Re: Intervention... long story...

January 7, 2012

Sandarah,

Your struggle with the mints sounds familiar and frustrating. No one is there to

stop us, yet we can't? stop ourselves. Something that helped me to see an

overview of the IE process in the long term is a graph in the IE book, where it

shows the compulsion dropping off but then picking back up, then dropping off to

a lower point, etc. rather than being a straight line down. I try to think of

that graph at the times I struggle, knowing that if I hang in there and immerse

myself with reading and other strategies I'm learning, it will drop back off to

a point closer to my goal than where I was before. I don't know if this even

makes any sense without looking at the graph, but if you have the book, you

might look it up.

Sara

>

> For some time now I've been both struggling with and trying to not struggle

with my compulsion around chocolate; in particular of late these hand-wrapped

chocolate mint patties.

>

> I've been stuck in a place of trying not to control eating them and struggling

to stay out of judgment when in this logic-defying behavior while unwrapping and

eating mint after mint.

>

> Lately I've been buying the mints in larger amounts so as to not trigger the

sense of forbidding them - while also secretly wishing I could, as I never truly

believed I could control my eating or truly succeed at " getting " IE.

>

> Last night I was walking across the kitchen with one of them in hand, feeling

whatever feeling I usually do when in the thrall of a compulsive act - and I

suddenly realized that there was no one and nothing out there that was going to

stop me. There was no one to battle me over eating them or not eating them.

>

> At the same moment I realized that only I had the power to stop myself - and

that in fact, I actually have that capability with no need to fight or struggle

about it. Choice was sitting right there inside of me all along (so to speak).

Truly a light turned on in my head.

>

> It seemed like the tiniest of realizations and yet it's playing through my

mind like crazy today. Somehow my marble brain had gotten the idea that

somebody was going to drop out of the sky or some intuition installation would

magically initiate that would stop the food war and I would suddenly be on the

straight and narrow around food. Mostly though, I would be saved by something

outside of myself.

>

> That assumption seemed so ridiculous in that moment and yet I guess that's

what diets have tried to do; create an internalized external control on eating.

And guess, what? Not only is that an illusion, it only works for a short time

and we don't really need it in the first place!

>

> I don't know if this is a huge epiphany or one of many, many small ones along

the way - but I like that I have made room in my brain for it to happen.

>

> Someone's earlier posts mentioned starting IE and being able to eat when

hungry, stop when full for a while and then the bottom literally falling out of

that capability. That surely did happen for me - one day I was " on track " and

the next I had absolutely no control around my eating except at odd intervals

that made no sense at all. It was like being thrown in a fast moving riverm, in

the dark of night and not knowing how to swim, except in theory.

>

> My thrall for formerly and long-forbidden foods seemed unending. I could only

rely on this group and my understanding of cognitive behavioral therapies to

serve as a guiding light while I fumbled around in the dark. Talk about being

blind and deaf and trying to learn to learn...

>

> Suddenly that old thrall has some light shining on it. Now I see that the

choicemaker I was subconsciously waiting for was already there all all along - I

just never knew it.

>

> I was a bottle fed baby, I'm sure my mother crammed food down my throat

whether I wanted it or not. No doubt those early meals were a tremendous power

struggle. As far back as I can remember she started criticizing my weight and

my older brother and sister chimed in. She was a compulsive dieter and I was

admonished and guilted and shamed and controlled around food every day of my

life. By the time I emancipated those external values and controls were already

firmly in place.

>

> Of course, I became a chronic dieter until such time as I started to swing

between compulsive eating and compulsive dieting. Of course the result was my

weight going higher and higher and higher with every diet backlash.

>

> So - from Day One, choice around foods was never in my experience and external

rules infiltrated my thinking on every level. But no longer.

>

> Today there is a still quiet voice in me that I am just beginning to

recognize. Right now I have no interest in those chocolate mints and I'm pretty

sure their power over me has diminished exponentially. I do not know what will

play out in the next hour or day or week, but I am certain this new-found

treasure is a cornerstone of the IE foundation I am building.

>

> Thank you all for sharing in the journey.

