairly intelligent human being, but I have been *psychologically conditioned* to be afraid of my own mother: afraid of her anger, afraid of making her angry. I want to undo that conditioning, but I guess it will take therapy to help me do that. Meanwhile, I'll stay No Contact out of self-preservation. -Annie > > Girlscout Cowboy, you asked whether our nadas had a " special voice " such as yours with her pitiful waif voice and cutting witch voice. > > This might be a common BPD feature because yes, mine had a voice which I have lately come to call her " growly voice. " It was the voice in which she expressed rising anger and in which she would order me to do things. I was the only person on earth who ever heard this voice until -- again -- very recently, when she became disabled and had an employee who helped her with errands. She used that voice on him as well. We are the only two. > > It strikes me as a BPD thing because that voice, growled through clenched teeth, saying things like " Pick up those dishes NOWWW " or Get the hell OVER HERE, " is the sound of pure unadulterated control-freakism. It is the sound of annihilation, manipulation, and almost death-threat. You cannot use this voice to anyone for whom you have even a droplet of respect. > > I heard this voice all my life and, like you, I felt my skin crawl when I heard it. It made me freeze with fear -- oh no, she's mad, I made her mad, I'm a failure, I'm a terrible horrible person who makes everyone mad, she's so mad that now she hates me, and if she hates me I cease to exist. > > That's what that voice meant to me, but of course I did not analyze it this way or see what was happening or the mindf**k of it until very recently. > > So I let the effects of that voice shape my mind and my life. > > This month, she was declared terminally ill and put into a hospice program. Lying in bed, suffering much pain and mostly delusional, she has been rambling on and on to unseen beings, usually in a calm voice -- not recognizing me or even seeing me there on the chair. Every few days, she notices me, seems to realize that it's me, and then suddenly out comes the growly voice. What deja vu as she grits her teeth and growls, " Get off your f**king ass and take this blanket OFF ME " or " Turn OFF that f**king TV. " > > Granted, she's in a lot of pain and anyone would be beside themselves in her situation. It's just been intriguing that even now, even in her delusional netherworld, the growly voice is still there and it's still only for me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm so sorry you're still subjected to " the voice " and the accompanying abusive treatment. But I agree that even in your nada's current (and very sad) condition of being in and out of touch with reality due to dementia and various meds, what a fascinating example of the (apparently) ingrained " scapegoat " behavior your nada still engages in with you: so deeply ingrained that it actually takes the form of a vocal change and attitude change. Even in her twilight-awareness state, nada still feels that her child deserve her contempt and disrespect. Its about blaming and projection: nada believes a particular individual *deserves* her contempt. The scapegoat exists to carry all nada's unwanted negative traits/thoughts/feelings for her, so that nada is free of them and can point her finger at the scapegoat and revile him or her instead of reviling herself. Although the diagnostic criteria for bpd mentions " splitting " : criteria #2: " unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation " , there is nothing specifically about designating a targeted individual " all-bad / the scapegoat " for an extended period of time or permanently, or the deeply negative, destructive impact that has on any child so designated. Do psychiatrists/psychologists usually treat a patient only as an individual and not as part of a family system? How can a real assessment and real treatment even occur in the absence of the complete picture, including interviews of the patient's family of origin, spouse or SO, kids, co-workers/clients, neighbors? Doesn't the psychiatrist have to be something like a detective or a naturalist, observing and studying the wily bpd in her natural habitat? Apparently not. How bizarre that seems to me, if that's true. I can relate to what you mean, by the way. I think that becoming hyper-vigilant to my nada's tone of voice and delivery contributed to me becoming such a nervous, anxious, jittery child, because her " I'm irritated with you " tone could so easily and for no apparent reason escalate into screeching rage and physical abuse. And please don't underestimate the impact that physical abuse has on a small child, particularly when accompanied by verbal degradation or rage; it can be completely, utterly shit-your-pants terrifying. I am in my 50's, and a fairly intelligent human being, but I have been *psychologically conditioned* to be afraid of my own mother: afraid of her anger, afraid of making her angry. I want to undo that conditioning, but I guess it will take therapy to help me do that. Meanwhile, I'll stay No Contact out of self-preservation. -Annie > > Girlscout Cowboy, you asked whether our nadas had a " special voice " such as yours with her pitiful waif voice and cutting witch voice. > > This might be a common BPD feature because yes, mine had a voice which I have lately come to call her " growly voice. " It was the voice in which she expressed rising anger and in which she would order me to do things. I was the only person on earth who ever heard this voice until -- again -- very recently, when she became disabled and had an employee who helped her with errands. She used that voice on him as well. We are the only two. > > It strikes me as a BPD thing because that voice, growled through clenched teeth, saying things like " Pick up those dishes NOWWW " or Get the hell OVER HERE, " is the sound of pure unadulterated control-freakism. It is the sound of annihilation, manipulation, and almost death-threat. You cannot use this voice to anyone for whom you have even a droplet of respect. > > I heard this voice all my