Re: What it feels like for a boy...

[Guest guest]

It is sort of a harsh realization to suddenly understand why your gut suddenly

twists up around a loved one. Being an energy sensitive, I have learned that

twisted gut feeling is your natural defense warning you that someone is

trampling boundaries. So, good for you that you are sensing it...acknowledge

those feelings. If you feel violated, shocked and dismayed by an " out of the

ordinary blow up, " trust your gut. Don't get locked up on the guilt. My nada

is not diagnosed either but has the traits in the extreme going to threatening -

out to get you so you better watch your back - abusive behavior. What was funny

is I had an SO with similar tendencies at the same time I realized nada was a an

individual who likely had a personality disorder. For them to hear I was

discussing with a counselor what I might do to help work on the relationships -

it sent them both in to torrential rages because someone might think bad of them

and how dare I violate them - I'm such a sick and twisted person for discussing

them with a counselor and btw my counsling wasn't working - I'm obviously a

PTSD, NPD, BPD and better get help before someone hurts me for my rampant abuse

(that was never dished ever). For me, those reactions confirmed what I

suspected and I realized in that moment the problem in those relationships was

not me - it was them. My problem was not drawing a clear enough boundary and

sticking to it. I wasn't paying close enough attention and growing up with nada

taught me that if you feel you are being abused, you are wrong and just trying

to get sympathy. Confusing to battle as an adult but it can happen. Now I

know better. When your gut twists - it's abuse, get out, get away and get some

peace. Then figure out how you want to deal with it in a healthy way.

You have the right to terminate any discussion in which you are feeling

humiliated, violated or disparaged in any way. Too bad if the people around you

don't like it. They'll just need to learn some self-respect so they can learn

to respect your boundaries.

I had to choose NC (no contact) with both of the people in my life. The guilt,

manipulation and shame heated up 1000 percent. i was stalked by both of them

day and night for months. I never spoke to either of them and was acused of

lashing out and beating them up physicially and verbally. Nearly had to do

restraining orders on both but the warning was enough. I had to move and change

all phone numbers. I even changed my work location so one of them could no

longer put notes on my car. I focused on me and got help. They can choose to

do that or not. It's not your problem if your loved one refuses help. Its not

your problem that someone else is sick. What is your problem is learning to

heal the damage inflicted, the pain, frustration and disappointment. The Stop

Walking on Eggshells book is helpful in terms of teaching you how to cope and

respond versus deny and react.

If you can avoid it, don't go back to mom's house. Find another way so that you

can maintain sanity.

I wish you the best.

>

> I am feeling a bit overwhelmed as I write this simply because I had no idea

such groups existed. I am a 35 yo single son of a mother with traits of BPD

(never been diagnosed). I moved back home with my parents after 8 years living

alone and I thank god because it is all making sense for me now why I experience

gut wrenching feelings around her.

>

> This week I was watching TV and couch surfing and she came next to me asking

me if I would do her a favour (pack some stuff in my luggage to give to my

brother for christmas). I said yes. Then she said she wanted to stay next to

me to talk about this and that. I wasn't in the mood to talk and I said no thank

you. All hell broke loose. She started screaming and shouting saying that

she's not my mother and that I always hated her. I could not believe it. I

called my Dad to intervene as I was not going to accept this behaviour. In the

meantime I told her that I used to go to a therapist and that she suggested I

keep boundaries with my mother. (the therapist never mentioned BPD to me)

>

> All hell breaks loose a second time. She was demanding that I tell her what

that 'strange woman' was saying about her and that she will never forget this as

long as she lives and that she will take it with her to her grave.

>

> I mean talk about drama. I am so tired that I decided that I will be

extending my trip to my brother until I figure out what I want to do with my

life.

>

> It is gut wrenching for a boy who loves his mother to be dealing with so much.

I am determined to deal with this monster and thanks to this site and a book I

ordered today online that there is hope for me.

>