Re: OA Horror Stories...lying to myself...

[Guest guest]

It is crazy, crazy what we can tell ourselves, act on and believe. All out of

the desperate need to play the game of putting everyone else's opinion above our

own experience and wisdom.

I remember eating so many " low carb " maple syrup rice cakes that I would blow up

like a balloon, my mouth would get sore and I was craving them like crazy. But

because they were " legal " they were all right. But they weren't all right, my

body knew it, my mouth certainly knew it, my brain was telling me they weren't

all right - but I would not listen.

I wanted the promise of the weight loss and so I lied to myself. I learned to

lie to myself and accept that negation of my intuition as normal. After all,

what did I know?

Lordie, lordie.

Sandarah

>

> Maybe the cereal contained no sugar or white flour and that was why it didn't

break her abstinence :-)  It bothered me that a lot of people considered

themselves abstinent and gratefully recovering by refraining from these two

substances even though their weight remained 2 or 3 times what would have been

healthy. The groups always said it wasn't about weight loss.

>

> And in reality, it isn't, unless it's necessitated by some medical crisis. But

if we eat according to what we actually need, then if we are overweight the

extra will start to come off. And we will not be fooling ourselves.

>

> Ellie

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> >To: intuitiveeating_support

> >Sent: Wednesday, December 7, 2011 12:59 PM

> >Subject: OA Horror Stories

> >

> >

> > 

> >Gosh, I did the OA thing (largely intermittently for nineteen years)! 

> My turning point, the one which finally got me through the exit for good was a

share at a speaker meeting by an " old timer " who had long-term

> " abstinence " .  I had seen this woman around the rooms for a couple of

> years and know that she sponsored many and was for many an iconic " has

> what I want " sort of figure.  This particular morning she talked about

> the importance of being gentle with one's self (this was the topic) and

> she proceeded to describe the breakfast she had had the morning

> before...5 huge bowls of cereal, which she admittedly ate because she

> was feeling tender (man, I've definitely been there about a million

> times, haven't we all)!  She followed this pronouncement up with a

> " thank God she hadn't lost her abstinence.  The notion of binging on

> cereal as a grounds for abstinence stunned me.  I had been in relapse for

years and every morning, when it came time to raise our hands to acknowledge how

> many " days of abstinence " we had, I felt ashamed of myself...that I

> couldn't seem to string together more than a couple of weeks or

> so...this went on for me for 7 years...and here was a woman, binging the same

way I was binging...and raising her hand for " over ten years " .  I

> walked out of the rooms of OA about three months later and never looked

> back!

> >

> >The only thing I want to raise my hand to today, is to

> acknowledge that I am a pilgrim on the road to healing my relationship

> to body and food and a woman learning how to be a child again and

> heeding my body signals.

> >

> >

> >Namaste!

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