life and, like you, I felt my skin crawl when I heard it. It made me freeze with fear -- oh no, she's mad, I made her mad, I'm a failure, I'm a terrible horrible person who makes everyone mad, she's so mad that now she hates me, and if she hates me I cease to exist. > > That's what that voice meant to me, but of course I did not analyze it this way or see what was happening or the mindf**k of it until very recently. > > So I let the effects of that voice shape my mind and my life. > > This month, she was declared terminally ill and put into a hospice program. Lying in bed, suffering much pain and mostly delusional, she has been rambling on and on to unseen beings, usually in a calm voice -- not recognizing me or even seeing me there on the chair. Every few days, she notices me, seems to realize that it's me, and then suddenly out comes the growly voice. What deja vu as she grits her teeth and growls, " Get off your f**king ass and take this blanket OFF ME " or " Turn OFF that f**king TV. " > > Granted, she's in a lot of pain and anyone would be beside themselves in her situation. It's just been intriguing that even now, even in her delusional netherworld, the growly voice is still there and it's still only for me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm so sorry you're still subjected to " the voice " and the accompanying abusive treatment. But I agree that even in your nada's current (and very sad) condition of being in and out of touch with reality due to dementia and various meds, what a fascinating example of the (apparently) ingrained " scapegoat " behavior your nada still engages in with you: so deeply ingrained that it actually takes the form of a vocal change and attitude change. Even in her twilight-awareness state, nada still feels that her child deserve her contempt and disrespect. Its about blaming and projection: nada believes a particular individual *deserves* her contempt. The scapegoat exists to carry all nada's unwanted negative traits/thoughts/feelings for her, so that nada is free of them and can point her finger at the scapegoat and revile him or her instead of reviling herself. Although the diagnostic criteria for bpd mentions " splitting " : criteria #2: " unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation " , there is nothing specifically about designating a targeted individual " all-bad / the scapegoat " for an extended period of time or permanently, or the deeply negative, destructive impact that has on any child so designated. Do psychiatrists/psychologists usually treat a patient only as an individual and not as part of a family system? How can a real assessment and real treatment even occur in the absence of the complete picture, including interviews of the patient's family of origin, spouse or SO, kids, co-workers/clients, neighbors? Doesn't the psychiatrist have to be something like a detective or a naturalist, observing and studying the wily bpd in her natural habitat? Apparently not. How bizarre that seems to me, if that's true. I can relate to what you mean, by the way. I think that becoming hyper-vigilant to my nada's tone of voice and delivery contributed to me becoming such a nervous, anxious, jittery child, because her " I'm irritated with you " tone could so easily and for no apparent reason escalate into screeching rage and physical abuse. And please don't underestimate the impact that physical abuse has on a small child, particularly when accompanied by verbal degradation or rage; it can be completely, utterly shit-your-pants terrifying. I am in my 50's, and a fairly intelligent human being, but I have been *psychologically conditioned* to be afraid of my own mother: afraid of her anger, afraid of making her angry. I want to undo that conditioning, but I guess it will take therapy to help me do that. Meanwhile, I'll stay No Contact out of self-preservation. -Annie > > Girlscout Cowboy, you asked whether our nadas had a " special voice " such as yours with her pitiful waif voice and cutting witch voice. > > This might be a common BPD feature because yes, mine had a voice which I have lately come to call her " growly voice. " It was the voice in which she expressed rising anger and in which she would order me to do things. I was the only person on earth who ever heard this voice until -- again -- very recently, when she became disabled and had an employee who helped her with errands. She used that voice on him as well. We are the only two. > > It strikes me as a BPD thing because that voice, growled through clenched teeth, saying things like " Pick up those dishes NOWWW " or Get the hell OVER HERE, " is the sound of pure unadulterated control-freakism. It is the sound of annihilation, manipulation, and almost death-threat. You cannot use this voice to anyone for whom you have even a droplet of respect. > > I heard this voice all my life and, like you, I felt my skin crawl when I heard it. It made me freeze with fear -- oh no, she's mad, I made her mad, I'm a failure, I'm a terrible horrible person who makes everyone mad, she's so mad that now she hates me, and if she hates me I cease to exist. > > That's what that voice meant to me, but of course I did not analyze it this way or see what was happening or the mindf**k of it until very recently. > > So I let the effects of that voice shape my mind and my life. > > This month, she was declared terminally ill and put into a hospice program. Lying in bed, suffering much pain and mostly delusional, she has been rambling on and on to unseen beings, usually in a calm voice -- not recognizing me or even seeing me there on the chair. Every few days, she notices me, seems to realize that it's me, and then suddenly out comes the growly voice. What deja vu as she grits her teeth and growls, " Get off your f**king ass and take this blanket OFF ME " or " Turn OFF that f**king TV. " > > Granted, she's in a lot of pain and anyone would be beside themselves in her situation. It's just been intriguing that even now, even in her delusional netherworld, the growly voice is still there and it's still only for me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Waif/martyr