>

> Sandarah

>

January 7, 2012

What a marvelous light bulb moment for you Sandarah! I am so happy for you. This

won't mean that you will never ever get into scarf down mints mode again, but my

bet is that it won't happen as often and you will fell less 'in thrall' by them

and find you are -ta da! - in charge of that situation rather than driven by it.

I am very sure that my own food 'rules' began way before I even understood what

a rule was. Our turn to 'RULE' - ha ha!

Loved your sharing - Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> For some time now I've been both struggling with and trying to not struggle

with my compulsion around chocolate; in particular of late these hand-wrapped

chocolate mint patties.

>

> I've been stuck in a place of trying not to control eating them and struggling

to stay out of judgment when in this logic-defying behavior while unwrapping and

eating mint after mint.

>

> Lately I've been buying the mints in larger amounts so as to not trigger the

sense of forbidding them - while also secretly wishing I could, as I never truly

believed I could control my eating or truly succeed at " getting " IE.

>

> Last night I was walking across the kitchen with one of them in hand, feeling

whatever feeling I usually do when in the thrall of a compulsive act - and I

suddenly realized that there was no one and nothing out there that was going to

stop me. There was no one to battle me over eating them or not eating them.

>

> At the same moment I realized that only I had the power to stop myself - and

that in fact, I actually have that capability with no need to fight or struggle

about it. Choice was sitting right there inside of me all along (so to speak).

Truly a light turned on in my head.

>

> It seemed like the tiniest of realizations and yet it's playing through my

mind like crazy today. Somehow my marble brain had gotten the idea that

somebody was going to drop out of the sky or some intuition installation would

magically initiate that would stop the food war and I would suddenly be on the

straight and narrow around food. Mostly though, I would be saved by something

outside of myself.

>

> That assumption seemed so ridiculous in that moment and yet I guess that's

what diets have tried to do; create an internalized external control on eating.

And guess, what? Not only is that an illusion, it only works for a short time

and we don't really need it in the first place!

>

> I don't know if this is a huge epiphany or one of many, many small ones along

the way - but I like that I have made room in my brain for it to happen.

>

> Someone's earlier posts mentioned starting IE and being able to eat when

hungry, stop when full for a while and then the bottom literally falling out of

that capability. That surely did happen for me - one day I was " on track " and

the next I had absolutely no control around my eating except at odd intervals

that made no sense at all. It was like being thrown in a fast moving riverm, in

the dark of night and not knowing how to swim, except in theory.

>

> My thrall for formerly and long-forbidden foods seemed unending. I could only

rely on this group and my understanding of cognitive behavioral therapies to

serve as a guiding light while I fumbled around in the dark. Talk about being

blind and deaf and trying to learn to learn...

>

> Suddenly that old thrall has some light shining on it. Now I see that the

choicemaker I was subconsciously waiting for was already there all all along - I

just never knew it.

>

> I was a bottle fed baby, I'm sure my mother crammed food down my throat

whether I wanted it or not. No doubt those early meals were a tremendous power

struggle. As far back as I can remember she started criticizing my weight and

my older brother and sister chimed in. She was a compulsive dieter and I was

admonished and guilted and shamed and controlled around food every day of my

life. By the time I emancipated those external values and controls were already

firmly in place.

>

> Of course, I became a chronic dieter until such time as I started to swing

between compulsive eating and compulsive dieting. Of course the result was my

weight going higher and higher and higher with every diet backlash.

>

> So - from Day One, choice around foods was never in my experience and external

rules infiltrated my thinking on every level. But no longer.

>

> Today there is a still quiet voice in me that I am just beginning to

recognize. Right now I have no interest in those chocolate mints and I'm pretty

sure their power over me has diminished exponentially. I do not know what will

play out in the next hour or day or week, but I am certain this new-found

treasure is a cornerstone of the IE foundation I am building.

>

> Thank you all for sharing in the journey.

>

> Sandarah

>

January 7, 2012

What a marvelous light bulb moment for you Sandarah! I am so happy for you. This

won't mean that you will never ever get into scarf down mints mode again, but my

bet is that it won't happen as often and you will fell less 'in thrall' by them

and find you are -ta da! - in charge of that situation rather than driven by it.

