Transforming from Door Mat

[Guest guest]

I am new to this forum and have been reading for a week to see if maybe I fit in

here. Your posts are so helpful.

After growing up wanting so badly to get away from Nada's rages and control, I

escaped into a marriage to a needy narcissist. I am thinking of filing for Legal

Separation, which delights Nada. She almost drools in anticipation of the time I

will have for her if I no longer live as doormat to my spouse.

I find the decision to be bigger than me. While I attempt to transform from a

doormat into whatever else I can be, I am grateful for the insights which I gain

from your posts.

[Guest guest]

Hi , welcome!

I don't think you should let yourself be a doormat to anyone. Not your

(ex)husband, not your nada. It takes time to get there, but you can get

there!

Mia

>

[Guest guest]

,

Good luck with your transformation. Going from growing up with a

nada to marrying someone with a personality disorder seems all

to common. I think people who who grow up the way we have are

easy prey for disordered potential partners because their

behavior is familiar and doesn't seem as wrong to us as it would

be to someone who grew up in a family without BPD.

I'd recommend making it clear to your nada that the amount of

time you have for her is what it is and will not be increasing

greatly if you split from your husband. You might as well nip

that idea in the bud. You might also want to make it clear that

the more she treats you badly, the less time you'll have for

her. If you enforce that, either she'll learn to misbehave less

or you'll have to put up with her misbehavior less. Either way

you're better off.

At 01:00 AM 01/07/2011 K wrote:

>I am new to this forum and have been reading for a week to see

>if maybe I fit in here. Your posts are so helpful.

>

>After growing up wanting so badly to get away from Nada's rages

>and control, I escaped into a marriage to a needy narcissist. I

>am thinking of filing for Legal Separation, which delights

>Nada. She almost drools in anticipation of the time I will have

>for her if I no longer live as doormat to my spouse.

>

>I find the decision to be bigger than me. While I attempt to

>transform from a doormat into whatever else I can be, I am

>grateful for the insights which I gain from your posts.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

,

Good luck with your transformation. Going from growing up with a

nada to marrying someone with a personality disorder seems all

to common. I think people who who grow up the way we have are

easy prey for disordered potential partners because their

behavior is familiar and doesn't seem as wrong to us as it would

be to someone who grew up in a family without BPD.

I'd recommend making it clear to your nada that the amount of

time you have for her is what it is and will not be increasing

greatly if you split from your husband. You might as well nip

that idea in the bud. You might also want to make it clear that

the more she treats you badly, the less time you'll have for

her. If you enforce that, either she'll learn to misbehave less

or you'll have to put up with her misbehavior less. Either way

you're better off.

At 01:00 AM 01/07/2011 K wrote:

>I am new to this forum and have been reading for a week to see

>if maybe I fit in here. Your posts are so helpful.

>

>After growing up wanting so badly to get away from Nada's rages

>and control, I escaped into a marriage to a needy narcissist. I

>am thinking of filing for Legal Separation, which delights

>Nada. She almost drools in anticipation of the time I will have

>for her if I no longer live as doormat to my spouse.

>

>I find the decision to be bigger than me. While I attempt to

>transform from a doormat into whatever else I can be, I am

>grateful for the insights which I gain from your posts.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

,

Good luck with your transformation. Going from growing up with a

nada to marrying someone with a personality disorder seems all

to common. I think people who who grow up the way we have are

easy prey for disordered potential partners because their

behavior is familiar and doesn't seem as wrong to us as it would

be to someone who grew up in a family without BPD.

I'd recommend making it clear to your nada that the amount of

time you have for her is what it is and will not be increasing

greatly if you split from your husband. You might as well nip

that idea in the bud. You might also want to make it clear that

the more she treats you badly, the less time you'll have for

her. If you enforce that, either she'll learn to misbehave less

or you'll have to put up with her misbehavior less. Either way

you're better off.

At 01:00 AM 01/07/2011 K wrote:

>I am new to this forum and have been reading for a week to see

>if maybe I fit in here. Your posts are so helpful.

>

>After growing up wanting so badly to get away from Nada's rages

>and control, I escaped into a marriage to a needy narcissist. I

>am thinking of filing for Legal Separation, which delights

>Nada. She almost drools in anticipation of the time I will have

>for her if I no longer live as doormat to my spouse.

>

>I find the decision to be bigger than me. While I attempt to

>transform from a doormat into whatever else I can be, I am

>grateful for the insights which I gain from your posts.

--

Katrina