A reintroduction and a question.

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm McKella. I joined this group 2 or 3 years ago, but I've been quiet for

the last year and a half or so. I'd like to get back in the conversation, so I

thought I'd just reintroduce myself.

I discovered IE almost exactly three years ago when I was 20. I was obsessed

with food, had used food as a coping tool all my life, and had been restricting

and binging for eight years since I was 13.

I struggled with IE for several years because I couldn't let go of emotional

eating to soothe my depression and anxiety. In March of this year I went to a

holistic doctor who pinpointed several nutrient deficiencies and dangerously low

glucose levels, both of which can trigger binging, and provided me with the

tools to heal my emotions. Intuitive eating came naturally after that and I've

since lost 30 pounds an now I'm enjoy what I believe is my natural weight,

though my body may decide to keep losing.

Now I move with joy every day, eat intuitively 95% of the time and I love my

body and feel connected to it most of the time. I'm not obsessed with food, I'm

focusing more on my creativity, and it's wonderful.

However, I've struggled a bit the last few weeks with emotional eating. Nothing

like it used to be, but I've been eating more sugar than my body needs and last

night I got uncomfortably full because I made some cookies, my #1 comfort food.

I let myself eat the cookies and then I journaled about what I was feeling. I

realized that I'm stressed because I'm trying to create my career as an

artist,but I feel like my husband is pressuring me to make money right away and

that he is in charge of my career, not me. He's not overbearing or anything, but

he doesn't understand that I'm a sensitive person and I need to be in charge of

my own business and do it my way, and that it can take time. I'm planning on

getting a part-time job to take some of the pressure off, but not until I can

get out of this mindset that I have to get a job because I'm not contributing,

and instead do it to fund my dream.

Feeling trapped or controlled is a massive trigger for me, one that I haven't

yet learned how to deal with because I tend to avoid conflict, and in the past

I'd just " rebel " with my eating. I know it all boils down to a self-esteem issue

(which I'm actively working on) but in the meantime I don't want to fall back

into old habits, because they just make me feel yucky and make everything that

much harder.

I know that I need to cultivate an " I'm in charge of my own stuff " mindset, but

does anyone else have any other advice? I know my husband isn't meaning to

pressure me, he's just a fiery personality while I'm much softer, and it's

overwhelming sometimes.

I think I just kind of word-vomited here, but I would love advice if anyone has

any.

Thanks!

McKella