I am very sure that my own food 'rules' began way before I even understood what

a rule was. Our turn to 'RULE' - ha ha!

Loved your sharing - Katcha

IEing since March 2007

>

> For some time now I've been both struggling with and trying to not struggle

with my compulsion around chocolate; in particular of late these hand-wrapped

chocolate mint patties.

>

> I've been stuck in a place of trying not to control eating them and struggling

to stay out of judgment when in this logic-defying behavior while unwrapping and

eating mint after mint.

>

> Lately I've been buying the mints in larger amounts so as to not trigger the

sense of forbidding them - while also secretly wishing I could, as I never truly

believed I could control my eating or truly succeed at " getting " IE.

>

> Last night I was walking across the kitchen with one of them in hand, feeling

whatever feeling I usually do when in the thrall of a compulsive act - and I

suddenly realized that there was no one and nothing out there that was going to

stop me. There was no one to battle me over eating them or not eating them.

>

> At the same moment I realized that only I had the power to stop myself - and

that in fact, I actually have that capability with no need to fight or struggle

about it. Choice was sitting right there inside of me all along (so to speak).

Truly a light turned on in my head.

>

> It seemed like the tiniest of realizations and yet it's playing through my

mind like crazy today. Somehow my marble brain had gotten the idea that

somebody was going to drop out of the sky or some intuition installation would

magically initiate that would stop the food war and I would suddenly be on the

straight and narrow around food. Mostly though, I would be saved by something

outside of myself.

>

> That assumption seemed so ridiculous in that moment and yet I guess that's

what diets have tried to do; create an internalized external control on eating.

And guess, what? Not only is that an illusion, it only works for a short time

and we don't really need it in the first place!

>

> I don't know if this is a huge epiphany or one of many, many small ones along

the way - but I like that I have made room in my brain for it to happen.

>

> Someone's earlier posts mentioned starting IE and being able to eat when

hungry, stop when full for a while and then the bottom literally falling out of

that capability. That surely did happen for me - one day I was " on track " and

the next I had absolutely no control around my eating except at odd intervals

that made no sense at all. It was like being thrown in a fast moving riverm, in

the dark of night and not knowing how to swim, except in theory.

>

> My thrall for formerly and long-forbidden foods seemed unending. I could only

rely on this group and my understanding of cognitive behavioral therapies to

serve as a guiding light while I fumbled around in the dark. Talk about being

blind and deaf and trying to learn to learn...

>

> Suddenly that old thrall has some light shining on it. Now I see that the

choicemaker I was subconsciously waiting for was already there all all along - I

just never knew it.

>

> I was a bottle fed baby, I'm sure my mother crammed food down my throat

whether I wanted it or not. No doubt those early meals were a tremendous power

struggle. As far back as I can remember she started criticizing my weight and

my older brother and sister chimed in. She was a compulsive dieter and I was

admonished and guilted and shamed and controlled around food every day of my

life. By the time I emancipated those external values and controls were already

firmly in place.

>

> Of course, I became a chronic dieter until such time as I started to swing

between compulsive eating and compulsive dieting. Of course the result was my

weight going higher and higher and higher with every diet backlash.

>

> So - from Day One, choice around foods was never in my experience and external

rules infiltrated my thinking on every level. But no longer.

>

> Today there is a still quiet voice in me that I am just beginning to

recognize. Right now I have no interest in those chocolate mints and I'm pretty

sure their power over me has diminished exponentially. I do not know what will

play out in the next hour or day or week, but I am certain this new-found

treasure is a cornerstone of the IE foundation I am building.

>

> Thank you all for sharing in the journey.

>

> Sandarah

>

January 9, 2012

Wow! This sounds like a powerful enlightenment!

I like how you discovered that only you have the ability to stop the insaneness

around food and compulsive eating.

It makes me think of OA and how they state that we are unable to control our

eating and the only way to do so is to look to a higher power. While I am a very

spiritual person and look to a loving God and his angels to help me in many

areas of my life it never worked around food.

I also like how Katcha reminded me of how we are in charge vs

Control. We really do have choices around our eating.

