Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I watch this reality show frequently and have noted many times the overlap between these pathological hoarders and BPDs. My husband always points to the people on this show and says, " She sounds just like your mother, " because they have these common traits: They seem unable to recognize or take responsibility for the damage they're doing -- to their homes, their health, and the lives of their " loved " ones. But that's the point: They seem not really to love their spouses and children, as they openly choose their junk, or their habits, or their denial, over these alleged " loved ones. " This is so obvious as to be heartbreaking, in episode after episode. The distraught spouses and children beg and plead and talk sense, but the hoarder shrugs them off and shrieks at them -- and at the therapists and cleanup folks who try to help them. This is exactly how BPDs act. BPDs and hoarders -- both are empty inside where their souls are supposed to be. Both tend to get that way after an unresolved trauma. (Many hoarders say they started hoarding after a parent's death. And it's said that many BPDs experienced childhood sexual abuse.) Both deny the suffering they cause to others. Both live in self-created worlds that are dangerous and crazy. Both allow their habits to harm their own health. Both -- and this is key -- violently reject all earnest attempts to help them. The children of hoarders, as you can see on that show, often go NC just as do the children of BPDs, and for the same reasons: " I gave up. I had to find a sane environment and save myself. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 I watch this reality show frequently and have noted many times the overlap between these pathological hoarders and BPDs. My husband always points to the people on this show and says, " She sounds just like your mother, " because they have these common traits: They seem unable to recognize or take responsibility for the damage they're doing -- to their homes, their health, and the lives of their " loved " ones. But that's the point: They seem not really to love their spouses and children, as they openly choose their junk, or their habits, or their denial, over these alleged " loved ones. " This is so obvious as to be heartbreaking, in episode after episode. The distraught spouses and children beg and plead and talk sense, but the hoarder shrugs them off and shrieks at them -- and at the therapists and cleanup folks who try to help them. This is exactly how BPDs act. BPDs and hoarders -- both are empty inside where their souls are supposed to be. Both tend to get that way after an unresolved trauma. (Many hoarders say they started hoarding after a parent's death. And it's said that many BPDs experienced childhood sexual abuse.) Both deny the suffering they cause to others. Both live in self-created worlds that are dangerous and crazy. Both allow their habits to harm their own health. Both -- and this is key -- violently reject all earnest attempts to help them. The children of hoarders, as you can see on that show, often go NC just as do the children of BPDs, and for the same reasons: " I gave up. I had to find a sane environment and save myself. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yeah, I was fascinated by the show but had to turn it off in the next episode. I thought the first woman was bad, the second woman was animal hoarding and reminded me too much of nada and especially grandnada. I started to notice my breathing becoming irregular and decided it was time to do something calming instead. Before I turned it off I did see that some of the people on the show are willing to seek help, they know something is wrong. They make serious break throughs and are able to " cure " their hoarding behavior. One couple was threatened with losing their children, and when they realized that they needed to get it under control or lose their kids, they worked together to understand their issues. Another man never got over the loss of finding his wife after she died of heart failure, and was hoarding rats, yuck. But he knew the rats needed to be taken care of and was willing to let them be " rescued and adopted " so they would be healthy. And he worked with the therapist to confront his grief over his wife. I wonder if some people are just too far gone and the heart of their issue is just too deeply buried to confront. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 You'd think that if a home is so filthy that the child develops severe allergies, scabies, impetigo, or is forced to eat expired foods, or the home stinks of rotting garbage or animal feces/urine, that THAT would automatically be considered child abuse and neglect and the child/children would be removed for their own safety. But, it seems there are no hard and fast rules about " how filthy is too filthy? " and it winds up being a judgment call on the part of the individual social worker, Child Protective Services worker and/or a judge. I'm so sorry you had to grow up in such conditions; and I'm so glad that you have a lovely historic home now that is both clean and delightfully original! That rocks! -Annie > > > > > > > Nada isn't a hoarder--she's the immaculate home type--but I'm watching the > > show Hoarders right now and there is a mother on here, and listening to her > > and watching her body language, etc., totally reminds me not only of nada, > > but of grandnada, who was probably also BPD or NPD, or both. > > > > It's not triggering anything, it's kind of interesting to witness someone > > else with the relationship. I feel very bad for these two grown daughters, > > one of which says: my mother chose the trash over her husband, the trash > > over her daughters, the trash over our family...(and the poor woman is > > crying). And her nada doesn't even acknowledge there is a problem. The nada > > says her daughters got an education and now they think they are better than > > her, and that's why they are upset. The County says they will have to > > demolish her home because of the trash, the are numerous complaints each day > > about the trash and the property, but the nada just claims that nothing is > > wrong and that people with a badge think they are right because they have a > > badge. > > > > I know I am not qualified to diagnose nor could 5 minutes of a program > > allow me to do so, but DAMN! Total BPD behavior here. > > > > My heart goes out to all the children of hoarders. It was no picnic growing > > up with an immaculate nada, but I think I prefer that over the hoarding and > > living in trash. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 OMG, I think we just saw this too. This is the one where she wouldn't help the cleanup crew and they couldn't do anything and had to just leave? That woman was SOOOOOO mentally ill. Just kept popping kids out and was so abusive some of them got transferred to foster care and now she had all these animals. Something is wrong in society when these people can keep going on and on and on and on, ruining life after life after life after life--all of whom were helpless dependent children and animals and couldn't get away or help themselves--and nobody can step in and do anything. WTF?? When are we gonna wake up, people??? --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 OMG, I think we just saw this too. This is the one where she wouldn't help the cleanup crew and they couldn't do anything and had to just leave? That woman was SOOOOOO mentally ill. Just kept popping kids out and was so abusive some of them got transferred to foster care and now she had all these animals. Something is wrong in society when these people can keep going on and on and on and on, ruining life after life after life after life--all of whom were helpless dependent children and animals and couldn't get away or help themselves--and nobody can step in and do anything. WTF?? When are we gonna wake up, people??? --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 23, 2011 Report Share Posted January 23, 2011 OMG, I think we just saw this too. This is the one where she wouldn't help the cleanup crew and they couldn't do anything and had to just leave? That woman was SOOOOOO mentally ill. Just kept popping kids out and was so abusive some of them got transferred to foster care and now she had all these animals. Something is wrong in society when these people can keep going on and on and on and on, ruining life after life after life after life--all of whom were helpless dependent children and animals and couldn't get away or help themselves--and nobody can step in and do anything. WTF?? When are we gonna wake up, people??? --. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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