Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 The list I need to make is things to take care of before my husband and I can stop living with her and be a couple again. Some are easy like install a dog door (so she won't have to go down steps to let the dog out) and put timers on her lights. Some will take time like switching her prescriptions to mail-order so she doesn't run out before someone can go to the drugstore. Others are harder like finding people to look in on her every day without imposing on anyone. I think that's what I fear most, imposing on people.Ellie My worries mostly have to do with my 19 year old son, and that's a great idea about Listing them them out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 The list I need to make is things to take care of before my husband and I can stop living with her and be a couple again. Some are easy like install a dog door (so she won't have to go down steps to let the dog out) and put timers on her lights. Some will take time like switching her prescriptions to mail-order so she doesn't run out before someone can go to the drugstore. Others are harder like finding people to look in on her every day without imposing on anyone. I think that's what I fear most, imposing on people.Ellie My worries mostly have to do with my 19 year old son, and that's a great idea about Listing them them out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Ellie, good luck with your mother. I think one of the hardest things for us women who take care of others is to ask for help. Before I started therapy I thought talking about my troubles with a friend would be really unfair and burdensome for the friend. I feared rejection and the idea that I was not put-together enough to handle my own life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Asking for help at appropriate times is an indication that you ARE together and secure enough to rely on others for certain things. We all have to rely on others at times; it's what makes us a community rather than just a group of lonely individuals. I'm sure you can get the things you need to move out and begin this new phase of your life. Mimi Subject: Re: Scared (kind of OT)To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support >Date: Sunday, January 8, 2012, 8:54 PM The list I need to make is things to take care of before my husband and I can stop living with her and be a couple again. Some are easy like install a dog door (so she won't have to go down steps to let the dog out) and put timers on her lights. Some will take time like switching her prescriptions to mail-order so she doesn't run out before someone can go to the drugstore. Others are harder like finding people to look in on her every day without imposing on anyone. I think that's what I fear most, imposing on people. Ellie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Ellie, good luck with your mother. I think one of the hardest things for us women who take care of others is to ask for help. Before I started therapy I thought talking about my troubles with a friend would be really unfair and burdensome for the friend. I feared rejection and the idea that I was not put-together enough to handle my own life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Asking for help at appropriate times is an indication that you ARE together and secure enough to rely on others for certain things. We all have to rely on others at times; it's what makes us a community rather than just a group of lonely individuals. I'm sure you can get the things you need to move out and begin this new phase of your life. Mimi Subject: Re: Scared (kind of OT)To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support >Date: Sunday, January 8, 2012, 8:54 PM The list I need to make is things to take care of before my husband and I can stop living with her and be a couple again. Some are easy like install a dog door (so she won't have to go down steps to let the dog out) and put timers on her lights. Some will take time like switching her prescriptions to mail-order so she doesn't run out before someone can go to the drugstore. Others are harder like finding people to look in on her every day without imposing on anyone. I think that's what I fear most, imposing on people. Ellie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Ellie, good luck with your mother. I think one of the hardest things for us women who take care of others is to ask for help. Before I started therapy I thought talking about my troubles with a friend would be really unfair and burdensome for the friend. I feared rejection and the idea that I was not put-together enough to handle my own life. Nothing could be further from the truth. Asking for help at appropriate times is an indication that you ARE together and secure enough to rely on others for certain things. We all have to rely on others at times; it's what makes us a community rather than just a group of lonely individuals. I'm sure you can get the things you need to move out and begin this new phase of your life. Mimi Subject: Re: Scared (kind of OT)To: "IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support >Date: Sunday, January 8, 2012, 8:54 PM The list I need to make is things to take care of before my husband and I can stop living with her and be a couple again. Some are easy like install a dog door (so she won't have to go down steps to let the dog out) and put timers on her lights. Some will take time like switching her prescriptions to mail-order so she doesn't run out before someone can go to the drugstore. Others are harder like finding people to look in on her every day without imposing on anyone. I think that's what I fear most, imposing on people. Ellie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane > > > > Subject: Re: Scared (kind of OT) > To: " IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support > > Date: Sunday, January 8, 2012, 8:54 PM > > > > Â > > > > > > The list I need to make is things to take care of before my husband and I can stop living with her and be a couple again. Some are easy like install a dog door (so she won't have to go down steps to let the dog out) and put timers on her lights. Some will take time like switching her prescriptions to mail-order so she doesn't run out before someone can go to the drugstore. Others are harder like finding people to look in on her every day without imposing on anyone. I think that's what I fear most, imposing on people. > > > Ellie > > > > > Â > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane > > > > Subject: Re: Scared (kind of OT) > To: " IntuitiveEating_Support " <IntuitiveEating_Support > > Date: Sunday, January 8, 2012, 8:54 PM > > > > Â > > > > > > The list I need to make is things to take care of before my husband and I can stop living with her and be a couple again. Some are easy like install a dog door (so she won't have to go down steps to let the dog out) and put timers on her lights. Some will take time like switching her prescriptions to mail-order so she doesn't run out before someone can go to the drugstore. Others are harder like finding people to look in on her every day without imposing on anyone. I think that's what I fear most, imposing on people. > > > Ellie > > > > > Â > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Jane, nice to see you again! I think you just have to do what you can given your circumstances. You are caring for people in your family with little outside help and that can be exhausting. But don't underestimate the power of moral support. Maybe one thing you can do is to give yourself 10 minutes a day to read these posts or to be on a support site for moms/caregivers, whatever you need. Just giving yourself one small thing can start the ball rolling. Mimi Subject: Re: Scared (kind of OT)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Wednesday, January 11, 2012, 2:34 AM I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Jane, nice to see you again! I think you just have to do what you can given your circumstances. You are caring for people in your family with little outside help and that can be exhausting. But don't underestimate the power of moral support. Maybe one thing you can do is to give yourself 10 minutes a day to read these posts or to be on a support site for moms/caregivers, whatever you need. Just giving yourself one small thing can start the ball rolling. Mimi Subject: Re: Scared (kind of OT)To: IntuitiveEating_Support Date: Wednesday, January 11, 2012, 2:34 AM I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Jane, so lovely to read a post from you. Sorry to hear that you are buried under a LOT of care taking. I know how that is for someone who is inclined towards that to begin with. What I would like to offer as a thought is for you to imagine how you would manage to add one more small 'need' if it presented itself to you. You probably would if it was a small child or needy elder, so why not extend that same energy and love towards yourself too? After all, if YOU don't get the care you need, how can you care for those who rely on you?!? I like what someone else mentioned about just a few mins. each day of YOU time, even just reading here might help you re-focus on your needs too. BEST wishes to you, Katcha IEing since March 2007 > > I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Funny how you both have mentioned just reading posts again as a baby step, as that is what I have tentatively done the last 2 evenings when I got my turn on the computer. (See, that's the other issue, both our computers broke and we replaced them with one laptop for money reasons and my husband has to take it to work. Overall, I've found less computer time a positive, and have been quilting, which is an absorbing, calming activity.) Right now, I just want to bring IE back to mind, so that hopefully soon, I'll find myself remembering it. In fact, after only reading posts on the site last night, I remembered twice today to " just eat " instead of reading while eating, and the lack of distraction probably did cut the amount down some. And yes, I'm VERY aware that no one else can take care of me and that I must somehow find ways to do self-care. I'm ready to just start anywhere and have been in other small ways as well. Jane > > > > I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Funny how you both have mentioned just reading posts again as a baby step, as that is what I have tentatively done the last 2 evenings when I got my turn on the computer. (See, that's the other issue, both our computers broke and we replaced them with one laptop for money reasons and my husband has to take it to work. Overall, I've found less computer time a positive, and have been quilting, which is an absorbing, calming activity.) Right now, I just want to bring IE back to mind, so that hopefully soon, I'll find myself remembering it. In fact, after only reading posts on the site last night, I remembered twice today to " just eat " instead of reading while eating, and the lack of distraction probably did cut the amount down some. And yes, I'm VERY aware that no one else can take care of me and that I must somehow find ways to do self-care. I'm ready to just start anywhere and have been in other small ways as well. Jane > > > > I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 11, 2012 Report Share Posted January 11, 2012 Funny how you both have mentioned just reading posts again as a baby step, as that is what I have tentatively done the last 2 evenings when I got my turn on the computer. (See, that's the other issue, both our computers broke and we replaced them with one laptop for money reasons and my husband has to take it to work. Overall, I've found less computer time a positive, and have been quilting, which is an absorbing, calming activity.) Right now, I just want to bring IE back to mind, so that hopefully soon, I'll find myself remembering it. In fact, after only reading posts on the site last night, I remembered twice today to " just eat " instead of reading while eating, and the lack of distraction probably did cut the amount down some. And yes, I'm VERY aware that no one else can take care of me and that I must somehow find ways to do self-care. I'm ready to just start anywhere and have been in other small ways as well. Jane > > > > I'm finding that I have set myself up caring for so many extremely needy individuals that caring for myself has become an impossibility. Yet I haven't been able to find alternatives. There is simply no good way to take a break from being a wife and mother when there is no available extended family to step in. My IE efforts have been derailed and I've been struggling with mild depression. I haven't been checking in with the group in several weeks. So I don't think this is off-topic at all. Interesting that I pulled up the group site and this was almost the first thing I saw. Jane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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