I am recommitting to mindful food choices.

Alana

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

--- Original Message ---

Sent: January 7, 2012 1/7/12

To: IntuitiveEating_Support

Subject: Intervention... long story...

Â

For some time now I've been both struggling with and trying to not struggle with

my compulsion around chocolate; in particular of late these hand-wrapped

chocolate mint patties.

I've been stuck in a place of trying not to control eating them and struggling

to stay out of judgment when in this logic-defying behavior while unwrapping and

eating mint after mint.

Lately I've been buying the mints in larger amounts so as to not trigger the

sense of forbidding them - while also secretly wishing I could, as I never truly

believed I could control my eating or truly succeed at " getting " IE.

Last night I was walking across the kitchen with one of them in hand, feeling

whatever feeling I usually do when in the thrall of a compulsive act - and I

suddenly realized that there was no one and nothing out there that was going to

stop me. There was no one to battle me over eating them or not eating them.

At the same moment I realized that only I had the power to stop myself - and

that in fact, I actually have that capability with no need to fight or struggle

about it. Choice was sitting right there inside of me all along (so to speak).

Truly a light turned on in my head.

It seemed like the tiniest of realizations and yet it's playing through my mind

like crazy today. Somehow my marble brain had gotten the idea that somebody was

going to drop out of the sky or some intuition installation would magically

initiate that would stop the food war and I would suddenly be on the straight

and narrow around food. Mostly though, I would be saved by something outside of

myself.

That assumption seemed so ridiculous in that moment and yet I guess that's what

diets have tried to do; create an internalized external control on eating. And

guess, what? Not only is that an illusion, it only works for a short time and we

don't really need it in the first place!

I don't know if this is a huge epiphany or one of many, many small ones along

the way - but I like that I have made room in my brain for it to happen.

Someone's earlier posts mentioned starting IE and being able to eat when hungry,

stop when full for a while and then the bottom literally falling out of that

capability. That surely did happen for me - one day I was " on track " and the

next I had absolutely no control around my eating except at odd intervals that

made no sense at all. It was like being thrown in a fast moving riverm, in the

dark of night and not knowing how to swim, except in theory.

My thrall for formerly and long-forbidden foods seemed unending. I could only

rely on this group and my understanding of cognitive behavioral therapies to

serve as a guiding light while I fumbled around in the dark. Talk about being

blind and deaf and trying to learn to learn...

Suddenly that old thrall has some light shining on it. Now I see that the

choicemaker I was subconsciously waiting for was already there all all along - I

just never knew it.

I was a bottle fed baby, I'm sure my mother crammed food down my throat whether

I wanted it or not. No doubt those early meals were a tremendous power struggle.

As far back as I can remember she started criticizing my weight and my older

brother and sister chimed in. She was a compulsive dieter and I was admonished

and guilted and shamed and controlled around food every day of my life. By the

time I emancipated those external values and controls were already firmly in

place.

Of course, I became a chronic dieter until such time as I started to swing

between compulsive eating and compulsive dieting. Of course the result was my

weight going higher and higher and higher with every diet backlash.

So - from Day One, choice around foods was never in my experience and external

rules infiltrated my thinking on every level. But no longer.

Today there is a still quiet voice in me that I am just beginning to recognize.

Right now I have no interest in those chocolate mints and I'm pretty sure their

power over me has diminished exponentially. I do not know what will play out in

the next hour or day or week, but I am certain this new-found treasure is a

cornerstone of the IE foundation I am building.

Thank you all for sharing in the journey.

Sandarah

January 9, 2012

Sandarah- I am new to this group and your beautifully written post was my first

to read! And that, my dear, was a cosmic choice as your description of " swimming

in the dark " nailed my current experience with IE. I have had a " mint " moment

with Oreos and I too believe that their power over me has diminished. Yet I

still battle with a seemingly never ending list of forbidden foods to enjoy and

my weight is creeping up and up (I weigh my self furtively in the garage on the

" hidden " scale). Thank you for that peek into what will be the beginning of

your trust in yourself with food! I hope we both can slay this dragon.

Eden

>

> Wow! This sounds like a powerful enlightenment!