voice for mine. Totally. When I call her and she's got a sore anything, when I ask how she is, she'll say, in a meek little girl voice, " Not that good... " [dramatic pause] She has the martyr voice down perfectly. > > Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of vocalizing that > could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, I've decided she > was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a hermit for the > hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she doesn't want to do > she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is always sick, sick, > sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " (nada doctor > shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, diagnoses that she > liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real treatment it was RAGE > and never go back.) > > My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting you apart > with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was her waif voice. > If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a chocolate bar > (she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if she didn't > have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery pathetic > worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an epi-pen in her > purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy shots for 15 > years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't travel, she > would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on the phone > with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely she was > because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice that brought > my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My grandmother (her > mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and cook up all her > favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > > The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the one who went > to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then gave a > performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and how > worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to read your > homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer (because > you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview or music > lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's license) and the > gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > > UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I called her on it, > too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you are not > helpless. RAGE was the only response. > > Dear God how I hate the waif act. > > I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think about it. If > I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't be long > enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and scrape out the > memory. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Waif/martyr voice for mine. Totally. When I call her and she's got a sore anything, when I ask how she is, she'll say, in a meek little girl voice, " Not that good... " [dramatic pause] She has the martyr voice down perfectly. > > Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of vocalizing that > could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, I've decided she > was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a hermit for the > hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she doesn't want to do > she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is always sick, sick, > sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " (nada doctor > shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, diagnoses that she > liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real treatment it was RAGE > and never go back.) > > My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting you apart > with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was her waif voice. > If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a chocolate bar > (she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if she didn't > have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery pathetic > worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an epi-pen in her > purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy shots for 15 > years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't travel, she > would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on the phone > with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely she was > because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice that brought > my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My grandmother (her > mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and cook up all her > favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > > The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the one who went > to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then gave a > performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and how > worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to read your > homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer (because > you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview or music > lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's license) and the > gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > > UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I called her on it, > too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you are not > helpless. RAGE was the only response. > > Dear God how I hate the waif act. > > I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think about it. If > I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't be long > enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and scrape out the > memory. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Waif/martyr voice for mine. Totally. When I call her and she's got a sore anything, when I ask how she is, she'll say, in a meek little girl voice, " Not that good... " [dramatic pause] She has the martyr voice down perfectly. > > Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of vocalizing that > could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, I've decided she > was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a hermit for the > hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she doesn't want to do > she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is always sick, sick, > sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " (nada doctor > shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, diagnoses that she > liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real treatment it was RAGE > and never go back.) > > My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting you apart > with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was her waif voice. > If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a chocolate bar > (she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if she didn't > have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery pathetic > worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an epi-pen in her > purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy shots for 15 > years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't travel, she > would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on the phone > with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely she was > because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice that brought > my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My grandmother (her > mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and cook up all her > favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > > The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the one who went > to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then gave a > performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and how > worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to read your > homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer (because > you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview or music > lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's license) and the > gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > > UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I called her on it, > too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you are not > helpless. RAGE was the only response. > > Dear God how I hate the waif act. > > I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think about it. If > I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't be long > enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and scrape out the > memory. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Girlscout Cowboy, Mine certainly has multiple voices, her shaking hysterical rage voice is the one I hate the most. I feel nauseous as I write this thinking about it. I'm glad that you're able to step back enough to analyze her issues. I think that's good that you can be removed from the manipulation enough to do that. ~ > > Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of vocalizing that > could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, I've decided she > was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a hermit for the > hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she doesn't want to do > she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is always sick, sick, > sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " (nada doctor > shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, diagnoses that she > liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real treatment it was RAGE > and never go back.) > > My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting you apart > with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was her waif voice. > If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a chocolate bar > (she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if she didn't > have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery pathetic > worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an epi-pen in her > purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy shots for 15 > years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't travel, she > would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on the phone > with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely she was > because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice that brought > my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My grandmother (her > mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and cook up all her > favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > > The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the one who went > to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then gave a > performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and how > worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to read your > homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer (because > you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview or music > lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's license) and the > gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > > UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I called her on it, > too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you are not > helpless. RAGE was the only response. > > Dear God how I hate the waif act. > > I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think about it. If > I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't be long > enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and scrape out the > memory. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yeah, my nada has the rage/hysteria voice down really well. There's also the one I refer to as her " you're so damned stupid " voice. Ugh. And her fake " I love you " voice. I so wish I could demonstrate for you here, you'd totally see what I mean about the fakeness of it. I don't think she ever once said it to me & meant it. *shudder* Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I called it the " crazy voice " . It is so strange how we experienced basically the same things. > > Yeah, my nada has the rage/hysteria voice down really well. There's also > the one I refer to as her " you're so damned stupid " voice. Ugh. And her > fake " I love you " voice. I so wish I could demonstrate for you here, you'd > totally see what I mean about the fakeness of it. I don't think she ever > once said it to me & meant it. *shudder* > > Mia > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I called it the " crazy voice " . It is so strange how we experienced basically the same things. > > Yeah, my nada has the rage/hysteria voice down really well. There's also > the one I refer to as her " you're so damned stupid " voice. Ugh. And her > fake " I love you " voice. I so wish I could demonstrate for you here, you'd > totally see what I mean about the fakeness of it. I don't think she ever > once said it to me & meant it. *shudder* > > Mia > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I called it the " crazy voice " . It is so strange how we experienced basically the same things. > > Yeah, my nada has the rage/hysteria voice down really well. There's also > the one I refer to as her " you're so damned stupid " voice. Ugh. And her > fake " I love you " voice. I so wish I could demonstrate for you here, you'd > totally see what I mean about the fakeness of it. I don't think she ever > once said it to me & meant it. *shudder* > > Mia > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 My nada has the baby voice, which is her version of the waif voice. It sometimes uses baby-talk of the sort that some adults use for talking to babies and small children, and it whines when she doesn't get what she wants. She also uses it when making fake apologies for the purpose of manipulating people and to claim she loves people. When she uses it I know that it is likely that she'll act even more like a toddler than she usually does. At 08:07 AM 01/23/2011 Girlscout Cowboy wrote: >Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of >vocalizing that >could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, >I've decided she >was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a >hermit for the >hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she >doesn't want to do >she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is >always sick, sick, >sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " >(nada doctor >shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, >diagnoses that she >liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real >treatment it was RAGE >and never go back.) > >My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting >you apart >with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was >her waif voice. >If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a >chocolate bar >(she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if >she didn't >have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery >pathetic >worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an >epi-pen in her >purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy >shots for 15 >years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't >travel, she >would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on >the phone >with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely >she was >because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice >that brought >my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My >grandmother (her >mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and >cook up all her >favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > >The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the >one who went >to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then >gave a >performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and >how >worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to >read your >homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the >dryer (because >you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview >or music >lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's >license) and the >gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > >UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I >called her on it, >too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you >are not >helpless. RAGE was the only response. > >Dear God how I hate the waif act. > >I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think >about it. If >I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't >be long >enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and >scrape out the >memory. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 My nada has the baby voice, which is her version of the waif voice. It sometimes uses baby-talk of the sort that some adults use for talking to babies and small children, and it whines when she doesn't get what she wants. She also uses it when making fake apologies for the purpose of manipulating people and to claim she loves people. When she uses it I know that it is likely that she'll act even more like a toddler than she usually does. At 08:07 AM 01/23/2011 Girlscout Cowboy wrote: >Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of >vocalizing that >could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, >I've decided she >was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a >hermit for the >hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she >doesn't want to do >she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is >always sick, sick, >sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " >(nada doctor >shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, >diagnoses that she >liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real >treatment it was RAGE >and never go back.) > >My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting >you apart >with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was >her waif voice. >If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a >chocolate bar >(she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if >she didn't >have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery >pathetic >worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an >epi-pen in her >purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy >shots for 15 >years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't >travel, she >would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on >the phone >with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely >she was >because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice >that brought >my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My >grandmother (her >mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and >cook up all her >favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > >The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the >one who went >to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then >gave a >performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and >how >worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to >read your >homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the >dryer (because >you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview >or music >lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's >license) and the >gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > >UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I >called her on it, >too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you >are not >helpless. RAGE was the only response. > >Dear God how I hate the waif act. > >I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think >about it. If >I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't >be long >enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and >scrape out the >memory. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 My nada has the baby voice, which is her version of the waif voice. It sometimes uses baby-talk of the sort that some adults use for talking to babies and small children, and it whines when she doesn't get what she wants. She also uses it when making fake apologies for the purpose of manipulating people and to claim she loves people. When she uses it I know that it is likely that she'll act even more like a toddler than she usually does. At 08:07 AM 01/23/2011 Girlscout Cowboy wrote: >Did your nadas have a special voice? My nada had a way of >vocalizing that >could send shivers down my spine. After talking to you all, >I've decided she >was (well is) a witch/queen with a waif " act. " And maybe a >hermit for the >hoarding. Whenever someone wanted her to do something she >doesn't want to do >she melts into the poor little helpless waif. The waif is >always sick, sick, >sick, she needs her pills, she needs to go to the " doctor " >(nada doctor >shopped so that she could get pain pills, pills, pills, >diagnoses that she >liked and sympathy. If a doctor tried to give her real >treatment it was RAGE >and never go back.) > >My nada had a witch voice for sure. Screaming, raging, cutting >you apart >with her voice. But the voice that made me want to vomit was >her waif voice. >If she wanted someone to bring her a banana, a diet coke or a >chocolate bar >(she usually kept these things in her underwear drawer but if >she didn't >have them on hand) she would call out in her special waivery >pathetic >worthless waif voice. This was the voice that carried an >epi-pen in her >purse because she was " allergic to her own sweat, " got allergy >shots for 15 >years, had allergy attacks any time she left home (she couldn't >travel, she >would have melt downs). This was the voice that spent hours on >the phone >with her " friends " telling them how sad, depressed and lonely >she was >because her daughter was a worthless bitch. This was the voice >that brought >my dad running, usually to bring her a bunch of food. My >grandmother (her >mother in law), who she hated, would slave over a stove and >cook up all her >favorite things to eat because of the waif voice. > >The waif took about 15-18 perscriptions each day. She was the >one who went >to church, commanded an audience in the hall or lobby and then >gave a >performance for the church ladies on how awful her life was and >how >worthless, hateful and ugly her daughter (me) was. Ask nada to >read your >homework assignment, move the laundry from the washer to the >dryer (because >you are forbidden to touch it), or drive you to a job interview >or music >lesson or after school math class (before you have driver's >license) and the >gravelly, waivery pathetic waif voice is the one that responds. > >UGGGGGH it makes my stomach turn just to think about it. I >called her on it, >too, more than once. Said you are faking, hypochondriac, you >are not >helpless. RAGE was the only response. > >Dear God how I hate the waif act. > >I think I must be healing that I can even allow myself to think >about it. If >I never ever ever hear my mother's voice again, it still won't >be long >enough. I wish I could dig into my brain with a spoon and >scrape out the >memory. -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Ooh, the baby voice! I forgot that one!!! My nada does that too. But hers is what I've called the " cutesy " voice... but yeah, it's like the baby voice, but it's her trying to be cutesy & get what she wants from someone. Example: the only time she ever used this on me was when she'd want me to go get her moose tracks ice cream. " 'will u go get me some ice cream, pweaaaaase " . Uuuuuuuuuugggh! I HATE THAT VOICE! Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Ooh, the baby voice! I forgot that one!!! My nada does that too. But hers is what I've called the " cutesy " voice... but yeah, it's like the baby voice, but it's her trying to be cutesy & get what she wants from someone. Example: the only time she ever used this on me was when she'd want me to go get her moose tracks ice cream. " 'will u go get me some ice cream, pweaaaaase " . Uuuuuuuuuugggh! I HATE THAT VOICE! Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 OMG the baby voice!!! Yes, my nada has a way of saying the word SANDWICH that makes me want to murder at least 15 innocent bystanders. She doesn't say " sandwich " like an adult, but she says it like a 2 year old would, with a sassy little lilt that I think is supposed to sound sexy. " Saaaaaaaaaaaaahwch " I can't even do it. But the murderous feeling is still there. The moose tracks brought it back for me. > > > Ooh, the baby voice! I forgot that one!!! My nada does that too. But hers > is > what I've called the " cutesy " voice... but yeah, it's like the baby voice, > but it's her trying to be cutesy & get what she wants from someone. > Example: the only time she ever used this on me was when she'd want me to > go get her moose tracks ice cream. " 'will u go get me some ice cream, > pweaaaaase " . Uuuuuuuuuugggh! > > I HATE THAT VOICE! > > > Mia > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 OMG the baby voice!!! Yes, my nada has a way of saying the word SANDWICH that makes me want to murder at least 15 innocent bystanders. She doesn't say " sandwich " like an adult, but she says it like a 2 year old would, with a sassy little lilt that I think is supposed to sound sexy. " Saaaaaaaaaaaaahwch " I can't even do it. But the murderous feeling is still there. The moose tracks brought it back for me. > > > Ooh, the baby voice! I forgot that one!!! My nada does that too. But hers > is > what I've called the " cutesy " voice... but yeah, it's like the baby voice, > but it's her trying to be cutesy & get what she wants from someone. > Example: the only time she ever used this on me was when she'd want me to > go get her moose tracks ice cream. " 'will u go get me some ice cream, > pweaaaaase " . Uuuuuuuuuugggh! > > I HATE THAT VOICE! > > > Mia > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 AGGGHHHH! My Nada has the baby voice which makes me want to peel my own skin off, AND she has the talking through clenched teeth voice, which she uses if you don't hear her the first time and ask her to repeat herself. The baby voice makes me so angry---you're not a baby for christ's sake! You're a 67 year old woman!!! And the clenched teeth voice is so EMBARASSING because she'll do it to complete strangers and its just RUDE. She acts like if you don't hear her then you're deliberately ignoring her or disrespecting her or something. I don't know what her problem is. Her voice in general gives me the heebee jeebies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 AGGGHHHH! My Nada has the baby voice which makes me want to peel my own skin off, AND she has the talking through clenched teeth voice, which she uses if you don't hear her the first time and ask her to repeat herself. The baby voice makes me so angry---you're not a baby for christ's sake! You're a 67 year old woman!!! And the clenched teeth voice is so EMBARASSING because she'll do it to complete strangers and its just RUDE. She acts like if you don't hear her then you're deliberately ignoring her or disrespecting her or something. I don't know what her problem is. Her voice in general gives me the heebee jeebies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 AGGGHHHH! My Nada has the baby voice which makes me want to peel my own skin off, AND she has the talking through clenched teeth voice, which she uses if you don't hear her the first time and ask her to repeat herself. The baby voice makes me so angry---you're not a baby for christ's sake! You're a 67 year old woman!!! And the clenched teeth voice is so EMBARASSING because she'll do it to complete strangers and its just RUDE. She acts like if you don't hear her then you're deliberately ignoring her or disrespecting her or something. I don't know what her problem is. Her voice in general gives me the heebee jeebies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yep yep, I know the clenched teeth voice too. Mine was good for that too. Pardon my existence for not having heard you the first time. I have to say, she'd never survive with my fiance... half the time if he's watching TV or on his computer, you have to repeat yourself because he's so absorbed lol. I've just gotten in the habbit of just saying his name first to get his attention because I do get kind of warn out repeating myself all the time. But I don't do the clenched teeth voice, I just say it again and don't get a 'tude. The man's relaxing for crying out loud. Yeah, clenched teeth angry " how dare I should have to repeat myself " voice. YUCK. I also agree... nada's voice in general grates my nerves like finger nails on a chalk board. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yep yep, I know the clenched teeth voice too. Mine was good for that too. Pardon my existence for not having heard you the first time. I have to say, she'd never survive with my fiance... half the time if he's watching TV or on his computer, you have to repeat yourself because he's so absorbed lol. I've just gotten in the habbit of just saying his name first to get his attention because I do get kind of warn out repeating myself all the time. But I don't do the clenched teeth voice, I just say it again and don't get a 'tude. The man's relaxing for crying out loud. Yeah, clenched teeth angry " how dare I should have to repeat myself " voice. YUCK. I also agree... nada's voice in general grates my nerves like finger nails on a chalk board. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yep yep, I know the clenched teeth voice too. Mine was good for that too. Pardon my existence for not having heard you the first time. I have to say, she'd never survive with my fiance... half the time if he's watching TV or on his computer, you have to repeat yourself because he's so absorbed lol. I've just gotten in the habbit of just saying his name first to get his attention because I do get kind of warn out repeating myself all the time. But I don't do the clenched teeth voice, I just say it again and don't get a 'tude. The man's relaxing for crying out loud. Yeah, clenched teeth angry " how dare I should have to repeat myself " voice. YUCK. I also agree... nada's voice in general grates my nerves like finger nails on a chalk board. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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