> I like how you discovered that only you have the ability to stop the

insaneness around food and compulsive eating.

> It makes me think of OA and how they state that we are unable to control our

eating and the only way to do so is to look to a higher power. While I am a very

spiritual person and look to a loving God and his angels to help me in many

areas of my life it never worked around food.

> I also like how Katcha reminded me of how we are in charge vs

> Control. We really do have choices around our eating.

> I am recommitting to mindful food choices.

> Alana

>

> Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

>

> --- Original Message ---

>

> Sent: January 7, 2012 1/7/12

> To: IntuitiveEating_Support

> Subject: Intervention... long story...

>

> Â

>

> For some time now I've been both struggling with and trying to not struggle

with my compulsion around chocolate; in particular of late these hand-wrapped

chocolate mint patties.

>

> I've been stuck in a place of trying not to control eating them and struggling

to stay out of judgment when in this logic-defying behavior while unwrapping and

eating mint after mint.

>

> Lately I've been buying the mints in larger amounts so as to not trigger the

sense of forbidding them - while also secretly wishing I could, as I never truly

believed I could control my eating or truly succeed at " getting " IE.

>

> Last night I was walking across the kitchen with one of them in hand, feeling

whatever feeling I usually do when in the thrall of a compulsive act - and I

suddenly realized that there was no one and nothing out there that was going to

stop me. There was no one to battle me over eating them or not eating them.

>

> At the same moment I realized that only I had the power to stop myself - and

that in fact, I actually have that capability with no need to fight or struggle

about it. Choice was sitting right there inside of me all along (so to speak).

Truly a light turned on in my head.

>

> It seemed like the tiniest of realizations and yet it's playing through my

mind like crazy today. Somehow my marble brain had gotten the idea that somebody

was going to drop out of the sky or some intuition installation would magically

initiate that would stop the food war and I would suddenly be on the straight

and narrow around food. Mostly though, I would be saved by something outside of

myself.

>

> That assumption seemed so ridiculous in that moment and yet I guess that's

what diets have tried to do; create an internalized external control on eating.

And guess, what? Not only is that an illusion, it only works for a short time

and we don't really need it in the first place!

>

> I don't know if this is a huge epiphany or one of many, many small ones along

the way - but I like that I have made room in my brain for it to happen.

>

> Someone's earlier posts mentioned starting IE and being able to eat when

hungry, stop when full for a while and then the bottom literally falling out of

that capability. That surely did happen for me - one day I was " on track " and

the next I had absolutely no control around my eating except at odd intervals

that made no sense at all. It was like being thrown in a fast moving riverm, in

the dark of night and not knowing how to swim, except in theory.

>

> My thrall for formerly and long-forbidden foods seemed unending. I could only

rely on this group and my understanding of cognitive behavioral therapies to

serve as a guiding light while I fumbled around in the dark. Talk about being

blind and deaf and trying to learn to learn...

>

> Suddenly that old thrall has some light shining on it. Now I see that the

choicemaker I was subconsciously waiting for was already there all all along - I

just never knew it.

>

> I was a bottle fed baby, I'm sure my mother crammed food down my throat

whether I wanted it or not. No doubt those early meals were a tremendous power

struggle. As far back as I can remember she started criticizing my weight and my

older brother and sister chimed in. She was a compulsive dieter and I was

admonished and guilted and shamed and controlled around food every day of my

life. By the time I emancipated those external values and controls were already

firmly in place.

>

> Of course, I became a chronic dieter until such time as I started to swing

between compulsive eating and compulsive dieting. Of course the result was my

weight going higher and higher and higher with every diet backlash.

>

> So - from Day One, choice around foods was never in my experience and external

rules infiltrated my thinking on every level. But no longer.

>

> Today there is a still quiet voice in me that I am just beginning to

recognize. Right now I have no interest in those chocolate mints and I'm pretty

sure their power over me has diminished exponentially. I do not know what will

play out in the next hour or day or week, but I am certain this new-found

treasure is a cornerstone of the IE foundation I am building.

>

> Thank you all for sharing in the journey.

>

> Sandarah

>

January 9, 2012